Learning to Love Without Sake Part 1: No Ordinary Bride
by Spunky0ne
Summary: In the wake of the Winter War, Renji takes comfort in the arms of his taichou and finds himself unexpectedly pregnant. But even a surprisingly warm welcome into the Kuchiki family cannot replace love. But can Byakuya learn to love him? Warning...Mpreg
1. The Violet Eyed Curse

**Learning to Love Without Sake**

**By Spunky0ne**

**(This story came from the wickedly creative mind of Walkure. She was so excited about it, she could barely type the description! LOL It is an angsty piece, but in true Spunky fashion will result in true, passionate love. Just…with these two silly boys, it might take its time getting there…Enjoy!)**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Chapter 1: The Violet-Eyed Curse**

"She is in there, Kuchiki-sama," the attendant told Byakuya.

"Very well," he replied quietly, feeling his heart quicken inside as he moved towards the closed door.

He wasn't sure what to expect, but whatever it was flew out the window as he opened the door and saw her standing with her back to him and looking out the window at the sky.

_I can't do this…_

_But I promised her, so I'll make myself. It's only a few steps, and since when did I become such a coward?_

_I have to…_

He froze in place as the girl, who was smaller than Hisana, but had the same hair, and the same sweet reiatsu, turned. Her violet eyes struck him forcefully and it took everything in him to hold himself perfectly still and to look indifferent.

"You are Rukia?" he asked, to break the silence.

"Yes," she replied, her eyes becoming wider and more intimidated as she studied him, "I am."

"I am Kuchiki Byakuya, head of the Kuchiki clan," he said solemnly, "I have come because…"

He shouldn't have paused and hadn't meant to, but it was as though the sunlight that was coming in through the window had gotten too bright, and suddenly, he couldn't remember what he had actually meant to say to her.

"I saw you while I was visiting the classrooms," he explained, "You remind me of someone I used to know…someone I was close to."

"W-was?" she queried, looking at him in a way that suggested she suspected a completely different motive behind the offer.

"Yes," he answered.

The girl looked back at him, waiting for him to explain, but Byakuya wasn't of a mind to go into the details. The details were still much too painful, so he moved past them and right to the point.

"Perhaps it sounds odd," he acknowledged, "but if you are willing, Rukia, I would like to adopt you into the family as my _sister_. We would see to your graduation from the academy and your placement in one of the Gotei 13 squads."

She stared back at him, blinking as the meaning of his words sank in and appeared to register. She nodded to show she understood, but looked at him with an expression that said she was wondering if he was really there at all.

"I realize that this comes as a surprise," he said, giving her a slow nod, "Why don't you give the matter some thought? My attendants will answer any questions you might have. And when you have made your decision, just send a hell butterfly to inform us."

Something registered in the girl's eyes and Byakuya felt a thin blade of anxiety pass through him.

"This…person I remind you of," she said softly, "You must miss her very much to do something like this."

His eyes closed for a moment and he took a breath to steady himself.

"Yes."

He didn't know what more he would have said had the door not opened and a tall, gangly peasant youth not burst through the door and into the room.

"Rukia!" he said, sliding to a stop and going silent as his eyes found the noble and widened in recognition.

Byakuya turned an eye to his attendants, by way of saying, _Stay here and answer any questions she might have. _He kept himself carefully composed and started towards the door, his reiatsu flaring and swelling around him. He had a flash impression of red hair and a harsh, barely controlled, burning reiatsu. He kept his eyes focused straight ahead, but as he passed the tall youth, he couldn't help but hear the strangled inhale, and the thoughts that tore across the young man's stricken mind.

_What is this? This…incredible spiritual pressure. It feels like…it's strangling me…so beautiful…so powerful…kami!_

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji remained frozen in place as the terrifyingly powerful shinigami passed by and walked out the door. He regained his breath as Rukia crossed the room and stopped in front of him. And Renji wasn't sure why he felt like his world was coming down around his ears. He looked dazedly down at Rukia as she haltingly relayed what the Kuchiki clan leader had asked her.

_I guess this explains that feeling I had…_

_Rukia…_

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked softly, looking up at him in askance.

It was oddly easy to lie to her, to laugh and speak of how it was great that she was going to live in a noble home. He spouted some nonsense about how she had it made, and if _he_ ever had such a chance of something like that, he would take it in an instant. He knew they were the right words when Rukia's eyes welled up with tears of deep gratitude.

"Oh, Renji," she sobbed softly, "I knew you would understand."

He didn't actually hear her say goodbye. He only felt his heart shatter as it crashed to the floor at his feet.

_Rukia…_

He could almost feel her footsteps in his broken heart as she walked away.

_She's…gone. How could she be here one minute…and gone the next?_

_What do I do now?_

_We survived everything Inuzuri threw at us…but he appeared out of nowhere…and now everything is gone._

_Damn…_

_Damn him…_

_How could he just take her away like that?_

_But, no. It's selfish of me. She has a chance for something better…and she's like my own sister. I want her to have a great life…one where she won't have to struggle so much like we did before. She has that now. And even though it means I can't talk to her or see her, she has what she needs now. _

_She doesn't need me._

_Rukia never did…_

He wasn't sure how long it was that he stood in place after Rukia left. His feet began to move of their own accord then, taking him through the darkening halls of the academy, out into the dusky outdoors, past the main gates of the Seireitei and into the Rukongai. He wasn't sure why, after all those years trying to get out of the dank, smelly streets of the lower Rukon, he needed so much to go there again.

He knew she wouldn't be there. No, Rukia was off to settle into a beautiful mansion. He wondered why that man had asked her to let him adopt her…as his sister.

_Is that guy for real?_

He couldn't see how it could be real. Rich, handsome princes didn't just drive up and cart people away, as much as the human fairy tales tried to say they did. But he had seen the man with his own eyes and felt that frightening spiritual pressure all through his stunned body. He had been too taken aback to look too closely, but he had seen the large gray eyes and swirls of raven black hair, the kenseiken and that horridly expensive heirloom scarf.

_I just don't understand why her. A guy like that doesn't need some girl from Inuzuri. He could have anyone…anyone at all! Why did he choose her? Why in kami's name did he have to choose her?_

_Rukia…_

He flash stepped faster as the lights continued to dim around him, passing through the upper Rukon and mid-Rukon without seeing them. The streets began to grow narrow and the sour, biting scents assaulted him. The people grew more ragged and their eyes more haunted and sad the farther he went. Finally he stumbled past the broken sign that bordered the town and returned to the streets they had walked together. He wandered through them aimlessly, his heart catching at the sight of every dark haired girl running around in ragged clothes. With a weary heart, he carried himself as far as the river they had sat beside, the tree they had slept in together. He paused on the riverbank, tears streaming down his face, watching as the dying light made a lovely red-orange sheen on the dirty water. Thunder rumbled softly around him, and the sky went dark as the rain began to fall, soaking him to the skin in a matter of minutes.

"Rukia," he whispered brokenly, "Rukia…"

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya paused outside of the academy long enough to remove everything except his shihakushou. He handed his things to his attendant and flash stepped away, leaving the wide-eyed youth staring after him. Tears burned in his eyes and he didn't want to have to go back to that cold, lonely place. Even more than that he couldn't face the moment when _she_ would arrive. It had been hard enough to look at her before. To see her while his raw feelings were exposed and making his eyes tear…even if he could hold them back, it was unacceptable.

He knew he should just shut down his emotions. He had done so with perfection in the days following Hisana's death. His family had not been unkind. Despite having objected to their relationship, Once they had accepted that he wasn't giving in, they had ceased to speak their objections and had instead begun to gently urge the two in the direction of having children. Because having a half-noble child from Byakuya was at least as good as having a full noble child not of his line. He was extremely powerful and they expected that any child of his would be as well, so they pestered the couple, gently but persistently to procreate. He had known, of course, that Hisana, because of the difficulty in her life, was somewhat delicate, but he had had no idea that their attempt to make their child would end in the loss of both Hisana and their baby.

_It wasn't anyone's fault, really. The family wasn't demanding. Once they accepted Hisana, they did not hold her peasant class against her. And they were genuinely pleased when she became pregnant. None of us had any idea what would happen…that she would deteriorate so suddenly…that we would lose everything. And despite having made that child with her out of love, I cannot help but feel that, by making that child with her, I killed her myself…_

He heard thunder sound and sensed that his attendants were looking for them. And rather than face them while he felt so overwhelmed from having looked on the face of his late wife's sister, Byakuya reached down inside himself and repressed his spiritual pressure, making it so that he could not be sensed. He turned and opened a family senkaimon, passed into it and let it close behind him. He stood for a moment in the darkness of the precipice world, not sure where to go. It seemed that there was nowhere he could go and be himself, to bleed off some of the heavy emotion that seeing Rukia had caused.

_I think there is only one place in the three worlds I have been where I have found that kind of peace…_

And he turned in that direction, putting one foot in front of the other and moving quietly along the tunnel, Rukia's face still haunting him until the tears overwhelmed his eyes and, being in that odd half-world of the precipice, surrounded by darkness and alone, Kuchiki Byakuya allowed himself a soft, broken sob. And in the deep quiet of the precipice world, it echoed back at him, inviting more. He clung to what dignity he had left and held himself silent after that, moving his feet with more determination. He was grateful for the fact that when he stepped out of the precipice world, it was raining.

He was drenched in moments, but he didn't care. All that mattered was finding that place where he had found himself so many years before…injured, powerless and alone as dark had fallen on a night much like the one he was experiencing. He had managed to take shelter in a dilapidated shack beside the river. And as he had dragged himself inside, he had spotted a huddled figure in the corner of the small shack.

_He had to have frightened the daylights out of the girl, even with his power drained away and his body weakened by loss of blood and reiatsu. But even though her eyes held fear, they watched him closely as he collapsed onto the floor and remained there, soaked and bleeding, panting for breath. Then, the next thing he knew, she was stripping his wet clothes away and wrapping a ragged blanket around him, then moving close to him to use the heat of her slight body to warm him. She had no powers to use to heal him and no way to move him, so she quietly bandaged his wounds and simply held him as the rain continued to fall outside._

He knew he was standing where the shack should have been, but the building had long since collapsed, and all that was left were a few skeletal boards littering the ground. He stood in the pouring rain, staring down at the remains of what had been, and wanting to cry like a child.

"Everything is gone…_everything_…except _her_. But I cannot even look at her! I cannot even bear the sight of her!"

He splashed down into the mud on his knees, letting hot tears blend with the icy rain and trying to make sense of what was happening.

_How can my life look so perfect from the outside and be as devastated as this shack inside…?_

_Hisana…_

He should have sensed the ones approaching in the dark behind him. He lashed at himself in the wasteland of his muddied thoughts as something struck him from behind and he crashed down onto the wreckage of the shack. His head ached and spun, keeping him from being able to release the lock he had placed on his powers, that was meant to keep him from being found. He felt cold hands probing his clothing, then undressing him. And as much as it hurt and as much as it left him naked, bleeding and nearly unconscious on the shore of the river, he had the presence of mind to be thankful that they hadn't slit his throat.

He had been stupid coming back and allowing himself to be so careless. And if he died here, it would be his own fault.

Who would have thought that the powerful Kuchiki Byakuya could come to such an end…brought down by common thieves, dying alone and with nothing…not even a shred of clothing.

_Perfect…_

He was grateful that his misery had left him so cold inside that he didn't even shiver in the absence of his clothing. He only laid upon the sodden ground, lost and unable to lift himself. He closed his eyes and drifted off, some part of him hoping that he wouldn't wake.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji stood on the bank of the river, shivering with cold and his hair and clothes weighted down with rain. He didn't know when the hair tie had come out of his hair, leaving it to drop down around his shoulders in a dark red, sopping mess. Mud had splattered onto his academy uniform too, leaving it unidentifiable. He knew he was a mess and he didn't give a shit…didn't even know if he wanted to return from this place. He wondered if it was even worth it to return to the academy. He hated thinking about the empty space that would be there, where Rukia had once been.

"Damn…"

He was taken rather suddenly out of his reverie by the sound of nearby voices. His old instincts kicked in and he concealed himself and edged forward, sighing in resignation as he spotted a group of ragged teens looting the body of a fallen person.

He almost walked away.

Almost.

Because it happened every day in Inuzuri. Crime. Loss. Death. Despair. Those things defined this place. And the person on the ground was better off dead if this was where he or she had come to be. It was cold, thinking that way, but it was also the truth.

Or maybe it was a lie he chose to console himself with…

"Shit."

He waited as the teens melted away into the darkness, then slowly approached the naked person they had left behind. He was taken aback by the pale, unblemished (except where they had struck and grabbed it roughly) skin that somehow seemed to glow softly, even in the darkness of the storm. The person was slender, but not bony, like he would have expected and had a fine, delicate build that suggested a kind of breeding one usually didn't see in Inuzuri. Anger sliced through the redhead, thinking that it might have been one of the good Samaritans, come into the town to offer donated food and clothing to the poor people there. Sometimes the streets proved to rough to tolerate even basic human kindness and such people were attacked.

It made him sick at heart…

"Well, at least you weren't raped," he said, by way of consolation, "Pretty girl like you…I'm surprised."

He started to lift the unconscious girl into his arms, then froze as he realized that although the smudged face was as delicate and pretty as the rest of him, the person he was holding was most definitely male.

_Male and too damned pretty to be from around here. Looks familiar._

He laughed sarcastically at himself for the thought that crossed his mind.

_Looks kind of like him…but it couldn't be…because he's off in his mansion, drinking fine sake and probably screwing his new 'sister' Rukia._

He wanted to throw up at the thought.

_What am I doing? Why am I standing here in this dead place…in the rain…holding a beautiful, naked and unconscious man in my arms? Who is this guy and how the fuck did we end up here…together?_

He shook his head and sighed, remembering that he had forgotten his identification and hadn't brought any money. He had the clothes on his body and not much else, but he was still better off than the naked man he was carrying. He remembered an old cave, a hideout from his younger days…well hidden. He thought (if he was lucky and the place hadn't been found, that there might be some provisions there. The food would have long since rotted, but he could at least find a ragged yukata to cover his new friend's body before rape became a distinct possibility.

He reached the small cave several minutes later and was surprised and pleased to find, not only a not too threadbare yukata, but a few old coins…enough to buy a loaf of bread in the morning, so that he would have something for the trip back to the Seireitei. He hoped that the guards at the main gate would cut him some slack and let him back in if they saw his uniform.

"Hey, will you look at that. You're in luck, beautiful," he said, picking up a small package of bandages, "And look. A bottle of sake…for medicinal purposes, of course…"

His companion stirred and groaned, prompting Renji to do him the courtesy of dressing him before he could be embarrassed by his nakedness. As the man's wide, unfocused gray eyes opened and fastened dazedly on him, he smiled and bandaged and healed what damage he found.

"I don't have anything for pain, but we do have the sake," he told the man.

His companion groaned softly again, but quietly accepted several deep swallows from the sake bottle.

"Arigato," he said calmly.

_Shit, even his voice is beautiful. Who is this guy?_

"N-no problem. Who…?"

"It doesn't matter."

He saw the look in the man's eyes then…the deep sadness that seemed to mirror his own. Smiling sadly, he took a few swallows of sake, then shared a few more with the other man. He seemed to drop off to sleep, or at least into some kind of oblivion as Renji kept drinking and his eyelids grew heavy. Having only one blanket and mat, he curled up next to the man, to share their warmth, and drifted off to sleep.

He woke the next morning to find himself naked and alone, his clothing on the floor by the mat and the rest of the room left untouched. He caught the scent of sakura in the air for a moment, then let it out in a long sigh.

"I hope you are okay."

He didn't know why he said it. The man was long gone and he'd probably never be back. And if Renji planned to not get thrown out of the academy, he knew _he_ had to go back to the Seireitei. He got up and started to gather his clothes, then happened to look down and noticed a telltale stickiness on his flaccid member. He shivered at the traces of blood there and along one inner thigh. He was stricken then with a dim memory of pale hands reaching for him in desperation, senseless and wet gray eyes looking up at him…a warm mouth seeking his…slender legs wrapping around him…

_Shared misery._

_Damn, I wish he hadn't left…_

He waited for a few hours, hoping that the man would come back, but eventually realized that he was fooling himself. Shaking his head, he picked up the coins and left the cave and his thoughts of the man behind.

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya fled through the precipice world, his head aching badly and his body quivering with cold. He slipped out of the family senkaimon and carefully avoided the eyes of the guards and servants as he made his way to his bedroom and swiftly removed the thin, ragged yukata he wore. He looked at it for a moment, tempted to throw it away, but some part of him wanting to remember.

_That sharing of pain I felt…_

_The gentle eyes…the warm hands…the way he touched me…_

_Kami…and the gift he gave me!_

_I don't have to worry anymore. I won't ever have to go through losing a wife or a child again. When I gave myself to him, I bound myself to him. I can only have children with him. And I'll never go back there. I'll never see him again._

"Arigato…" he whispered, slipping the yukata into a hidden corner of his closet.

He slipped into one of his own yukatas and started across the room to his bed. Halfway there, he collapsed and lost consciousness.

He woke in the fourth division two days later, with no idea how he had ended up collapsed on his bedroom floor with a serious concussion…

He didn't even remember coming home from his first meeting with Rukia.


	2. A Lesson in Fate

**Chapter 2: A Lesson in Fate**

(Years later…after Aizen's fall)

Renji sat quietly fuming at his desk, pretending to give his attention to the work in front of him, while wondering how in the hell the war could be over, Aizen could be sealed away and imprisoned in Central 46 and yet everything else could feel so badly fucked up. His body still ached from being put back together after too much battle and not enough recovery time as they struggled against Aizen's Espadas in their efforts to free Orihime. And having freed her and ending Aizen's treachery, he should, he thought, have felt better, not worse. But he couldn't feel better. He thought he might never feel better.

It seemed oddly as though Kurosaki Ichigo was slowly dying, instead of just losing his spiritual pressure…

It only made things worse that Renji's ginger-haired friend was taking it so calmly. He was actually more calm about it than any of the rest of them. Perhaps with the exception of Renji's taichou. But then, Byakuya seemed to take everything in stride. In fact, Renji had only even known the noble to lose his cool a couple of times. Once…during Ichigo's battle with him, when Ichigo started to gain the upper hand (He had only heard about it afterward from the substitute shinigami). And the other time in Hueco Mundo as Renji had lain, semi-conscious, watching Byakuya and Zaraki go head to head against each other near the still quivering remains of the Espada they had killed. There was something about the eleventh division taichou that really riled Byakuya. They had nearly tangled a few times before, but this time they had let loose on each other and nearly finished each other off. If not for the news that Ichigo and Urahara had defeated Aizen, then they both might have fallen. It was fortunate, he thought, that Unohana taichou had gone back with Ichigo or both taichous involved in the fracas would have faced court-martial for such behavior. But luckily for the two, Kurotsuchi taichou, though disturbed that neither man had died, promised to make wicked experiments out of any of them that breathed a word about the fight.

Renji found an unbidden smile touching his lips, bolstering him as he thought how Byakuya had looked entrancing, using all of his power and throwing himself against Zaraki's relentless reiatsu like that. Despite how he had looked and likely felt afterwards, his taichou was a beautiful fighter. The thought gave him a short respite from thinking about Ichigo. But all too soon, his thoughts were drawn back to the substitute shinigami again.

He sighed in frustration, focusing harder on the report in front of him until his eyes began to cross from the effort, but the dark emotion ate away at him until he felt like he could barely stand it. Just as he thought he had reached the end of his wits, the door opened and Byakuya walked in. Renji noticed the lingering catch in his normally graceful step and the tiny echo of pain in his calm features. Byakuya's eyes immediately drifted to where Renji sat, and the noble frowned.

"Is something bothering you?" he asked, "Your reiatsu is quite riled, Renji."

"No," Renji sighed impatiently, "Well, yeah, sort of. But it's not like there's a goddamned thing I can do about it!"

Byakuya stood still, considering his fukutaichou's words, then sighed and lowered his eyes.

"Nor any of us," the noble said softly, "As yet, there is nothing we can do to assist Kurosaki Ichigo. Rukia and Ichigo's other friends are gathered with him at the manor. I had thought you might go there as well."

"Why?" Renji asked in a low, trembling voice, "To stand around and stare at each other and not talk about it? To hug him and say how sorry we are that he and Kisuke saved our asses and now all we can do is watch the connection between us fade away?"

Renji caught his breath as a flash step sounded and Byakuya suddenly reappeared at the side of his desk, a graceful white hand settling both commandingly and bracingly on his shoulder. He looked up into the calm, gray eyes and suddenly hated Byakuya for being able to take it all so quietly, so placidly…like he didn't care.

"Renji," Byakuya said in that maddeningly tranquil voice, "Even when he cannot see us or sense us anymore…even then, the ties that bind us will still be there."

The words should have calmed him, should have made him stop and catch his breath, but Renji couldn't _be_ calm anymore…couldn't sit quietly and just accept everything as it came. And he couldn't stand it anymore that Byakuya could.

"What the fuck would you know about our connections!" he hissed angrily, "You don't know a damned thing about 'ties that bind…"

"Renji…"

"No…you sit in your pretty manor with servants who do whatever you say. You have everything you want handed to you…a squad of men whose job it is to lay down their lives to protect you, but you don't have those connections! You're not close to Rukia. You barely look at her. You don't look at anyone, Taichou…not even me. You lead your clan, your squad, and you tell the people around you what to do…but when you lie down at night, you lie down alone. Because you don't _have_ those connections. You only ever did once…and when she died…it's like that part of you that could love died with her! So don't fucking look me in the eyes and pretend like you understand! You don't understand SHIT!"

He knew, even as he said the words he didn't mean them. No one knew better than Renji did about the person Byakuya concealed from everyone. And though he had thought that loosing some of his anger would help ease his pain, it only worsened as he caught barest flash of hurt in those carefully controlled eyes. It was gone in an instant as Byakuya's emotional defenses closed around him with an almost audible snap, and he lifted his hand from Renji's shoulder.

He said nothing, but only walked to his desk and picked up a stack of papers, then turned towards his private quarters.

"T-taichou," Renji said in a choked voice, "Taichou, I didn't mean that."

"I will be in my quarters. You may go to the manor if you wish."

Renji watched in silence as Byakuya walked into his quarters and closed the door behind him, then collapsed into a miserable heap on his desk. He tried to work to ease the dark emotion that spun around him, but somewhere between his feelings about Ichigo and the guilt he felt over what he'd said to Byakuya, he had lost his control over himself almost entirely. He finally left the office and stomped into his quarters, slamming the door behind him. He dropped down on his bed, not realizing that the door had not closed properly and had opened a crack.

As he dissolved into nearly silent tears, he didn't see the door across the hallway open, or hear the soft steps that approached his doorway. He didn't see the quiet gray eyes that observed him for several long minutes, before a pale hand pushed the door open and Byakuya entered the room. He closed the door behind him and the sound startled Renji out of his tears and made him look up.

Byakuya stood, silent and ghostly pale against the door, his expression still calm but his eyes uncertain. He waited for Renji to yell at him to get out, to throw something at him, or to say something even more horrid than what he'd said before, but all Renji could do was stare. He stared in silence at Byakuya, stunned at seeing him there, and even more shocked at seeing him dressed in a yukata, with his white throat bared and vulnerable, and his long, sleek, black hair free of the kenseiken and falling unrestrained around his face and shoulders. His hands looked oddly naked without the white fingerless gloves and he couldn't remember ever having seen Byakuya's feet bare.

"My apologies for intruding," he said softly, "but…"

He paused, as though lost for words.

"It's okay," Renji said, sniffing and rubbing his eyes, "I'm kinda used to looking pathetic and weak next to you…you know? You take everything so calmly and I just can't contain myself."

Byakuya remained frozen and silent by the door. Renji noticed suddenly that he was holding a tray with tea and two cups on it.

"Oh," he said, rubbing his eyes again and blinking, "Thanks, Taichou. You didn't have to do that."

Byakuya took a breath and seemed to recover himself. He walked to Renji's bedside and set the tea down, then poured a cup. Renji's eyes widened as he took a bottle that had been concealed behind the tea and added a measure of sake to the cup. He handed the cup to Renji and prepared a second cup the same way for himself. Renji sipped at the sake-laden tea, enjoying the blend of warmth and comfort. He was oddly fascinated at seeing Byakuya drink something besides tea. It finally distracted him enough that the pain in his heart eased, at least enough that he could address the stupid, thoughtless things he'd said before.

"Taichou," he said, looking up and meeting Byakuya's tired eyes, "Look, I'm really sorry about what I said before."

"Forget it."

Anyone else would have missed the very soft catch in his voice and the glimmer of pain that touched his eyes fleetingly, then disappeared.

"No, it was wrong for me to say that…especially me. I know better."

"Let it go," the noble said, closing his eyes and drinking more deeply.

He watched as Renji finished the tea, then refilled it in the same manner as before, and filled his own again. After the second cup, Renji felt numb and empty, and after the third, he could barely keep his eyes open. Byakuya picked up the tray and cups and started to stand. As he moved, a rough, calloused hand wrapped around one slender wrist. Byakuya looked down at Renji's hand, then into the redhead's hazed and tormented eyes.

"Could you…stay?" he asked softly, "I just don't feel like being alone."

_I don't want to be alone anymore either._

"I'm sorry. I know you have other things to do."

_I'm tired of burying myself in my responsibilities to head off the pain…_

"But could you just stay until I fall asleep?"

_Yes…_

"Renji, I…"

"It won't be long. It will just be easier to drift off if I'm not alone."

_I want to._

"So…will you stay?"

"As you wish Renji," Byakuya said, eyes and voice carefully composed.

It took little time at all for him to fall asleep, but Byakuya lingered in the room, studying Renji's sleeping face in the darkness. He tried not to think about Renji's words from before. He knew even when Renji said them that he didn't mean them. But they echoed in his drink-dulled mind and stung him repeatedly. He might have eventually succumbed to the temptation to shed a few tears, but Renji moved uncomfortably in his sleep and startled him out of the indulgence. He looked down at Renji, frowning as the redhead quivered in his sleep and gave a frightened sounding moan. His sword hand clenched and he tossed and turned, mumbling unintelligibly. Then, his eyes flew open and he sat up suddenly.

"Ichigo!" he yelled, grabbing Byakuya tightly, and pulling him close.

The stunned noble froze in Renji's arms as the redhead blinked several times and seemed to realize what he was doing.

"S-sorry," he said in a trembling voice, "Bad dream."

He started to let go, then realized that Byakuya's arms were wrapped around him and not letting go. He met the noble's dark eyes for a long, breathless moment, then felt a hard jolt of disbelief as Byakuya leaned forward and brought their lips together.

The kiss was light and tentative and Byakuya remained composed as he offered it, but suddenly, Renji felt starved for that closeness, and he kissed back, tightening his hands again and tugging on the noble until he fell down onto Renji, still kissing him. Renji's legs wrapped around him, hanging on as tightly as his arms did, as their kissing deepened and suddenly didn't feel like it was enough. He wanted to feel the other man's soft skin against his, to something besides calm in those gray eyes, to just for once, see him lose control.

His hands tore away their clothing, then slid down Byakuya's body, rubbing, caressing and touching everywhere he could reach. And although the noble's dark eyes remained tranquil, he felt the rise of the other man's reiatsu and the obvious signs of intense arousal. He stopped kissing Byakuya and looked into his eyes, then without warning, he turned and pushed the noble down on the bed and climbed on top of him. His hand found Byakuya's swollen member and held it in place as he positioned himself over it, then forced himself down. He froze for a moment at the pain that shot through him, registering even through his drunkenness. Byakuya grabbed his hips and held him still, kissing him and saying something that Renji couldn't seem to hear or maybe he just couldn't understand.

There was emotion in Byakuya's eyes now, but Renji couldn't see it anymore. He lifted himself and began thrusting, hard and fast, his chest heaving and sweat beads forming on his skin. For a moment, he was able to forget everything, shutting out his pain over the friend he was slowly losing, his frustration about feeling helpless…stupid…lesser…weak. He threw his strength into the motion of his body, ignoring the emotions he felt, not seeing the sudden discomfort and concern in the noble's staring eyes. Byakuya's soft sounds of distress at the hands that clenched too hard and the too heavy thrust against his body were lost in Renji's own cries of pain. Finally, the noble's hands grabbed him and pulled him down, holding onto his hips as climaxed. The sudden heat that filled him inside struck Renji's senses and carried over and into oblivion. He felt hot seed splash onto their skin and relaxed on top of Byakuya, enjoying, for a moment, the rush of completion, then falling away into blessed senselessness.

He woke several hours later to find himself alone with just the lingering traces of sweet sakura. He couldn't be upset with Byakuya for leaving. He was surprised the noble had stayed in the first place. And he knew better than to hope that what had happened would ever happen again. Byakuya would be more wary now…and would never let down his guard that much again.

But even so, the man had comforted him…had lowered himself and let himself be used. Just that much, coming from Byakuya, was more than he could have asked. So he climbed out of bed and went to shower, his fingers lingering on the sticky places where their seed had landed. He touched the place where Byakuya's essence had run onto his inner thigh and caught some on his fingertips, enchanted that a part of the noble still stayed with him. He stood under the hot spray, breathing slowly and deeply, his spinning mind recalling flashes of their unplanned coupling. He felt sad inside that they'd had to be drunk to be together like that.

But that was Byakuya…unable to show anything, and only very rarely able to be taken off guard. And Renji was content with just that much. It hurt too much to consider what would happen if they actually fell in love.

Renji turned off the shower and dressed slowly. He left his room and walked out into the office to find Byakuya back in uniform and working quietly. He neither looked up nor spoke as Renji sat down. And neither mentioned what had happened. Each man worked steadily until work hours were over, then each went his way with the usual "Good night."


	3. Flutters

**Chapter 3: The First Blossoming**

"Renji?" Byakuya said, raising an eyebrow curiously as he entered the sixth division office, "Why are you here so early?"

The redhead didn't look up from his work.

"Ah, hell, couldn't sleep," he muttered, "Figured I might as well get something done while I was not sleeping."

"Hmmm," said the noble, sitting down at his desk.

Byakuya picked up a report, frowned and set it down, looked at a few others, then glanced over at his subordinate.

"Abarai…I know I told you that certain reports must be done by your own hand. If you are going to have someone else do them, at least have the same person do all of them so that it isn't so very obvious…although I must say, I do appreciate receiving reports in handwriting I can actually read."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Renji asked, looking up, "I did all of those this morning! I didn't have anyone do them for me."

"Then how do explain this?" asked the noble shaking his head in annoyance and holding up two of the reports, which when held up next to each other revealed two different handwriting styles.

Renji frowned and squinted at them.

"I must have been thinking about different things when I wrote them or something," he concluded.

"I see," said Byakuya, sighing and turning back to his work.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as he and Renji continued to work, and when the redhead brought the next stack of reports over, he scanned them carefully.

_There are at least three different writing styles here…all of them neat and readable? _

_What is going on?_

Without looking up, he quietly scanned his subordinate's reiatsu.

_It seems relatively normal, though slightly low, but that could be lack of sleep…_

A hell butterfly floated into the office and settled on Renji's desk.

"Well?" Renji said, frowning and trying to lift the insect onto his finger, "What do you want?"

The hell butterfly settled on his desk again and began to emit soft beeps.

"Are you going to take that message?" Byakuya said, not looking up.

"Aw, hell, the thing's malfunctioning or something," the redhead complained, "It won't give me the message!"

Byakuya shook his head in annoyance and left his desk. He walked to Renji's and coaxed the hell butterfly onto his finger.

"This is Kuchiki taichou requesting security override and transmission of message for Abarai fukutaichou," he said quietly.

"Abarai fukutaichou," said the third seat's voice, "The seal we placed on that old garganta in Karakura Town broke free again. We have tried repairing the seal, but need a fukutaichou level to set a new one."

"Damn it…" mumbled Renji, standing.

"Do not concern yourself," said the noble, "You have finished everything here anyway. Go and replace the seal and take a long lunch break to collect yourself."

"Oh, thanks Taichou," Renji said, picking up Zabimaru, "You want me to bring you something from the noodle shop? I got kinda hungry this morning and stole your chicken curry."

"You what?" asked Byakuya, straightening and blinking.

"S-sorry Taichou. I was just real hungry and I hoped you wouldn't mind, but you weren't around to ask…and I couldn't go out, because it was too early to order that stuff. All of the shops were closed, and…"

"But you despise spicy food…"

Renji shrugged.

"I don't know," he said, "I guess I just…"

"Never mind," the noble said, waving off his answer, "Just bring me something then."

"Okay Taichou," Renji said, starting towards the door.

Byakuya glanced up at him for a moment, then looked back at his work. A moment later, his eyes widened and he looked up at the redhead, squinting.

"Is uh…everything all right, Taichou?" Renji asked, startling him.

"Wh-what? Oh, of course," Byakuya said, blinking several more times and returning to his work, "It was nothing. Get moving, Renji, before menos grande start breaking through that seal. And give Rukia my greetings."

"She's _still_ in Karakura Town?" mused Renji, scratching his head.

"Yes, Abarai, we discussed this yesterday," Byakuya said reprovingly, "Have you forgotten already?"

"Oh…that's right," Renji said, blushing slightly, "Sorry, Taichou…it slipped my mind."

"Hmmm…" Byakuya said.

Renji walked out and closed the door. A moment later, Byakuya looked up thoughtfully at the closed door.

_I must have imagined it. For a moment, it looked like the tattoos over his eyebrows disappeared…_

_Odd…_

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji sighed softly as he left the senkaimon and dropped down into the park near Urahara Kisuke's shop. It felt odd going back to Karakura Town after having avoided the place for so long. He knew that staying away was pointless. He was always going to remember, even though he stayed away. He had told himself that a thousand times, and if that wasn't enough, Byakuya had told him the same thing several times more.

He flinched uncomfortably at the twinge he got in his abdomen as he thought of his taichou. It seemed to happen whenever Byakuya crossed his mind…a small, painless twinge, a quiver in his reiatsu.

Renji was suddenly distracted out of his thoughts as he realized he was looking at Kurosaki Ichigo.

He froze, staring as the youth walked in his direction, then turned and made his way down to the shore of the river. Renji bit his lower lip, considering, then followed him. He paused several feet away, studying his friend and giving a sigh of longing.

"I know you can't hear me," he said quietly, "but we haven't given up. Rukia is stationed here now. She's working with Kisuke to try to figure something out. I'm uh, sorry…that I haven't been around…not that you'd notice, but I feel kinda bad about it. I just wish you'd look at me. I wish you'd at least look around and say you could feel my presence. Damn…I hate this. Ichigo…I really hate this."

He drew a soft, surprised breath as Ichigo's head lowered and he spoke in a very soft voice.

"I don't know if anyone's there…but if you are, then I'm glad. I miss being able to see and talk to you. But it's okay, you know. I chose this. I did it to protect the people I care about…and I'm not sorry."

"I know," Renji said, resting a hand on a shoulder that couldn't feel his touch, "and I don't regret it either. Thank you, Ichigo."

He turned and walked away, hating himself for the tears that ran down his face.

I can't seem to stop doing this lately. And it's not just about Ichigo. Everything seems to hit me harder, for some reason.

_What is wrong with me?_

"Renji?"

_Shit…_

"Yeah," he said, looking away and brushing at his eyes, "What're you doing here, Rukia?"

"Probably the same thing you are. I wanted to see him. He always walks this way."

Renji shook his head.

"Try again. I'm here because the seal on the garganta near here that I set way back whenever decided to come unsealed, so I came to fix it."

"Is that why you were crying?" she asked softly.

_Damn it…never could get anything past her…_

"It's okay. I cry about it sometimes too. It helps to get it out of your system."

"Does it?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah," she went on, "But if you really want to start to feel better, you should talk about it with your friends. You've been hiding for long enough. Nobody's stupid enough to think that you aren't as broken up as we are about this, even though you try to stay away and to pretend it didn't happen. But the truth is…that until you deal with it…look it in the face, it's going to keep knocking you down like this. It's not going to get any better if you just keep doing the same dumb thing."

"Screw you, Kuchiki…" he muttered, "You _and_ your idiot brother…"

"Hey!" Rukia yelled, kicking at him and barely missing as he stepped back, "What do you mean, talking about my brother that way! It's bad enough you said that about _me_! But don't you dare bring Byakuya into this!"

Renji caught his breath and dropped to his knees, the air going dark around him. His head spun and Rukia's voice went quiet.

What's happening?

_Did I…pass out?_

_Why?_

He drifted in the darkness for what seemed like a long time, and he figured that it must have been about half a day, when he opened his eyes and found himself in one of the rooms at Urahara Kisuke's. He looked up at the window, noting that night had fallen and groaned, knowing that Byakuya would probably get after him for not taking care of the seal…and for not returning as expected.

"Great…" he sighed, sitting up.

The door opened and Tessai walked in, carrying a tray bearing tea and warm cookies.

"T-tessai?" he queried.

"Yes," the man said, nodding, "Urahara-san said that you needed an energy boost. You lost consciousness because of low reiatsu. He restored it, but he said that some tea and sweets would perk you up a bit."

"Ugh," groaned Renji, "I have to get back. Taichou will be all over my ass about not resealing that garganta."

"Kuchiki Rukia took care of that, and she told your subordinates that you had taken ill. They took word back to Kuchiki taichou and he replied to us that you should stay here tonight and only return in the morning if we checked you out and you were all right. He also told us to remind you…"

"Augh…that he wants me to go to the 4th and get checked out. I keep telling him, last time it was because I was injured in a battle…and I haven't been sleeping well. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I mean, Kisuke didn't find anything really wrong with me, right?"

"Well, no," admitted Tessai, "but that doesn't mean that you are necessarily fine. In any case, have some tea and rest. Rukia-chan will be by to see you later."

That's a good reason to try sleeping…

"Uh, okay, thanks," Renji said, nodding and taking a cookie from the tray.

Tessai watched to make sure that he finished the first cookie and some of the tea before bowing and leaving him alone. Renji was surprised that he finished the whole plate of cookies and all of the tea before dropping off into a comfortable slumber.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh…" Renji groaned, coming awake in the early morning darkness and clenching his abdomen.

He stumbled to his feet and went into the bathroom, then dropped to his knees and emptied his stomach. He reached up and turned the water faucet on and tried to be quiet so that the others wouldn't hear him.

_The last damned thing I want is to have them hovering over me all day. I just ate too many of those stupid cookies or something, but they'll act like there's something wrong with me. I have to get outta here before they all wake up…_

He stayed on his knees until the discomfort left him, then flushed the toilet and washed his hands and face at the sink. He looked into the mirror as he finished and let out a surprised yelp.

_Wh-what the hell?_

He opened his yukata and studied the tattoos on his chest, blinking and staring, hoping that what he had seen in the mirror was a mistake. But the tattoos had taken on a blurriness around the edges.

_Kami!_

He staggered out of the bathroom and back to the bed, grabbing Zabimaru and sitting down cross legged on the bed. He balanced his blade tip down and focused, reaching out with his mind to connect with the nue inside the sword.

"Zabimaru?"

There was no response.

"Oi, Zabimaru! Wake up, you bastards!"

There was another long pause.

_"Is that you, Renji_?" yawned the baboon, "_Why are you bothering us before noon? Hollows to kill_?"

"_No, damn it! Tell me, are you guys fucking with me or what?"_

"_Eh? What does he want now?" _complained Snakey, _"You have a bad dream about getting smothered by her huge butt?"_

"_Shut up!"_ the baboon snapped, _"Our idiot master has a problem! What's the problem, Renji?"_

"_Did you do that, just now? Did you mess with my tattoos?"_

"_What? We were asleep. Why would we…?"_

"_You'd better not be screwing with me, you stupid asses!"_

"_Eh? What're you talking about, Renji?"_

Renji looked down at his chest and blinked in surprise.

_What the fuck? It looks normal now. They have to be playing games with me!_

"_Very funny, assholes!" _he thought, cutting off the connection before the two spirits could object.

"I can't believe I let them screw with me like that…" he muttered, sheathing his blade.

He saw light on the horizon outside and dressed hurriedly. Afterwards, he slipped out the window and walked back to the park where he had seen Ichigo. He stood for a moment, watching the sun rise, then opened a senkaimon and crossed back over into the Seireitei. He walked slowly back in the direction of the sixth division, enjoying the cool air and the peace and quiet. He didn't know why, but everyone's voices around him seemed to be unnaturally loud lately. Sometimes, even their thoughts were too loud. It was nice to be alone and to let his mind go blank for a while.

He reached the sixth division and found that, once again, he had arrived at work _before_ Byakuya. But as he sat down at his desk, a hell butterfly floated up to his desk and set down on it, ignoring him, as the last one had.

"Well?" he said gruffly, "What do you want?"

"This is a private message for Abarai Renji," said Byakuya's voice.

"Gah! I _AM fucking Abarai Renji_!" he shouted, "Give me the damned message, will you?"

"This is a private message for Abarai Renji," Byakuya's voice repeated.

"Augh! Damn!" the redhead yelled, slowly banging his head on his desk along with the words, "Damn…damn…damn, what's_ wrong_ with me?"

He shot a tiny shakkahou spell at the hell butterfly, which flitted out of the way, scented his reiatsu, then finally yielded his message.

"Abarai fukutaichou," said Byakuya's voice, "I have taken a detachment to provide relief to the Hueco Mundo outpost, but will return this afternoon. If you arrive at the division and receive this message before I return, please remember to check in at…"

"AUGH!" yelled Renji, "AT THE FUCKING FOURTH DI-FUCKING-VISION! I FUCKING KNOW!"

He jumped out of his chair and fled the office, flash stepping back to his apartment, locking himself inside and throwing himself back in bed.

_Great…I left my blade at the division… Can I just fucking die now?_

_Ah, he would have known I got the hell butterfly anyway. I'll just take a couple of days off and tell him it was just the flu or something._

_Maybe he'll forget about the fourth division._

_I hate that place, just fucking hate it…_

_It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the needles._

He barely managed to get to the bathroom before he threw up, just from thinking about needles…


	4. A Little Loss of Control

**Chapter 4: A Little Loss of Control**

"Ungh…" Renji groaned, rolling over and barely managing to position his head over the trashcan by the bed before beginning to retch, "Oh…gods, why won't this go away!"

He finished throwing up and sat on the edge of the bed, panting from the effort of being sick. The room spun around him and everything went dark. He woke later and found himself collapsed on his bedroom floor, and with a painful lump on his head where he hit it when he fell. He crawled back into bed and tried to summon a hell butterfly. He laid in bed, waiting, then trying again…waiting, then trying again until he finally drifted off to sleep. When he woke, he found a hell butterfly hovering beside the bed.

"Oh," he grunted, "_Now_ you decide to show up, you stupid little…"

He broke off as Unohana taichou's voice rose out of the insect.

"Abarai fukutaichou, I wanted to inform you that Kuchiki taichou's unit just returned from Hueco Mundo. Kuchiki taichou was injured in a skirmish there, so you will need to assume command of the squad…"

He didn't hear the rest of the message, but exploded across the room and threw on the first uniform he could find. He rinsed his mouth out and dashed out of the apartment, flash stepping out of the building, down the street and all of the way to the fourth division. He burst inside, reaching out with his senses and finding a touch of Byakuya's reiatsu to follow. He swept past the front desk, down the hall and paused outside the door to what he sensed was Byakuya's hospital room. He heard Unohana taichou's voice inside, then Byakuya's and he pushed the door open. To his surprise, Byakuya stood, fully dressed and looking unhurt, in the middle of the room.

"I thought you were…"

"Pardon us for our underhanded methods, Abarai fukutaichou," said the healer smiling, "but Kuchiki taichou informs me that you have not been…"

He flash stepped, but found the door blocked by Byakuya.

"Wha…?" Renji yelled, "You two freaking lied to me? About something like that? You two are crazy! How could you lie about something like that! You scared the hell out of me, making me think my taichou was in here dying…"

"No one ever said that I was dying," Byakuya corrected him calmly, "And it wasn't a lie. I did have a minor injury that required me to be brought here for treatment. However, when I relayed to Unohana taichou that I had concerns about your health and she remembered that you hadn't come to the fourth division for your latest health check…"

"It was my idea," admitted the healer, "I thought it would be easiest on us all to not have you overthink things before coming here. Otherwise, you might never have come here at all."

"You got that right," Renji muttered, scowling as he turned back and sat down on the examination table.

"Kuchiki taichou and I will step out for a moment so that you can undress," said Unohana taichou, heading for the door.

"Go ahead," said Byakuya, "I think it would be better if someone made sure he doesn't slip out the window while our backs are turned."

"Damn," grumbled Renji, "You think of everything, don't you?"

Byakuya turned away as Renji slipped out of his shihakushou and into a white yukata.

"So, what happened in Hueco Mundo?" he asked, trying to make conversation to take his mind off of the examination, "How were you injured?"

"Oh," said Byakuya, turning to face him as he sat back down in the edge of the examination table, "You know that Soutaichou has opened up a dialog with the heirs to the former hollow royal family, ne?"

"Yeah, I remember you saying something about that before."

"The idea is to settle the hollows and to gain some level of agreement so that we can coexist in relative peace. There will, of course, continue to be skirmishes, but it would be better than the chaos that they have there now."

"Your right about that," Renji said, nodding, "But what were you doing that got you hurt?"

"I was traveling in an official capacity, as leader of one of the noble clans. A group of us were going to assist in the installation of the new hollow king. The noble clans are most knowledgeable about such things, so we were sent to see that things went smoothly and followed correct procedures. Of course, there are a few rogue groups that do not favor the return of the hollow monarchy or the interference of shinigamis in their government. Our envoy was attacked and I sustained injury while protecting my fiancée from the rogue hollows."

"Your…?"

He broke off as the door opened and a tall, slender young man with dark, wavy black hair and pretty, green eyes stepped into the room with them. Renji couldn't help staring as the light caught his hair and lit the ends a lovely bluish hue.

"Gomen nasai," he said, lowering his eyes, "I did not mean to intrude. I will wait outside."

Byakuya shook his head and shocked Renji nearly out of his yukata by giving the other man a gentle, accepting nod.

"Abarai fukutaichou is comfortable with me," he assured the man, "And besides, as you and I are to be handfasted, I think it proper for you to know those working most closely with me. Renji, this is Aomori Tomio, my fiancée. Tomio, this is Abarai Renji, my fukutaichou."

Tomio extended a hand in greeting and Renji accepted it.

"It's good to meet you, Abarai-san," said Tomio, giving him the hint of a smile, "Your name is well known among the nobles."

"Oh?" said Renji, curiously, "Why?"

Tomio glanced back at Byakuya.

"Well, it isn't just anyone who is responsible for the well-being of the greatest leader of the noble houses. Byakuya-sama's safety is of utmost importance. That wouldn't be entrusted to just anyone."

"Well," Renji chuckled, "I don't do so much protecting really. He pretty much takes care of himself."

He found himself instantly charmed by Tomio's genuine smile. The younger noble turned back to Byakuya.

"Yes, he does, doesn't he? But I am glad to know someone so strong is protecting him when he goes off to battle."

"Y-you aren't in the military?" Renji asked.

"No," answered Tomio, "I am a member of my family's noble council, and we are expected to forgo entrance into the military and to focus our efforts on clan matters. But when Byakuya-sama and I are handfasted, I will also be installed as his bodyguard."

"Tomio," Byakuya said quietly, "Abarai fukutaichou and I won't be long here. Why don't you go down the street and await me in my quarters at the sixth division? You can make yourself comfortable there while I see to this."

Tomio smiled and inclined his head respectfully.

"Of course, Byakuya-sama. Nice to have met you, Abarai-san."

Renji stared as the younger noble slipped a hand into Byakuya's and offered him a light kiss on the cheek before departing the room. He started to say something, but was stopped as Unohana taichou returned to the room.

"My apologies for keeping you waiting," she said, smiling, "Now, let's have a look at you."

Renji sat quietly, but clenching the edge of the bed with tightened fingers as the healer quickly conducted a brief examination. As usual, he didn't mind so much the poking, prodding and questions so much, but he started to have second thoughts about the questions as he realized that Byakuya was still there.

"Kuchiki taichou has said that you were experiencing some oddness…perhaps with your tattoos, and your handwriting?"

"Oh…well, yeah, maybe. But I think it was just Zabimaru having some fun. I'm fine," he said, shaking his head.

"What about your collapse in the living world?" Byakuya asked pointedly.

"Wha…? Well, I was still kinda recovering," Renji stammered, "And I got sick to my stomach from something I ate at Urahara-san's. That jerk was probably experimenting on me or something. I tell you, I feel fine. Nothing's wrong with me."

"He also had low reiatsu…" added the noble.

"Hey, we _all_ did after the fighting in Hueco Mundo," objected the redhead, "I don't think that…"

"It was low enough that a hell butterfly wouldn't give him his message," Byakuya went on.

"I see," said the healer, "I think, just to be on the safe side, I will run a few minor tests."

Renji started to object, but froze as the fourth division taichou's sweet smile suddenly gave him warning chills.

"I'm sure Abarai-san appreciates that his taichou is concerned for his health. Now, hold still. You will just feel a pinch while I draw some blood for the tests."

"B-blood tests?" Renji said, cringing, "Ah, I don't think we need to do that. Uh…"

He tried to hold still as she wrapped a hand around his arm, but launched off the examination table before the needle could touch him.

"Are you crazy?" he yelled, "That needle is fucking huge! I'm not letting you put that thing in me!"

He reached the door and found it blocked by Byakuya, then flash stepped towards the window, but found himself brought down onto the examination table as Byakuya took hold of him from behind and placed a kido lock on his wrists.

"Oh, hell, that not fair!" cried Renji, "What are you guys, a couple of nuts from the psych ward? You're not making me…!"

His voice fell away as a repressive kido froze him in place. He could still move his eyes and used that to glare up at Byakuya.

"I hate you," he groaned as Unohana taichou closed in on him, "I'd like to take Zabimaru and blast you to bits…traitor!"

"I hope you're not being rude to Unohana taichou," Byakuya warned him.

"No!" snapped Renji, "I meant you, Taichou! You deserve a good pounding for this!"

"Well," said Byakuya, "Our training will need to wait until you are over whatever this is."

"Ah! OW!" Renji yelled as the needle bit into his restrained arm, "I told you, I'm…"

He felt an odd, sick and dizzy feeling pass over him as he caught sight of his blood leaking into a tube.

"Oh," he groaned, "Oh crap…I'm gonna puke."

Byakuya released the kido on most of him and was kind enough to hold a trash bin up so he didn't make a mess when he threw up. When he was finished, he dropped his face onto the examination table, moaning uncomfortably as Unohana taichou took advantage of his situation to also catch him up on his vaccinations.

"Ow! Fucking OW! Quit it already! Sheesh! Damned sadist!"

"I assure you," said Byakuya dryly, "No one here is enjoying your pain, Abarai. Now, be quiet and do what you're told."

"It's all right," the healer said, smiling at them, and heading to the door, "I am finished. You may go. I will let you know when the test results come back."

"Great!" Renji groaned, getting to his feet too quickly as she left.

"Get up slowly, baka," Byakuya said reprovingly.

"Are you kidding?" Renji said, wide-eyed, "You think I'm taking the chance that crazy woman's going to come back in here and suck out the _rest_ of my blood? I'm getting the hell _outta_ here before she comes back!"

He stopped and put a hand to his head as nausea and dizziness swept over him and he started to collapse. Before he could hit the floor, a pair of strong, slender arms wrapped around him.

"_Really Abarai_," Byakuya scolded him, "If she had cut you with a sword, you wouldn't have put up a fuss at all."

"Yeah," Renji laughed weakly, as everything went dark, "If she did that, I could retaliate…"

Renji wasn't sure how long he was out cold, but when he woke, it was evening and instead of being in the fourth, he was in his quarters, dressed in a comfortable yukata and tucked into bed. He immediately felt embarrassed at the idea of Byakuya carrying him back to the division, but at the same time, he found the thought oddly touching. He shook his head to clear it and climbed out of bed, rubbing his eyes. He heard a soft, unfamiliar footstep in the hallway and opened his door to find Tomio standing near Byakuya's door, dressed in one of the older noble's yukatas and looking around a little nervously. He looked up at Renji and blushed cutely, brushing the tumbled black hair out of his eyes and pulling his yukata more closed.

"Oh, Abarai-san," he said, looking down, "My apologies. I was…well, Byakuya-sama asked me to make some tea. He gave me directions and instructions on how to make it, but…well, I was rather distracted at the time…"

"I can imagine," Renji chuckled, remembering suddenly, the way Byakuya's hands had touched him while they were in bed together.

An odd, sad feeling passed through him and he cleared his throat, fighting off the strange burning in his eyes.

_Why does that thought seem sad? It was just comfort sex. It didn't really mean anything…_

"Don't worry about it," he went on, brushing off the unusual emotion, "I can show you where and how."

He led the young noble down the hallway and into the squad kitchen. Tomio's dark eyes watched him carefully as he prepared the tea. Renji couldn't help but admire the beauty and intelligence of Byakuya's fiancée. He felt happy that the noble was reaching out, but again that odd sadness touched his heart.

"Abarai-san," Tomio said softly, "May I ask you a personal question?"

"Y-yeah," said Renji, glancing up from the stove, "Go ahead…shoot."

"Um…I have to admit that I am a little embarrassed about asking, but I wondered…I mean, Byakuya-sama told me that you had been intimate once recently. And, with the exception of his former wife and myself, he hasn't had any other lovers besides you."

"H-he hasn't?" Renji said, blinking.

"No. In any case, I have had no other lovers besides him and so I worry that I am not doing well enough to please him. It's…it's all right if you don't feel comfortable telling me, but…I just want to know small things, like where he really enjoys being touched and kissed and what kinds of sexual acts he prefers."

Renji felt a soft catch in his heart.

"You uh…really seem to want to make him happy."

"Of course," said Tomio, meeting his eyes shyly, "It is my duty to please him."

"Wh-what?" the redhead said, frowning, "You mean, you two aren't in love?"

"Well," said Tomio, "Truthfully, no. I was chosen to be Byakuya-sama's mate when he came before the council and admitted that he is not able to produce heirs. He said that he had been alone for many years and even though he could not bring heirs, he desired companionship. In such cases, females are not given into marriage, as they have to be saved for marriages that will produce heirs, but since male pregnancies occur less frequently anyway, males are permitted to marry a barren clan member."

"Whoa, wait a sec," Renji said, his mind spinning, "When did all of this happen? And why would Taichou go to bed with me if he was being hooked up with you?"

Tomio smiled.

"We are not sure what made him make the request," he admitted, "but a few of us have speculated that after he was with you sexually, it made him consider his needs as he had not before."

"But we…that was like, two days ago. And in two days, he goes to Hueco Mundo, while also meeting with the council and arranging his marriage? Really?" Renji mused.

Tomio laughed softly.

"Noble ways are…a bit different," he said, by way of explanation, "But yes, we were paired rather suddenly."

Tomio broke off speaking as a stunned, panicked look crossed Renji's face.

"Abarai-san? Are you all right?"

"Tomio-san," Renji said, a little breathlessly, "Did you say that noble males can make another male pregnant?"

"Yes," said Tomio, nodding, "But if you're worried about that night you spent with him, don't be. You won't get pregnant. You see, even if Byakuya-sama _could_ impregnate you, he would have to first be taken by you to awaken his fertility, and then whichever one of you…ah…well…"

"Bottomed?" Renji said, smiling congenially as Tomio blushed more deeply.

"Hah, um, yes," the flustered noble went on, "Whichever received seed would become pregnant. But it means that you have to have sexual relations twice. You are quite safe, I assure you."

"Good," Renji laughed nervously, "It would be really awkward if you two were getting married and I was having his baby, ne?"

"Yes," agreed Tomio, smiling more comfortably, "Although, if that happened, our marriage would be annulled and you two would be married instead."

Renji shook his head and sighed.

"I don't get you guys, not at all," he mused, "Don't any noble's get to marry for love?"

Tomio's eyes softened and grew somewhat troubled.

"Abarai-san, your ways are very different than ours. For all that we are very privileged and powerful, we are also servants…servants of the king. He gives us these privileges in exchange for our families performing crucial tasks and maintaining important alliances. All of that is to keep the peace. It is important work. Did you know, that each of the four great noble clans has one royal assignment that no other has?"

"No," Renji said, shaking his head, "Like what?"

"The Kuchiki clan is charged with keeping a thorough and accurate history of Soul Society. My clan provides fine clothing for his majesty. Another clan serves as the king's hogosha, or special protectors, and the fourth guards the dimension wall. In addition to that, all royals are matched in marriage with noble clan members, so at any time, any of us, even Byakuya-sama, himself, can be called to marry into the royal family. Because of this, we do not often marry for love. It is, in fact, a rarity. Byakuya-sama's father, Kuchiki Soujun was an exception. And Byakuya-sama also married once for love…but sadly, it ended in disaster."

"And how do you feel about marrying him? I mean, did you have any choice at all? Excuse me for asking, but are you even homosexual?"

Tomio smiled.

"I have no problem with marrying Byakuya-sama. It is a great honor. And in the short time we have spent in intimacy, he has been gentle. And I always knew that I could be paired with a male or a female, so I am not uncomfortable with being with him that way."

Renji let out a soft breath.

"Wow…I had _no_ idea at all that it was like that. You're right, Tomio, it's different than what I know. I think I'd go crazy if I had to marry someone I didn't love."

"Well then," said the young noble, "You are fortunate to be a peasant, and not a noble born."

"You can say that again," Renji laughed, "Hey, uh, sorry I couldn't be more help, but we were only together once…and we were both kinda drunk, so I'm sure neither one of us remembers all that much. He was really just trying to comfort me."

Tomio's smile faded and his eyes grew curious.

"He was drinking, you say?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, it's just something I was told when I was being prepared to be made his fiancée. Byakuya-sama never drinks sake…unless it is for a formal ceremony or something has hurt him very deeply. I wonder what it was that could have hurt him like that."

Renji's breath caught for a moment, then he let it out, shaking his head.

"I don't know," he lied, "It must have had to do with all of the uproar over the end of the war or something."

"Hmmm," said Tomio, "Perhaps."

He looked down at the tea tray, then back up at Renji.

"Thank you, Abarai-san. I must return to Byakuya-sama now. Good evening."

"Yeah," said Renji, watching thoughtfully as Tomio picked up the tea tray and walked back to Byakuya's room, "Good night."

He sat for a long time, drinking his tea and thinking about what had happened between Byakuya and him.

_I know I hurt him, but I didn't think that it was…like that. And after I picked at him about being so remote, about not being close to anyone…he arranges a marriage of convenience? I really don't get him at all…_

_I thought I understood him, but now I think I haven't got a clue what he's really like inside…_

_Because, when I think about it, it almost seems that while it looks on the surface like he's marrying Tomio so he won't be alone, he's also doing it to avoid…what?_

_Real emotion?_

_Love?_

_What's going on in your head, Taichou?_

_Are you trying to find love?_

_Or are you running away from it?_


	5. In the Closet

**Chapter 5: Ten Minutes in the Closet**

"Abarai fukutaichou," said Rikichi, looking confused, "Sir, I was just sent a hell butterfly from the fourth division! But…it, well sir, it seems to be for you!"

"Huh?" Renji mused, frowning.

"It asked for verification you received the message," the younger shinigami went on, "Apparently, other hell butterflies that were sent to you were not able to deliver their messages."

_Shit. I guess there's no more avoiding it…_

"I am to tell you that the results of your tests have come in, sir. You are to go to the healing center to meet with Unohana taichou immediately."

"N-now? But I'm…kinda busy here…"

"Kuchiki taichou left a standing order that when word came of your results, I was to take over your duties and you were to go, sir."

_Damn…_

"All right. Fine," Renji muttered, "I think I've already had all of the damned shots I'll need for the rest of my freaking life. Ugh…although if something is wrong…"

He sighed resignedly and left Rikichi working quietly at his desk, then left the sixth and walked slowly to the fourth, trying to ignore the fact that his tattoos looked oddly faded in the sunlight and his reiatsu was fluctuating.

_Again?_

"Abarai fukutaichou," said Kotetsu Isane as he entered the fourth, "Unohana taichou is waiting in her office."

"Her office?" repeated Renji, blinking, "Not an examination room?"

Isane laughed softly.

"She thought Abarai-san would feel less threatened if there were not any needles present during your discussion. Go on in."

Renji smiled ruefully, shaking his head in amusement and turned towards the fourth division taichou's office. Unohana taichou looked up and smiled brightly as he entered the office, then gestured for him to sit in the chair facing her desk. She opened the file in front of her and studied it quietly for a moment.

"So…" Renji said, unnerved by the silence, "I guess if you called me back here, you must have found…something, ne?"

"I did," admitted the healer, "but do not worry. The condition that is affecting you is one that will resolve itself."

"That's good news," said Renji, smiling in relief, "So…what now?"

"Well, I wanted to inquire first how you are feeling," Unohana taichou went on, "Have you had more reiatsu anomalies? Odd dreams? More variances in your tattoos?

"Ah…" said the redhead, growing nervous again.

"Abarai fukutaichou," said the healer, an odd pulse in her reiatsu unsettling him even more, "Before you answer, please realize that I already know what your answers should be. I am merely being thorough."

"Huh?" Renji mused, "Then why ask if you already know?"

The healer's smile widened.

"It is necessary to clarify so that I may provide relief of your discomfort," she answered, "So please answer honestly."

"All right," the redhead sighed, "Okay…I guess you can already see my tattoos look weird. Sometimes they look faded, sometimes kinda blurry and some of them even disappear for awhile. Look, that's not going to be…"

"Oh…no, of course not," Unohana taichou said pleasantly, "I assure you that this will resolve itself and you will return to your normal state, so I will address your symptoms directly to make you more comfortable for the duration. Now, why don't you tell me what you are still experiencing?"

"Uh, my tattoos and reiatsu are still acting up. But that's not as bad as the throwing up every morning…and sometimes during the day, if I smell or see something that doesn't agree with me. And I feel stupid saying so, but…it's like…ah hell, I don't know how else to put it. My emotions are kinda fucked up too. I admit, I'm more emotional than Kuchiki taichou and I have a temper…"

"Really?" the healer said innocently, "I hadn't noticed anything like that…"

"Haha…very cute," Renji muttered, "But I'm yelling at everyone. And sometimes I…"

He broke off, blushing.

"What?" Unohana taichou asked, tilting her head.

"Well…I just. Okay, fine! I cry. Are you happy? I admitted it! I cry for no freaking reason I can figure out. TV commercials, something I think of that's sad, people kissing. I know…it's stupid!"

"It's normal for one with this condition, Abarai-san," the healer assured him, "Do not feel bad about it. It will go away…in about seven months."

"Wh-what? S-seven months? It's that bad an illness? Do I have to stay here? Will I get very sick?" Renji asked, going pale, "Just tell me. I can take it, but…"

"Oh, Abarai-san," Unohana taichou said sweetly, "It won't be all that bad. You will need to come in for checkups every few weeks and you will have a short stay at the healing center at the end, but it will not be so bad. And you will have less pain than a living world woman with the same condition."

"Hah," Renji huffed, rolling his eyes, "Lucky me, ne? So ah, what is this disease called? Why haven't I heard about others with it? And how did I even get it? Is it contagious? I wouldn't want Taichou or any of my friends to get it…"

The healer barely managed to suppress a soft giggle.

"Abarai-san, you do not have a disease, but a condition. It is quite common, though usually it is only seen among females and a very few noble males or their partners. And no one will catch it from you, so I can assure you, your friends are safe, as is your taichou."

Renji let out an exasperated breath.

"Unohana taichou, would you please just tell me? What is wrong with me?" he demanded.

"Very well," said the healer, "The condition that is affecting you is an unexpected case of reproduction. In simple terms, you are pregnant."

Renji stared at her, feeling as though he had been stricken in the gut with Omaeda fukutaichou's Gegetsuburi. He let out a wordless gasp and clenched his stomach. Unohana taichou pointed to a trashcan and he flew across the room and dropped to his knees, retching.

"I take it that this is very unexpected for you," the healer said, sympathetically, "My apologies for your discomfort, but there was no gentle way to break such news, ne? It was bound to be a shock."

"Y-you can…fucking say _that_ again!" Renji exclaimed, leaning over the trashcan and retching again.

He panted softly for a moment, trying to catch his breath, then felt his stomach settle. He sat on the floor beside the trashcan, his head spinning with both a feeling of illness and stunned surprise. He gasped softly and turned his head away as he realized that tears were running down his face for no reason he could think of. He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, but couldn't look up at the healer, who had risen, and was now kneeling in front of him.

"Abarai fukutaichou, do not feel embarrassed," Unohana taichou reassured him, "You were taken very much by surprise…and the chemical and hormonal levels in your body are fluctuating. You should not be ashamed of your reaction. It is natural for something so unexpected to shock your already unbalanced systems."

Renji let out a soft, sobbing chuckle and rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry," he said, sniffing, "See…I cry for no damned reason. I'm not even unhappy really. Sure…it's unexpected, but…it's a kid. It's my kid, right? Why should I be unhappy? I always kinda wondered what it would be like to make a kid. Of course, when I thought about it, I really didn't figure on having the little bundle of trouble myself!"

He froze as a sudden thought struck him.

"It would be really awkward if you two were getting married and I was having his baby, ne?"

"Oh…oh shit…" he muttered breathlessly.

"Are you all right, Abarai-san?" asked the healer, "Would you like to lie down?"

Renji shook his head silently, his brow furrowing in distress.

"Are you in pain?" she asked quickly.

"N-no…I feel okay physically. It's just…just…oh hell…"

He staggered to his feet and pulled free of Unohana taichou's hand as she tried to steady him.

"I'm fine. I'm really fine," he said, rubbing his hands over his face, "I just, I need to be alone for a bit…to think about this. I uh…"

"I will have your appointment schedule sent to you," the healer said, her gentle eyes reflecting understanding, "And if you need to talk, Abarai-san, return at any time. I will be happy to help if I can. I understand that this is a surprise for you."

Her eyes held his meaningfully, "After all, this condition usually only happens between nobles and their mates."

_Oh gods…she has to know! Shit…what do I do? What the hell do I do about this?_

He nodded wordlessly and left the fourth division, not having a destination in mind. He encountered a moment of intense frustration at arriving at the sixth, when he knew that was the last place he wanted to be while he was in such a state.

_Why the hell did I come here? Of all places…?_

He sighed resignedly and entered the office, then felt a jolt of relief that Byakuya was not at his desk and didn't seem to be anywhere nearby.

"You're back," said Rikichi, from behind Renji's desk.

The youth rose and smiled at him.

"I hope everything's okay," he said, "I finished all but the last report there. And you'll need to verify the training schedule. Next week's promotions are scheduled and living world and Hueco Mundo deployments are on Kuchiki taichou's desk, awaiting final approval."

"Yeah…okay, thanks," Renji said, feeling oddly relieved at having something normal to do, "Get outta here, okay? Work hours are over. And thanks, Rikichi."

"Oh, no problem, sir."

"Drop the formality," Renji said off-handedly, "We're not on duty anymore."

"Okay…no problem, Renji," Rikichi said, smiling, "I just have to fix the door on Kuchiki taichou's closet and I will go."

"The door…shit, that things broken again? I can't believe how much the division paid for those freaking doors. Sure they're damned pretty, but really! Look Rikichi, I'll take care of the door. You scram."

"You sure you don't want some tea before…?"

"Will you just go get some rest, baka?" Renji said reprovingly, "Go!"

"All right, Renji," laughed Rikichi, "See you tomorrow."

He hurried out the door, leaving Renji alone in the office. Renji watched as he left, shaking his head in amusement. He felt a soft twinge inside as he wondered if the child he was having would turn out like Rikichi…cute, friendly, not so full of himself…but when he tried to think of how his characteristics would blend with Byakuya's, the result was definitely not so cute and friendly.

"He'll probably be a really beautiful little bastard…smarter than me and he'll know it. He'll give us hell, that's…I mean…he'll give _me_ hell…"

_"It would be really awkward if you two were getting married and I was having his baby, ne?"_

"Yes," agreed Tomio, smiling more comfortably, "Although, if that happened, our marriage would be annulled and you two would be married instead."

"Oh," Renji breathed, placing a hand on his stomach, "I can't think about that yet."

He distracted himself by focusing on his work. He looked down at the paperwork, then opted instead to fix the broken door. Turning out the office lights, Renji moved into the hallway and tapped on Byakuya's door, just to be sure. Hearing and sensing no one inside, he entered the room and closed the door behind him. He walked to the closet and examined the catch and found the tools that Rikichi had set there to be used to fix it. He worked quietly at the jammed mechanism and, after a time, managed to loosen it. When he had it working again, he stood and bent to pick up the tool box that he had set inside the closet. As he did, the door he had been working on suddenly closed and clicked loudly into place. Shaking his head, Renji tried the door and groaned as it refused to open.

"Come on, damn it!" he swore, "I just fucking fixed you!"

He rattled the door, but didn't dare get too rough with it, as Byakuya had told him that he had had the doors specially designed and despite the trouble with them, still loved the way they looked.

"Lucky for you," he told the jammed doors gloomily, "If he didn't like you so much, I'd kick my way out of here!"

He returned to the toolbox, planning to carefully remove the doors, but froze as he heard the outer door open, and then Byakuya's voice.

"I'll be waiting in my quarters."

_Shit, what am I gonna do?_

Then he heard Tomio's voice and felt panic strike.

"Oh gods, why me?" he whispered, "I don't wanna see them…"

He caught his breath as he heard Byakuya's step outside the closet and the noble's hand turned the doorknob. A flash step later, he was hidden in the back of the closet, behind a collection of formal kimonos that his taichou wasn't likely to be looking for if he was going to bed. He struggled for a moment with his reiatsu and managed to suppress it enough so that he wouldn't be sensed.

_Damn it! How the heck am I gonna get outta here?_

The closet door rattled a few times, then Renji shrank back into the dark corner of the huge closet as it opened and Byakuya walked inside. He studied the group of yukatas and removed two, then left and closed the door behind him.

"Great…"

He heard soft swishing sounds as Byakuya removed his uniform and slipped into a yukata. Renji edged forward and moved to the not quite closed shutters on the door and watched as the noble climbed into the bed and sat with his back against the pillows, studying what looked to be the deployments. A few minutes later, Tomio stepped into the room and set a tea tray down on the nightstand next to the bed.

"I…hope it is better this time, Byakuya-sama," the young man said, blushing, "I am trying."

"Do not concern yourself," Byakuya said, giving his nervous fiancée a calm glance, "It took Renji time to learn how as well. And it is a minor thing."

_Huh…that's not what he told me._

"Tomio," the noble went on, "I know you are anxious at being made my life partner…and perhaps you have regrets…"

"No, Byakuya-sama," Tomio said urgently, "I am not unhappy. I assure you that I am pleased I was chosen for you. I just…I…I don't want to disappoint you. You are…the most powerful leader the Kuchiki clan has ever had. And your clan is the greatest of the noble houses. I am honored, truly. I just worry that Byakuya-sama will regret my choosing."

Renji felt a twinge of sadness at the worried expression on the younger man's face. He was surprised at the gentleness in Byakuya's voice when he responded.

"Regret your choosing?" he repeated softly, "Tomio, a great deal of thought went into your choosing. I assure you, you have not disappointed me in any way. In fact, considering the suddenness of our pairing, I think you are conducting yourself well. I know there are pressures that come with marrying a clan leader, but you are handling them well. Be at ease. Lie down with me."

_Oh…oh, I can't watch this…_

But he couldn't make himself look away.

Tomio yielded a relieved smile and slipped out of his kimono, then donned the second yukata that Byakuya had taken from the closet. Renji bit his lip, cringing slightly and feeling guilty at seeing Tomio's long, wavy hair that trickled prettily down onto his bare back, teasing the eyes into roving lower to take in the sight of his naked, white bottom. He couldn't think about what Byakuya was viewing on the other side, but the soft glint of arousal in the noble's eyes told him plenty.

_Oh, he's so going to kill me if he senses me…_

Relief flooded his body as Tomio wrapped the yukata around himself, but left him again as the young man left the tie undone and climbed into bed next to Byakuya. The noble turned so that he sat face to face with Tomio. He reached out and placed a hand on the younger shinigami's cheek, bringing him in for a kiss of greeting. Tomio's hands clenched softly at the bedding as Byakuya kissed him again and slipped his arms around him.

"I said you should be at ease," Byakuya said, quietly extracting one of Tomio's hands from the bedding and watching as the other loosened and let go, "I do not want you to be so anxious around me. I would like to be at ease with you, Tomio. Will you look at me?"

The younger man sighed softly and raised his eyes to meet Byakuya's.

"We do not have to be intimate tonight if you are not desiring it," the noble told his future mate, "Ours is an arranged coupling, but we will both have times when we feel less like being intimate. And that is understandable."

_I wouldn't have expected him to say something like that. Shit…I wonder if I really understand him at all. Why is he doing this?_

"I am willing," Tomio said quietly, "But…I am curious about something. I hope it will not seem wrong for me to ask…"

"What is it?" Byakuya said, looking into Tomio's widened black eyes.

"Byakuya-sama, I am curious about why…why you chose now to be married to me. You have been without a companion for many years…so…"

_He's going to wish he'd just had him and not asked sex with questions…_

"Your reputation is that of a cold, powerful man," Tomio went on, "and certainly, you can be like that. I have seen it. But…you are…different with me. I know you are not in love with me. So why? Why are you being so kind to me? You could certainly demand whatever you want and I am determined to please you. But I sense you are careful in what you ask of me. It is…as though…you want distance between yourself and others. But you seek closeness with me. Why Byakuya-sama? If you are not in love with me, then why?"

Renji didn't know why, but the question left him holding his breath.

"Legacy," Byakuya said softly.

"L-legacy?" repeated Tomio, hardly daring to believe the noble had answered.

"I will tell you something that I have told no one else…and you are never to repeat it."

"Of course, Byakuya-sama," Tomio promised.

"I went before the Kuchiki council and I told them that I was unable to bring forth an heir. But…that was a lie."

"What?" queried Tomio, his brow furrowing.

"I told that lie because I do not want to have an heir."

"B-but that means that I could…become pregnant?" mused Tomio, "Because we…"

"You won't become pregnant," Byakuya said quietly, "Because of an indiscretion that took place years ago, I gave myself to someone…and that man relieved me of the burden of family…well, except that I was obligated to take Rukia in because of my promise to Hisana."

Tomio's eyes widened and his trembling hands touched the noble's face tentatively.

"You still mourn her. I see it in your eyes."

"I lost my wife and our unborn child, Tomio," Byakuya confessed in a soft, very unKuchiki-like manner, "and afterwards, I didn't want that burden again."

"Byakuya-sama…" Tomio whispered, keeping his hands on the noble's face as he continued.

"It was on the day that I went to adopt Rukia into the family. I was…shocked by how much she resembled her sister…and after talking to her, I left the academy and I went back to Inuzuri. I don't know why. I needed to feel close to _her_."

_He was there too? But…_

Renji was jolted by a sudden memory.

_"I don't have anything for pain, but we do have the sake," he told the man._

_His companion groaned softly again, but quietly accepted several deep swallows from the sake bottle._

_"Arigato," he said calmly._

_Shit, even his voice is beautiful. Who is this guy?_

_"N-no problem. Who…?"_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_He saw the look in the man's eyes then…the deep sadness that seemed to mirror his own. Smiling sadly, he took a few swallows of sake, then shared a few more with the other man. He seemed to drop off to sleep, or at least into some kind of oblivion as Renji kept drinking and his eyelids grew heavy. Having only one blanket and mat, he curled up next to the man, to share their warmth, and drifted off to sleep._

_He woke the next morning to find himself naked and alone, his clothing on the floor by the mat and the rest of the room left untouched. He caught the scent of sakura in the air for a moment, then let it out in a long sigh._

_"I hope you are okay."_

_He didn't know why he said it. The man was long gone and he'd probably never be back. And if Renji planned to not get thrown out of the academy, he knew he had to go back to the Seireitei. He got up and started to gather his clothes, then happened to look down and noticed a telltale stickiness on his flaccid member. He shivered at the traces of blood there and along one inner thigh. He was stricken then with a dim memory of pale hands reaching for him in desperation, senseless and wet gray eyes looking up at him…a warm mouth seeking his…slender legs wrapping around him…_

_Shared misery._

_Damn, I wish he hadn't left…_

"That…was _him_?" Renji whispered, "But he…he had no spiritual pressure at all. How could it be…?"

But he remembered Tomio's words also.

_"But if you're worried about that night you spent with him, don't be. You won't get pregnant. You see, even if Byakuya-sama could impregnate you, he would have to first be taken by you to awaken his fertility, and then whichever one of you…ah…well…"_

_"Bottomed?" Renji said, smiling congenially as Tomio blushed more deeply._

_"Hah, um, yes," the flustered noble went on, "Whichever received seed would become pregnant. But it means that you have to have sexual relations twice. You are quite safe, I assure you."_

He listened raptly as Byakuya went on.

"I let my guard down, because of my misery and I was attacked. As I lay nearly unconscious, I felt warm hands lift me. Someone picked me up and took me somewhere quiet…and healed me as best he could. He gave me sake, for the pain. And while we were parted from our senses, we…were together sexually. It was unexpected, and I saw it as a gift. I am…deeply grateful to that person for lifting the burdens of love and family from my shoulders. I gave my heart to Hisana and to our child, but it wasn't enough to keep them alive. I couldn't bear to have that happen again. But even though I cannot let myself fall in love…I was reminded recently that it is important to have someone to be connected with…someone to know you better than others, someone to hear your confessions and to keep your secrets…someone to mourn you in full knowledge of who you were, when you are gone. That…is why, Tomio…why I went before the council, and it is why you were chosen. We all need a place to leave our hearts. And I have burdened you with mine."

The moonlight coming in through the window lit a tear that leaked from one of Tomio's eyes and ran down his face. He pulled Byakuya closer and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Your heart is safe with me," he whispered, resting his head on the noble's shoulder, "I understand."

Renji's hand slipped down and pressed against his stomach, his eyes filling with tears as he watched Tomio move forward and slide onto Byakuya's lap. The two fell silent, their lips meeting gently as Tomio took the older man's length inside him.

_It was him._

_He was the man with me in Inuzuri, and that was the first time._

_And the other time was…_

_Oh gods, this really is his baby…and he really doesn't want this!_

_What the hell am I going to do?_

He watched with stunned eyes as the two shinigamis moved against each other, their mouths meeting repeatedly and sharing deep, open-mouthed kisses.

_And damn it, maybe Tomio is what he really needs…not to be saddled with me…like this._

Byakuya's hands slid down the younger man's back and settled on Tomio's perfect bottom. They tightened as the younger noble kissed him harder, his breath shortening and his soft moans carrying across the room and through the closet door.

"B-byakuya-sama…don't be sad anymore," he whispered, "You don't have to be alone anymore. I am here."

Byakuya moved forward, bringing Tomio down onto his back and thrusting deeply into him. His head turned slightly and Renji could see the relieved expression, the repressed tears of gratitude…everything he held back. Tomio's hands clenched him tightly and his body went taut as pleasure overcame him. Byakuya too, went still, on top of the younger man, his face calmer and more peaceful as he released into Tomio. He offered his fiancée a sweet, heart melting kiss and withdrew, laying back on the pillow and closing his eyes. Tomio sat up slowly, hesitating for a moment. Then, abandoning his yukata, he curled into Byakuya's arms and brought his head to rest on the clan leader's shoulder.

"I promise," he whispered, "that I will not burden you with love or family, Byakuya-sama."

Renji waited until he was sure they slept, and then fled to his own room, running into the bathroom and turning on the shower to hide the sounds of his misery.

_Damn it! Why did this have to happen? Why us? He doesn't want to fall in love and he doesn't want this baby!_

_And I understand why now._

_What am I going to do?_

_What the hell can I do?_


	6. The Paternal Bonding

**Chapter 6: The Paternal Bonding**

Renji forced down his distaste as his own cowardice as he sent a hell butterfly out to the office, informing his taichou that he was still ill and would not be in for the day. He half expected Byakuya to tap on his door and force him to go to the fourth again, but the noble sent back a message that made it sound as though he was content, even relieved that Renji was taking care of himself and, at least, trying to get well. Despite his lingering gloom over what he had witnessed from Byakuya's closet, it felt good to have a sense that Byakuya actually gave a damn what happened to him.

_Of course he cares,_ Renji chided himself, _although why I give a shit about that, I don't know. Unohana taichou wasn't kidding about the fucking mood swings. I feel like I'm losing my mind._

He dropped back onto his bed and pulled the covers over him, curling around a pillow and drifting off. He was awakened some time later by a tap on the door. It wasn't Byakuya's or Rikichi's, nor did it sound like Rukia's. Sighing softly, he dragged himself out of bed and to the door. He opened it a crack and found himself looking at Tomio.

"My apologies, Abarai-san," he said quietly, "but Byakuya-sama asked me to bring you some tea and soup."

"He did? Oh…that was nice," Renji said, squinting sleepily, "Come on in."

He turned back towards the bed and crawled back in, his stomach complaining noisily as the smell of the soup struck his senses. But just as he took his first bite, his stomach lurched ominously and he excused himself rather abruptly to run to the bathroom. When he came back, Tomio was waiting with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Abarai-san, you look like you feel horrible. Is there…anything I can do? Should I summon a healer?"

"Ah…hell, no," Renji said, shaking his head, "I'll be okay. I've already been to the fourth division. It looks bad, but it isn't serious."

"Well, I am glad it isn't serious," said the noble, "but I wish there was something I could do."

"You've done enough already," Renji assured him, "I wouldn't have been able to drag myself out and cook today. So ah, thanks."

He sipped at the tea and sighed in relief as his stomach settled. Tomio watched for a moment, then stood and started toward the door.

"Hey uh," said Renji, "You know, you don't have to go…unless maybe you're worried about getting sick."

Tomio smiled.

"Actually," he said, "good hygiene is usually sufficient to avoid infection. And besides, I was wanting to talk to you."

Renji chuckled softly.

"Oh? About what?"

"About what you overheard and saw last night."

Renji's spoon dropped from his hand and clattered down onto the tray. Tomio bit his lip and looked down at where his hands were folded in his lap.

"Oh crap," the redhead said softly, "You probably think all kinds of horrid things about me. Look…I was trying to fix the doors and…"

"You don't have to explain," said Tomio, giving him a small smile, "I know the doors are tricky, so I imagined that that was how you ended up in there."

"You…sensed me there?" Renji asked, his stomach turning again.

"I glimpsed you as you left," the young noble confessed, "I imagined you would have been awfully embarrassed, so I was going to let it go. But…I was thinking a lot about what Byakuya-sama said. And I…I want to help him, but I don't know what to do. You see, I know that he thinks that he doesn't want to fall in love or to have a family, but I wonder if I am not doing more harm for him than good by going along with him. And I wanted to talk to someone, but I would never repeat something like that that he told me in confidence. But since you overheard, it's not like I'm speaking out of turn or giving away something I shouldn't, ne? Besides, you are his fukutaichou, and I know he considers you a friend. He has said as much."

"Well, I'll try to help," said Renji, "but I don't know that there is a lot you can do. Kuchiki taichou does his own thing. He gives the orders and we follow them. You, he's a little different with. He has opened up some."

"Unfortunately, He did so to tell me that he wants to avoid love. Abarai-san, that is so sad! And I have no choice but to respect his decision…but at the same time, my heart tells me that it's wrong! I have never been in love before. I don't understand it well enough to know what is the right thing to do. I can care for Byakuya-sama and I think we will be happy together, but I worry for him. I do not think that this is what he really wants. It is just a way to avoid pain."

"Well, the guy did go through a lot. He was really wrecked when his wife and unborn child died. I know he was really in love with Hisana, because of how he couldn't even look at Rukia…for the longest time. Even now, he is guarded with her."

"I have noticed," agreed Tomio, "Abarai-san, what should I do?"

Renji smiled supportively.

"Well, first," he said amiably, "You should stop calling me Abarai. Call me Renji. We are obviously going to be around each other a bit from now on."

"Hai," Tomio said, nodding, "And once I am made his bodyguard, we will share responsibility for his safety. I know you are a capable protector. I will try to be as well."

"I'm sure you will be," said Renji, "And Tomio, just…try to relax about Kuchiki taichou. Whatever he said, I think that with time, he'll come to realize that love can't be avoided, and then…"

He stopped himself forcefully and stared at Tomio's downcast eyes.

"Shit…I wasn't thinking. That's what you're really worried about, isn't it? You worry about the two of you being married and him thinking it was a mistake, is that it?"

Tomio nodded wordlessly.

"I would, of course, understand," he said, looking tormented, "but I don't know how well I would tolerate losing him after investing myself in our union. Having never been in love, I don't know if I will be able to avoid it, or if being so close to Byakuya-sama will make me fall in love with him. And whether it does or not…I admit…I am…conflicted. I know it is important to serve Byakuya-sama, but Renji-san, a part of me selfishly wants very much to experience love."

"There's nothing wrong with you feeling that way," Renji assured Tomio, "It's natural to want to be loved, and really…honestly? I don't think that Kuchiki taichou will be able to be married to someone like you and not fall in love with you, Tomio-san. You are attractive, loyal, kind, loving. You are just the kind of person that Taichou needs."

"So, you think that after a time, he might fall in love with me?" Tomio asked hopefully.

"Well, I can't say for sure," Renji said, "but I think your chances are good."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So try to relax. Just…do what you've gotta do, and take it a day at a time. I think you and Taichou will be all right. You seem to make each other happy."

Tomio blushed.

"And…from what you…saw, would you say he looked…satisfied with me?"

Renji laughed softly and felt a blush on his cheeks as well.

"He looked satisfied to me," he told Tomio.

He felt a sense of relief as Tomio laughed softly as well.

"All right," Renji said, "I think I'm feeling better…thanks to your good cooking and tea."

"Oh, I don't know about that," smiled Tomio, "I am still learning."

"You're doing fine," Renji said, climbing to his feet.

He felt a surge of dizziness and held onto the bedpost for a moment as his head spun and spots danced before his eyes.

"Renji-san, are you all right?" asked Tomio.

"Yeah," Renji assured him, "I was just in bed too much and wasn't used to being up yet."

"Maybe you should return to bed," the young noble suggested, "You still look pale."

"Ah, I'm fine," he said, heading for the door.

He walked out into the hallway, carrying the tray, and turned towards the kitchen.

"Arigato, Renji-san," Tomio said, sincerely, "I am really glad we talked. I know I embarrassed you, but it's hard to know who to talk to…and you are very accommodating."

"No problem," said Renji, "Thanks for not 'outing' me last night. I was embarrassed enough as it was. I can't believe that you don't think I'm some kinda pervert after that!"

"Oh…no, of course not," Tomio chuckled, "Like I said, I knew the doors were sticky."

Renji watched as Tomio left to take the tray to the kitchen, then he walked out into the office. He sighed softly, noting Byakuya's empty chair and walked towards his desk, ignoring the weariness that was stealing over him. He was nearly there, when he felt a soft throbbing in his midsection and felt weakness settle over him. He hurried towards his chair, so that he could sit down, but his head spun and the room started to go dark and ominously quiet.

He wasn't sure what happened, figured he must have collapsed, when he found himself lying on his back and looking up at the white ceiling. He tried to sit up, but couldn't make his body move. He heard garbled sounds and saw the squad room door open and close. A distorted face appeared above him, and when he squinted, he could see that it was Tomio. He looked worried and his lips moved like he was talking. A second face joined his as Renji's ears started to ring loudly and his hearing started to return.

"I don't know what happened," Tomio was telling the second person, who had turned out to be Byakuya, "We were talking for a while, and he ate and drank a bit and said he felt well enough to go back to work. I told him he looked pale, but he assured me he was all right."

"It is all right," Byakuya assured his fiancée, "I am sure that it was nothing you did. Renji has been feeling poorly for…"

There was a sudden pulsation in the air around them and Renji saw a soft glow rising around his body. The light rose up out of him and vibrated the air. It hovered for a moment, then throbbed softly. Byakuya and Tomio made sounds of surprise as the glow expanded and wrapped around the clan leader as well.

"Wha…What's going on?" Renji asked dazedly, "What the hell _is_ this?"

Byakuya's eyes widened and he slowly lowered them to meet Renji's. He stared for a moment and Renji saw cognizance…and more than a little anxiety.

"T-taichou?" he said, dizzily, "Taichou, do you know what's happening?"

Byakuya stared for a moment longer, then nodded, his lips tightening.

"It is paternal resonance," he said in a stunned voice.

He lowered his hands and placed them on Renji's abdomen. Renji flinched at the familiarity of the gesture, then stared as golden light flared around the noble's hands, and all of the discomfort he had been having, faded away.

"Aww…gods, Taichou," Renji sighed in relief, "I don't know what you're doing, but please don't stop! Like…ever! That feels…_so_ much better! What _are_ you doing, anyway?"

Byakuya gave him a troubled look.

"It is…a reiatsu stabilization…an innate one that only occurs between mated males during a noble pregnancy," he said in a shocked voice, "Renji, how long have you known you were pregnant?"

"Ah…oh…" Renji groaned, flushing as the words struck home, "Oh…Taichou. I uh…I found out yesterday…but I uh…I was…really taken by surprise. I…didn't know what to say, you know? I ah…wasn't trying to hide it exactly, but…I didn't know what to say…how to tell you. Look, you don't have to…do anything. I can take care of it…on my own. You and Tomio…"

"Be quiet, Renji," Byakuya said in a low voice, "Lie still."

He focused his power and send soft, throbbing waves of reiatsu through the redhead's weary body, gradually reviving him, so that he could sit up again. He sat with his back leaned against his desk, trying not to think about what it all meant.

_We'll figure a way out of this. How hard can it be? I'll just…just…_

The problem was that he had no idea what he would _just_ do. He was unsettled by the intense look in his taichou's eyes. Tomio avoided looking at him, but he could see the mixed emotions in the younger man's dark eyes.

"I don't understand," Byakuya mused, "This shouldn't be able to happen. You and I were only together that once."

The noble caught the odd look in Renji's eyes and froze, staring.

"Unless…" he said in a stricken voice, "Renji…I have to ask you. That day…at the academy. Renji…was it you who found me in Inuzuri? Were you…_him_?"

Renji held the noble's gaze breathlessly for a long moment, then gave him a tentative nod.

"But," Byakuya went on, "but you n-never…said anything? It didn't occur to you that…?"

"I didn't recognize you," Renji explained, "I didn't know it was you! And I went for all of these years, not knowing. Really Taichou. I just figured it out…around the time I was told that I was pregnant. I was trying to figure out what to do…how to tell you. Look, Taichou, I know you don't need this. You don't want this."

"It doesn't matter," Byakuya said solemnly, "Renji, you have to realize, I didn't mean to obligate you like this. I didn't know it was you all of those years ago! But…what's done is done. There is a child involved now…a noble heir. And the clan rules guiding the birth of the noble heir are very strict."

"Wha…? How do you mean?"

"He means that it is considered a great dishonor to have an heir out of wedlock," explained Tomio, "All noble births must be to mated pairs."

"But…well," said Renji, "You and Taichou are already engaged!"

"It doesn't matter," Byakuya said softly, "You have to understand, Renji. Once I made love with you that second time, we became a mated couple. And as a mated couple, we can now only reproduce with each other."

"But…you already told the council that you were…"

"They will sense the heir soon, if they have not already, and I am expected to marry the one who is having my child. My child must not be born out of wedlock."

"But," Renji argued, "but Taichou…I am not in love with you…and I _know_ you don't want to be married to me! We can't just…get married like that!"

"You would rather that I was disgraced?" Byakuya asked softly, "Renji, I know you are in shock. But you must listen to me. If I do not marry you, then I will break the agreement I made when I became leader. I vowed that as long as I was able to produce an heir, I would. And given that there is an heir, I must legitimate him. If I do not, then the elders can challenge my leadership on the basis that leaders are supposed to lead by example. I could lose my place as leader. Maybe that doesn't mean a great deal to you, but…"

"Don't be stupid," Renji said, his stomach turning as he tried to think of being married to Byakuya and couldn't picture it at all, "I don't want you to be disgraced."

He gave Tomio a tormented look.

"And I don't want to wreck things for you two. I know you are happy together. Can't we…I don't know. Can't you say I'm a surrogate or…or I don't know. Gods, Taichou, there has to be a way to…"

"There is no other way," Byakuya said with finality, "We must be married, Renji. We must be married at once!"


	7. No Explanations Necessary

**Chapter 7: No Explanations Necessary**

"There is no other way," Byakuya said with finality, "We must be married, Renji. We must be married at once!"

"Oh…" groaned Renji, "I think I…oh…"

He bent over the trashcan that a sympathetic Tomio provided, heaving, but not able to force anything out. His head spun and spots clouded his vision. He heard Byakuya's voice again, but couldn't make out the words. He felt someone pick him up and smelled sakura as everything went dark around him again.

He woke to find himself in a situation he couldn't identify as 'real' or 'unreal.' Everything around him looked, smelled and felt real…but his mind couldn't cope with the oddity of it. He rested in Byakuya's arms, naked, he thought at first, but then he realized that, thankfully, he and Byakuya (who he had thought to be naked as well) were actually wearing some kind of wrap that covered all of their genitalia. They sat near the edge of a warm indoor pool with Renji's back against Byakuya's chest and the back of his head resting on the noble's shoulder. Byakuya's arms were wrapped gently around him and reiatsu hummed in some kind of gentle exchange between them. His hands were spread over Renji's abdomen and both the noble's hands and Renji's belly were softly glowing with a deep pink light.

He imagined he could have handled all of that, and the fact that he didn't remember ever being inside this particular chamber, which was completely white, as were the wraps covering the genitalia of all of the persons present. But the fact of seeing a group of nobles that he knew _had_ to be the Kuchiki elders, as well as Tomio, kneeling in the water, in a circle around them, underdressed like that, and not having had any warning…added to Byakuya's words, just before the lights had gone out in his head, and what might have been comprehensible took a very unreal turn.

"What the fuck?" Renji squawked, startling Byakuya as he spoke so suddenly and tried to sit up.

"Abarai, please," Byakuya whispered in his ear, "Do not speak that way in front of the elders."

"But…" the redhead gasped, "But…how did I…? Where is this place? Where am I?"

"We are at Kuchiki Manor," Byakuya explained as the others gazed at the two silently, "This is the moon chamber. It is the place where we maintain the healing pool. And also, to remove impurities from my body, my soul core is bathed here under the full moon every month."

"O-kay," Renji managed, blinking several times, "But, ah…what are we _all_ doing here? Undressed? Taking a bath together? Am I still unconscious?"

Byakuya sighed softly.

"You are conscious," he assured the redhead, "but you needed to be brought here. You see, ideally, you and I should have been using this method of paternal bonding from the start…but not knowing we had conceived, we did not know immediately why you had become so ill."

He shook his head in self-reproach.

"_I_ should have sensed it, but it never even occurred to me that, that was what was going on with you. I apologize. I should have known and taken steps sooner. You would have encountered much less discomfort."

"Ah, that's okay, Taichou. You gave me a belly rub and a nice warm bath. We can call it even. Can I, uh…get dressed now?"

"Wait," Byakuya instructed him, "You must remain with me here each night until our reiatsu is in balance. The better the balance between us, the more comfortable you will be for the duration of the pregnancy."

"Yeah," Renji said, shaking his head, "Well, seeing as how I'm about to fall asleep, I really would rather go home and crawl into my own bed. I'll be fine, okay?"

"Be quiet, Renji," Byakuya scolded him quietly, "Just lie still. A room is being prepared for you. You will stay at the manor from now on."

"What?" Renji asked, frowning, "You mean…until the baby comes? Or…?"

"I told you," Byakuya reminded him, "We must be married as soon as possible, or I will be disgraced…and removed from clan leadership."

"Y-you…you were s-serious about that?" Renji stammered, rubbing his hands over his face, "Taichou…"

He was stricken by what he saw in the noble's eyes.

_Oh…shit, he was being serious. I have to…marry Byakuya? The bed isn't even cold where he and Tomio laid down last night together, and now I have to…? Oh gods…do I have to…sleep with him? I mean, being with him was good…the parts of it I remember, but…_

"Renji, I know that you do not love me. I am not asking for love, nor am I asking you to have any additional children. I just…"

"Well, don't you think that two people who are getting married should be in love? That they should _want_ to have more kids?"

Byakuya gave him a confused look.

"Look, I know you and I are really different," said Renji, "_really_, really different. Maybe it's fine for a noble guy…someone like you to get married for other reasons, but where I come from, that's not reason enough. Marriage is a little more of a sacred thing for me. I can't just…_marry _you for the sake of the kid. I _can't_ do it."

He sat up and turned to face the stunned noble.

"I'm sorry. I know you'll be dishonored in the eyes of your family, but…"

"Go," whispered Byakuya, "I will need to meet with you every evening for reiatsu stabilization, but other than that, I will not trouble you anymore."

"Yeah," Renji said, aching inside at the wounded look on the noble's face, "Well, we'll just see each other at work, I suppose. We can take care of it there."

Byakuya sat perfectly still, not even answering as Renji climbed out of the pool and retrieved his clothes. He dressed quickly as the elders and Tomio continued to sit in a circle around their leader and no one moved or said a word. He glanced back one last time as he left and realized that Tomio was crying silently. And Byakuya had the look of a man about to be executed for a crime he didn't commit. Renji turned and fled, tears rising in his eyes as he ran blindly through the streets, and back to his apartment. He took the stairs two at a time and burst into the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He had no idea why he was in tears, or why the tears continued to fall uncontrollably as he dropped into his bed and tried to fall asleep. He ended up showering, just to make himself sleepy, then collapsed back into bed, ignoring the hell butterfly that waited for him.

When morning came, he felt achy and still horridly tired. But he was glad to note that the reiatsu stabilization had helped and he no longer felt so sick. In fact, he was so hungry, he got dressed and left his apartment early, forgetting entirely about the hell butterfly he had ignored the night before. He had a leisurely and large breakfast, then walked on to the sixth division. As he walked in the door, his eyes widened in surprise.

The man who looked up at him from Byakuya's desk was both noble and a Kuchiki…one of their elders…but it wasn't Byakuya.

"Wh-where's Kuchiki taichou?" Renji asked.

Then it registered that the man he was looking at was wearing a sixth division haori and was wearing a differently designed kenseiken.

"I am Kuchiki taichou," the man said calmly, "I am Kuchiki Shima. You should have received a hell butterfly last night informing you."

"B-but…wait, where is _my _taichou…I mean Byakuya?"

The noble gave him a regretful look.

"Sadly, our rules are very clear in the case of unwed clan members…especially a clan leader who transgresses."

"What did you guys do to him?" Renji asked, wide-eyed, "Where is he?"

"I do not know," admitted Shima, "The last time I saw him was last night, when he left for the Rukongai."

"Okay, wait a sec," said Renji, putting a hand to his head, "This is fucking _crazy_! You _do_ know that, don't you? You can't tell me that last night, after I left, you guys got together and threw Byakuya out of your clan! That's _insane_!"

Shima lowered his eyes.

"None of us are proud of what we were forced to do, Abarai fukutaichou, but our family's rules are strictly enforced, and although our council did try to find a way around it, in the end, we were forced to rule that Byakuya was no longer suitable to lead us. You have to understand, as a leader, he was expected to be an example to others. And unfortunately, the example he set in becoming an unwed father was not one that we could accept. And Byakuya was in agreement that there was no other answer. He left quietly, and asked for nothing. He retains the family name, but everything else was reclaimed by the clan."

"So…because I wouldn't marry him…he lost _everything_? His haori? His leadership of the clan? His home? Does he even have anything to live on? Or did you just throw him out and not even think of that? Do you really even care what happens to him at all? I can't believe that you would do something like that to your own leader!"

"I know our ways are different," admitted Shima, "and we have modified our laws bit by bit over time, but change occurs slowly. And we could not protect a leader who had gone astray. I am sorry, Abarai fukutaichou. I will excuse you from duty if you wish to go and look for him…but beyond that, my hands…the council's…and Byakuya's are tied."

"Okay," Renji said, blinking back tears, "Thanks…I'll go and look for him."

He ran from the office and flash stepped all of the way to the Rukongai, then reached out with his senses, trying to track the noble. He sensed nothing in the Rukongai, but found a trace of reiatsu at the central senkaimon. He crossed over into the living world and flash stepped all of the way to Kisuke's shop, then ran inside and slid to a stop.

Byakuya sat at the kitchen table, dressed in a very plain, solid gray kimono, next to Rukia, Shihoin Yoruichi and Kisuke.

"I just can't believe that idiot left you like that," Rukia said, shaking her head, "Didn't you tell him…?"

"There wasn't time to tell him the particulars," Byakuya said in a soft, weary voice, "Do not blame Renji. This is my fault…not his. He doesn't understand our ways. Rukia, remember that you also had some hard lessons in the differences between noble ways and peasant."

"But Nii-sama, what will you do now? Where will you go?" asked Rukia worriedly.

"Don't you worry about a thing," said Kisuke, "Byakuya can stay here until he finds somewhere to work and live."

"That is not necessary," the noble said softly, "I only came here to inform my sister so that she could go to the manor and gather her things."

"And where are _you_ planning to go?" asked Yoruichi, frowning.

"I suppose I will go where others go, when they are left penniless. I will go to the Rukongai."

"And do what?" the cat woman argued, "Sell that one bit of clothing they let you leave with?"

"I will do what I must, I imagine," the noble said, rising.

He stopped, staring as Renji entered the room. They gazed at each other in silence for a long moment.

"Renji," Byakuya greeted him.

"I'm glad I found you," Renji said, as calmly as he could, "I need to talk to you."

"Actually, I have to leave," the noble said quietly, "but I will meet you at your apartment to continue the reiatsu stabilization tonight."

"No…I need to talk to you _now_," the redhead insisted.

Byakuya looked ready to object, but held his eyes for a moment and then sighed resignedly.

"You made your mind known," Byakuya said, keeping his voice calm and quiet, "I understand your feelings. You want to marry for love. I cannot give you that…and apparently, love is not something that you can live without…nor would I ask you to."

"I didn't…I mean, you did say that you be disgraced, but…you've transgressed before and they didn't take everything away like this! Tai…Byakuya, I didn't realize it was going to be like this for you. I don't want you to have to give up everything. I'm sure that you and I can work something out, can't we? I can…marry you like they want and…"

"And what?" askd Byakuya, "Sooner or later, we are going to bump into the fact that I cannot give you what you need. And you will resent me…because I can't fall in love with you."

"I know," said Renji, "But you are my taichou…and I consider you a friend…and I'm not going to desert you and leave you with nothing. I will…marry you. And…whatever happens…happens. We'll just…take it a day at a time okay?"

Byakuya closed his eyes and took a steadying breath.

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Renji?" he asked softly, "because being brought into the family will be a shock for you. You are already under stress from just finding out about the baby. Continued stress will not be good for you."

"And I won't be any less stressed out sitting in my apartment, feeling horrible, knowing my friend doesn't even have a roof over his head or proper clothes to wear. I can make some changes. And whatever they are, I'm pretty sure it's better than getting you thrown out of your clan."

He paused for a moment, looking at the noble questioningly.

"We can 'undo' everything, right?" he asked, "You know, I marry you and you get your life back?"

"Of course," Byakuya said, nodding, "It was only forfeit as long as I was in violation of the rules. Shima was made interim leader and given my place as squad captain, but he will step down if we are married and the heir is made legitimate."

"Then, I guess we're getting married," Renji said, a tired smile lighting his face.

"Well," said Byakuya, "I don't feel entirely good about it, going into this knowing we have so much that doesn't mesh, but…I do have to admit that I am grateful. I wouldn't have blamed you if you were not willing to go through with it, but I am relieved to know that you will try to make it work."

"Well, we work well as vice captain and captain…so I think we can make a marriage work too."

"Arigato, Renji," Byakuya said, closing his eyes for a moment, then letting out a soft, relieved sigh, "Then…we should return to the Seireitei. We have a lot to do in preparation."

"What?" said Renji, frowning, "Don't you have servants that do everything? Why do we have to go back at all? Can't they just plan it all without us and we'll just show up and…?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Abarai," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "We have to prepare our vows and practice our parts in the ceremony. I do not think that you have ever even seen a noble wedding ceremony."

"Nope," said Renji, "Can't say as I have. Why? Do we have to do some secret ritual? It's not, like…something weird, is it?"

"No," said the noble, giving him a patient smile, "But we do have to know where to stand and how to move through the parts of the ceremony…and we need to know what to say."

He gave Renji a warning glance.

"And what _not_ to say."

"Ah…" said Renji, laughing softly, "I don't know about this…"

"Come Renji," let's go back."

"Right," the redhead said with an edge of sarcasm, "You're just afraid I'm gonna change my mind and make you a poor guy again."

"I _would_ prefer to avoid that…if possible," admitted the noble.


	8. The Bearer

**Chapter 8: The Bearer**

"So," said Renji as he slipped out of his clothes and tied the small wrap around his waist, "I was kinda wondering. Are the elders going to be over here bathing with us every night? I mean, I'm pretty sure they have better things to do than come and get almost naked with the two of us, ne? Or do they really like us that much?"

Byakuya frowned, and Renji felt a soft jolt as the noble slipped the kenseiken out of his hair and the loose hairs tumbled down into his eyes. He brushed them aside and followed Renji into the healing pool.

"Do they _like_ us that much?" he repeated, shaking his head, "Renji, they are not doing this because they like us, but because…"

"I know," said the redhead smirking, "I was kidding."

He waited as Byakuya sat down in the water, then sat in front of him, feeling a tickle inside as the noble's arms wrapped around him from behind and began to send the comforting reiatsu into his abdomen.

"But you can't tell me that they were really all just here for the ritual. I mean, a few of them must be gay. You and I are, ne?"

"Actually, I'm not," said Byakuya, sedately.

"I would say that since you went to bed with me _twice_, that makes you gay," the redhead objected.

"I only did it because I was…out of my senses, one way or another, and drunk on sake. And in any case, since I also went to bed with a female, that makes me, at most, bisexual."

"Then, you don't think I'm at all sexy?" Renji asked, looking down at the pale hands that rested on his belly, "You're trying to tell me that you aren't enjoying this? Because there's something brushing up against my ass that tells me different."

"Don't be ridiculous," replied the noble, an edge of annoyance in his voice, "I think being this close to anyone's ass would make a body respond that way. Be quiet."

"What about Soutaichou's ass?" asked the redhead, "Cause I don't think you would get hard like that cuddling up to him."

"Shut up, Renji."

"Or what about Shiba Kukaku? That woman is damned scary, ne? I think she'd frighten it soft…"

He broke off as a soft pulse of kido left him senseless in Byakuya's arms. He was still aware enough to see the smirk on the noble's face and hear his reply, but couldn't move or speak.

"Now, to answer your first question," the noble went on blithely, "The elders will only attend the reiatsu stabilization once a month or if you have a more severe reiatsu imbalance like before. And to answer your other question, I find your tattoos attractive, but do not, for a moment think that it means I am falling in love with you. I know I made myself clear that I cannot do that."

_Ah…deny it all you want, but I feel it in your hands, Taichou. You think I'm sexy. I know you do…_

Renji let his eyes drift closed, lulled by the warm water, the gentle touch of Byakuya's hands on his abdomen and the calm flow of soothing reiatsu between them. He lost track of time and found himself floating aimlessly, breathing slowly and feeling the soft, steady beating of his heart as he lay resting. By the time Byakuya let the reiatsu between them fade, he was sound asleep. Byakuya lifted him out of the healing pool and sat with him at the edge, drying the redhead off and wrapping a fresh yukata around him. He then carried the sleeping redhead out of the moon chamber and across the darkened grounds to the bedroom that had been prepared for him. He laid Renji down and put the covers in place over him, then stood for a moment, watching as he slept.

"Then, you don't think I'm at all sexy?" Renji's voice repeated in his head.

He thought about the emotions he had been feeling as he rested in the shallow pool with Renji's back against his chest, his hands over their growing baby and the redhead's pleasant, masculine scent in the air all around him.

"You're trying to tell me that you aren't enjoying this? Because there's something brushing up against my ass that tells me different."

"You don't understand," Byakuya whispered, barely audibly, "I have been in love before. I gave my heart to Hisana, and I told her that I would never leave her. We made plans to be together and we made a child. But…"

He stopped himself and let out a soft sigh.

"I am sorry," he whispered to the sleeping redhead, "I cannot endure such a thing again. There are limits to what a heart can experience before it becomes too broken to reach out again. I have reached those limits."

He turned and started out of the room, but paused at the door.

"Still," he breathed, "I am grateful to you. You saved my life in Inuzuri, and today you spared me from losing everything. I will do my best to honor you for that. It is not love, but…it is _something_…"

XXXXXXXXXX

"You can come out now," said a calm, reproving voice near Renji's bedroom door, "I know you are there."

Renji rubbed his eyes and sat up, trying to remember how he had ended up in the most comfortable bed he had ever slept in, in a room with lovely, dark cherrywood furniture and large doors, one of which opened into the inner hallway and a double set that led into the beautiful gardens from which the voice had come. The voice was more youthful than Byakuya's, but touched with the same elegant air and careful elocution.

"Come now, you miscreant," it went on, "You are not fooling anyone…and you are annoying me enough to…"

The voice stopped as a sleepy, yawning Renji appeared in his bedroom doorway and looked out into the gardens. The speaker turned and met his eyes, then broke into a friendly smile.

"Gomen nasai, Abarai-san," the young man said, nodding, "I didn't realize you were still sleeping."

"Ah, no problem," Renji said, yawning again, "I should have been up a long time ago. I'm late for work."

"Work?" the young noble repeated, frowning.

Renji realized then, that he had seen the man before, though with fewer clothes on and his lovely long, wavy black hair pulled back and fastened in a hair tie.

"You…you're one of the elders, aren't you?"

"Hai," said the young man, "I am Kuchiki Tetsuya, Byakuya-sama's cousin, and a clan elder."

"Right," said Renji, "I remembered you from the…the, uh…"

"The reiatsu stabilization in the moon chamber, yes," Tetsuya affirmed, "Although, because of your delicate circumstances, we were not properly introduced."

"Well, it's nice to properly meet you, Tetsuya," Renji said, smiling.

He glanced around the gardens briefly.

"But uh, who were you talking to?" he asked.

Tetsuya raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, that," he answered, frowning.

He gave a short, sharp whistle and a set of bushes near them broke apart to reveal a tall, black stallion. The horse wore no tack, and from the looks of things, seemed to have free run of the manor.

"This is Arashi, my other half. He's something like a zanpakutou…with more ego…and somewhat of a sense of humor. But you will never find a finer fighting partner."

"Pleased to meet you Arashi," Renji said, his eyes widening as The stallion offered a hoof.

He laughed softly and shook the proffered limb gently.

"All that and lovely manners, too," Renji chuckled.

"Most of the time," agreed the noble, "though he does have his stubborn moments…like when we are _trying_ to complete our training early so we'll be ready for the wedding rehearsal."

"R-rehearsal?" repeated Renji questioningly.

Tetsuya blinked in surprise.

"He didn't tell you?" the noble asked softly.

"Well…actually, I fell asleep last night during the reiatsu stabilization and I don't even remember how I got from the moon chamber to my bed!"

"Ah," said Tetsuya, looking amused, "I was in the gardens having evening tea with Aomori Tomio and we saw Byakuya-sama carry you off to tuck you in."

"Oh…how, uh…how is Tomio doing?" Renji asked, "He looked pretty upset at the reiatsu stabilization."

"That was just because he was worried about what was to happen to Byakuya-sama if you refused his hand. He was quite relieved to hear that you had changed your mind. We all were."

Renji shook his head ruefully.

"I just can't believe you guys would abandon your leader like that," he said, "I'm sure you have your reasons, but…"

"But it makes no sense to you."

"Well, no, it doesn't," Renji said, scratching his head, "I mean, you seem like a really nice guy…like you really respect Byakuya…"

"And yet, like the rest of the elders and Byakuya-sama, himself, I was forced to agree that he must resign his post. Our rules are very specific. We are required to live according to a higher standard. And our leader, especially, must devote himself to conveying that standard. But even while that is true, we have, over the years, changed much in the way we conduct ourselves. But past councils laid down very strict rules and were not terribly tolerant. What we feel is somehow wrong, we can change, but it is an arduous process. And actually, I myself, am an example of how our clan's nature has changed."

"Oh?" said Renji, "How so?"

"Well, in the past, it was considered a horrid sin for a noble to marry a commoner. The reason the elders of that time gave was because of a number of incidences where noble blood mixed with common, and the half-bloods who were born grew up to lead violent revolts against the noble clans, and even against the king himself. So they meant it to keep the peasant class from growing too strong and overpowering them. Clan leaders were immediately removed from the head of the family for marrying commoners. There was even a family prison where families that produced half-bloods like me were incarcerated."

"Whoa, hang on…you are…?"

"Half noble, half peasant," Tetsuya finished, "My father and Byakuya-sama's were first cousins and my mother was from the mid-Rukongai. I was actually born in the prison, near the end of that era. Byakuya-sama was only a teen when he shut down the prison and liberated those of us still incarcerated there. He adopted me as a younger brother and fought to see that I was not mistreated by the family. It was Byakuya-sama who helped me to awaken my powers and to eventually earn the level of respect and honor I needed to be made the first half-blood elder. So it did not surprise me in the least when he fell in love with a commoner, himself. And yet, the council struggled greatly over how to respond to Byakuya-sama's decision to wed her. He was very nearly removed as heir. Lord Ginrei put off the decision for a time while the council struggled with concerns that the clan needed Byakuya-sama because his level of power commanded the respect of the other noble clans…but his rule breaking threatened the perception of the clan. The sad fact is that if Hisana had lived, Byakuya-sama might well have been passed over for leadership in favor of one more inclined to stick to the rules."

"Huh," Renji laughed softly, "I know what you're saying is true, but since I only met Kuchiki taichou after he became leader and swore off rule breaking, it still seems strange to think of him being like that."

"Naturally," agreed the blue-eyed noble, glancing away as someone entered the gardens.

It registered with Renji, first, that the person entering the gardens was Tomio, and second, that Tetsuya went quiet and his eyes took on an oddly sad shine.

"Will you excuse me?" the noble asked quietly.

"Yeah sure," said Renji, sitting down on the edge of the walkway as Tetsuya and Arashi moved to greet Byakuya's former intended.

Byakuya's cousin seemed to keep a careful distance as the two exchanged greetings, then moved to the garden patio for tea. Renji slipped back into his room and sat on the bed, mulling over what he had learned. A few minutes later, a slender, dark-haired youth with lively green eyes tapped on the open door and stepped into the room.

"Abarai-san?" he said, smiling and bowing.

"Y-yeah?" Renji answered, a little taken aback.

"I am Kuchiki Koji. Byakuya-sama has assigned me to attend you."

"Huh?" grunted Renji, "Did I miss something? You're one of them, but…?"

"Oh…you misunderstand, Abarai-san," chuckled the youth, "It is considered an honor for younger family members to serve the elders, clan leaders and their families. My brother, Torio, serves Byakuya-sama, himself."

"So how did you get stuck with me?" joked Renji, "Did you get into some kind of trouble and this is your punishment?"

Koji laughed softly.

"You are very amusing, Abarai-san," he said, smiling, "It is an honor to attend the bearer of our clan leader's heir."

"Well, I don't know that I need any help right now…whoa!" Renji exclaimed as Koji flash stepped to the closet and swiftly laid out a kimono on the bed, then returned to Renji carrying a yukata.

"This way, Abarai-san," the youth said, leading him out of the room.

"Where are we going?"

"To the bathing room, of course," answered Koji.

"The…but I took a bath last night!"

"That was reiatsu stabilization," the youth corrected him, "This is a bath."

Renji stepped into the huge, domed room and inhaled sharply.

The dome overhead, it seemed, was made of glass and the room inside looked as beautiful as the gardens. Plants, flowers and grass grew everywhere, with a trail built through them that led around the huge room and to the bathing pool. The pool took up the center of the room and contained several soaking areas and a large waterfall. The water, when he stepped in, was comfortably warm, and the atmosphere so calm and pretty, it made him want to doze off again right there.

He squawked in surprise as his yukata was suddenly removed, then blushed brightly as Koji left him naked and stripped himself, then placed a white wrap around his slender waist.

"Wait," the redhead objected, "Why do I have to stand here, buck naked, while _you_ get to wear _that_?"

Koji laughed good-naturedly.

"Because I am only attending you," the youth answered, "You are bathing."

He tried to stand still and not react, but couldn't keep the flush off his skin as the youth rubbed soap onto his skin and began washing him. Koji wore a cute, tolerant smile and ignored his discomfort as he worked his way over the redhead's tall form. He stopped at Renji's waist, glancing up at him for a moment.

"With your permission, Abarai-san," he said quietly.

Renji looked down at what was about to be washed and shook his head.

"No way, kid. No one touches me there unless I ask for it, got it?"

"Of course, sir," the youth answered, turning away while Renji washed his private areas.

He went quiet as Koji let down and washed his hair, then followed the youth back to the edge of the pool.

"Lie down, sir," said Koji, indicating a massage table.

"Oh that's okay, kid. I have to get to work. No time for a massage now."

"Work?" repeated the youth, looking confused, "Abarai-san, I am supposed to rub your skin with natural oils to soothe and moisturize your skin. It will not take long."

"Oof…" huffed Renji as Koji nudged him and he dropped onto the massage table.

He had to admit to himself that it felt damned good, although he wasn't used to having someone he barely knew touch him all over like that. He was nearly asleep when Koji stepped away to clean the oils from his hands, then Renji was dressed in a fresh yukata and led back to his room. He looked around briefly, then looked back at Koji questioningly as the attendant dressed him in a formal kimono.

"Sir?"

"Uh, where are my uniforms?" Renji asked, "I'm supposed to go to work sometime today."

"Ah…" said Koji, looking uncomfortable, "Abarai-san, we were not informed you would be working."

"Huh? Come again?" Renji said, looking confused.

"The bearer of the heir does not work," the youth told him, "He or she is removed from all duties for the duration of the pregnancy. It is thought to be best to accord the bearer the best chances of delivering successfully."

"Wha-huh? You…you mean…?" Renji stammered, "But…what am I supposed to do all day?"

"Oh," said Koji, "I am sorry. I thought you knew your schedule. I was to bathe you, then to make sure you ate. You will attend a meeting to officially introduce you to the elders in council, then afternoon tea with the elders and their families. After that, we'll take a leisurely stroll up to the waterfall and back, take an afternoon rest period, meet with Byakuya-sama and Tetsuya-san for dinner and evening tea, then send you off to bed."

"Sounds like you have it all worked out. But I _am_ going to work today, so why don't you run along and find me a shihakushou…or wait, no, I have one at the division."

But…sir…the meeting of council…and…" Koji stammered.

Renji laughed and started to flash step away, but slid to a stop and doubled over as a sharp pain flared deep inside his abdomen. He made a harsh, guttural sound of distress and dropped to his knees.

"Abarai-san!" cried Koji.

Renji heard the sound of several swift flash steps and felt someone lift him and turn him onto his back.

"Go and bring a clan healer, quickly!" said Tetsuya's voice, "And Tomio-san, will you please find Byakuya-sama? He should be at his division."

"Of course," Tomio said quickly, "I will be right back."

Renji forced his eyes open and found himself looking up into Tetsuya's worried expression. The noble's hands touched his abdomen and healing power flared softly around them.

"Rest easy, Abarai-san," said Tetsuya, "I will keep things stable until the healer arrives."

"What the hell is happening?" gasped Renji, "I was fine a moment ago!"

"I do not know," the blue-eyed noble said quietly, "but it will be all right. Just relax. Byakuya-sama will be here soon."


	9. Reasons for not Saying 'I Love You'

**Chapter 9: Reasons for not Saying 'I Love You'**

Byakuya sat silently, next to the clan healer at Renji's bedside, his eyes lowered and unseeing and his mind distant. As the rain fell outside the open doors, he seemed to move back in time…back to a time, long past, when another person had lain within the manor, in much the same condition.

"_Byakuya-sama, you have to understand, she had a horribly difficult life in the Rukongai."_

"_But Hisana had enough strength to endure that. And she has been here, well dressed and fed, well taken care of. She seemed…so much stronger!"_

"_But all of the years she spent there, took a toll that no amount of rest and care seems able to mitigate. And with the added strain of carrying a child…"_

"_What? Do you mean to say that she is dying because we…"_

"_Byakuya-sama, it is not so simple. This is the result of many factors, things we cannot know. Do not blame yourself. You, your staff, all of us have done all we can to bolster her. But sometimes…"_

"_I know. Sometimes a person cannot be helped. That is why my mother died, bearing me. And it is why my wife will die before our child even has a chance to draw a breath."_

_He closed his eyes._

"_Leave us."_

"Byakuya-sama?" said Tetsuya, cutting into the distracted noble's thoughts, "How is he?"

The noble looked up at his cousin, his eyes troubled.

"His reiatsu and the baby's are both stable, but he is still unconscious. The healer said that it likely happened because of the fact that the male body is not built for pregnancy…and also, his not being noble means he is less adaptable to it. We have evolved over time to handle it, but Renji…"

"Hmmm," said Tetsuya thoughtfully, "I am just glad to see that he looks so much better."

"He is lucky that you were there, Cousin," Byakuya went on, "You have my gratitude for your quick reaction. Had you not infused him right then with reiatsu, he might have lost our child or…"

"I did nothing that others would not have done. And it is good to see that things are okay."

The two fell silent for a moment. Byakuya studied his cousin out of the corner of an eye for a moment.

"I understand Tomio was here when it happened," he said quietly.

Tetsuya's eyes lowered.

"Yes…he was. He came to retrieve his belongings and we had tea."

He took a soft, steadying breath.

"I did not step over any boundaries, Cousin. I understand it wouldn't be proper."

"That is good, Tetsuya, however you need to be extremely cautious," the clan leader advised, "It is difficult enough for his clan that I laid with Tomio prior to our nuptials and then was forced to abandon the relationship. Add to that, that I left him for a commoner. I think one more thing that they would perceive as an insult and we might make an enemy of the Aomori clan…and you know that we do not want that."

"Yes, Cousin. I am aware," Tetsuya said in a soft distant voice.

"Tetsuya, I would give my permission if I could. You know that."

"Yes, I understand. But I am a half-blood. And even though our clan would allow the relationship, his would not."

"It is just one more thing they would think of as an insult," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "at a time when we cannot afford it."

"I will not dishonor you, Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya said calmly, "I give you my word."

"I am sorry. I know that the two of you get on very well. And he thinks very highly of you. If it wouldn't unsettle things so at such a precarious time."

"I beg your pardon, sirs," said a servant, stepping into the room, "but Aomori Tomio has come to inquire of Abarai-san's condition."

Tetsuya's eyes lowered and closed for a moment.

"Send him in," said Byakuya.

Tetsuya watched the servant leave, then rose silently.

"You do not have to leave just because he is here," Byakuya said quietly, "Tetsuya…"

"I have duties to attend to," the blue-eyed noble said, turning towards the door.

Tomio appeared in the doorway and Tetsuya paused.

"Good afternoon, Tomio-san," he said politely.

"Nice to see you, Tetsuya-san," the other young man replied, meeting Tetsuya's eyes for a moment.

"Nice to see you as well. I apologize for having to run, but I have some things to see to."

"Ah…I hope I shall see you later then."

Tetsuya nodded, then left. Tomio approached Byakuya where he knelt at Renji's side.

"How is he?" he asked softly.

"He is much improved, but he still has not regained consciousness."

"Well, it is good he is stable, but it is a trouble, him being unconscious for so long."

He knelt across from Byakuya, studying his face quietly.

"It must be difficult."

"Hmmm?"

"Having this happen…after what happened before."

He saw the hastily controlled reaction and bit his lip softly.

"Please, Byakuya-sama, forgive me if I have overstepped a boundary, but even though we were forced to part ways, I have not forgotten what I know of you. And I do want to be a comfort."

Byakuya nodded, but kept his eyes lowered.

"You have my gratitude, Tomio."

The two were quiet for a moment.

"Then…" Tomio went on, "If you wish to show your gratitude…"

"I am sorry," the clan leader said without looking up, "The rules of your clan are very clear. You know that it would unsettle things at a very inopportune time to ask this of them. Do not take it to mean that I am unsympathetic, Tomio. You were a pleasing companion…and you have kept my confidences, which I deeply appreciate. And if things were different, you know that I would show my gratitude by seeking permission for you to begin a courtship with Tetsuya."

"But things are not so easy," sighed the young man, "And truly, I do not hold it against you that you are not able to assist us. Tetsuya-san understands as well. But I just can't help wishing things were different. Despite being saddened that our courtship ended, I did have a moment of hoping that it would free me to experience fully requited love."

Byakuya sighed.

"You are, perhaps, better off the way things are, Tomio," he said softly, "While it is pleasing to experience falling in love, it does expose the heart to great loss as well."

"I know that," Tomio said, meeting Byakuya's eyes calmly, "but it also offers the possibility of a beautiful future. Not every love story ends sadly, as your own did, Byakuya-sama. And perhaps, now that you have Renji-san…"

"I do not love Renji," Byakuya said firmly, "I will not walk that pathway again."

"I am sorry for touching a nerve," Tomio said quickly, "I didn't mean to overstep."

Byakuya gave him a fleeting smile.

"No, of course not," he acknowledged, "You are very respectful of boundaries, Tomio, one of the reasons I felt comfortable with your choosing. Renji sees boundaries as a challenge to break through them."

Tomio laughed softly.

"Yes, he does," the younger noble admitted, "He compliments you very well in that."

"Yes, well. It is a good thing. As we do not have love to hold our union together, it is best that we have something working for us, ne?"

Tomio smiled.

"Yes, I guess so."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ugh…" Renji groaned, opening his eyes and trying to sit up.

A firm hand pushed him down again.

"Lie down," Byakuya said quietly, "You are still recovering. If you want something, then I will have it brought for you."

Renji blinked several times, then turned his head to look out the open garden doors.

"How late is it?" he asked softly.

"That is not important. Rest, Abarai."

"Okay, fine," Renji said, rolling his eyes, "You wanna tell me what the hell happened?"

"Your body is not well suited for childbearing," Byakuya explained

"Like you had to tell me that!" Renji said, smirking.

"It tried to adjust too quickly and your reiatsu and physical body became very unstable. Fortunately, the clan healers were able to bring you back into proper balance."

"Yeah," said the redhead, "I would hate to become unbalanced…"

"Do you find this amusing?" Byakuya said, an edge to his voice, "You are aware that you could have died?"

"Huh…" muttered Renji, "That would be ironic, wouldn't it? I have a ban kai and slay Arrancars with relative ease, but get taken out by a pint-sized Kuchiki heir that can't even _say_ ban kai yet!"

He caught his breath softly as anger flashed across the noble's features. It was gone again in an instant and Byakuya stood.

"Remain here," he said in a quiet, carefully composed tone, "I will send a servant to see to your needs."

"Hey, look, I'm sorry."

Byakuya disappeared in a seething flash step.

"Shit…I really pissed him off…"

"Abarai-san?" said Koji from the doorway, "Can I get you anything?"

_Damn, the kid looks scared. Did I…really come that close to dying?_

"Yeah," Renji said, looking out the doors at the falling rain, "Tea would be good."

"Tea, of course," Koji said, nodding.

"And a big plate of…of something. I am starving!"

Koji broke into a relieved smile.

"Oh…yes, Abarai-san, I will be right back."

Renji watched as his attendant dashed into the inner hallway and disappeared, then looked out again at the darkness and the falling rain.

_I wonder where he went? He looked pretty upset. Maybe I should go and look for him._

He got up slowly, placing a hand on his abdomen and breathing slowly as a wave of nausea passed over him. He started to walk out of the room, but thought of Byakuya and how he might react to him walking around in a yukata and bare feet. He grabbed a hooded cloak from the closet and put on a pair if slippers. He walked out onto the wooden walkway and looked around, then reached out with his reiatsu. To his surprise, Byakuya seemed to be, not anywhere in the manor, but somewhere out in the rain. Slipping the hood over his head, Renji stepped out into the rainy gardens, moving towards the back gate and passing through it. He looked left and right, then took the path to the left, following it through the trees as the rain poured down and the slippers on his feet became sodden and cold. Shivering softly, he continued down the trail through the trees and down to an area he only remembered being once.

"The family cemetery…" he breathed.

A flash of lightning illuminated the cemetery ahead of him for a moment and thunder rumbled the ground beneath his feet. He moved forward slowly, his eye drawn to a small area of pink light near the edge. He moved forward slowly now, keeping himself behind a row of bushes and repressing his reiatsu so that he wouldn't be sensed. He approached the softly lit area and found Byakuya kneeling at one of the gravesides.

_I guess I don't have to wonder which one…_

He remained concealed and edged closer, moving into position where he could look out and see Byakuya clearly. He let out a surprised breath as the scene came into focus. The noble knelt at Hisana's graveside, dressed only in the sleeping yukata that Renji had last seen him in, and with bare feet. His shikai flared softly around him, casting light and providing a soft fall of sakura blossoms over the grave. Byakuya's head was bowed and his eyes were closed, and the rain was running down long streams of his soaked black hair. Renji wasn't sure if it was just rain that ran down his face, but the tormented expression and the soft quaking of his shoulders left no doubt as to the intensity of his emotions.

"Damn…" the redhead whispered, "I really upset him. Great going, Abarai…"

He stood in the darkness, with icy feet and the rain creeping in through even the thick cloak, wondering what to do as Byakuya knelt on his wife's grave with his arms wrapped around his chilled body. Lightning flashed fitfully and thunder sounded more softly. Renji took a shivering breath and was about to step forward, when Byakuya's voice rose up softly, freezing him in place.

"I don't understand why…" he said quietly, "Why is it that…everything I touch…dies?"

His arms unwrapped themselves and he leaned forward and traced the names on the gravestone.

Names? Hisana…and…

He squinted to read the second name and felt a sob rising in his throat.

_Koichi?_

_His son…_

Renji shivered harder, feeling the rain soaking into his skin and knowing he should go back to the manor, but unable to tear himself away.

"Abarai-san…" whispered Koji from behind him.

"How did you…?"

"Abarai-san, you must come back inside! It is freezing and you are soaking wet!"

"But…Byakuya is…"

"Torio is coming," the youth assured him, "He will see to Byakuya-sama. He knows what to do."

"What? Wait, he's done this before?"

"He sometimes becomes this way," Koji explained, "Torio can convince him to come back to the manor, but we must go quickly!"

Renji nodded dumbly and followed the youth back to the manor, where he was hurriedly bathed and dressed in a warm yukata, then hustled back to his room and filled with hot tea and soup. A clan healer scurried into the room and looked him over thoroughly.

"You should not have been out in this weather," the man said disapprovingly, "You have to think of your child, Abarai-san, and you have to take care of yourself. You are in a delicate state."

"Yeah," said Renji, his mind still preoccupied with what he had witnessed, "I know. It…won't happen again."

He settled back against the pillows as Koji entered the room again. His attendant sat down beside him, looking quietly out into the rain.

"Byakuya-sama is back," he told the redhead, "Torio has bathed him and he has fallen asleep. You should rest as well."

"I will…thanks, Koji."

"It was nothing, Abarai-san," the youth said quietly, "I enjoy serving you. I think you are good for our leader."

"Huh?" said the redhead, looking mystified, "How can you say that? He was out there freezing in the rain and miserable because I made some stupid jokes about something that was really painful for him. If anything, I made things worse!"

Koji shook his head.

"I am newer to the staff, but the ones who have been here longer told me that he has been prone to melancholy ever since he lost his wife and child."

"But it was because of what I said…"

"I think he was just responding to your illness, Abarai-san. He never left your side once while you were unconscious."

_And yet, he couldn't get away fast enough once I was awake…_

"Yeah, well, he's already lost a child. He is probably worried he'll lose another. He didn't want to go through this.

_That's why he gave himself to me in Inuzuri. But I didn't save him from the pain he was running from. I just made him run headlong into it again. No wonder he can't love me. I'm like a fucking wrecking ball…_

"Abarai-san, please don't blame yourself."

I've never seen him like that…so weak, so broken down. Is that why? Is he really that destroyed inside?

"Abarai-san, please rest. All of this upset is not good for the baby."

Renji sighed softly and closed his eyes.

"Yeah…okay kid. I'm resting."

"Good," said the attendant, turning off the light, "Sleep well, Abarai-san. I will be in the attendant's recess, here in your room if you need me."

"Thanks, Koji," Renji said softly.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

_What did I get myself into?_

_How in the hell am I going to get out?_


	10. The Lies We Cling To

**Chapter 10: The Lies We Cling To**

Renji woke sometime late at night to the sound of hushed voices on the walkway outside the bedrooms. He recognized Tetsuya's voice and heard one more muffled.

"What are you doing here?" Tetsuya asked softly, "How did you get past…?"

"Shh," the other hissed softly, "Don't ask questions. I had to see you. You looked unhappy when I saw you earlier. I couldn't sleep until I came and made you smile again, Tetsuya."

"Neither of us will be smiling if we are seen," answered Tetsuya.

He paused for a moment.

"Come, Arashi will take us somewhere private, but I warn you, I have resolved to obey the dictates of my clan leader, and he has made it clear that we are not to…"

"I understand," said the other, with a touch of amusement in his voice, "We shall keep it innocent, then…or…relatively innocent!"

"Tomio-san…"

Their voices fell away, and a few minutes later, Renji heard soft hoofbeats moving away from the manor.

_I hope those two know what they're doing…_

He sighed softly, his heart aching at the thought of the affection that the two had for each other, and he quickly came to the conclusion that, despite all they had working against them, he couldn't help but envy the beauty of the emotions between them. The two were both deserving of love, and they seemed perfect for each other, despite the intolerance of Tomio's clan.

"I wonder if I'll ever know what that kind of love feels like?" he whispered, tears coming to his eyes.

He felt stupid, crying so easily, and even though he knew that it was because of his pregnancy, still, he was a man and not used to being so emotional. He rubbed at his eyes and tried not to sniffle too loud, lest he should wake Koji. He tried to go back to sleep, but continued to be hounded by his fears that Byakuya would never learn to love him and would always hold him at arms length. It wasn't anyone's fault, he decided. No one was purposely doing anything to make it happen. Byakuya had been badly hurt and Renji decided that he really wanted to be the one to be able to help him move past it. But if the emotions between them weren't strong enough, he could very well end up in a dead end marriage with both of them being completely miserable.

_What the hell am I gonna do? I don't have any idea…and maybe, for now, there isn't much I can do. Until the baby is born and he sees that not all things like that end in disaster, he's going to distance himself._

"Byakuya-sama, please come back inside," said Torio's weary voice, "You have had too much to drink…and it is cold, and you need to put on something warmer."

_Damn it…he's a mess. And it's because I collapsed and scared the crap out of him. He thought that it was history repeating itself, that I was going to die and take this baby with me._

"Byakuya-sama…please…" pleaded Torio.

"Leave me," said the noble in a thick, senseless tone, "G-go back to bed, Torio."

"I'll not leave you alone like this, Byakuya-sama."

"I said, go back to bed. Leave me alone."

Renji let out a soft breath and climbed out of bed. He stepped out onto the wooden walkway and approached Byakuya quietly. Torio met his eyes hopefully, bowed and retreated into Byakuya's room. Renji sat down next to the noble and followed his gaze out across the rain-soaked grounds.

"You shouldn't be out in the cold," Byakuya said softly.

He raised his voice slightly.

"Torio…"

"Hai, Byakuya-sama."

"Bring a wrap for Renji. He is freezing right here in front of me."

"Hai, Byakuya-sama," Torio said, dashing away.

Byakuya stole a solemn glance at the redhead and his frown deepened.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked, "You should be getting more rest."

"Rest?" Renji said, smiling, "Taichou, I don't think I've done much but rest since we came back here. I'm bored out of my mind. I need to rest, sure…but I also need to do other things to keep my mind busy…like desk work."

"It is not seemly for the bearer of the heir to work, Renji."

"Yeah…I gathered that from the weird looks I got when I tried to leave for the division."

"And, in any case, you are not well enough to work. Your condition is taking a toll on you, more so than you seem to acknowledge. You might think about that, the next time you decide to place yourself under stress by ignoring the rules."

Renji gave him a look of annoyance.

"Would you quit doing that, Taichou?" he asked, an edge of tension in his voice, "treating me like I'm going to break any second? You know I'm not weak. You once practically emptied this body of blood and reiatsu, and I still got up and went on living. I am determined to _keep on_ living. Just being pregnant isn't enough to kill me."

"And what about our child? Have you forgotten?"

"No," said the redhead, biting back the instant anger Byakuya's suggestion caused, "But this kid got half of his or her 'stuff' from me and half from you. And neither of us are weak."

Byakuya took a surprised breath as Renji's hand took his and the redhead brought the noble's hand to his abdomen.

"I promise you," he said quietly, "I will not do anything to endanger myself or this kid. You have my word. But I want yours, that you will not try to stuff me into some dusty corner in some misguided attempt to keep me 'safe.' The world isn't a safe place…and if I've learned anything from my life in the Rukongai, I've learned that you can't live your life worrying about what could happen. You take your mind out of the 'here and now' in Inuzuri and it might be the last thing you do."

"So what would you have me do?" Byakuya asked, closing his eyes, "Where is an acceptable place for you?"

Renji took the hand that was rested against his belly and stood, bringing the noble to his feet. Byakuya swayed slightly and stared at him questioningly as he turned them in the direction of the noble's room.

"Renji…"

"Shh," the redhead said, touching a finger to the drunk noble's lips.

Byakuya stared for a moment, as though trying to decide what to do, then loosed a sigh and allowed himself to be led back into his bedroom. He slid into bed as Torio and Koji came in through the door, carrying the requested wraps.

"Just put them over there," Byakuya said, indicating a table, "Then go to bed. As you can see, I am well attended."

"Hai," said the brothers together.

They set down the wraps, then left the room, closing the inner door, but leaving the garden doors open. Byakuya settled against the pillows and Renji hesitated for a moment, then quietly moved to join him. The redhead turned onto his side, facing the garden doors so that he could watch the rain fall as he drifted off. He wondered briefly what Byakuya was thinking, but dared not turn to look at his troubled fiancée. He could feel Byakuya's eyes looking at his back and he could feel the noble's warmth, even though they weren't touching.

"Good night Taichou," Renji said softly.

"You should stop calling me that," Byakuya said in a weary voice, "We are engaged…and we are at home. Just call me Byakuya."

"Byakuya? No honorific?"

"No. Just…Byakuya."

"Hai, Byakuya."

There was a long moment of silence as the two laid beside each other in bed, watching the rain fall outside the doors. Then Renji felt an unbidden smile rise on his lips as an arm curled around him and the noble's hand slipped beneath his yukata and came to rest on his bare abdomen. He knew better than to say a word, but just let himself drift off in Byakuya's arms, that sweet smile gracing his lips.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tetsuya stopped Arashi just above the waterfall and slid down off his back, then helped Tomio down and adjusted the cloak around the younger man's shoulders. He led Tomio down a small, almost invisible trail that brought them down the cliff face and to a cave hidden behind the falls. They moved inside and Tomio caught his breath as Tetsuya raised a kido light, revealing the inner cave.

The room was dominated by a natural hot spring that heated the air inside the cave, making it warm enough to remove their cloaks. Yukatas and towels hung on pegs that had been set in the rock wall.

"This is lovely," Tomio said softly, "Tetsuya-san…"

"Byakuya-sama and I discovered it in our earlier days and we used it as a secret retreat for those times when things got to be too much. No one knows about it but the two of us. I thought it would be a good place for us to talk."

Tomio smiled.

"I agree," he said, reaching for the tie at his waist, "but while we are here, we should enjoy the hot spring, ne?"

Tetsuya caught his breath and a blush rose on his face.

"T-tomio-san, I…don't know if we should…"

"Come now, it is not unacceptable to sit undressed in a hot spring with a friend."

"Well…no, I guess not," said the blue-eyed noble, trying not to watch as Tomio slipped out of his clothes.

It was even more difficult to avoid seeing his naked friend walk to the hot spring and step slowly down, then settle into the water. Tomio looked back at Tetsuya and smiled at him.

"Are going to come in?"

The blush on Tetsuya's face deepened and he turned away, trying desperately not to blush even more as Tomio's wide, green eyes remained fixed on him as he undressed. He shivered and bit his lip gently as he turned and forced himself to ignore the hard pounding of his heart and walk to the hot spring. He started to step down, but his foot slipped and he began to fall. Warm arms caught him, mid-tumble, and the next thing Tetsuya knew, his naked body was beneath the hot water, and pressed up against another, and Tomio's hot mouth had fastened on his. He stiffened at the first shock of kisses, then relaxed slightly as Tomio's tongue slipped into his mouth, relieving the two of the need to say anything. His arms wrapped around Tomio and their kissing deepened. Tetsuya shivered as the other man's hardness brushed against his. He broke away from Tomio's mouth, panting softly.

"T-tomio…I can't," he whispered, trying to pull away, "I mean, I…want to, but…I made a promise to B-byakuya-sama…"

He worried that the other young man would pull him in again, but Tomio only smiled and found Tetsuya's hand beneath the water.

"I am sorry if I offended you, Tetsuya-san," he said calmly, "but you fell and I caught you…and I was overtaken. You are very beautiful."

Tomio's smile faded as a look of torment flashed across Tetsuya's face, then quickly disappeared.

"What is it?" Tomio asked, "Has no one ever said you were beautiful?"

Tetsuya gazed into his eyes breathlessly, then shook his head slightly and broke eye contact.

"Well," Tomio went on, "Someone should have…and I will happily assume the honor of saying it first. You are beautiful, Kuchiki Tetsuya. I cannot help but want to touch such beauty and make it mine…"

He slipped a hand beneath the blue-eyed noble's chin, lifting it and then leaning forward to claim Tetsuya's trembling lips again.

"Tomio-san…we should not…"

He froze as the other young man's enchanting green eyes locked on his and Tomio's fingers lightly traced his lips.

"You know what this is, Tetsuya," he whispered, "We both do, even though we have never felt it before. And what we feel between us is worth fighting for. Whatever anyone says, we deserve to be happy…and we deserve to share that happiness with each other."

"Tomio!"

"Aishiteru yo."

"No, don't say that! You…"

"I love you, Tetsuya."

"But we've only just met…and I've promised Byakuya-sama…"

"Are you telling me that you don't feel the same?" asked Tomio, "Because if you don't, I won't trouble you again. I will leave and go back to my clan and not overstep these boundaries anymore. But I can feel that is not what you want. You may hide what is in your heart from others, Tetsuya, but the one who loves you can see through to your heart. Tell me, if you think I'm wrong."

Tetsuya held his breath, his mind spinning as he tried to find the words. Tomio's fingers touched his lips again and he kissed them without thinking. They brushed their lips together again and Tomio smiled.

"I must have missed your answer," he whispered, "Tell me what you are thinking, Kuchiki Tetsuya…"

"I am thinking that I've fallen in love with you," Tetsuya sighed, closing his eyes, "but I do not want to break my word to Byakuya-sama. And if we make love, then…"

"Shh," breathed Tomio, touching their lips lightly together, "I will not ask you to make love to me…yet. For tonight, we will seek simpler pleasures."

Tetsuya slid down on the rock incline in the hot spring until he was in up to his shoulders. Tomio turned and settled on top of him, looking down into Tetsuya's pretty, sapphire eyes.

"I have only recently lost my innocence, myself," Tomio said quietly, "but in doing so, I learned how to please my lover, whether we penetrate each other or not."

He closed his mouth over Tetsuya's and slid a hand down between them to wrap around their hungry lengths. Their hips moved slowly beneath the surface of the water, creating sweet friction between them, and making them moan softly into each other's mouths. Tomio broke away from his lips and nuzzled beneath his chin, gently nipping at the soft, pale flesh, then kissing his way down a collar bone and pausing to look down into the riled water. Tetsuya met his eyes warmly, then caught his breath in surprise as Tomio's head dipped beneath the surface of the water to address the stunned noble's swollen arousal. He gasped and trembled softly as he felt firm suction, then the swish of his lover's soft tongue in just the right place to force a louder moan from his lips. He felt firm pressure at the base of his erection, holding off completion as Tomio's manipulations continued. He had lost the ability to maintain his silence, and the cave was filled with the whispered echoes of his moans and hissing breaths. He had just reached the point of wondering how long the other shinigami could hold his breath like that, when Tomio's mouth released him and he surfaced, still holding Tetsuya's member tightly with one hand and bringing his wet mouth to the entranced noble's again. He smiled against Tomio's lips, enjoying the taste of himself mixed with the sweetness of his lover's mouth. Tomio paused and looked down into his eyes.

"I want to see it," he whispered, "I want to see your face when it happens between us for the first time."

He kissed Tetsuya harder and stroked him beneath the water, devouring the lovely sounds he made and holding their bodies close together as he shivered with pleasure and thrust mindlessly into Tomio's stroking hand. Dizziness swept over him and he felt as though he had begun to fall from a great height. He heard cries of pleasure rise up inside the cave and then realized that the sounds were coming from him.

And he couldn't control them anymore.

"That's right," whispered Tomio, gazing into his fevered eyes, "This is what it is to surrender to your lover, Tetsuya. Trust me. Look into my eyes and let yourself go."

Tetsuya felt breathlessness overtake him. His eyes remained open, but lost their ability to see as pleasure gripped his body tightly and sent him careening into release.

"You are _amazing_ like this, Tetsuya!" Tomio whispered into his barely hearing ear, "More lovely than all the stars in the nighttime sky…"

"I…I think that…stars are all that I can…see now," panted Tetsuya, smiling at how tightly he was holding onto Tomio, and how tightly he was being held.

They rested comfortably against each other, watching drops of water fall from the sweating rocks over head.

"I thought that you said that we were going to keep things innocent?" queried Tetsuya.

Tomio laughed softly.

"You are still a virgin, ne?" said, kissing Tetsuya's flushed lips and brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"Yes," Tetsuya said, blushing, "but I don't feel so much like one."

He turned in Tomio's arms.

"And," he went on, "I think I will feel less like one after I return the favor."

Tomio's sweet smile widened as Tetsuya slid down beneath the water.

"I love you, Kuchiki Tetsuya…" he moaned softly as his lover's mouth wrapped around him and made everything around him disappear.


	11. At Arms Length

**Chapter 11: At Arms Length**

Byakuya drifted on the calm edges of sleep, soft, sweet memories rising up in his mind and carrying him back in time. He felt again the deep, lovely warmth of sleeping with his body curled around another, the tickle of silken hair on his skin and the gentle throb of a growing life beneath the palm of his spread hand.

"_Byakuya-sama," Hisana's voice whispered, waking him, "Byakuya-sama, wake up!"_

_He took a soft, sleepy breath and lifted his head as his wife slid a hand down the arm he had wrapped around her as they slept. Her fingers laced into his and at that same moment, he felt something move beneath their joined hands. His lips curved into a smile and he brushed his lips against her cheek._

"_He has reached sentience," Byakuya whispered._

_And in addition to the soft motion beneath their hands, they felt the whisper of a new consciousness that touched theirs questioningly and then very slowly bound itself to them._

He shivered in his sleep as time moved forward and the day of the baby's expected arrival drew nearer.

_They slowly walked the garden path, breathing in the cool air of early spring. The flowers were heavy with raindrops from the night before and the breeze was alive with the scents of the flowers and the rain. He slipped a hand into Hisana's and smiled down at her. Her other hand rose and came to rest on her abdomen and her feet stopped on the pathway._

_"B-byakuya-sama…"_

_She collapsed into his arms. He lifted her off of her feet and flash stepped back to their room, sending his attendant for a clan healer. He leaned over her to gently wash the sweat from her face, but suddenly found that the face had changed. His eyes widened and he came to his feet and backed away._

"_Renji?" he mouthed soundlessly._

_"Byakuya-sama, you have to understand," the healer said solemnly, "he had a horribly difficult life in the Rukongai."_

_"But Renji had enough strength to endure that. And he has been here, well dressed and fed, well taken care of. He seemed…so much stronger!"_

_"But all of the years he spent there, took a toll that no amount of rest and care seems able to mitigate. And with the added strain of carrying a child…"_

_"What? Do you mean to say that he is dying because we…"_

_"Byakuya-sama, it is not so simple. This is the result of many factors, things we cannot know. Do not blame yourself. You, your staff, all of us have done all we can to bolster him. But sometimes…"_

_"I know. Sometimes a person cannot be helped. That is why my mother died, bearing me. And it is why Renji will die before our child even has a chance to draw a breath."_

"Renji!" he cried, sitting up suddenly, his hands clenching the soft bedding.

He recoiled instantly as he was stricken, first with a gripping headache and then with the realization that he was not alone in his bed. Renji sat up next to him, rubbing his eyes and squinting.

"What happened?" he muttered sleepily.

"Why are you here?" Byakuya asked in a choked voice, resting a hand on his roiling abdomen.

Renji opened his mouth to answer, but found himself abandoned as Byakuya departed the bed and flash stepped to the bathroom, where he dropped gracelessly to his knees and loosed the contents of his stomach violently into the toilet. He remained on his hands and knees, panting and groaning from the pain in his head and stomach. He took a surprised breath as strong arms wrapped around him from behind and pulled him close and a cool, wet cloth bathed his sweating face.

"Abarai," he whispered, "What are you doing? Why are you…?"

"You shouldn't drink like that, Taichou," Renji said quietly, sliding a hand down to gently rub the noble's abdomen.

Byakuya opened his mouth to object, but was stopped by a hand that covered it and kept him silent.

"Don't say it," said Renji, "I already know. You didn't even remember us getting into your bed, ne? I'm sorry you were surprised like that. I wouldn't have gotten into bed with you, but I…"

"Please," Byakuya whispered, "Just go."

He tried not to notice the hint of tears in the redhead's eyes as he nodded somberly and rose to leave. He stopped short, his hand moving to rest on his abdomen and his eyes widening.

"Renji?" Byakuya queried in an unsettled tone.

"Wh-what is this?" the redhead whispered, "What's happening?"

"Are you in pain?" Byakuya asked, dragging himself onto his feet, "I'll bring a healer!"

"No," Renji said, breaking into a smile, "I'm okay…I just…it's…I feel someone there. I feel…"

"The awakening of a new soul," Byakuya whispered numbly, reaching down to place his hand over Renji's, "Our child has reached sentience. Our…_son_…"

He broke off, sudden tears flooding his eyes.

"Gomen nasai," he said in a quivering voice, "I…"

He flash stepped out of the bathroom, across his bedroom and out into the wet, moonlit gardens. He burst out the back gate and ran heedlessly through the falling rain, along the forest trail, not stopping, even as he reached the cliff at the waterfall. His feet found the almost hidden trail and he followed it down to the hidden cave that only he and Tetsuya knew about. He was surprised, when he entered it, to find kido lamps lit and two naked young men in the hot spring.

Tetsuya rested on Tomio's bare chest, his head pillowed on the other young man's shoulder and his eyes closed. Tomio's green eyes widened in dismay and his mouth opened in a soundless gasp. Tetsuya felt the sudden tension in Tomio's body and opened his eyes, blinking in disbelief at the sight of his rain-soaked, barefoot cousin, dressed only in his sleeping yukata and wearing an infuriated expression.

"Oh…" the blue-eyed noble gasped in horror.

The two were out of the spring in an instant. Tetsuya grabbed a clean yukata from one of the pegs and wrapped it around himself as Tomio dried off and dressed in the clothes he had arrived in. Byakuya remained silent as the two clothed themselves, his eyes and reiatsu flaring around him. Tomio finished dressing and stepped forward, his eyes tormented.

"B-byakuya-sama," he said in a penitent tone, "My deepest apologies for having offended you. I assure you that Tetsuya-san is not at fault for this. I came here of my own accord and without the knowledge or permission of my clan. We only came here to talk and didn't mean for things to…"

"I think you should leave," Byakuya said in a dead-calm voice that sent chills through the two younger men, "I want to speak to my cousin alone."

"Arashi will take you home," Tetsuya said, his voice shaking softly.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Byakuya.

"Do not worry," Tetsuya assured him, "He will not allow himself to be seen."

Byakuya nodded briefly.

Tomio bowed his head and was careful not to touch Tetsuya as he passed them on the way to the cave entrance. He stopped in the opening and turned back for a moment.

"Byakuya-sama, please do not be angry with him. As I said, this was my fault. And I am sorry…truly sorry."

"Please leave us, Tomio," Byakuya said quietly.

"Yes, Byakuya-sama," the young man said, casting an apologetic eye on Tetsuya as he disappeared out the entrance.

Tetsuya stood on quivering legs, the weight of his cousin's anger bearing down on him until he dropped onto his knees on the hard rock floor of the cave, his hands clenching the folds of his yukata and tears filling his wide, blue eyes. He struggled to find something to say, but found himself unable as Byakuya moved closer and glared down at him.

"Tetsuya."

A hard shiver went through the blue-eyed noble at the way the clan leader spoke his name. Byakuya had never spoken to him in that tone before, had never raised his voice or his hand to his younger cousin. He remained on his knees, his head bowed and tears streaming onto his face.

"Tetsuya, I don't think I need to remind you that you are not merely a family member, subject to your clan leader's will, you are also a member of council, a position you won by showing me and everyone else your dedication to honoring our clan with your every word and action. You _know_ that your half-blood status leaves you vulnerable…and you know that as a member of council, even your private life is subject to scrutiny. On top of everything, you gave me your word. You have never broken your word to me before!"

"I know, Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya whispered breathlessly, "I didn't…mean…for it to happen. Tomio only said that he wanted to talk to me."

"In the middle of the night? Alone? Here?"

"I didn't want the guards to see him here unescorted, lest word get back to his clan…"

"Very well, but what happened when you arrived here? At what point did you take leave of your senses and have sex with him?"

Tetsuya's eyes widened.

"I didn't have sex with him!" he exclaimed, "We…we only…"

He broke off, blushing and biting at his quivering lips.

"Stand up."

Tetsuya rose onto shaky legs, steeling himself as Byakuya moved closer. The clan leader's hand slipped beneath his cousin's yukata, making Tetsuya's blush deepen, even as he stopped short of touching the younger man. Byakuya's reiatsu pulsed out of his hand and into Tetsuya's body, then faded.

"I apologize for doubting you," Byakuya said in a gentler tone, "but I had to know for certain, Tetsuya. Because if you had allowed Tomio to take you, we would be having an entirely different discussion. And even though you did not step over that final boundary, you took an awful chance that could have ended in disaster. I won't ask you to promise not to see him again, but as your clan leader, I must absolutely forbid it. And you must obey me this time, Tetsuya. Because we are not just talking about dishonor, we are talking about earning the enmity of the entire Aomori clan! And we are not even just talking about that. Because if your love is publicly exposed, the Aomori clan will demand your life be forfeit, Tetsuya. I have already pulled you from the jaws of impending death once."

His gray eyes and his voice softened.

"And I could not bear to lose my cousin. I love you too much to lose you, Tetsuya."

He slipped his arms around Tetsuya's slender body and the blue-eyed noble let his head rest on Byakuya's shoulder.

"I am sorry, Cousin," Tetsuya whispered, "It is an unbearable weight to know I've disappointed you. I never meant to. I only…wanted to experience love. Byakuya-sama, no one has ever told me I am beautiful…or made me feel inside what he did."

"You are beautiful, Tetsuya. And I think it is a horrid thing that you cannot be with the one who thinks this of you."

"Just being held by him was…It was like…the sun breaking out across the meadow at dawn…like…the ice melting from around my heart. I know I acted rashly, irresponsibly, but I just couldn't see how something so beautiful could be…wrong!"

Byakuya sighed and let his fingers run through the strands of his cousin's hair.

"It is not your feelings for Tomio that are wrong, Tetsuya," he assured his cousin, "It is the laws of the clans that hold matters of blood higher than matters of the heart. I ran into this same inequity when I loved Hisana. I understand how you feel."

"But you were allowed to indulge in that love," Tetsuya said, leaving his head rested against Byakuya's shoulder, "You may not have been together for very long, but you were able to convince the elders to accept her. And you have easily won permission to be with Renji as well. I am expected to let Tomio go and never to know what it is to make myself one with him. How can you know what that is like?"

Byakuya brushed a stray tear from his cousin's porcelain cheek.

"I imagine you are right, I suppose," he said, sighing and holding his cousin more tightly, "But as much as it is not fair to you, I do not want to lose you. And if you continue to take chances like this, it will lead to disaster. Please do not let this happen again, Tetsuya. You know that if it goes too far and the Aomori clan demands your life, I will have to choose between losing you or engaging in an all out war with them. Do not put me in that position, Cousin. No good can come of it. You know that."

"I know," Tetsuya said in an anguished voice, "And I know you are only looking out for me, as you always have. I appreciate all you have done for me…and I am so…very sorry, Byakuya-sama. Please forgive me."

Byakuya rested his face against the top of his cousin's head and continue to stroke his hair as Tetsuya silently gave in to tears again.

"My apologies for my weakness," the blue-eyed noble whispered brokenly, "but I didn't know that loving someone could cause such pain."

"Of course not," said Byakuya, "You were innocent. But remember, Tetsuya, it is not the love that causes you pain, but the loss. Anytime you love, you risk losing that love. I loved Hisana and I loved our child, and I suffered horribly when I lost them. Losing Tomio as you have is painful…but he is alive and well. And I am sure that you will see him on occasion. And over time, the strong emotions you feel for him will fade."

"Of course you are right," Tetsuya whispered as Byakuya's fingers brushed away his tears.

But even saying the words could not make it feel real to him.

Tetsuya rested quietly in his cousin's arms for a moment longer, then calmly extracted himself and pulled away. His eyes dutifully lowered, he followed the noble out of the cave. They walked back up the trail and found Renji waiting for them at the top of the hill.

"What are you doing out here, Abarai?" Byakuya asked in a guarded tone.

"Hey, I put on a heavy coat, so I didn't get wet at all, which is more than I can say for you," Renji said quickly.

"I am not with child," the noble said shortly.

"I was worried about you when you left like that. I just wanted to make sure that you were all right. You were sick from…"

"I am fine," Byakuya said, cutting him off, "Come."

He turned back towards the manor with Tetsuya and Renji at his side. All three were silent as they walked back along the forest trail and into the gardens. Tetsuya flash stepped away, heading towards his room and leaving Byakuya and Renji standing together in front of Byakuya's bedroom doors.

"I hope you weren't too hard on him," Renji said quietly, "He's young and in love for the first time."

"He's young and doesn't realize the dangers of that love," Byakuya corrected him, "I only hope that he has enough sense to abandon this. It will only bring disaster if he continues to see Tomio. Kami forbid, one of them should become pregnant. It could start a clan war, the likes of which the noble clans haven't seen in centuries."

The two fell silent, watching the rain fall for several long minutes.

"Taichou, you are soaking wet. You should really get changed and get back into bed."

"You should be getting your rest as well," Byakuya said quietly, "Go on, then."

Renji didn't miss the fact that the noble gestured in the direction of Renji's separate room as he said the words. His lips tightened and he swallowed hard against the sudden ache in his heart.

"Right," he said stiffly, "Good night, Taichou."

"Good night, Renji."


	12. The Longing

**Chapter 12: The Yielding**

Renji tossed and turned restlessly in his sleep, his mind spinning in dizzying circles as he tried to sleep. Images rose up, stark and haunting, dragging him back through the past and driving home to his aching heart, the futility of trying to win Kuchiki Byakuya's love.

_"Let me tell you about the difference between you and me. It's like the story of the monkey trying to capture the moon. However close he thinks he is to the moon, it is still just the reflection of the moon in the middle of the lake. No matter how he struggles to capture that 'moon,' he inevitably sinks to the bottom of the lake at the end to no avail. Your fangs will never be able to reach me…ever."_

xxx

_What is this? This…incredible spiritual pressure. It feels like…it's strangling me…so beautiful…so powerful…kami!_

xxx

_"I don't have anything for pain, but we do have the sake," he told the man._

_His companion groaned softly again, but quietly accepted several deep swallows from the sake bottle._

_"Arigato," he said calmly._

_Shit, even his voice is beautiful. Who is this guy?_

_"N-no problem. Who…?"_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_He saw the look in the man's eyes then…the deep sadness that seemed to mirror his own. Smiling sadly, he took a few swallows of sake, then shared a few more with the other man. He seemed to drop off to sleep, or at least into some kind of oblivion as Renji kept drinking and his eyelids grew heavy. Having only one blanket and mat, he curled up next to the man, to share their warmth, and drifted off to sleep._

_He woke the next morning to find himself naked and alone, his clothing on the floor by the mat and the rest of the room left untouched. He caught the scent of sakura in the air for a moment, then let it out in a long sigh._

_"I hope you are okay."_

_He didn't know why he said it. The man was long gone and he'd probably never be back. And if Renji planned to not get thrown out of the academy, he knew he had to go back to the Seireitei. He got up and started to gather his clothes, then happened to look down and noticed a telltale stickiness on his flaccid member. He shivered at the traces of blood there and along one inner thigh. He was stricken then with a dim memory of pale hands reaching for him in desperation, senseless and wet gray eyes looking up at him…a warm mouth seeking his…slender legs wrapping around him…_

_Shared misery._

_Damn, I wish he hadn't left…_

xxx

_"Renji," Byakuya said in that maddeningly tranquil voice, "Even when he cannot see us or sense us anymore…even then, the ties that bind us will still be there."_

_The words should have calmed him, should have made him stop and catch his breath, but Renji couldn't be calm anymore…couldn't sit quietly and just accept everything as it came. And he couldn't stand it anymore that Byakuya could._

_"What the fuck would you know about our connections?" he hissed angrily, "You don't know a damned thing about 'ties that bind…"_

_"Renji…"_

_"No…you sit in your pretty manor with servants who do whatever you say. You have everything you want handed to you…a squad of men whose job it is to lay down their lives to protect you, but you don't have those connections! You're not close to Rukia. You barely look at her. You don't look at anyone, Taichou…not even me. You lead your clan, your squad, and you tell the people around you what to do…but when you lie down at night, you lie down alone. Because you don't have those connections. You only ever did once…and when she died…it's like that part of you that could love died with her! So don't fucking look me in the eyes and pretend like you understand! You don't understand SHIT!"_

_He knew, even as he said the words he didn't mean them. No one knew better than Renji did about the person Byakuya concealed from everyone. And though he had thought that loosing some of his anger would help ease his pain, it only worsened as he caught barest flash of hurt in those carefully controlled eyes. It was gone in an instant as Byakuya's emotional defenses closed around him with an almost audible snap, and he lifted his hand from Renji's shoulder._

_He said nothing, but only walked to his desk and picked up a stack of papers, then turned towards his private quarters._

_"T-taichou," Renji said in a choked voice, "Taichou, I didn't mean that."_

_"I will be in my quarters. You may go to the manor if you wish."_

xxx

_"So…will you stay?"_

_"As you wish Renji," Byakuya said, eyes and voice carefully composed._

_It took little time at all for him to fall asleep, but Byakuya lingered in the room, studying Renji's sleeping face in the darkness. He tried not to think about Renji's words from before. He knew even when Renji said them that he didn't mean them. But they echoed in his drink-dulled mind and stung him repeatedly. He might have eventually succumbed to the temptation to shed a few tears, but Renji moved uncomfortably in his sleep and startled him out of the indulgence. He looked down at Renji, frowning as the redhead quivered in his sleep and gave a frightened sounding moan. His sword hand clenched and he tossed and turned, mumbling unintelligibly. Then, his eyes flew open and he sat up suddenly._

_"Ichigo!" he yelled, grabbing Byakuya tightly, and pulling him close._

_The stunned noble froze in Renji's arms as the redhead blinked several times and seemed to realize what he was doing._

_"S-sorry," he said in a trembling voice, "Bad dream."_

_He started to let go, then realized that Byakuya's arms were wrapped around him and not letting go. He met the noble's dark eyes for a long, breathless moment, then felt a hard jolt of disbelief as Byakuya leaned forward and brought their lips together._

xxx

"No matter what lies your lips speak…no matter how you turn away from me…I know the truth you want to hide," he whispered, only half aware, "Your eyes are a window that opens the way, and through it, I can see what you won't reveal. Because even though we can't say the words to each other, we both know the truth. We have hated each other. We have fought each other. We have comforted each other. And now, we love each other."

_I know you see the truth._

_Why are you still hiding?_

_Why are you still running away from it?_

_Why can't you love me?_

"Abarai-san?" said Koji's sleepy voice, "Abarai-san, are you all right? Abarai-san?"

Renji climbed out of bed, clutching his abdomen and stumbling past the sputtering attendant, into the bathroom, where he fell to his knees and threw up until he couldn't hold himself up anymore. He collapsed on the floor, the room going black before his fading eyes and Koji's words barely reaching him.

"I'll bring a healer!"

He lay suspended in the darkness for a time, his mind endlessly replaying all that had happened between them, but even shut away from everything like that, he couldn't make sense of what was…or really _wasn't_ happening between them now. He knew he felt something very powerful inside, something that had overpowered their negative emotions and spun them towards love. But although he was more than ready to embrace love, Byakuya seemed thoroughly unable to love him in return. Locked away in the pain of the past, he steadfastly refused to see what was right in front of him.

"B-byakuya…" he moaned softly.

To his surprise, something broke through the darkness and started to pull him back into the light again. The soft scent of sakura touched his senses and he could feel that he was immersed in warm, healing water and being held securely in Byakuya's arms. He felt the noble's breath touch his skin lightly. And he realized a moment later, that the hand that rested on his abdomen and flowed reiatsu into him…was shaking.

"Byakuya?" he whispered again, blinking to clear his vision.

He saw then that the Kuchiki elders were gathered again in a circle around them.

_Shit…I must have scared the hell out of him, getting so sick and passing out like that. Great. One more reason for him to avoid me…_

"All is well now," Byakuya said in a soft, unusually gentle voice, "Go back to sleep, Renji. You need to rest to bring your reiatsu back into balance."

Weary of his heavy emotions, he sank deeply into the comfort of being close to Byakuya, sighing in relief at being surrounded by that strong, steadfast presence. But even as he found comfort, small shivers of uncertainty found their way into his heart.

_He's pushing it away so that he can take care of me, but as soon as I am well again, he'll just avoid me again…_

He closed his eyes and let everything fall away, focusing everything on the seemingly simple act of breathing. But the reality of his situation make even that basic thing seem difficult. He flinched as a hot tear slid down his face and felt Byakuya brush it away with a trembling fingertip.

_The worst part about this is that he isn't trying to hurt me at all. This whole situation is just repeatedly throwing the past in his face and making him feel that pain endlessly. He's scared to death of losing another child…and I'm not helping the situation by being so focused on my own feelings and what I want. He never promised me love. He's only doing this because he has to. And he has never complained or tried to make me feel bad about it. He's been bearing the pain alone and drinking himself blind to get through it, because he doesn't have anyone he feels comfortable sharing this with. Why won't he see that I want to be the one he turns to? He doesn't have to drown himself in sake to stamp out the pain. I will make it go away if he will just let me in…_

"Renji…"

He sighed in relief as a cool, wet cloth bathed his face and he felt soft lips brush very lightly against his cheek.

"I am sorry. I know this is my fault. I shouldn't have left you alone like that."

"D-don't…apologize to me," the redhead whispered, turning to look into the noble's widening eyes, "We are…in this together. What happened…wasn't your fault. B-both of us have to try harder t-to make this work."

"We will talk about this later, when you are feeling better. Sleep, Renji."

The noble's voice sounded achingly weary.

_He's been up all night, taking care of me. And I thank him by making myself weak and unbalanced because he won't love me the way I want him to. But just this much…what he's already giving me…it is a kind of love. I just have to let it be enough…and stop wishing for more._

He felt the other presences in the room disappear and then he was lifted out of the water and dried off and dressed.

"Arigato for your assistance, Tetsuya," Byakuya's voice said softly, "Go and rest. You have endured a difficult night as well. I know."

"I am fine," Tetsuya answered softly, "Good night, Byakuya-sama. I hope Abarai-san will be all right now."

"We have restored the balance of reiatsu in him," Byakuya assured his cousin, "He only needs to sleep now."

"As do you," Tetsuya responded, his words oddly echoing what Renji was feeling, "Please, Cousin, do not neglect yourself. I know you are worried…"

"I am fine," said Byakuya, his voice calm and certain, "I am not the one who is in danger of losing his life."

"No," Tetsuya said, restrained tears in his words, "but your heart feels the danger that it could be broken again."

"Go."

"Yes, Byakuya-sama."

He felt his body being lifted again and smelled the sweet scent of flowers in the gardens. Moments later, he was carried back into the manor and laid in bed. A breathless moment later, Byakuya slid into bed next to him and wrapped his arms around him.

"What are you doing?" Renji mumbled softly.

"Giving you what you need," Byakuya answered, closing his eyes.

_Yeah…even if it kills you, ne?_ the redhead thought as he drifted off.

"Will you sleep now, Renji?"

Renji answered with a soft, contented snore.

XXXXXXXXXX

A cool, flowery breeze floated in through the garden doors, tickling Renji's senses and bringing him awake again. He found himself in Byakuya's bed, buried in warm blankets and (probably due to the time) alone. But extending a hand, he found that Byakuya's place in the bed was still warm.

_So I can't really complain about him running away this time. He stayed for a while. It's a start, anyway._

He yawned and sat up, stretching and then scratching his belly. He paused, frowning and looked down at it.

"Damn…I have a little pot belly now," he muttered.

He caught his breath softly at the feel of the baby's reiatsu moving inside him. Blinking, he rubbed his belly again and was rewarded with a soft throb of the baby's reiatsu. His stomach growled loudly.

"Okay, okay!" he said, smirking, "I'm getting up!"

He slid out of bed and tied his yukata closed, then smiled at Koji as the attendant entered the room.

"Good morning, Abarai-san…or should I say, good afternoon? You slept the morning away. I imagine you're hungry. Torio is bringing your lunch."

"Oh, thanks," said the redhead, "But Byakuya doesn't have to have his attendant look after me too. Who's going to give him his bath and massage, ne?"

"Ah," said Koji, producing a formal kimono and smiling amiably, "Byakuya-sama is at work, so Torio is free to assist."

"I wish I could be off at work," Renji muttered, frowning as the attendant began to dress him, "And what is this for, anyway?"

"The wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are today," Koji reminded him, "Although after you were so sick last night, Byakuya-sama wanted to cancel it. But the elders agreed that you must be wed quickly. You are beginning to show, and they would like to avoid a scandal."

"Right…can't be helped, I guess," Renji sighed, fidgeting as Koji dressed him, "Ugh…that's freaking tight!"

Koji smiled placatingly and removed the kimono, then dressed the redhead in a fresh yukata.

"Wha-?" mused Renji, "What about…?"

"I'll have it adjusted for you," the attendant said.

Then he leaned closer.

"And that will save you several hours of itching and being uncomfortable, ne?"

"Thanks, Koji," Renji chuckled.

"Why don't you get a quick breath of fresh air before it starts raining again and your lunch should be here when you get back," Koji suggested.

"All right," Renji said, "gotta walk off this extra weight anyway, I guess."

"It's just baby weight," Koji assured him, "and the healers are concerned that you should have gained more."

"Well, I've been eating plenty," Renji complained, "I just keep throwing it back up. How's a guy supposed to do that and still gain weight? I'll have to be eating twenty-four, seven!"

Koji laughed.

"I'm sure you'll feel better soon, Abarai-san. You have reached the second trimester and usually the sickness eases then."

"I'll take your word for it, but I won't hold my breath," Renji muttered, walking out the doors and onto the walkway.

He stepped out into the gardens and started around the curving trail, breathing in the pleasing, fresh scents of flowers and recent rains. He had reached the end and turned back, when he came upon Tetsuya, still dressed in his sleeping yukata and kneeling next to the koi pond, leaned with his side against a small sakura tree and sprinkling fish food onto the surface of the water. He wore a distant, expression and his pretty sapphire eyes were filled with sadness. He wondered if he should turn back and leave the young man to his thoughts, but as he started to move, Tetsuya's head lifted and his eyes fixed on Renji, brightening reflexively.

"Abarai-san," he said quietly, "Gomen nasai, I was…just…"

"It's okay," said Renji, giving him an encouraging smile, "I know Byakuya gave you a hard time about Tomio."

Tetsuya bit his lip gently.

"It was not Byakuya-sama's fault," he said softly, "I knew better than to go off alone with him like that. And…I wasn't really that surprised that Tomio tempted me."

"You just didn't expect Byakuya to show up like that. And he wasn't really himself anyway. He'd been drinking because of…well, he'd been drinking."

"And still he wasn't cruel," said Tetsuya, lowering his eyes, "I almost wish he had been. It felt horrible, knowing I had disappointed him so."

"And it doesn't feel any better obeying his wishes either, ne?"

Tetsuya let out a soft breath.

"No. But at least obedience means that no one will be dishonored and no one will have die."

He stared down into the water.

"Why do they hate me so?" he whispered, "I didn't ask to be born a half-blood…and when I look in the mirror, I don't see it. I look like they do, speak and act like they do. I honor the family in every way I can…and yet…I cannot marry a noble, because the other clans will not accept me. I cannot marry a peasant or another like me, because it would bring more 'poor blood' into the family. I am expected to forgo love and children, because even though my own clan is more accepting, they cannot afford to alienate themselves from the other clans that are not. It didn't matter to me before…when I didn't know what love was really like, but…since meeting Tomio…everything is different."

"Yeah," Renji sighed, kneeling next to Tetsuya and slipping an arm around him, "Love does that sometimes."

"But it was worth it," Tetsuya whispered, "Just to be held like that…to have him tell me I am beautiful…and that he loves me. We may not have made love…but we shared it. And I won't regret that."

"You shouldn't…not ever," Renji said, squeezing his hand gently, "I only hope that someday Byakuya can love me that much."

Tetsuya gave him a confused look.

"But Abarai-san," he said softly, "Don't you understand that he already does?"

"Huh?"

Tetsuya gave him a sad smile.

"He pushes you away, because he is afraid of how deeply you make him feel."

Renji gave a soft, sarcastic chuckle.

"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head, "I think he just doesn't know what to do with me."

"Renji? Tetsuya?" Byakuya's voice said from the pathway behind them.

Renji removed his hand from Tetsuya's and stood.

"Hello, Taichou," he said quietly.

Tetsuya remained on his knees, feeding the koi. Byakuya looked past Renji, frowning.

"Cousin," he went on, "I didn't see you in council this morning."

"Look, why don't you cut him some slack?" Renji asked, crossing his arms, "He's doing what you want him to, even though anyone can see…"

"It's all right, Abarai-san," said Tetsuya, standing and meeting Byakuya's eyes, "My apologies, Byakuya-sama, it will not happen again…because I am leaving the family and returning to my mother's family in the Rukongai."


	13. Temptation

**Chapter 13: Temptation**

_"Renji? Tetsuya?" Byakuya's voice said from the pathway behind them._

_Renji removed his hand from Tetsuya's and stood._

_"Hello, Taichou," he said quietly._

_Tetsuya remained on his knees, feeding the koi. Byakuya looked past Renji, frowning._

_"Cousin," he went on, "I didn't see you in council this morning."_

_"Look, why don't you cut him some slack?" Renji asked, crossing his arms, "He's doing what you want him to, even though anyone can see…"_

_"It's all right, Abarai-san," said Tetsuya, standing and meeting Byakuya's eyes, "My apologies, Byakuya-sama, it will not happen again…because I am leaving the family and returning to my mother's family in the Rukongai."_

Renji didn't miss the instant reaction in Byakuya's eyes, the look, as though he had been hit with something hard, and then the swift retaking of emotional control.

"What?" he asked softly, "Tetsuya…"

"I know," Tetsuya said, closing his eyes for a moment, then moving closer to Byakuya and looking into his older cousin's stricken, gray eyes, "I understand what it means…that my place in the clan, my seat on council and all rights, privileges and property will be forfeit. And because I have chosen to abandon my responsibilities, no clan member, not even you can look me in the eyes, speak my name or come to my assistance in any way. I know it is disrespectful in the face of all you have done for me. But it will save you the dishonor if I am unable to obey your wishes, the responsibility if I incite the wrath of the Aomori clan, and the need to protect me."

"Cousin," Byakuya whispered, "Don't do this…don't…"

"I am sorry," Tetsuya whispered back, tears leaking onto his face, "Always before, I have been able to manage to indignity of being seen as less than other clan members. I bore the weight easily, because you were there. You rescued me from that prison I was in…and the greater prison of being always treated as lesser. I was never lesser to you, Cousin, and your love was enough to carry me. In any case, I owed it to you to stay and to take the steps with you to fight the intolerance that we both despised. But my heart isn't in this battle anymore, Byakuya-sama. My heart is in love. And even dying for love is sweeter to me than never experiencing it in all of its fullness."

"But…you will still earn a death sentence if they learn of your relationship with Tomio," Byakuya said, his eyes haunted, "And I will be forced to stand by and do nothing."

"What choice is there?" Tetsuya asked quietly, "I won't drag you down with me, Byakuya-sama. You have my heart as well. And I will honor the love between us by freeing you of obligation."

"But don't you understand? It will not matter if I am obligated by our rules or not. If you are in danger, then I will come for you. And even if it breaks the rules, I will be there for you. To leave, Tetsuya, will not absolve my heart of responsibility. You should have known that was a lie before the words formed on your lips. I cannot force you to stay, of course, but I will lower my pride and ask you not to leave. Because I couldn't bear the emptiness of the space you would leave behind."

"Taichou is right," Renji said, meeting the noble's guarded eyes, "Leaving doesn't mean shit. He's still going to care about what happens to you. I will too. So you might as well stay here…unless you really want that badly to go. But I lived in the Rukongai. And even though I hate to say it…you are going to be looked down on there, too. As stuffy as the nobles are, the people of the Rukongai, while they may be awed, they also envy the life the nobles lead. And someone like you, who looks like one of them will find it difficult to blend in there, too."

"And you do not know your mother's family," Byakuya added, "You would be a stranger to them, leaving this and taking the chance that they could reject you. And having left us behind, where would you go then? The ones you know, the ones you love are here, Tetsuya. You would accomplish nothing by leaving…except to tie my hands and obligate me to abandon you, something I could never do. Do not put me in that position, Tetsuya."

"What would you have me do?" the younger man said pleadingly, "I cannot promise to obey your wishes!"

Byakuya laid a hand on his shoulder and tipped his head forward, lowering his eyes.

"Then I will look the other way," he said quietly.

"No. I cannot ask that of you!" Tetsuya objected.

"You didn't. But if it is the difference between you staying or going, I want you to stay. And if you must risk dishonor, then only be cautious in your decisions and be mindful of the consequences if you are exposed."

"Byakuya-sama…"

"Say nothing more. Just…do not leave, please."

Tetsuya fell silent, his eyes fixed on Byakuya's and his body trembling softly with emotion. He took a soft breath and sought the warmth of Byakuya's arms, embracing his cousin tightly, then offering a gentle nod of acceptance.

"I will stay then," he whispered, "and I will be cautious. I do not want to hurt you."

"But you want to be loved," Byakuya said, turning his head to look into Tetsuya's eyes again, "And you deserve to be…"

Tetsuya smiled and extracted himself from his cousin's arms. He bowed briefly and took his leave of them, walking back down the trail as Arashi appeared silently next to him and tagged along at his heels.

Renji bit his lip and looked down into the koi pond for a moment as Byakuya turned to look at him.

"I was wrong, Byakuya," he said softly.

"What?" asked the noble, "How were you wrong?"

Renji gave him a penitent smile.

"I was wrong when I criticized you for not having those connections. You and your cousin are obviously very close. I had no idea what I was talking about…and I didn't mean it, even when I said it. I wish I hadn't said it…that I could take the words back."

"Let it go, Renji," Byakuya said, looking in the direction Tetsuya had gone, "You were right that I avoid that kind of intimacy with others. But Tetsuya slipped beneath my guard. He was inside my heart before I could close the way to it."

"That gives me hope, Byakuya," Renji said, moving closer, "Because if you can make a place in your heart for him, then there is the chance that you will do the same for me."

Byakuya's lips moved, but words failed him as Renji's arms curled around him and the redhead's lips gently claimed his.

"I want us to be a real family," he whispered in the stunned noble's ear, "Neither of us had that, growing up, but I want us to give that gift to our kids. I want us to be happy together. I know you're afraid of losing us. That's why you are trying so hard to keep your distance, but I'm not giving up. I'll find a way into your heart, Byakuya. I won't give up until I do."

"Why are you doing this?" Byakuya asked, his hands clenching the redhead's shoulders as Renji's mouth invaded his, "You…know we are just together because of the baby. We are not…"

"Stop it," Renji said, halting his words with another long, penetrating kiss, "You know that's just a lie. It's what you tell yourself while you drown yourself in sake to keep the truth from reaching you. But you can only lie to yourself like that for so long, and then the truth will catch up with you. And this truth has been between us since we met, Kuchiki Byakuya!"

"Abarai…"

"We reached out to each other, comforted each other, and started on the pathway to this that first day we met."

"That was…"

"No. It wasn't a mistake…or chance…or anything else you want to call it. Our hearts already knew each other before we knew each others' faces. Don't lie and say they didn't!"

"Let go of me, Renji."

"Let go?" Renji repeated, looking into the solemn, gray eyes, "How am I supposed to let go? We are in this too deep already for anyone to let go. If we let go now, both of us will get hurt."

Byakuya took a breath, again searching for the right words as Renji lifted his hands and brought them to his face, holding him in place as he went on.

"But we can choose to hang on to each other. Please hear me…I know how you met Hisana."

"Renji…"

"Please, just hear me out. If you want to deny what I say, fine, but at least let me say what I have to."

Byakuya took another shaky breath and nodded briefly.

"You were a young officer, really strong and unafraid, but Inuzuri can undo even a strong person like you…and that's what happened. You were brought down by hollows and could have died if she hadn't helped you. It surprised you that someone like her could have survived as long as she did in that place. You were amazed that after having to endure that place, she didn't just rob and abandon you, but she helped you…and you both lived. And because you are an honorable person and you couldn't bear to leave her there, you rescued her by bringing her here. You didn't know at the time that Inuzuri would follow her here and take her anyway. How could you know? How could anyone? It was the perfect love story, and it must have felt wonderful to have saved her from dying there, to have brought her to this beautiful place and offered her the love and care she deserved. You did everything right, but Inuzuri caught up with her, even here, and she's just as dead as if she'd never left. But you gave Hisana five years of heaven before that happened.

Our story isn't that kind of fairy tale romance. We connected because we were both in pain and we reached out and held on to each other. I understood you because I'd spent my life in that place, watching it eat people I cared about. The only friend I had that made it out alive was Rukia, and then I lost her…to you. So, it's not lost on me that Inuzuri kills. It tried to kill me, plenty of times. But I proved, first by living long enough to escape it…then at the end of your own blade, that I'm strong enough."

"But that place didn't kill Hisana," Byakuya said, pulling away and staring into the koi pond, "I did."

"What?"

"She was strong enough to survive Inuzuri, Renji. She had already done that. But when I married her, I obligated her to bear my heir. She did so willingly, because she loved me. But doing so took too much of a toll on one already worn down by that life. And she died, in the end, because I impregnated her. The healers were kind enough not to phrase it that way, but it is the truth. She couldn't tolerate the strain of carrying my child and she died trying to do so. So as treacherous as her life in Inuzuri was, my love was even more so. It promised beauty, light, an end to her pain…then it took everything away."

"And you think that will happen again with me?" Renji asked, stepping forward and taking hold of the front of his shihakushou.

Byakuya froze, his eyes flaring with indignation, but a soft glint of something deeper within them.

"Listen to me, Kuchiki Byakuya," Renji said, stunning the noble with his sudden ferocity, "_Inuzuri_ wasn't enough to kill me. _Your ban kai_ wasn't enough to kill me. And _your love_ isn't enough to kill me either! I am not going anywhere! I am in your life because I chose to be here, and I want that to be a good thing for both of us. But I can't do it alone. It's going to take both of us to make this happen. It's fine if you need to take your time, but we're not going to get anywhere with you treating me like a flower in your garden that you're afraid is going to get trampled any minute. I can take being trampled, but I won't be ignored."

He broke off, distracted by a soft twitch in the noble's fine lips, a sudden cracking in that hard exterior he maintained to keep his distance.

"What?" he queried, confused by the suddenness of Byakuya's reaction, "You think that was _funny_?"

"Actually," said Byakuya, making Renji's breath freeze in his chest, "I was trying to decide whether you were a flower or some kind of weed, Abarai."

"What? What the hell? _Byakuya_! What…?"

The noble's usually frowning lips were almost smiling. He touched Renji's face, freezing him in place again.

"You are in possession of an exotic kind of beauty, but you refuse to die, no matter how many times you are crushed. You have the properties of both weed and flower…and that makes you different."

"Okay," said Renji, "Now _I'm_ trying to decide whether to kiss you for the compliment or to kick your ass for insulting me!"

"Well, I'll spare you having to do either," Byakuya said, slowly removing Renji's hands from the front of his clothing, then turning away, "It is time for us to dress for the rehearsal. Come."

He flash stepped away, leaving Renji staring after him.

"What the hell? What just happened?" Renji mused, "Did things just get better or did they get worse?"

He let out an annoyed breath and stomped back along the trail to the manor. Koji corralled him immediately upon his arrival, and wrangled him into his altered kimono. Renji stood quietly as he was dressed, Byakuya's words repeating in his mind. He couldn't decide whether to be happy or angry, but it was a comfort not to feel lonely. In the end, he sighed resignedly and stopped trying to figure out what it all meant. And when Byakuya appeared in his doorway, beautifully dressed and paused to look him over, Renji only looked back at him in greeting and took his offered hand.

"That kimono was a good choice," commented the noble as they walked out of Renji's room together, "The colors compliment you."

"Yeah," chuckled Renji, "Well that's Koji's doing. I wouldn't have known what to wear. He chose it."

"No," said the noble, "Actually, I did."

Renji couldn't stop the smile Byakuya's words brought to his lips.

"Oh…thanks Taichou."

"Hmmm…"

"What?" Renji queried.

"I find it interesting that you use the way you address me to indicate the level of connection you are making. When the emotion is calm…light, you use my military designation, but when you are impassioned, you speak my name. It is a curiosity, but it has the effect of giving my name more impact when you speak it."

Renji leaned closer so that the attendants following them out into the gardens and to the pavilion could not hear.

"Yeah? Well wait until you hear it while we're in bed together on our wedding night," he whispered, causing a soft blush to rise up on the noble's cheeks and throat, "I'll show you impact…"

Byakuya glared at him out of the corner of an eye and his reiatsu flared softly in warning. He stopped short of saying anything more as they were greeted by Tetsuya and the three were led to the pavilion, where the rest of the council and wedding party waited.

Renji went through the motions of the preparations, his mind continuing to mull over Byakuya's behavior since his outburst in the gardens. It seemed as though a weight had lifted, and he was sure that he saw something different in Byakuya's eyes when they looked at him. But he just wasn't sure whether anything had changed significantly. Weariness stole over him and he picked disinterestedly at his dinner, paying enough attention, so as not to put anyone off, but losing himself in his thoughts. He was brought out of his reverie as the dinner ended and he, Byakuya and Tetsuya returned to the main wing together. They paused on the walkway and Tetsuya wished them a good night. They watched him walk off in the direction of his room.

Renji stood still on the walkway, waiting almost breathlessly as Byakuya met his eyes questioningly.

"Would you care to join me?" he asked tentatively.

Renji took a soft, happy breath and nodded, forcing himself to conceal the smile that tried to erupt across his face. He followed the noble into his bedroom and waited for the attendants to come to undress him. He took a surprised breath as Byakuya moved closer and slowly freed him from the stiff, formal kimono, then wrapped a soft yukata around him. Smiling, Renji returned the favor and the two walked to the bed and laid down together. Byakuya curled his body around the redhead's, breathing in his pleasant, masculine scent and resting a hand on the bump on his lower abdomen. Neither spoke any words to the other, but only looked quietly out the garden doors at the stars as they drifted off together.

Out in the gardens, Tetsuya stood quietly under the stars, Arashi's body providing warmth against the evening chill. He breathed in the flowery air and loosed it again, unsure what to feel.

_It is still very painful, not being able to be with him. But there is still great beauty in my life…and there is love. My cousin's affection has seen me through difficult times before…_

He let the thought go without finishing it, then patted Arashi's neck and turned towards his bedroom. He had only just stepped through the doors as an arm wrapped suddenly around his waist from behind and a hand covered his mouth.

"I tried to talk myself out of this," Tomio said softly in his ear, "but it seems that I just can't get you out of my head, Kuchiki Tetsuya!"

He inhaled sharply in surprise as he was gently overcome by a soft throb of Tomio's reiatsu.

"We still have things to say to each other," he whispered as the blue-eyed noble's legs gave way and he collapsed into Tomio's arms. Tomio lifted him gently onto Arashi's back, then climbed up after, holding him in place as the stallion carried them out of the gardens.


	14. Silk and Sakura

**Chapter 14: Silk and Sakura**

Tetsuya woke to the odd and exotically beautiful feeling of being suspended in something soft to the touch and unusually strong. Whatever it was that held him, did so without being binding or intrusive. It was, on the other hand, deeply pleasant, even with his eyes lightly covered and with the soft strands holding him securely in place. He remembered that it had been Tomio who had stolen up behind him and abducted him, and was intensely curious, rather that angered or fearful.

_And he had the assistance of my own steed…meaning that Arashi read his intent as friendly and went along with it willingly. And Arashi's judgment, when it comes to my well being, is beyond suspicion. He would never allow an enemy to approach me. He sensed the depth of my longing and acted to allow love to approach me…_

He held perfectly still and listened carefully, reaching out with his sharp senses and feeling that he was not alone. He felt Tomio's gentle presence and could feel the touch of the lively green eyes that had been watching him as he slept, bound in the soft strands that held him. He took his lead from Tomio's silence and did not speak, but stirred within his bonds and took a deeper breath. A sweet, tickling sensation moved through him as Tomio's softened lips brushed against his, then made a line of kisses up to his earlobe.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked in a low, tranquil voice.

"Completely," Tetsuya answered.

"Will you trust me, or do you want me to let you go now?"

Tetsuya smiled.

"You would never harm me. You have my trust. But I am curious. What is this, Tomio-san? And why? Why did you bring me here?"

"You lie within a bed of newly spun silk," Tomio answered, "You are aware that each of the noble clans is closely bonded with some aspect of nature. Being of the Kuchiki clan, your totem is the sakura tree. Your clan is descended of an ancient sakura that stands in the spirit king's gardens. He is said to have created your first ancestor from a borrowed limb and a fall of soft petals. And all of your kin are scented like the blossoms of that tree, as well as having the softest, most pale and lovely skin of any living creature. And despite your delicate look, you are enduring and wise, as your ancient forebear.

My clan is a clan of textile artisans. We too, have a connection to a living thing in the king's gardens. Our forebear is the great silkworm that spins the finest silk in all of the three worlds. It is the only fabric the king wears, and is gathered and sewn for him by members of my clan. Because of our connection with the great silkworm, we are able to cause fine silk to emerge from our fingertips at will. We use this to create our own clothing. When we are children, our mothers make our clothing, but when we reach adulthood, we alone make all of the clothing that touches our skin."

"You mean…everything that you wear…"

"I create myself."

Tetsuya's smile widened.

"That is lovely, Tomio-san."

"Although parents make the clothing for their children, a member of our clan will, only once, create clothing for another person. When we choose a mate, we craft clothing for our mate as we share our first intimacy."

Tetsuya felt a hot flush rise on his skin. Tomio's lips captured his and kissed away his objections.

"Tetsuya-san, I understand the dangers of our love. I know that you do as well. But…my heart knew when I saw you that if I was going to experience love, it must be with you. The resonance between us is unbearably strong…and it has made me abandon the rules to be with you. I apologize for taking you as I did, and if you wish it, I will free you and allow you to go back to Kuchiki Manor now, but…if you love me as I have come to love you, I ask if you will share in our ritual of love binding."

"A love binding?" breathed Tetsuya, "but isn't that your clan's version of marriage?"

"Yes," answered Tomio, "Once mated, I cannot have another mate for the rest of my life."

"But…didn't you become mated with Byakuya-sama when you were his companion?" Tetsuya asked.

"No," answered Tomio, "I was to be given to Byakuya-sama in a more common marriage, but it was not a love relationship. And we never took part in the binding ritual. Only I choose the person to bind myself to, and once it is done, I can never bind myself to another again. This binding requires that love exist between us, so I could not have engaged in the ritual with Byakuya-sama, as we did not love each other that way."

"But…Tomio-san, you must realize that we cannot be together. The rules of my clan and yours…"

"Tetsuya-san, this ritual will force them to accept our desire to be together. There will be nothing they can do to undo it."

"But, I do not want to bind you that way. Tomio-san, if we cannot be together, I would not want you to be alone."

"Don't you understand, Tetsuya-san? When I saw you, looked into your eyes, met you that first time, _I already knew_! I knew you were the one. The members of our clan know when they meet that other."

"But you were with Byakuya-sama then…"

"And I would not have been able to bind myself to you, had my marriage to Byakuya-sama happened as planned. But fate intervened and it gave me the chance to know true, passionate love…with you, Tetsuya."

"I don't understand, Tomio-san," Tetsuya said, shaking his head, "The rules of our clans do not allow us to be together."

"But the rules of our nature demand it," answered Tomio, "And as unhappy as they will be that I have done this, they will see that our resonance was so strong that it could not be avoided. They will _have_ to accept it. I know they will."

"But what if they don't?" asked Tetsuya, "Byakuya-sama says that they have the right to demand my life as payment…"

He trailed off as Tomio kissed his lips again.

"That is only if you are the aggressor. If you were to take me, they would accuse you of the improper behavior, but as I have abducted and bound you, they cannot claim that you seduced me."

"Won't you be punished?" Tetsuya asked worriedly.

"Perhaps," said Tomio, sounding unconcerned, "But they won't kill me, and although they will frown on our binding, it will be done. And even if the worst happens and your clan or mine refuses to accept it, at very least, we will have honored our love for each other in a special, indelible way, Tetsuya-san. We will always have each other's hearts."

"I don't know…" Tetsuya whispered, "I do not want anything bad to happen to you, Tomio-san…and Byakuya-sama warned me against this. I don't want to dishonor my cousin."

"It is all right," Tomio assured him, "The blame will fall on me and you and Byakuya-sama will not be held responsible."

"But…"

"Do you love me, Tetsuya?"

Tetsuya froze at the more intimate rendering of his name.

"Do you?"

"Yes, I love you, Tomio," Tetsuya replied breathlessly, "however…"

"Then do this for me…even if it is the only time we are ever able to express our love to each other. Let us give each other one lasting, lifelong gift."

"_Tomio_!"

"Will you do this for me?" Tomio asked, tracing the delicate lines of Tetsuya's face and kissing the sensitive skin of his throat, "Please, Tetsuya. If we can have nothing else, let us at least have this!"

Tetsuya's eyes closed beneath the silken blindfold.

_I do love him…and no one has ever wanted so much to be with me this way! But I feel danger…that there is something…_

His thoughts derailed as Tomio's mouth fastened on his and the other man's, his tongue invading sweetly and leaving Tetsuya flushed, and his heart pounding.

"Tomio…" he moaned softly between kisses, "Tomio, I cannot think with you…"

"Then just say yes. Be with me, Tetsuya. I promise you, you will not regret it. But we will both regret it if we do not give in to what we feel!"

Tetsuya shifted and inhaled sharply as the silken strands all over his bared body slid teasingly along his naked flesh and sent tremors of intense arousal through him. Tomio's hands touched his face and his tongue invaded Tetsuya's mouth again, exploring him deeply before releasing him again. He tried not to move, but couldn't seem to help it. And when he moved, the soft strands moved along his skin again, causing devilish friction and making him gasp and pant with delight.

"Does it feel good, Tetsuya?" Tomio asked, teasing Tetsuya's earlobe with his tongue.

"Oh!" gasped Tetsuya, his senses overcome with arousal, "Oh…it feels…h-heavenly!"

Tetsuya sensed that Tomio was above him, but made a sound of surprise as he realized that he too was bound gently in the soft, beautiful strands now, suspended just above him, so that he lightly touched Tetsuya's bound form. And their movements pleasured, not just one, but both of them as they touched and kissed each other.

"I want to see your eyes," Tomio whispered, "but I have to keep them covered while I craft."

His body settled more firmly onto Tetsuya's, and as their hips moved, the strands around them tightened pleasantly. Tetsuya could feel the other man's hands touching his body in a slow, methodical way, even as they kissed and thrust against each other. He shivered and moaned helplessly as Tomio's mouth invaded his repeatedly, and as their movements and the silken strands caused increasingly more intense friction.

The blue-eyed shinigami found himself breathless as Tomio's fingers touched his lips, traced them gently, then slowly passed between his parted lips. He closed his mouth around them, sucking softly, then bathed them in saliva and released them again. His body quivered as Tomio's fingers slid downward, disturbing the silk strands and sending lovely, erotic jolts through him. A warm hand touched his thigh questioningly, and sighing softly, Tetsuya yielded. Tomio's mouth returned to his and fed him a flurry of harder, more passionate kisses as he teased Tetsuya's virgin entrance, then slowly began to prepare him for their joining.

Tetsuya moaned feverishly, shivering at the feeling of invasion, then relaxing again as Tomio's mouth pleasured his, and the warm finger moved, coaxing his hips into moving to deepen the contact. The silk strands riled his skin in so many places at once, it left him highly aware of every place they touched him and overwhelmed him to the point where he could no longer form a coherent thought. All he knew was the wonderful feeling of his lover touching him, kissing him and pleasuring him to the disappearance of all else.

"You are so beautiful, Tetsuya…" Tomio whispered, running his tongue up the length of his lover's pale throat and watching the reaction in the blue-eyed noble's body, the deep impact of the words he treasured hearing, "You should see yourself now. Your body is glowing all over…your zanpakutou's influence, I think. And your reiatsu is so riled, it is affecting mine!"

"Tomio!" Tetsuya moaned, unable to say any more than his lover's name.

He caught his breath, fluid leaking from the tip of his swollen member as Tomio's fingers found an untouched and deeply sensitive place inside him, making him cry out in pleasure, as his back arched and the strands around his body deepened the effect until it became dizzying.

"Oh…oh Tomio, I don't know if I can…" he gasped, panting harshly.

Tomio's lips silenced him as the fingers were carefully removed and Tomio moved into position between his parted thighs. There was a breathless pause and then Tetsuya blinked in surprise as Tomio removed the blindfold, revealing his surroundings and allowing him to see, for the first time, the lovely blue creation he had crafted around his lover's restrained body.

"T-tomio," Tetsuya managed in a stunned whisper, staring at the beautiful silken folds, "This…it is…amazing! It's as though you…"

"When we craft our lover's clothing," Tomio whispered, "we make a connection with the other person's heart. What we make is a reflection of that person's spirit. Your dominant color is blue, like the water and ice of your zanpakutou. The colors and tones are pure, like your heart. The pattern is serene and calm, with a more passionate underpinning at the foundation."

"It is…perfect…" whispered Tetsuya as Tomio's mouth came down on his and he prepared to bring their bodies together.

Tomio gazed deeply into Tetsuya's sapphire eyes as he began, pausing when he saw hints of pain and taking his lover in gentle, cautious movements. Tetsuya's eyes went hazy as he looked back into Tomio's adoring, green eyes, his hands tightened on his lover's shoulders.

"I love you," Tomio whispered in his ear, pausing as their bodies joined, "We are one now Tetsuya. No matter what happens, we will always have this."

"I love you too," Tetsuya whispered back, his eyes misting, "I love feeling you inside me this way, Tomio. You've erased a lifetime of loneliness!"

They brought their lips together, kissing slowly and lightly as their hips began to move in gentle thrusts. The silken strands along their bodies moved with them, stroking their skin pleasantly as they kissed harder and moaned with rising intensity.

"My Tetsuya will never be lonely again," Tomio promised, thrusting in deeper and moving his hips faster, "I will always be with you now…and no one can take this away from us!"

"Tomio!" Tetsuya gasped, "My Tomio!"

Tetsuya held on tightly, closing his eyes as pleasure welled up inside him and he felt his resistance give way.

"Open your eyes!" panted Tomio, his own body writhing and seizing as he reached climax, "Tetsuya!"

Tetsuya's eyes opened again and locked on Tomio's as they crested a lovely wave of intense pleasure together. Tetsuya's body shuddered as the blue-eyed noble gripped his lover's body tightly and his lips parted in uncontrolled cries of pleasure. Tomio held himself deep inside his lover, filling him in wonderful, seething pulses. Tetsuya moaned helplessly as Tomio's mouth assaulted his with heavy, sweet kisses and his lover's hand released the strands that restrained him. They laid together, cocooned in the fine, silken strands, kissing and touching more lightly, until weariness overtook them and they drifted off to sleep.

Tomio woke well before dawn and leaned over his sleeping lover, kissing him lightly and sending a calming pulse of reiatsu into him to make sure he didn't wake. He freed them from the strands of silk they had lain on and returned him to Arashi's back, then climbed up and held him close as the stallion carried them back to Kuchiki Manor. They slipped silently past the guards and into the gardens, then stopped outside Tetsuya's bedroom. Tomio lifted him down and carried him into his room, then laid him on the bed and smoothed and spread the silken material all around him. He smiled affectionately, pausing to admire the beauty of his sleeping mate, then leaning down to offer him a kiss of parting. Tetsuya's sapphire eyes opened and gazed sweetly up into his for a long moment, then closed again. Tomio slipped out into the fading night and disappeared as the sky outside clouded and raindrops began to fall again. Tetsuya slept soundly, lulled by the sound of the rain and wrapped warmly in the memories of their coupling.

_Whatever happens now…at very least…we have this._

_I have no regrets…_


	15. Moonlight Sonata

**Chapter 15: Moonlight Sonata**

Byakuya rested quietly, drawing and releasing slow, silent breaths as the rain fell outside the bedroom. The gentle, peaceful sound of it reached him, even as he dreamed, and in the confines of his sleeping mind, he heard the sound of a piano. It played a song he had once heard while on a mission in the living world…

_Moonlight Sonata…that is what it was called._

_He heard it again, coming from somewhere in the gardens, outside his room. He sat up slowly, finding it odd that although he knew he had fallen asleep in Renji's arms, Renji wasn't in his bedroom now. He touched the place where Renji had been sleeping and found the bedding cold. He picked up the pillow Renji's head had rested on and found that Renji's pleasant, comforting scent was gone._

_He climbed out of bed and tied his yukata more firmly, then left the room and moved out onto the walkway. The music seemed to be coming from within the gardens, where a canopy had been set in place so that the wedding could be held there, even if it rained. It seemed odd to remember that although his wedding to Hisana had taken place in the summer, the same thing had occurred. Hisana's voice rose up…a light tickle of merriness in her tone._

"_Byakuya-sama…it's so lovely!" she said softly, her eyes twinkling as they stood in the place where they were to be married and watched the odd summer rain fall only a few steps away._

_The memory drifted away as he entered the covered area and suddenly noticed that the seats were filled with guests, and the pianist was playing Moonlight Sonata to entertain them as they waited for the arrival of the bridal couple. Byakuya felt a blush on his cheeks for having arrived late and improperly dressed, but as he turned to leave, Renji's hand touched his arm._

"_No running away this time," the redhead said in a soft voice._

_Byakuya started to object, but froze as he looked down at himself and realized that he was dressed in the kimono that Hisana had crafted for him to wear on their wedding day._

"_Renji…" he whispered, feeling unsettled at the connotation, "Renji…I need to…change."_

_Renji's hand tightened on his arm._

"_I'm not letting you get away. Come on. It's time."_

"_B-but…!"_

_He felt a sense of dread fall over him as he and Renji moved forward. He closed his eyes against the odd looks he was getting from the family members, who obviously knew about the kimono. They reached the raised platform and walked up the steps together._

_He felt a raindrop strike him and looked up._

_The covering over the garden was gone and the rain poured down over everything._

"_Renji?" he said, turning._

_He was stunned to find that he was alone. Renji was gone and all of the seats were empty. Rain splashed down on everything, leaving puddles on the seats and tables. Lightning flashed and thunder nearly drowned out the sound of the piano that, oddly, continued to play, even with no one sitting in front of it._

"_Renji!" he called out in a louder voice, "Abarai?"_

_Someone was running towards him. At first, he thought it was Renji, but as the person moved closer, he saw that it was Torio. _

"_Torio, where is Renji?" he demanded._

"_Byakuya-sama!" Torio answered, staring, "Byakuya-sama, Abarai Renji…is gone. You…you know that."_

"_No!" yelled Byakuya, as Torio went on._

"_He died in childbirth…with…with…"_

"_No!" Byakuya cried, "Stop saying that! He was here! He was right here a moment ago! And there were guests, and…"_

"_B-byakuya-sama," Torio whispered, a terrified look in his eyes, "You…you must remember! Please don't leave us again! You've only just regained your mind again. Please! Try to remember. You were with him when he passed. You promised."_

_An image rose up in his mind…Renji lying on his back in their bed, looking ghostly pale and holding tightly to his hand. He touched the redhead's pale, sweating face and Renji gave him a sad smile._

"_I'm sorry, Taichou…so sorry. I know I said I was strong enough. I thought I was…but…"_

"_Renji, stay with me!"_

_The red-brown eyes met his penitently._

"_I want to…but I failed you. I lost our baby and I know you don't want to know it, but I'm dying."_

"_Stop it! Stop saying that! You can't leave me. You promised you wouldn't. You said that it would be different this time…that you wouldn't…that…"_

_He broke off, tears streaming onto his face._

"_Don't leave me, Renji, please!"_

_But when he looked down again, the person in the bed was Hisana._

"_What's happening?" he sobbed, standing and backing away as the face changed and was Renji's again, "Renji?"_

_He closed his eyes and heard Torio's devastated cries._

"_Byakuya-sama, he is dead. You know that he died. Please stop, Byakuya-sama! Don't do this again!"_

_He ran from the room, sobbing as the rain pounded down, soaking him in moments. Sounds followed him. Renji's voice telling him to keep trying to find love that wouldn't die, Hisana's whispering that she loved him, his attendant pleading for him to come back and in the background, the piano still played hauntingly, not even getting softer as he burst out of the gardens and ran towards the family cemetery with the water splashing around his bare feet. He burst into the cemetery, stopping and panting heavily at the gate, as lightning flashed and he saw the new gravestone._

"_No!" he screamed, "Renji! Renji, you promised me! Renji!"_

_He ran to the gravestone that had been placed next to Hisana's, and fell onto his knees, crying uncontrollably and reaching out to touch the letters on the stone with his trembling fingers._

'_Abarai Renji' was written at the top, and down lower was a second name. He tried, but couldn't read it in the darkness._

"_Renji," he moaned, digging his fingers into the muddied grass, "Renji, don't leave me…don't leave me…don't leave me…"_

_He dug into the ground, wanting to die with them, to be put into the ground with them, to disappear into the pain all around him. He tore at the grass and mud, pulling out dark clumps and sinking in deeper._

"_Byakuya-sama!" cried Torio's voice, seeming closer than it had before, "Byakuya-sama, please stop! She is gone!"_

"_Let me take care of him," said a deeper, muffled voice._

_It occurred to him suddenly that the piano had gone silent and that all he could hear was Torio's soft crying and the sound of the rain. Warm arms wrapped around him and someone's hands gripped his, stopping them from digging any deeper._

"_Stop it, okay?"_

_Byakuya blinked and started to come out of the haze he was in._

"Are you going to stop now?" Renji said softly in his ear, his hands still holding Byakuya's tightly, "You scared Torio half to death, screaming like that and trying to dig up her grave. It's enough already. You have to snap out of it or you're going to end up in the psych ward down at the fourth."

"Renji…" he whispered, blinking and squinting in the darkness.

"You okay now, Taichou?" he asked as Byakuya curled into his arms and nuzzled his face beneath the hood on Renji's cloak.

He buried his face in the dark red hair, breathing in the redhead's warm scent and relaxing in his arms.

"How did I get here?" he asked, his hand slipping beneath Renji's cloak and finding the bump on his abdomen.

He sighed in relief, blinking back tears as the reiatsu cluster pulsed and shifted beneath his hand.

"I think it was a night terror, sir," said Torio, his voice calming, "I was so scared, I forgot that when I became his attendant, they warned me that when he was younger, he had night terrors. I never actually saw one, because he seemed to grow out of them, but…gomen nasai, Abarai-san, I didn't realize."

"It's okay," said Renji, "I'm just glad he's not really losing his mind."

"Would you two quit speaking about me as though I'm not here?" Byakuya snapped, pulling free of Renji and dragging himself unsteadily to his feet, "I'll be fine now."

Renji laughed with soft sarcasm.

"Yeah, you look fine, standing in a cemetery in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, covered in mud and looking like a walking zombie, Taichou. Don't bullshit me. You're a mess. Come on, we should go back."

Torio stepped forward and placed a warm cloak around the noble's shoulders. Byakuya turned and stepped clear of Renji as the redhead tried to slip an arm around him.

"Stop treating me like a child, Abarai!" he said angrily, "It was a night terror. I have no problem knowing what is real, now that I am awake, and I do not need my hand held. I am cold and tired and I don't feel like standing around in the rain talking about this."

He flash stepped away, leaving Renji and Torio staring after him. He returned through the gardens and flash stepped to the bathing chamber. His hands shook from cold and memory as he removed the cloak and then his soaked and stained nightclothes. He waded out into the warm water and underneath the waterfall, closing his eyes and letting the comforting heat soothe him. He pushed away the awful memory of the dream, resolving to make it through the wedding ceremony without disgracing himself again. He had almost convinced himself it was possible, when Renji's arms wrapped around him and the redhead's voice sounded in his ear again. For a moment, he wondered if he had begun to dream again, but the arms around him, he found, were quite real. He was aware that an over-reaction would only fuel Renji's concerns about him, so he held himself calm and quiet as the water splashed down on them.

"Don't kill me, okay?" Renji said, chuckling nervously, "I'm not here to hold your hand or anything. I just felt like being with you."

"Very well," the noble said, fully composed, and trying to sound indifferent, "Do as you wish."

Renji's hand slid down his chest and onto his abdomen, stopping well short of touching him sexually. Byakuya ignored him and slowly washed the mud from his skin and under his fingernails. Renji continued to stand behind him, with his arms wrapped around the noble.

"Can I ask you something without you getting mad at me?" Renji asked quietly.

"What?"

"Were you dreaming…about me dying?"

"What? Why would you say that?" Byakuya asked, frowning.

"Well," said the redhead, "When we found you in the cemetery, you were kneeling on her grave, but you were screaming my name. You really are scared I'm going to die, even now, right?"

"I told you I don't want to talk about it," the noble said, pulling free of him again.

"Okay, fine. Look, all I was going to say is that I understand this is bringing back bad memories for you, and I'm sorry it's like that. I'm not asking for anything from you or trying to hold your hand here, but…I get what's happening, Taichou. And just so you know, I am fine. Everything is fine with our baby. I promise you, we aren't going anywhere. So, if you're worried…"

"I am fine, Abarai," Byakuya said in a tired and annoyed tone, "But thank you. I appreciate the attempt to bolster my spirits, no matter how unnecessary it is. Now, if you will pardon me…"

He froze as Renji took hold of him, pulling him into a deep, powerful, wet and knee-weakening kiss. Byakuya reeled for a moment as Renji's mouth released his, then glared into the redhead's eyes and turned away. He walked sedately back and slipped into a fresh yukata, flushing slightly as he encountered the fact that his member was responding strongly to Renji's kiss. The blush deepened as he realized that Renji had noticed and wore a smug, self-satisfied smirk. He gave the man a smoldering look, then flash stepped away, leaving Renji chuckling.

"Go ahead, try to run. I have you now, Kuchiki Byakuya. We're going to be happy together, even if it kills us…"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Byakuya-sama," said Torio, from the doorway to the bedroom, "They are almost ready to begin."

"Arigato," he replied, nodding briefly, "I am ready."

He walked to the dresser, where Hisana's picture rested in a frame, smiling up at him as he took it down and gazed down at it. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, feeling her absence keenly.

"You did say that the time would come for me to move on," he said softly, "but even if you can't be here, you are still a part of me. I will just make room for someone else, who will become a part of me too. It seems so strange that a dead and wretched place like Inuzuri could have held the two most beautiful people to ever enter my life. And even though you are gone, and even though I will move forward…you will remain in my heart always."

He held the picture to his breast and closed his eyes for a moment, connecting one last time, with the way it felt to stand with his arms around her, to look into her eyes and her her sweet voice say his name. Then he turned and opened the top drawer, and slipped the picture in beneath the clothes.

"You don't have to do that, you know," Renji said from the doorway, "I'm not threatened by your feelings for her at all."

Byakuya turned to look at him, but couldn't think of a word to say. And even if he had known what to say, the way Renji looked in his formal kimono, with his red tresses braided on the sides and long in the back, smiling at him and resting a hand on the bump beneath which their baby grew, left Byakuya inexplicably breathless.

"Did you hear me?" asked Renji, "I said…"

"I heard you," Byakuya said, forcing himself into motion and moving closer to the redhead.

He stood quietly in front of the redhead, looking up into Renji's exotic red-brown eyes.

"You look…enchanting, Renji," he said, taking his fiancée's hand.

Renji's smile widened.

"Yeah? Well, it itches like hell! And don't even get me started about all of the weird scented oils they used and the…"

He broke off as Byakuya captured his lips in a sweet, almost painfully intense kiss.

"Sirs!" said Torio, from further down the walkway, "It isn't time for that yet!"

"Hey," said Renji, "We were just practicing! We want to get it right for the ceremony, okay?"

"Come, Renji," Byakuya said quietly, still holding the redhead's hand as he turned, "Let us not keep everyone waiting."

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya's kiss still burned on Renji's lips as he held onto the noble's hand and followed Byakuya up the walkway and out onto the covered path that led to the canopied area of the gardens, where their guests waited. Tetsuya and Rukia stood waiting on either side of the head elder, Rukia dressed in a lovely violet and blue kimono and Tetsuya wearing something layered with a darker blue on the outside over a royal blue underneath. The two spotted Byakuya and Renji waiting at the beginning of the aisle and walked out to meet them, placing themselves between the two. The guests rose and turned to watch as the wedding march began and the four walked slowly up the aisle together. As they moved up the aisle and the music played, Tetsuya's eyes strayed for just a moment to meet Tomio's as he passed, a blush rising on his cheeks. They reached the head elder and Tetsuya and Rukia set Byakuya's hand in Renji's then retook their places on either side of the head elder, waiting as the music halted and the elder launched into the ritual of joining.

"We have gathered today, despite the rain, to witness the union of Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji in the bonds of holy matrimony. Marriage is a sacred relation, requiring that those who partake of its blessing be of serious and honorable intent. To that end, do you, Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji, swear that you enter this marriage in honesty and with honorable purpose?"

"We do," the bridal couple said together.

"Very well," said the elder, waiting as Byakuya unwound the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu from around his throat and handed it to him.

He wound the fine cloth around their joined hands, binding them gently together.

"The vows you are about to take are at once a divine agreement and a resounding statement of your love. To show your readiness to take those vows, do either of you know of any reason you may not be legally wed?"

"No," the two said softly.

"Abarai Renji, do you take Kuchiki Byakuya to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward? Will you love honor and cherish him, for better or for worse? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health for all the days of your lives?"

Renji smiled and nodded, looking into Byakuya's dark eyes and hardly able to get the words out.

"I will."

"And do you, Kuchiki Byakuya, take Abarai Renji to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward? Will you love, honor and cherish him, for better or for worse? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health for all the days of your lives?"

Renji felt a soft shiver of fear as Byakuya's eyes misted for a moment, and a look of uncertainty touched them for one heart-stopping moment. The garden went silent, except for the sound of the rain as Byakuya swallowed and blinked, and seemed to recover.

"I will," he said with forced calm.

But Renji could see the struggle going on. He wagered that the head elder saw the same thing as he quickly resumed speaking. Renji stroked Byakuya's fingers lightly as they stood, listening and giving the required responses.

"And now, Byakuya and Renji will each make a more personal statement of commitment to each other. Renji?"

Renji took a soft, steadying breath.

"We have come a long way since the first day we met, when you walked by me without even seeing me, and your reiatsu nearly crushed me. Byakuya, you are an inspiration to me, not just as a taichou, but as a person. I look up to you and want very much to have strength like yours. I am glad we are together, and I look forward to passing on our strength and love to our children. I offer you my hand and my heart in marriage, and promise to love and honor you always."

"Byakuya-sama?"

Byakuya looked down at their joined hands, then back up into Renji's eyes.

"Love is an uneasy trust," he said quietly, "We make our promises to each other, but we do not know, from moment to moment, the number of days or hours we will have. It is easy, I think to fall victim to doubt…and to become hopeless after tragedy strikes. But there lights in our lives that guide us out of those places, and with the brightness about you, I found the light of hope again. It is a fragile thing, but it is a powerful gift you have given me. I too, look forward to setting an example of love and strength for our children. I offer my hand and my heart to you in marriage, and promise to love and honor you always."

Renji felt a wave of relief sweep over him as the ceremony moved on and the two of them exchanged rings. But his heart could only fully believe in what was happening as the head elder said the final words, binding them together.

"I now pronounce you partners in life, bonded in love, and handfasted with the blessing of the Kuchiki clan elders. You may now exchange a kiss as a token of your love."

Their lips met gently and Byakuya was almost smiling, but his body shook softly and he released Renji quickly as the kiss ended. Renji watched him carefully as the wedding ended and the reception began. But however unsettled he had seemed before, he seemed calm and composed, even happy as he and Renji walked from table to table around the reception area, greeting each guest and thanking them for coming. And he showed no hesitation when the dancing began, joining Renji for each traditional dance, and sharing dances with the female elders of the clan, and several of the children. He was surprised at how pleased everyone seemed to be, despite Renji being a peasant. He found himself the center of attention, surrounded by curious Kuchiki children and women, and dragged onto the dance floor repeatedly until his head was spinning and he was sure he was going to throw up.

Several times, his eyes scanned the room and found Byakuya looking quietly in his direction. His expression fell somewhere between anxiety and longing, and he only held Renji's eyes for a moment, before looking away. Renji worked his way across the room and joined his new spouse for a slow dance.

"You look as though you are enjoying yourself," Byakuya said softly, "The family has taken to you."

Renji's smile widened.

"And what about you?" he asked, "Have you taken to me?"

Byakuya blinked slowly and pressed his lips warmly to the redhead's.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked.

"Almost," joked Renji, pausing as Byakuya's eye fell on Tetsuya, who stood in front of Tomio.

As the two watched, Tomio reached up to brush his fingers against the royal blue fabric that peeked out from beneath the darker blue. Recognition registered in Byakuya's eyes, and Renji felt the tension in his body increase.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"I don't believe it," Byakuya whispered, "They have undergone the Aomori love binding ritual."

"What?"

"That silk beneath his kimono…could only have come from one place."

His eyes darkened with worry.

"Is that bad?" Renji asked, "I mean, they do love each other…"

"It means they are mated…as if married. They can only have children with each other. If the Aomori clan discovers this…"

"They won't," said Renji firmly, "Tetsuya and Tomio will be all right."

"I hope so," the noble said softly, "But I dare not hope…"

His eyes closed for a moment, then found Tetsuya again.

"Cousin," he breathed, "You must be very careful now…"


	16. Watercolors

**Chapter 16: Watercolors**

Byakuya stood quietly, looking into the full-length mirror as Torio removed his wedding kimono and dressed him in a shining satin, midnight blue yukata. The attendant reached up, looking at his reflection in the mirror in askance and earning a short nod of permission before gently removing his kenseiken. He spent several minutes combing and smoothing the noble's long, thick black hair, then stepped back, smiling as Koji appeared behind them to announce that Renji had been brought into his room.

"Arigato, Koji…Torio, you are dismissed for the night."

He watched in the mirror as they bowed and left the dressing area, then closed his eyes, thinking about the last time he had stood in the same room, preparing himself for the same rite of passage into marriage. He had, of course, been younger and married for the first time, and so had felt nervous. He had never had any lovers, despite Yoruichi's attempts to corrupt him as a teen, and a host of young, noble females competing for his attention. He had, even then, felt curious stirrings for both female and male suitors, though he would never have disgraced his father or grandfather by admitting it. But whatever he felt when he looked at them, he found as he got to know them, that the bulk of them sought his attentions more because of his place as heir than any real interest in him. He was polite and cordial, as his upbringing dictated, but he never fell in love.

Not until that day, many years before, when he had been injured in a battle defending the town of Inuzuri, and had been found by Hisana. She hadn't known who he was, beyond the fact that he was a young noble male…and she hadn't cared for any of that. Hisana had been the first person to love him for who he was inside. It was easy to fall in love with her. He was young and passionate, and had found the one person who seemed to really see him. And he had been so certain that they were meant to be together forever…even when he was told she was dying…even to the moment when she drew her last breath.

Once she had passed, he had come face to face with just how vulnerable he had made himself in loving her with his whole heart. The pain had been so intense that the very simple act of breathing had been nearly impossible. He had surrendered to tears only when alone and had maintained complete control, even throughout her memorial. As he moved forward, he promised himself that he would never open his heart that way again.

But as much as he had meant it to be that way, he found himself sorely tempted now. Abarai Renji had been a curiosity from the beginning, appearing first, in the room where he had first met with Rukia, then emerging later in a stack of recommendations for the open fukutaichou position. He had been drawn to the younger man's bright coloring and deep contrasts. And despite his lesser abilities using kido (a common affliction among those transferring in from the eleventh division), his powers were respectable. He had a fierce look about him, but a reputation for also being honest and deeply loyal.

It had hurt Byakuya intensely to learn that his loyalty did not extend to the taichou he wanted so badly to surpass. He hadn't shown even a fraction of his true feelings in their battle. He hadn't dared. He had judged then that Renji despised him, and was genuinely surprised when his fukutaichou reached out to him after he was injured protecting Rukia. And ever since that hospital stay, when Renji remained at his side unfailingly as he healed, he had felt the emotions growing, but had forced them away to protect a heart that had resolved not to fall victim to love again. But he had already been too affected by Renji. He hated seeing the redhead in pain. Seeing him agonize over Ichigo's situation after the war had been intolerable, and despite the way Renji had lashed out at him, he had still wanted only to comfort and soothe his passionate fukutaichou. He hadn't meant to succumb to the urge for physical intimacy. In fact, until Renji had grabbed him, he hadn't considered intimacy at all. But seeing that devastation in the redhead's eyes had struck a place deep inside him, passing easily through his careful controls that held everyone else away. In retrospect, he thought, it could have been the binding that occurred when they had indulged in each other to shed their mutual pain.

A pair of strong, warm arms wrapped around him from behind, startling him out of his thoughts, and Renji's face peeked over his shoulder, studying his thoughtful expression in the mirror.

"Hey…you okay?" he asked, pulling back a curtain of raven black tresses and planting a sweet kiss at the junction of throat and shoulder that made Byakuya close his eyes for a moment and catch his breath gently, "I was wondering if you'd fallen asleep in here."

"I am fine," he said, opening his eyes again and meeting Renji's in the mirror, "I merely became lost in thought."

"There's a big surprise," the redhead said, coaxing the noble into an over-the-shoulder kiss, "My Taichou, lost in thought. When _aren't_ you lost in thought, Taichou?"

"Please stop calling me that," Byakuya said, trying to keep the shiver out of his voice as Renji's mouth left his and nuzzled beneath his chin, nipping and sucking gently at the sensitive skin there, "It feels obscene to hear you say that when we are about to…"

He paused, his already pale face going even more pale as Renji frowned and watched him in the mirror.

"Byakuya?" he said questioningly.

Byakuya placed a hand on the redhead's cheek, turning to face him. He offered Renji a gentle kiss, then studied him for a moment with questioning eyes.

"You're probably kind of nervous, huh?" he asked, smiling encouragingly, "I mean, we're about to have sex for the first time with both of us sober…and not in fits of mental torment."

His eyes darkened and took on a worried look as Byakuya searched for the words to say what he was feeling.

"Unless," Renji went on, his uncertain tone striking the noble somewhere very close to his heart, "unless…making love with me _is_ a torment for you."

"Renji…"

"I mean, we never _meant_ to have sex either time, right?"

"Renji, stop…it isn't…"

"We used each other that first time…and the second time, well, let's be honest, you wouldn't have fucked me if I hadn't have had that dream and grabbed you. It shocked you and you reacted. That's all. You don't have to feel bad about that."

"But…it was irresponsible…reckless, careless."

"It was good not feel alone," Renji said, his hot breath teasing Byakuya's ear, "But this time, there isn't going to be an attack or a loss. We are both safe and sound here, and in our right minds. This time, when we make love, it will be for real."

He hadn't noticed Renji closing in on him again and was surprised when the redhead's mouth fastened tightly on his, and Renji's hands tugged at the tie on his yukata. Byakuya pulled away, grabbing at his yukata and holding it closed as Renji stared at him quietly.

"Look, will you just tell me what's going on. Because out there? With your family? You were giving me looks across the room that made me feel loved, admired, respected, even beautiful."

"You are…all of those things, Renji," Byakuya whispered.

"Then, why did you pull away from me like that? I know what I felt when you were kissing me before. You want to go to bed with me. You want to have sex with me. And you are thrilled I'm married to you and I'm having your baby. So, why did you react like that?"

Byakuya held his eyes for a moment, then lowered his to look at his softly shaking hands.

"I'm…I'm just not ready for this," he managed, "I need…time."

"So we'll take our time," Renji said, his eyes softening, "We have all night to warm up to each other. Not that I need to warm up to you, Tai-Byakuya. I got hard at just the way you were looking at me across the dance floor at the reception. I couldn't wait to be alone with you."

"N-no," Byakuya said, retying the belt at his waist, "You aren't understanding me, Renji. It is true that I feel something very strong for you. But what I'm trying to tell you is that I just…I cannot go to bed with you tonight."

Renji's face reflected surprise, and then registered pain.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, taking hold of the redhead's arm as Renji started to back away from him, "I care for you…and I am very attracted to you physically…"

"You screwed Tomio…" Renji said in a hurt tone, "You threw him in my face and you brought him to the division to make sure I knew you were fucking him! You could just drop and have sex with him, but you 'need time' to warm up to the idea of fucking me? Is _that_ it?"

"I regret being so obvious about that," Byakuya explained, "I really only did it, because of what you…I mean, I only took on a companion so that my life would not be empty."

"I knew you were doing that, but what I'm not getting is why you would fuck him any time, no problem…and you could share things with him, but with me, you shut down. What are you telling me? You can't _love_ me? Because people in love _share _things, and people in love make love when they get married. I don't know what you feel for me, but I don't think it's love, Taichou."

"Stop _calling_ me that!" snapped the noble, "We are married. Call me by my name."

"Fine, _Byakuya_!" Renji said tersely, "So tell me, Byakuya, what do you feel for me? Are you in love with me or not? Because you're not acting like a man in love!"

Byakuya took a distressed breath, trying to come up with something to say to calm the angry man in front of him.

"I am sorry," he said softly, "I am committed to our marriage, but I just cannot..be intimate with you…tonight. I will…"

He broke off as Renji tore away from him and flash stepped out of the room. He left the dressing area and crossed the room, moving out onto the walkway and extending his reiatsu, searching for the redhead.

_At least the rain stopped, so he won't be out in that, but…it is cold._

Byakuya wrapped a warm cloak around his shoulders and took another in hand, then sensed Renji's direction and moved out into the gardens. He was grateful for the fact that Renji had remained close, rather than running from the manor. It seemed that his angst over Byakuya's refusal hadn't made him completely lose his senses. Although, as thunder sounded and the raindrops began to come down again, he wondered at the fact that Renji did not reappear, but remained in the wet gardens, wearing nothing but a yukata.

He was surprised too that he didn't find the redhead on his first or second search of the gardens. Moments after ending the second search, he sensed Renji near the waterfall, and surmised that the redhead must have waited until he wasn't looking and left the gardens then. He walked out the back gate and along the forest trail as the skies opened up and the rain began to pour down again. He couldn't see well, but sensed Renji ahead of him, then froze as the rain lightened for a moment and he spotted the redhead kneeling beneath a dripping sakura tree, holding his arms around his midsection and rocking slightly back and forth. He moved closer as thunder rumbled around them again, and then froze again and the sound of his new spouse's soft sobs reached him. He quietly closed the distance between them and wrapped the second cloak around his shoulders, then knelt in front of him and pulled the hood into place.

"Renji," he said, in a voice just barely audible, "Renji, I'm…"

His words stopped as the redhead lifted his head and met Byakuya's gaze with wet, devastated eyes. Rain and tears ran in streams down his face and his lovely red hair hung limp and soaked, leaking rain onto his already soaked body beneath the cloak. He caught his breath and tried to stop his tears, but realized he couldn't stop and started to climb to his feet. Realizing that he was about to attempt escape and knowing that he needed to get the redhead to a warm place where they could talk, he took hold of Renji and moved into a flash step that carried them over the cliff and down onto the small trail that led to the hot spring. Renji yelped in surprise as the noble wrapped an arm around him and yanked him along, but settled against Byakuya as they landed on the trail and moved along with him as he led the way to the hot spring. Renji followed him into the cave and paused inside, wiping the tears and rain from his eyes and looking around curiously.

"Wh-what is this place?" he asked in a choked voice.

"It's a hot spring that Tetsuya and I discovered. We used to escape here sometimes when things were difficult."

Renji sniffed and shivered. Byakuya slipped the cloak from his shoulders and nodded in the direction of the hot spring.

"We can warm up in there, and then we need to talk."

"What's to talk about?" the redhead asked softly, "You don't love me. You tried, but you can't love me. That's it, isn't it? Even getting married won't change that fact."

Byakuya took a steadying breath.

"Come, Renji," he said, wrapping an arm around his distraught spouse and leading him to the water.

"Living world women are discouraged from immersing themselves in hot water during pregnancy, but as our child is in reiatsu form the heat does not affect him."

Renji sniffed softly again, then slipped out of his sodden and muddy yukata, and settled down into the hot water. Byakuya picked up a comb and joined him, watching as he sank in up to his chest, then moving in behind him and wetting his hair before beginning to comb the long strands.

"Why are you doing that?" Renji asked, turning his head to look at the noble.

"Just hold still, Abarai," the noble said, continuing to work at his hair.

He combed out the tangles and carefully braided the long strands, then fastened them with a hair tie that had been stored in the cave for use while bathing there.

"Are you more comfortable now?" Byakuya asked.

"I'm fine," Renji said sullenly, "I'm sorry I was _irresponsible_ and let myself get caught in the rain. I was kinda distracted."

Byakuya gazed quietly at Renji's tormented face and felt his resistance fading.

"You still look pale," commented Renji in a defeated tone, "Like you're going to be sick. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am fine," Byakuya replied softly, "And Renji, I am sorry that I gave you the wrong impression."

The noble brushed away an errant tear on the redhead's face and slipped his hand into Renji's under the water.

"The wrong impression?" Renji asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Byakuya sighed.

"You said that you thought that my ability to respond to Tomio as I did…"

"Yeah, I remember," Renji said, cutting him off, "But you know, that's bullshit. You don't have a problem connecting. I was wrong about that. You just can't connect with me! I keep thinking things are getting better, but then something happens every time…and you take a step back. You don't look like a guy who is in love."

"No," Byakuya agreed, steeling himself and then forcing the words out, "I'm terrified of falling in love again."

Renji smiled and sniffed again.

"I figured that out," he said, shaking his head, "And the thing is, you shouldn't have to force yourself. If we're meant to fall in love, then it should happen and that fear…it should go away. And if it does, you think you might fall in love with me? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Renji," Byakuya said, touching the redhead's face and looking into the still teary red-brown eyes, "There's no 'might' about it. You see, I didn't refuse to sleep with you because I couldn't love you…I couldn't go through with sleeping with you, because…I am already in love with you. I love you…and it makes me terrified inside."

Renji's brow furrowed and he narrowed his eyes as though unsure whether to believe his ears.

"I loved my wife, and I couldn't cope when I was told she was dying. I refused to believe it…until the moment that she died. It was agony…and I wondered how something that…felt so wonderful…could cause such pain when it disappeared. So…when I found out that you were having my child…and I realized I was falling in love with you, I panicked."

"Th-that's why you…?"

"That is why my behavior, when it comes to you, has been so uneven. I was resisting falling love with you as much as I could. But it was already too late…and when you were brought to my room, I realized that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Sharing our wedding night would make it real in my mind…and I…"

Renji shook his head.

"It's okay," he said, squeezing the noble's hand, "I get it now. And…it does feel better to know that it's not that you don't love me. I guess if you're just not ready…we should wait."

Byakuya looked into Renji's eyes and brought their lips together lightly, just a gentle brushing, before going on.

"I was lying to myself," he sighed, "Whether we make love or not, isn't going to change the fact that I am in love with you. It isn't going to make me any less fearful of losing you and our baby."

"You're…really that scared?" Renji asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I told you," Byakuya whispered, surprising him, "I am terrified. That is why I have not been in complete control of my behavior…why my night terrors returned."

"All of that…because you love me?"

"Yes."

Renji let out a shaky breath and smiled at him.

"Well…then we don't have to feel any pressure. All I really needed to know is that you love me."

"And all I need to know is that you won't disappear from my life…that you and our baby will stay with me…and I won't lose you. But I know there are no guarantees. I learned that the hard way."

Renji took Byakuya's face in his hands and kissed him, open-mouthed. The noble shivered softly, then closed his eyes and sank into that kiss and the ones that followed.

"I'm not going to leave you," Renji promised, "Not by running and not by dying. This baby and I are going to be fine. And Byakuya, _you and I_ are going to be all right too."

Renji froze as a tear leaked onto the noble's proud face.

"You can't promise me that," he said, shaking his head, "No one can honor a promise like that. But it's strange. I want so much to believe that you can."

He fell to kissing the redhead again, caught up in how beautiful he looked with his hair down and braided, with his body bared and relaxing in the softly bubbling water and his lovely red-brown eyes gently reflecting the light of the kido lamps around them.

"I may not be able to promise it, but I choose to believe it. And I'll do my best to make sure it happens that way."

"But," said Byakuya, his voice falling to a near whisper, "What happens when the future is not what we thought it would be…should tragedy strike us and take you and our child from me?"

"Or you from me?" Renji said, wrapping his arms around the noble, "A part of me would die if I lost you, but…some of me would survive, because that's what strong people do when bad things happen. And as long as I gave everything to our love, I would have no regrets, despite the pain I would feel. So…are you going to tell me that you regret giving your heart to your wife?"

Byakuya let his head drop onto Renji's shoulder again and closed his eyes.

"No," he replied softly, "I have no regrets…only that after giving that much of myself, I lost them."

"And that's what really matters, ne?" Renji went on, "because if you had held back, you wouldn't have all of those beautiful memories to look back on. I know it hurts like hell to lose them like that, but just think…if you hadn't given everything, you would always have wondered what could have been."

Byakuya went quiet for several long minutes, considering Renji's words and listening to the sounds of soft thunder, falling rain, and the drip of water droplets from the rocks above them, into the pool they rested in.

"You are right, of course," the noble admitted finally, "When you left, I was beginning to realize that…and when I found you out here in the rain, soaked to the skin and hurting because you thought I didn't love you…I found that…you are just too beautiful for me to resist anymore. I don't want to resist anymore. I know you can't promise not to leave me, but despite that, I cannot hold myself away anymore. I want to be with you, Renji. I want to let go of my fears and fall endlessly."

"But?"

Byakuya lifted his head off of the redhead's shoulder and looked directly into his eyes.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly, "You think that I will talk myself out of it?"

"You have up until now," Renji reminded him.

"I have," agreed the noble, "but I am not going to do that this time."

He offered the redhead a kiss on the lips, then kissed a soft earlobe.

"I accept that I don't know what will happen, but I will not sacrifice the time we have together, simply out of fear. I love you, Renji, and I want to show you that…here, now."

The barest hint of a cautious smile touched the redhead's lips and he moved over to lie down on the rock incline in the hot spring. Byakuya moved with him, settling in his arms again and on top of him, so that their aroused members touched. He curled a slender leg around the redhead's and moved his hips slowly, creating lovely friction between them. His mouth found the redhead's and plundered it thoroughly, exploring every inch, touching and tasting him eagerly.

"You sure you don't want a drink before we do this?" Renji asked between kisses, "I saw some sake over there."

"Leave it," Byakuya breathed against his throat, "I want to remember this time."

He returned to Renji's mouth for another heated kiss, then nuzzled beneath his chin and attacked the soft skin of his throat. Renji stared, his insides fluttering as he encountered Byakuya's serene expression and nearly closed eyes. The noble's mouth left his throat, and brushed kisses along a hard collarbone. Renji's hand curved around Byakuya's head, soft, erotic jolts passing through him as his rough fingers sank into the soft, raven black hair and tightened. His other hand slid down the noble's pale back, curving around his pretty, white bottom and gently encouraging the continuance of its warm, thrusting motion.

"Mmmm, that feels good," Renji groaned, closing his eyes and tilting his head back, "It feels so good, Byakuya!"

He inhaled sharply as Byakuya moved suddenly, parting the redhead's thighs and sliding down between them, placing his hands underneath and pushing upward until Renji rested higher on the incline, with his aroused genitals out of the water and his legs spread. Byakuya pushed harder on his legs, lifting them higher and making him blush at how exposed and vulnerable he was to the noble's marauding tongue. Byakuya tightened his hands almost painfully on the redhead's thighs, making him gasp softly the noble's mouth closed over the area, exploring and probing relentlessly.

"Oh!" Renji gasped, closing his eyes, "Oh _fuck_, that feels…so…oh…ah…oh gods, Bb-yakuya!"

He flushed more deeply at hearing himself say such a thing, but his discomfort disappeared as Byakuya's tongue left his entrance and moved upward. As the noble continued to pleasure him, he wet his fingers in the redhead's mouth, making him moan louder and raise his hips wantonly. He commenced a teasingly slow preparation, making Renji hiss and move his hips reflexively. Byakuya's tongue delighted his flesh, extracting a menacing growl and making the redhead's body quiver with desire.

"Oh…ah!" Renji panted, "B-Bya…I…want you inside me!"

Byakuya's tongue touched a sensitive place, sending a shock through the redhead making him pant harder and arch his back reflexively. Byakuya stared at the hypnotic motion of the tattoos on the redhead's quivering belly and his eyes narrowed aggressively.

"Y-you! Oh…oh fuck, just…just…"

Byakuya paused and let Renji's member slide out of his mouth.

"Patience, Abarai," he said silkenly.

Renji groaned in protest at the halting of pleasure.

"Oh fuck…oh fuck! It feels too good. Are you tryin' to make me crazy?" he complained, "Why did you stop? Are you messing with me or what?"

Byakuya smirked and blew a puff of hot breath onto Renji's tormented, blushing skin, watching as it twitched in response. He licked the area again, teasingly. Renji's back arched and he loosed a string of curses, flushing beautifully as the shocking act was repeated with the same result several times. He barely held onto his composure as Byakuya released him and positioned himself between the redhead's opened thighs.

Renji dragged him down and attacked his mouth with deep, erotic kisses, probing his mouth to capture and share in the reminders of his exploration of the redhead's body. Byakuya brought the head of his own throbbing length to Renji's entrance and entered him slowly as Renji's tongue continued to explore his mouth, and the redhead's arms closed around him. He tried to thrust slowly at first, but Renji's hips bucked upward impatiently and the redhead's kisses intensified to the point of being slightly painful. The coppery taste of blood touched the noble's piqued senses, making him thrust harder and faster into Renji's writhing body.

"_Oh gods! Oh gods, yes!_" the redhead panted, meeting his heavy thrusts eagerly, watching as pleasure erupted over Byakuya's beautiful face and his mouth opened into hard gasps.

"Ah! Renji!"

He thrust in deeply and held himself inside, and Renji groaned at the explosion of intense heat inside him. The noble collapsed onto the redhead's chest, panting and smiling. He had only a moment to encounter Renji's riled expression, then the redhead turned and brought him down on his stomach. Byakuya caught his breath in surprise and looked back over a softly trembling shoulder.

"R-renji…I haven't ever…"

"I know," the redhead said, forcing himself to slow down and to carefully prepare him.

Byakuya flinched and shivered at the invasive feel of the redhead's large, rough fingers. He bit his lips and said nothing of his discomfort, only catching his breath nervously as Renji's fingers were withdrawn and the redhead's large member touched him.

"Relax," the redhead told him, "I'll go slow, and I'll stop if it hurts."

He rubbed calming circles on the noble's sweating back and laid down on top of him, breathing affectionate words into Byakuya's ear as he began the slow insertion. When he was fully inside the noble, he kissed Byakuya's prettily flushed cheek and rested along his back. Byakuya was quiet and calm beneath him now, his dark eyes blinking slowly as he adjusted to the feeling of being taken.

His eyes closed and he caught his breath sharply as The redhead began thrusting gently, at the same time, pulling back the hair that hung down over one pale shoulder, and biting down in the bared flesh of his throat.

Byakuya made a pretty noise of arousal, teasing Renji into thrusting harder. He nipped lightly at the noble's ear.

"Does it feel good now?" he asked softly.

"Hmmm, yes…it feels good, Renji!"

Renji smiled and lifted himself slightly and penetrated more deeply. Byakuya moaned breathlessly and raised his hips to meet Renji's hard, fast thrusts. The altered angle intensified the noble's pleasure, making his mouth open into louder sounds of arousal and making Renji gasp with delight.

"You're so…so damned tight, Byakuya!" Renji moaned, "It kinda hurts, but it feels so damned good I can't stop!"

"Then…don't stop, Renji…" panted the noble, "It feels wonderful…"

Renji smiled happily at Byakuya's words as a wave of intense pleasure blossomed inside him. He moaned loudly and pushed in hard, grabbing Byakuya's pale hips and holding him tightly as he released into the noble's trembling body.

Byakuya made a sound of pain at the intensity of the hot eruption inside him, then gasped as his own body seized and surrendered again to pleasure. He heard Renji chuckle softly against the back of a shoulder and turned his head slightly to glare at him.

"You _can't_ resist me, can you?" Renji said affectionately, "I made you climax twice, ne?"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed and flickered dangerously.

"Don't _say_ things to me like that!" he snapped, trying to pull away, but finding himself trapped with Renji still inside him, "It's obscene."

"Well," said Renji, giving him an apologetic grin, "I have to make sure I've pleased my lover…and you certainly seemed pleased."

"I'm _not_ pleased now!" Byakuya hissed warningly, "Get _off _of me, Abarai!"

"But I like being inside you," the redhead breathed hotly into a pale ear, "You're so tight…and hot inside, Byakuya."

"_Stop that_ now, or I will hurt you, Renji!"

The redhead laughed softly.

"You wouldn't hurt a pregnant guy, ne?" he asked, licking the agitated noble's ear.

Byakuya moved suddenly, swiftly turning and forcing the surprised redhead down onto his back.

"No," he said, his eyes flaring beautifully, "But just remember. You aren't going to be

pregnant forever, Abarai."


	17. Raindrops

**Chapter 17: Raindrops**

Tetsuya watched quietly from where he sat on the edge of the walkway, just outside his room, observing as Byakuya followed in the direction that Renji had gone just a few minutes before. His lips curved into a relieved smile that they would likely soon find each other and his cousin looked likely to give in and to finally open his heart again to love. He watched the gate swing closed behind Byakuya and sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the splash of raindrops on his face and the shiver as a chill ran through his slender body.

Arashi appeared out of the darkness, looking at him oddly. And before Kuchiki Tetsuya had time to think about what he was doing, he was on the stallion's back and they were moving out the gate and into the night, their dark blue eyes lit with lightning and the wind whistling through manes and silk, bound together like one soul in two bodies as the shinigami flattened himself against the stallion's heated back and the two made the night disappear behind them. Reiatsu flared around them as they moved into flash steps through the forest, carefully avoiding interrupting the other two shinigamis where they knelt beneath a dripping sakura tree. Arashi launched himself off of a cliff's edge and flash stepped down into the meadow below. His long legs stretched out and he moved to top speed, the long, wet grasses whipping against him, trying to hold them back, but only having to bend in the direction they chose.

A normal horse wouldn't have dared to run so recklessly, but Arashi was no normal stallion. Bound together with his shinigami rider's pure heart, he had become an extension of Kuchiki Tetsuya's unconfined spirit, the one that would not be told what to do or how to live, the one who was obedient by necessity, but had a heart that loved freely and fiercely, the one who saw the way through any darkness and ran headlong into the future. They knew every blade of grass, in this place, every stone upon the path, every tree, every flower, and even in the darkness and with the rain pouring down, they could see. Nothing slowed them as they pelted across the meadows and down a longer forest trail…out into the night, to the very edges of the Kuchiki estate, where years before, a young shinigami had run from the prejudices of his own kin, and found himself looking at a group of the famed spirit steeds that the Kuchiki family protected.

The spirit steeds were proud creatures. They lived life their way out in the wilderness. Certainly, they understood that the Kuchiki family respected and protected them. They watched and appreciated from a distance. But that day, a black colt strayed away from the rest and stole out into the meadows, where his dark eyes met those of a blue-eyed youth. And with that first glance, their souls recognized each other. A pale hand reached out in quiet offering and the colt's soft muzzle brushed against it. Light flared around them, and before the youth's stunned eyes, the horse's eyes became the same deep sapphire blue as his own. And from that moment, the poor, scorned half breed cousin of the Kuchiki clan leader never knew loneliness again. His riled spirits quieted and he settled firmly at his cousin's side and began to work calmly against the prejudice that had tainted his young life. There was something about their bonding that made him feel stronger, prouder and capable of changing hundreds of years of archaic thinking. His and Byakuya's efforts had improved things immeasurably within the Kuchiki clan. Their careful maneuvering had catapulted Tetsuya into a position of deep honor and respect as one of the clan council members.

And now he had stepped out beyond the boundaries of what he had done before, and was ready to shatter the hatred that still held the other clans back. It was not an easy path…and he was more than aware of the danger, but thinking back to the warmth and love in his binding to Aomori Tomio, he knew without hesitation that some things were worth risking everything for…

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled the ground beneath Arashi's pounding hooves. Rain slicked fur and skin, running freely along their faces and tickling in streams down their bodies. But even the heaviness of that sweet downpour did nothing to hold them back. The two ran free and wild…and no one would ever tame them.

Because to be tamed was to be a prisoner. And after being a prisoner and a one-time slave, Kuchiki Tetsuya had decided that no one would ever make him a prisoner again. So he had laughed at himself when the gentle hand of Aomori Tomio had stopped him in his tracks. And he had stared with stunned eyes and an overflowing heart when Tomio had extended a quiet hand in his direction, and just as Arashi had done so many years before, he froze for a moment, feeling a sense of fate pass over him, before taking a steadying breath and just as quietly, accepting.

Because love, he found, was not bondage. Love was the ultimate expression of freedom and choice. And when he looked into the affectionate eyes of his lover, his heart ran wild, like Arashi now ran across the wet plains under the dark, electric skies. They savored the open space, the wet splashes on their skin, the roar, the rumble and the steady pounding. They breathed in the rain freshened air, feeling a sweet, lovely satedness pass over them. And then, and only then, did Arashi neigh softly and turn for home. He slowed to a walk, carrying Tetsuya, who sprawled carelessly along his back, breathing in cool rain and the warm, damp horse scent…and smiling contentedly. His smile widened as they passed the hidden cave, where two more hearts were learning the freedom of binding themselves together against the harshness of the outer world. They calmly walked the switchbacks to the top of the cliff, and drifted through the forest before re-entering the gardens. Arashi paused in front of Tetsuya's room and waited as the noble slid down and splashed his bare feet into the muddied grass. A servant appeared and followed the horse away to the warm barn, as though these wet, late night forays were perfectly normal. They left Kuchiki Tetsuya standing, soaked and happy to the core, on the damp walkway outside his room.

He turned and walked inside, feeling a deep sense of familiarity…

Warm arms wrapped around him from behind, and his lover's lips captured the drips of water on the skin of his throat.

"Where did you go so late at night and in the middle of a rainstorm, Kuchiki Tetsuya?" asked Tomio, pulling the damp strands of black hair away from his neck, "One might think it was the act of a crazy person, but I understand."

Tetsuya turned in Tomio's arms.

"You _do_ understand, don't you?" he whispered.

"Of course I do," Tomio said, releasing him and taking his hand, "My lover likes his freedom. But it is time to come back down to earth now. Come, let's get you warmed up and dried off."

Tetsuya nodded and followed Tomio into the bathroom and stood quietly as he was bared. And in his mind, he saw Arashi, standing quietly in the barn as his attendant dried away the rain and slipped a warm blanket over his back. He remained loose in his stall, with the door left open so that he could come and go as he pleased. Nothing contained Arashi…or his shinigami soul mate.

"You are…happy with our binding?" Tomio asked, running soapy hands over the broad planes and gentle curves of Tetsuya's body, "I know it was a reckless thing. And if we are caught, we could face very real danger."

"Yes," agreed Tetsuya, turning and smiling at the feel of those loving hands sliding down his back, wrapping around his bare bottom and pulling him close, "but sometimes we must take risks and face danger…so that we may know completion. I won't live in fear of the consequences…only awareness."

"The same goes for me," Tomio said, sinking deeply into Tetsuya's welcoming mouth and feeling his lover's arms wrap tightly around him, "We will be careful."

Tetsuya buried his face in Tomio's wet hair, breathing in his scent and feeling a soft jolt of longing.

"Tomio," he breathed, brushing his lips along the other young man's throat.

It was all he had to say.

"Just a moment," Tomio said, leaving the shower.

He returned quickly and slipped in under the water, quietly lifting a long silver chain over Tetsuya's head and letting it settle around his neck. His fingertips brushed the small charm and a small flash of kido invoked its power.

"Not that I wouldn't love to impregnate you…" Tomio whispered hotly in Tetsuya's blushing ear, "but I think we can agree that now would be an awkward time for such a thing, our binding being a secret."

"That's right," Tetsuya whispered, flashing back to the sweetness of their coupling, "I'm glad you were thinking straight. I think my mind got caught up in the storm."

Tomio smiled and pushed him gently back against the wall. His hand slid down Tetsuya's thigh and captured a slender leg, pulling it up and sighing in approval as it wrapped around his torso. He entered his lover in slow, careful thrusts, enjoying the way it made Tetsuya hold on to his shoulders more tightly and pant softly against his skin as their bodies joined.

"I love you," he whispered into the shell of an ear as he moved his hips and Tetsuya caught his breath and moved in response.

They went silent then, kissing deeply and thrusting against each other as the hot water rained down onto them and the steam floated in the air all around them.

"I love you too."

Tomio devoured the words, kissing Tetsuya harder, thrusting in more forcefully and holding on to a pretty white hip. He knew when the dark, sapphire eyes glazed over and fluttered, as the clenching hands trembled and a gasping breath escaped Tetsuya that the most beautiful moment in their lovemaking had arrived. He held himself inside Tetsuya, watching as pleasure overtook him, making his lover's proud body shudder and pant in full surrender. The beauty of it carried him over into bliss, and he watched the lovely reaction in Tetsuya's body as Tomio's heat filled him and took the last of the night's chill away. They needed no more words as they stood, exchanging kisses, then left and dried each other's bodies, before falling onto Tetsuya's bed and surrendering to another strong bout of their passions.

Tomio watched quietly as his lover drifted off to sleep in his arms afterwards, waiting as long as he could before kissing the soft, pink lips in parting and smiling as his lover's pretty eyes opened and blinked slowly. He slipped out of bed and dressed slowly, his eyes on the dark blue ones that watched quietly from the bed.

"Be careful," Tetsuya whispered as Tomio's lips found his one last time, "Be safe."

"I will," Tomio promised, slipping out into the darkness.

Tetsuya fell asleep again quickly, the warmth still circling inside him and his heart calm and peaceful.

The storm, it seemed, had passed, and all was quiet again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji shook out his damp hair and slid into Byakuya's bed.

_No…our bed,_ he reminded himself, _Things are going to be different now. There isn't that ache beneath his words, and he isn't hiding what he feels anymore. He loves me. Kuchiki Byakuya really loves me…_

He smiled as the noble slid into the bed, leaving his yukata open and curling warmly into the redhead's arms. A pale hand ran down his chest and settled over the proud bump on his belly, and soft reiatsu flared between Byakuya's palm and the sentient cluster inside Renji's body. Tears came to Renji's eyes at the feeling of recognition…that this little one knew them already…and waited as eagerly to enter the world as the two of them waited for his arrival.

"He is very active tonight," commented Byakuya, "I think, perhaps, our strong emotions have affected him."

"Yeah," agreed Renji, "I don't know how I'll fall asleep tonight, after all of the music and dancing, the food and the lights…"

"And?" Byakuya said, raising a delicate eyebrow.

Renji laughed softly, offering his piqued lover a kiss.

"And…what you said to me."

Byakuya blinked in a moment of confusion and his eyes softened.

"Not the expression, but the words, ne Abarai?" he asked softly.

Renji grinned.

"No, baka!" he chuckled, pulling the noble closer and feasting for several minutes on Byakuya's warm lips, "the expression _and _the words. You said you love me…and then you showed me how much you love me."

"Actually," Byakuya said, his lips curving upward, "I had only begun to express the full depths of what I feel for you, Renji."

Renji's smile widened and the reiatsu cluster pulsed softly inside him.

"But," Byakuya went on, "It is going to take a very long time to express such a thing in all of its shadings and complexity, maybe years, maybe _hundreds_ of years…"

Renji looked around and shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere," he answered, surrendering to a sweet storm of kisses.

"And I am not going anywhere either," Byakuya promised, "I love you. I love you and I entrust my heart to you. I am going to try very hard not to disappoint you, Renji."

Renji's eyes misted and he touched the warm lips that had been kissing him.

"You could never disappoint me, Byakuya. Because, I love you too. And I'll try hard to show you that…every day, for as long as it takes, even if it does take hundreds of years."

"Then, I think things will be all right now," Byakuya said, sighing and resting his head on Renji's shoulder.

They fell silent, lying quietly in the darkness together and listening to the drips of fallen raindrops as they fell from the sodden eaves outside. They heard the soft rush of wind in the tree branches outside and the soft rumble of the departing storm.

Renji held Byakuya close, breathing in the sweet scent of sakura and replaying Kuchiki Byakuya's admission of love in his mind.

_"I'm terrified of falling in love again."_

_Renji smiled and sniffed._

_"I figured that out," he said, shaking his head, "And the thing is, you shouldn't have to force yourself. If we're meant to fall in love, then it should happen and that fear…it should go away. And if it does, you think you might fall in love with me? Is that what you're telling me?"_

_"Renji," Byakuya said, touching the redhead's face and looking into the still teary red-brown eyes, "There's no 'might' about it. You see, I didn't refuse to sleep with you because I couldn't love you…I couldn't go through with sleeping with you, because…I am already in love with you. I love you…and it makes me terrified inside."_

_Renji's brow furrowed and he narrowed his eyes as though unsure whether to believe his ears._

_"I loved my wife, and I couldn't cope when I was told she was dying. I refused to believe it…until the moment that she died. It was agony…and I wondered how something that…felt so wonderful…could cause such pain when it disappeared. So…when I found out that you were having my child…and I realized I was falling in love with you, I panicked."_

_"Th-that's why you…?"_

_"That is why my behavior, when it comes to you, has been so uneven. I was resisting falling love with you as much as I could. But it was already too late…and when you were brought to my room, I realized that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Sharing our wedding night would make it real in my mind…and I…"_

_Renji shook his head._

_"It's okay," he said, squeezing the noble's hand, "I get it now. And…it does feel better to know that it's not that you don't love me. I guess if you're just not ready…we should wait."_

Byakuya looked into Renji's eyes and brought their lips together lightly, just a gentle brushing, before going on.

_"I was lying to myself," he sighed, "Whether we make love or not, isn't going to change the fact that I am in love with you. It isn't going to make me any less fearful of losing you and our baby."_

_"You're…really that scared?" Renji asked, not really expecting an answer._

_"I told you," Byakuya whispered, surprising him, "I am terrified. That is why I have not been in complete control of my behavior…why my night terrors returned."_

_"All of that…because you love me?"_

"Yes."

It still seemed odd to think of Byakuya being afraid of anything. But love, Renji already knew, came with a price tag built in. Because an end always came, no matter how great the love. So they had to make each moment count. So he pressed closer to Byakuya's resting body and vowed inwardly to never waste a single moment of that time.


	18. Cravings

**Chapter 18: Cravings**

"Renji?" Byakuya queried, squeezing the redhead's hand.

"Mmmm?" mumbled the sleepy redhead, opening a narrowed red-brown eye and peeking back over his shoulder.

"Are you hungry?"

"Huh?" Renji asked, blinking, "Byakuya…it's the middle of the freaking night. And I didn't just eat my dessert earlier, I ate yours. Add to that, the fact that the staff feeds me like I'm eating for four instead of two and…"

"Your stomach is growling."

"What?"

"I said, your stomach is growling," the noble said, sliding a hand down to rub the redhead's warm belly, "Some of us consider that an indication of hunger."

"Okay, but I was asleep, so I didn't know I was hungry and didn't really care."

"Well, I care."

Renji turned and met the noble for a bout of warm, slow kisses.

"That's…nice, but…mmm…but it's okay. I'm more sleepy than hungry. I can wait for breakfast," he said, between kisses.

"But I cannot," said Byakuya.

"Um…okay. Hey, is this like sympathy pains…but sympathy hunger? That clan healer guy said you might start having those things."

"He did say that, but that is not the issue."

"Oh?"

"Then, what _is_ the issue?"

Byakuya smiled.

"The stomach growling is louder than your snoring."

Renji met the noble's eyes, grinning sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry," he said, sitting up, "I guess I could do with a snack. But I feel bad waking up the staff."

"Hmmm, really Abarai, as well compensated as my staff is, believe me, they do not mind the inconvenience. But to placate your admirable sense of decency, I will bring whatever you desire."

"Wh…_you_?"

The noble's eyes narrowed.

"You think that because I have a staff to prepare food for me, I've forgotten how?" he asked sedately, "Or did you perhaps think I never learned how?"

"Ah…I never really thought about it," Renji said, trying to picture Byakuya slaving away over a hot stove and having to bite back a laugh.

"S-sorry, Byakuya," he laughed, "Somehow, I just can't picture you in a pretty little apron baking cookies."

"So you want cookies?" asked the noble, frowning, "And tea, as well?"

"You are _not…_! Kuchiki Byakuya is not going to get up in the middle of the night and make cookies for me?! Really?"

Byakuya gave him a dismissive look and climbed out of bed. Renji started to follow, but received a scathing look from the noble.

"What?"

"Rest, Abarai. I will be back soon."

"But, I'm hungry, not tired now. Hell, you're the one who should be resting! _You're _the one who has to go to work in the morning. You still have a job. All I get to do is eat buckets of food, throw it back up, piss enough to fill an ocean and have you give me baths and belly rubs. Although, I have to say, I really like the baths and belly rubs. Look, uh, don't go to the trouble, okay? Just forget it and get back in bed. I'll really try not to snore and wake you up."

Renji fell silent, his eyes widening as Byakuya's reiatsu darkened and his frown deepened.

"Okay, fine. Knock yourself out," said Renji, shaking his head, "But I'm just gonna be asleep when you come back and all your hard work will have been for nothing."

He watched in amusement as the noble gave him a haughty look and left the bedroom. But five seconds after Byakuya left, the redhead found himself feeling curious. And even when he tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, he found himself unable. Finally, he slipped out of bed and made his way down the hall to the kitchen. He peeked in through the partially open door and saw Byakuya standing at the counter, carefully measuring out ingredients.

He wasn't sure why, but something in the noble's eyes and the smooth, practiced motions convinced Renji that this wasn't the first time that the noble had made late night cookies. It made him wonder about the story that went along with that.

"Are you going to stand there all night or are you planning to come in?" Byakuya asked, startling him.

"Oh…ah, sorry," he said, walking into the kitchen, "I just…I couldn't sleep and got kinda lonely."

There was a sweetness in the calm, quiet expression Byakuya wore, giving Renji the feeling that there was a lot going on beneath that pretty exterior that no one ever saw. He wrapped his arms around the noble from behind and rested his chin on a slender shoulder, closing his eyes.

"So…tell me why you look so comfortable getting up in the middle of the night and baking cookies."

"What are you talking about?"

He opened his eyes and watched as the graceful hand that wielded Senbonzakura stirred the gooey ingredients.

"Who did you make cookies with?"

"Who did I make cookies with?" Byakuya repeated, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I can tell you've done this before. I'd say you've done it a lot. When?"

Byakuya stood, quietly stirring, his eyes tranquil and oddly gentle.

"What? You're not gonna tell me? Come on…out with it. Byakuya, you don't even like sweets! So who were you baking cookies with?"

Byakuya's hand stopped moving and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"My father."

"You made cookies with your dad?" Renji said, stealing a taste of the cookie batter and feeling his stomach rumble fitfully, "That's great, but…I mean, didn't he know you weren't partial to sweets?"

"No," the noble answered, stirring the mixture but more slowly, "My preferences were different then."

"You mean, you used to like them, but now you don't?"

"Something like that," the noble said cryptically, frowning as Renji stole more of the batter, "You know, if you continue to eat the batter, there won't be any left to make the cookies, Renji."

"I don't care," the redhead laughed, "It's great. You should try it. Here."

He dipped a finger in the mixture and brought it to Byakuya's lips, but froze as Byakuya's hand curled around his wrist and pain flashed in his eyes.

"S-sorry," Renji said, starting to pull his hand away, "I uh…"

His breath stopped in his chest as Byakuya hesitated, then ever so slowly took Renji's gooey finger into his mouth and slowly sucked away the batter. He had an even stronger sense of there being a story beneath the action and ached to know it. As though he had read the redhead's mind, Byakuya kept his eyes on Renji's and smiled faintly.

"My mother died giving birth to me," Byakuya said quietly, "And my father was often away with my grandfather on missions for the sixth division. It was before we liberated Tetsuya and the others from Itamigiri and there were no other children in the household."

"What? You couldn't have friends over or anything?" Renji asked.

"My schedule did not allow for social interactions of that sort. I was always at a ball, a wedding, a dedication, promotion…so I didn't usually suffer from lack of company, though even being around a lot of people, there was a certain necessity to conduct myself formally."

"Meaning you had to act like a grown up even though you were a kid?"

"Yes, most of the time. But when my father would come home for a few days on leave, we would take walks and swim together, and at night, after my attendants had gone to bed, we slipped into the kitchen and made cookies together to take out and eat with tea while we looked up into the night sky and he told me stories of the constellations."

Byakuya narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.

"Did I ever tell you that my father's zanpakutou was celestial in nature?"

Renji shook his head. Byakuya had barely said a word about his father…ever.

"His shikai was called Starscape. It caused a field of stars to appear and then to unleash the power of a thousand falling stars. Sometimes he would release it in its harmless form so that I could just watch."

"A thousand falling stars," mused Renji, "and you have a thousand cherry blossoms."

"I was always rather proud of the connection," admitted the noble, "Our attacks even looked similar, except that his was pure white."

"Whew," sighed Renji, "It must have been beautiful. What was his ban kai like?"

Byakuya's eyes clouded and he turned back to continue stirring the batter.

"My father never achieved ban kai. He died honorably in battle, while still a fukutaichou."

Renji felt tears in his eyes and bit his lip gently.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I don't talk about him. At first, it was because it was too painful for my grandfather, and then…well…there was no reason to dwell on it."

"What? But he was your dad," objected Renji.

"And I honor him according to family customs."

"But don't you get it, Byakuya?"

"Get what?"

"Don't you see that the ceremonies and shit aren't what matters?" the redhead went on, "It's important to remember him, sure, but you should remember him this way…not just as a former heir of the clan or the sixth division fukutaichou. He was your dad. And this is how you should remember him."

He dipped his fingers in the batter again and offered them to Byakuya, who was less hesitant this time as he leaned forward and sucked the sweetness from his spouse's fingers.

Renji's eyes narrowed.

"You don't really dislike sweets, do you?" he said, feeling a soft jolt inside as Byakuya let Renji's fingers slide out of his mouth.

The noble sighed.

"I must confess that what I really dislike is…that…the person I most associate with sweetness…is gone."

Renji looked thoughtfully from the bowl to Byakuya's sad eyes and felt an idea forming.

"You know," he said, stealing the bowl and leaving the gooey stirring spoon in Byakuya's hands, "I think you need to get back in touch with your sweet tooth."

"Abarai, what are you doing?" asked the noble impatiently, "This is going to drip everywhere, and what about…?"

"Put the spoon in your mouth if you don't want it to drip," Renji said, backing up to the table, "And come over here. Trust me."

Byakuya gave him a soft glare, but lifted the spoon and slowly licked the sweet batter away, leaving Renji with a quickening heartbeat and a soft throb of arousal. As Byakuya stepped towards him, he opened his yukata, baring the pattern of tattoos on his chest. Byakuya paused a few steps away, watching silently as Renji dipped his fingers in the gooey batter and slowly painted it on to the black tattoos.

"Renji, that's…"

Byakuya found that he couldn't complete the thought and watched intently as Renji's fingers continued to trace the lovely patterns. He moved closer, his smoky eyes fixed on where the redhead's hands worked to cover his tattoos in a thin layer of sweetness. He caught his breath softly as Byakuya's fingers dipped into the bowl, then sought the heat of Renji's mouth. The redhead sucked warmly on the noble's sweet, pale fingers, then suppressed a shiver as the dark gray eyes met his for a moment, then the noble's graceful head bowed slightly and Byakuya began to lick away the delectable mess.

"Oh…" Renji moaned, nearly swept off his feet by the sweep of Byakuya's soft tongue over his bared skin, "Oh…oh gods, that feels…_B-byakuya_!"

The noble didn't answer. He abandoned all hesitation and attacked the tattoos voraciously, his breath hissing softly as Renji's legs wrapped around him and the redhead pressed his hips forward, hungrily seeking friction. Byakuya paused to paint some of the sweet mixture onto the redhead's lips, then slowly licked it away again.

"I thought you were the one who was hungry," the noble said, yielding a fleeting smile.

"Okay," said Renji, "So share some more."

Byakuya took a mouthful of the batter, then brought their mouths together, indulging in a long, wet kiss as Renji slowly fed on the batter. Renji pulled the tie at the noble's waist free and a rough hand slid down the noble's smooth flesh, pleasuring him as Byakuya refilled his mouth and continued to feed his lover.

Renji's tongue thrust deeply into Byakuya's mouth, stealing away the sweetness, then plunging in again to touch, caress and explore. His hand slid up and down his lover's swollen length, coaxing soft moans and sighs of contentment from the noble. Byakuya broke away for a moment, panting softly and seeking Renji's eyes.

"Perhaps we should return to the bedroom," the noble suggested.

Renji shook his head.

"Not yet…"

He painted the batter onto his abdomen, then made a line downward to his aroused member, which he then laced with the batter. He had barely finished when he was pushed down onto his back on the table, with Byakuya leaning over him, devouring the warm, oozing batter. Renji panted harder as Byakuya's tongue blazed a hot, wet trail down his body, tracing the dancing pattern of tattoos, then following the pathway of fine, red hairs down to his nether region. Renji moaned loudly as Byakuya's mouth consumed the gooey batter on his skin, sucking hungrily and licking him to within an inch of his wits. The noble's pale hands gripped his thighs, forcing his legs open wider. Byakuya's slowly prepared him as he continued the loving assault on the redhead's batter coated body, making the redhead gasp and arch his back. Renji found himself completely undone. He loosed a howl of pleasure and erupted into orgasm. The noble swallowed repeatedly, then slowly licked away the remains of batter.

Raising himself, Byakuya brought their bodies together as Renji traced sweet batter onto the noble's lips and the two began kissing again. Renji let his fingers play over the soft, perfect skin, smiling against Byakuya's lips and enjoying the lovely mixture of sweet and salty, of Byakuya and himself, as the noble's eyes misted and glazed over and the motion of his hips grew stronger and more insistent. He braced his hands against the table top, thrusting hard and fast into the redhead's body, panting harshly and moaning as he neared release.

Renji waited until he saw the deep reaction in Byakuya's body and heard the soft gasp that preceded the noble's climax. He pulled Byakuya down on top of him, running his fingers through the silken black hair and bringing his lips to the shell of an ear.

"You're beautiful, Byakuya," he whispered, as the noble's body shuddered warmly against his in release, "So fucking beautiful…and you taste even sweeter than your cookies."

"You've upset the batter," the noble commented, resting his head against the redhead's shoulder and closing his eyes.

"Oops…"


	19. Small Blessings

**Chapter 19: Small Blessings**

**(Two months later…)**

"Okay, I'm starting to feel spoiled," said Renji, looking down from Arashi's back to the three other shinigamis who walked alongside the stallion, "You know, being pregnant hasn't crippled me. I can walk. And walking's good for me…"

"You can walk on the way back if you are so inclined," said Byakuya, "But you must realize that even though your body is not going to grow as much as a woman's does during pregnancy, because you are male and not as well suited to childbirth, you are more inclined to develop complications."

"You are past the midpoint in your pregnancy," added Tetsuya, "My cousin is right to urge you to be cautious…although, I think I sense that he _is_ indulging a desire to spoil you. It is a sure sign that Byakuya-sama has fallen victim to love and it has softened him a bit."

"Mind your tongue, Tetsuya," Byakuya said, smirking beneath the stern sounding words, "Or perhaps when we cross swords today, I shall feel it necessary to inflict a little pain."

"Ouch," said Tomio, laughing softly, "Don't rile him lover. As much as I would be happy to lay hands on you for healing, I would rather pleasure you than heal you."

"Perhaps you assume too much. You have never seen us spar, ne?" Tetsuya said, raising an eyebrow.

"No, actually," admitted Tomio.

"Neither have I," said Renji, "But I train with Byakuya and I'm willing to bet he'll have to have a handicap."

"And Byakuya-sama thinks _I_ have a saucy tongue!" exclaimed Tetsuya, "If you weren't with child, I might be forced to make you eat those words."

"Eh, get in line," Renji chuckled, "Byakuya's already got me pegged for punishment the moment this kid pops out. But are you saying you have something to use against his ban kai? Or is it just that he will pull his punches during sparring?"

"Does he pull his punches with you during sparring, Renji-san?" asked Tetsuya pointedly.

"Hell no!" laughed Renji, "At least it doesn't feel like it…"

He glanced down at Byakuya, frowning.

"You don't…?"

"No."

"Not for him either?"

"No."

Renji grinned.

"So this little half-breed cousin of yours has a secret, ne?"

"He is a young half breed who managed to get himself appointed to the Kuchiki Council of Elders," Byakuya said sedately, "He must have more than a few unique qualities."

"Oh," said Renji, his eyes lighting up, "I am _so_ looking forward to this! I haven't been able to fight a hollow in months! I haven't even been able to spar at all. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't want to take any body shots."

"And no one would want to make a clumsy mistake and give you one," said Byakuya, "You must understand that the clan does not like to accept that kind of risk when one carries the heir."

"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah," sighed Renji, "Don't walk too far or breathe too fast or do anything remotely fun…I get it. I have heard it all a billion times."

"Ah, but you know that the clan is looking out for you and that baby," Tetsuya insisted, "I have heard them talking at the meetings, Renji-san. They are very taken with you. I think Byakuya-sama is not the only one you have charmed!"

"And I didn't hear you complain about any lack of 'fun' last night, Abarai, when we laid out by the waterfall, beneath the stars and you had me talking until near dawn about half the constellations in the sky."

"No," Renji agreed, smiling at the memory, "It's just that you're so good at telling stories. There was a pretty good storyteller in Inuzuri when Rukia and I were growing up, but he doesn't hold a candle to you, Byakuya. I could listen to you talk about the stars all night."

"Yes, I remember," Byakuya commented, "You were quite enthusiastic. I found it charming enough to want to indulge you."

"It seems that _someone_ has Byakuya-sama wrapped around his little pinky, ne?" chuckled Tomio.

"I wouldn't gloat, if I were you," Byakuya said, frowning, "I am not the one risking the ire of my clan to carry on an illegal affair with a rival clan leader's favored cousin."

"Touché," said Tomio, smiling, "I must admit to being completely enchanted by our Tetsuya. But as much as I seem to have thrown caution to the wind, I keep in mind always that we must remain cautious."

Arashi slowed and stopped as they reached the cliff above the waterfall, and Renji and Tomio spread out the blanket they had brought for their picnic, then sat down to watch as Byakuya and Tetsuya flash stepped down to the meadows below them. They took their places and drew their weapons, then Byakuya set a safety perimeter around the two, so as to prevent any stray attacks.

Renji grinned as the two faced off, figuring he knew pretty well what he was about to see. He was taken aback as Tetsuya did not simply wait for Byakuya's senka, but immediately launched himself at his cousin, breathing a command that created an array of copies of himself. He realized a moment later as Byakuya's shikai began to destroy them, that the copies shattered into shards of ice that floated down and coated the grass beneath the two. Tetsuya ended his attack with a striking senka, taken from Byakuya's own repertoire, that the clan leader blocked handily and tried to turn on his cousin, to no avail. Tetsuya turned at blinding speed, slashing at his cousin, then raising the ice crystals that had fallen around them and swirling them around Byakuya in an effort to confuse his vision. Byakuya startled Renji by closing his eyes and sending his petals at the place where he sensed Tetsuya. The half breed noble danced away, blocking with a glistening ice shield. The shield shattered and more ice crystals fell onto the long grass, and were used again by Tetsuya to obscure his motions as he stalked his cousin. Renji and Tomio gasped as Byakuya slashed at his cousin, the weapon passing through Tetsuya's body, which shimmered strangely and disintegrated into a shower of water that wet Byakuya's weapon.

"That looks pretty significant…" muttered Renji as Byakuya flash stepped away and sent a barrage of petal blades in Tetsuya's direction.

Tetsuya smiled as the sakura blossoms slowed and froze as they approached him, then fell heavily to the ground.

"You're right," Tomio agreed, staring, "The water attached itself to the sakura blossoms and affected his release. Beautiful!"

"I had no idea Tetsuya was so powerful," Renji said, shaking his head, "Did you?"

Tomio shrugged.

"I suspected, but I did not know. I did know that Byakuya personally trained Tetsuya so that he would be a challenge for anyone who crossed him. He is very protective of his cousin."

"Yeah," agreed Renji, feeling a soft throbbing in his heart, "He's like that with Rukia…and me."

"Especially you, I think," said Tomio, watching closely as Byakuya and Tetsuya exchanged fiery kido attacks that melted the ice crystals, evening the field again, "You have broken through some very tough barriers with Byakuya-sama. And I am both happy and relieved that you were able to do that, Renji-san."

"I still can't believe you weren't more pissed off when I turned up pregnant and Byakuya had to leave you and marry me."

"I told you," Tomio said, smiling, "I longed for true love. And Byakuya-sama, for all that he was very kind to me, did not love me…and never would have. I think that place in his life was bookmarked by you a long time ago, Renji-san. And I must admit, I was already rather smitten with Tetsuya."

"So everything worked out," Renji mused, "Even though, at first, I didn't understand. I thought it was all a mistake."

"No," sighed Tomio, nodding in approval as Tetsuya and Byakuya moved into a lightning fast flurry of heavy kido fire, blazing flash steps and hard slashes with their weapons.

The two caught their breath as Tetsuya went down amidst a pounding kido attack, and were shocked again at the words they barely heard over the kido's sharp report.

"Ban kai, Koori no bakuha, Re-kuhime."

"Shit, did you know he had a ban kai?" Renji asked quickly.

Tomio shook his head, smiling in wonder.

A sea of ice blades erupted from Tetsuya's blades as the tall swords of Byakuya's ban kai began to rise around him. Renji came to his feet, staring as Byakuya's petals closed around Tetsuya.

"Goukei," said Byakuya, "Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

"Holy hell!" Renji breathed, watching the sphere of pink petals implode.

"Oh, well done!" Tomio said appreciatively as Tetsuya emerged from cover as his waterform decoy was destroyed.

"Damn!" Renji said, shaking his head, "I thought Byakuya had him."

"Tetsuya is a very determined fighter," said Tomio, "Nothing that stands in his path stands for long."

"Not even you, ne?" Renji joked.

"Oh," laughed Tomio, "Especially not me."

The two went silent, watching as the two shinigamis below them moved into a final, stunning display of hard kido blasts, swirls of petal and ice blades, and a finishing round of blinding hakudo. Finally, the two flash stepped away from each other, turned in unison and came to rest in the field, facing each other with their swords sealed and their eyes locked quietly on each other.

"Pretty impressive," Renji said as the two flash stepped back to where the picnic blanket was lain out and waiting, "I think you two will have a good appetite now, ne? Maybe even comparable to mine!"

"We would be alarmingly overweight if we indulged like that," noted Byakuya, "Although you manage not to gain too much, even eating like that. I myself, have gained a few 'sympathy pounds' I think," Byakuya said, patting his slender abdomen.

"Oh, that's nothing!" chuckled Renji, patting his baby bump.

"Well, I am not pregnant, Abarai…"

"Well, maybe you should try it," Renji suggested, capturing him around the waist and kissing him.

"Hmmm, I think not," the noble said, eyeing him sternly.

"Oh," said Renji, with mock affront, "I see how it is. You can dish it out, but you can't take it!"

"I prefer to think of it as each of us playing to his strengths," Byakuya said, smirking.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Renji said, beginning to look sincerely offended.

"Not nearly as much as you make of it," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "You are quite sensitive, ne Abarai?"

"Eh, it's the hormones, I guess," the redhead postulated, "But still, that wasn't nice. And I'll be more than happy to take it out to the training grounds with you about it as soon as this kid makes his grand entrance!"

"I will make sure I keep my sword sharpened," said Byakuya, sitting down next to Renji and removing a bowl of strawberries from the picnic basket.

"I hope you're planning to share those," said Renji, grinning, "I almost couldn't wait for them until you two were done showing off down there."

"We were most certainly not 'showing off,'" objected the noble, "but this is more than I could manage in one sitting anyway."

He removed one of the large, juicy pieces and slipped it into his mouth, then bit it in half and fed half to the redhead by way of a slow, strawberry flavored kiss.

"Mmmm," sighed Renji, "That was definitely worth waiting for."

"I agree," Byakuya said, taking another strawberry and slipping it into his mouth.

Are you all right?" Tomio asked Tetsuya, approaching his lover where he stood, looking out over the cliff, "Your reiatsu is a bit low. Would you like a little infusion?"

"I'll be fine," Tetsuya assured him as Tomio's arms wrapped around him, and he kissed Tetsuya on the side of his pale throat, "It is likely just that Byakuya-sama has not put me through my paces so much while Renji-san has been with child."

"That's most likely it," agreed Tomio, giving him an affectionate squeeze and another warm kiss, "But you should come over here and eat something then."

"Oh," said Tetsuya, paling slightly, "I don't think I can. I feel a bit sick to my stomach."

Tomio placed a hand over Tetsuya's abdomen, preparing to release reiatsu into the area, but froze as Tetsuya made a soft sound of dismay and collapsed into his arms.

"Tetsuya!" called Tomio, lowering him onto the grass, "Tetsuya, what's wrong?"

"What happened?" asked Byakuya, flash stepping to them, with Renji on his heels.

"I don't know!" Tomio said, staring down at Tetsuya's white face, "He said he didn't feel well and then he just collapsed."

"His reiatsu is low," said Byakuya.

"I offered to give him an infusion," said Tomio, "But he said that it was just that he was out of practice with the fighting."

"Perhaps…" Byakuya said, closing his eyes and sending his reiatsu through Tetsuya's unconscious form.

Tomio placed his hands on his lover's chest and abdomen, sending a gentle pulse of reiatsu through him. The three men gathered around Tetsuya caught their breath in surprise as Tetsuya's reiatsu flared softly in response.

"What the…?" Renji breathed.

Byakuya glanced at Tomio sternly.

"I thought that you two were…?"

"We were!" insisted Tomio, "I did take him once without the charm, but it was only once, and it was for our love binding, which requires no charms. Byakuya-sama, you must believe me. We have been very, very careful!"

"Huh," Renji mused, "It looks like 'very, very careful' wasn't careful enough, ne? Because if I remember correctly, that? What we just saw? It says the guy is pregnant."

Byakuya sighed and shook his head.

"And it also says that Tomio is the father. I suspected that Tetsuya's half breed body was different, but I was convinced he would be unable to be impregnated."

"Instead, it looks like it only took one roll and not two," commented Renji, earning a soft glare from Byakuya.

The three went silent as Tomio knelt next to his unconscious lover and gathered him into his arms. He placed a hand on Tetsuya's abdomen and continued to flow reiatsu into the other shinigami's resting body as Byakuya and Renji looked on with troubled expressions.

"This is going to be difficult to conceal," Byakuya said, his lips tightening, "and once the child is sentient, there will _be_ no hiding it."

Tomio sighed and shook his head.

"We can't tell them," he said firmly, "They will never accept this. We have to keep it a secret for as long as we can…and then Tetsuya and I are going to have to go into hiding. There is no other course and you know it, Byakuya-sama."

Byakuya let out a distressed breath and closed his eyes.

"Actually there is," he said quietly, "but I hesitate to take that path because it would make our clans enemies."

"What path is that?" Renji asked.

"I could claim Tomio on the grounds that he violated Tetsuya, and 'imprison' him within our clan. We have proof that Tomio was the aggressor, so they cannot argue this was Tetsuya's doing. But there is danger. They will likely demand to have the right to punish Tomio according to their customs. And to refuse them could result in a clan war."

"It sounds better to wait longer and only act that way once it becomes inevitable," suggested Renji.

"But we are going to need Tomio for the paternal bonding," objected Byakuya, "I do not know how we will be able to manage that without it being found out."

"Well," said Tomio, "We'll manage as best we can. And when we reach the point where we must, then Tetsuya and I will go into hiding."

"There is a friend of mine in the living world who I will contact to arrange that," said Byakuya, "But it will take some time to prepare the way, so we must be careful in the meantime."

"But," said Tomio, biting at his lips, "I wonder if 'careful' is going to be good enough."

He held Tetsuya close and rested his chin on the top of the blue-eyed noble's head.

"But I will do whatever I have to. I will not let anything happen to Tetsuya!"


	20. The Cage

**Chapter 20: The Cage**

**(Thanks to unsigned reviewers, Gj, Redrobin and Maeve :) Enjoy the new chapter! Love Spunky)**

Renji smiled lazily, leaning back into Byakuya's embrace and enjoying the now familiar feel of warm water, caressing hands and pleasant reiatsu that were a part of the paternal bonding ritual. He looked out of the corner of an eye and his smile widened at seeing an equally content Kuchiki Tetsuya resting in Aomori Tomio's arms.

"I'm really glad that the elders didn't give him a hard time," Renji commented quietly, his eyes taking in the generally pleased expressions of the gathered elders, "They deserve to be happy."

Byakuya let out a soft breath and nuzzled the redhead's ear.

"They do," he said quietly, "and it _is_ good that the elders see that, though I'm certain they made the decision to support him based on the strength of his powers and what he brings to the clan, rather than your more idealistic observation. Still, I worry about what will happen now. At first, as you know, we had thought to send Tomio and Tetsuya into hiding, but the healers determined that Tetsuya needs to remain here at Kuchiki Manor and be under their constant care. He is unique in being half noble, and he will likely encounter difficulty because of that. His life and the life of their child both depend on help being available on a moment's notice. So our council is meeting with the Aomori council and head of household today to discuss making Tomio a ward of our clan and allowing the two to be married."

Renji's smile faded.

"Do you think they'll even want to discuss it? I mean, before you said that they wouldn't even consider letting Tomio marry Tetsuya because he's a half breed. Why do you think they'll be open to it?"

"Nothing is certain," admitted Byakuya, "but there is no reversing the love binding ritual, and it is not as though the Aomori clan really wants to start a clan war. It wouldn't be good for anyone. I think we all know that. That should bring some motivation to resolve things peacefully."

"Hopefully that will be enough to make those guys listen to reason."

"Hopefully," Byakuya agreed, sighing and closing his eyes as he rested his face against Renji's and continued to carefully balance the flares of their reiatsu.

Nearby, Tomio gently rubbed Tetsuya's submerged abdomen, sending warm reiatsu through him and enjoying the dreamy shine in his lover's blue eyes.

"Are you all right now?" he asked quietly.

Tetsuya smiled and closed his eyes.

"I am fine," he said, relaxing more deeply into his lover's embrace, "except for being somewhat confused at how this happened."

Tomio sighed softly, rubbing his face against Tetsuya's soft cheek.

"Fate."

"But it should have taken twice. You know that."

Tomio laughed softly.

"Tetsuya, it only goes to prove what I believed about you from the beginning."

"Oh?" said the blue-eyed noble, opening his eyes and meeting Tomio's questioningly, "And what is that?"

"That you are wholly unique, that one can never know what to expect from you, and that you are full of sweet surprises. It's good for you that I love being taken by surprise."

"Yes, I think it is," Tetsuya breathed, closing his eyes again and letting his mind drift on the pleasant waves of the reiatsu exchange.

The four lingered in the chamber after the elders completed their contribution to the bonding, then rose together, dried off and left them. Some time later, Byakuya opened a sleepy eye and brought it to bear on his cousin.

"Tetsuya?"

"Hai, Byakuya-sama?"

"I have decided that you shall remain here, at the manor, when our council and I meet with the Aomori clan."

Tetsuya sat up in the water, his blue eyes fixing on Byakuya and his usually smiling lips turned downward.

"Why?" he asked, furrowing his fine brow as Tomio sat up and curled his arm around his spirited mate, "I am a member of council. And not to put too fine a point on it, but I am also at the center of the meeting's purpose. Why would you ask me to stay behind? I appreciate your concerns for my well being, but I think you being overprotective."

"I have given the matter a great deal of thought, and there are several good reasons that you should forgo attendance of the meeting," Byakuya explained.

Tetsuya's lips tightened rebelliously and his eyes flared softly, but he held himself in check and listened as his cousin continued.

"The first is that, while our council certainly accepts and values your input in our decisions, as this pertains directly to you, you would have to abstain from votes relating to the matter."

"That goes without saying, I understand," Tetsuya responded quickly, "but even if I am not allowed a vote, there is no reason to exclude me from stating my viewpoints on the matter. You know that I will act to calm the fires of controversy, rather than stoking them. Haven't I always done so? The head elder has said numerous times that the council has gained a far more balanced perspective with my input."

"He has," admitted Byakuya, "and I am inclined to agree heartily, but although your viewpoint is certainly valued and welcomed by our own council, you must see how it would only add tension to our dealings with this clan that bears a different attitude towards you. Because, like it or not, and despite the evidence that Tomio was the aggressor, they would not be wrong in asserting that you were not only a willing participant in what happened, but that you encouraged Tomio in pursuing you."

"But it's not like you have to _admit_ that," argued Renji.

"I am hoping that by asking my cousin to remain behind, I will indicate my willingness to respect our differences. I do not want to get bogged down in the details of who was at fault. We would lose in a battle of the details, but if we simply present the evidence of Tomio's wrongdoing, and assert our desire to make the best of moving forward from here without raising aggressions, perhaps in the interest of doing the same, the Aomori clan will decide it is best to work with us."

"That's all good and well if they do," said Renji, "but what if they don't?"

"We will do as honor dictates."

Tetsuya's face fell and his eyes took on a deeply tormented look.

"Byakuya-sama…I am…sorry. I never meant for things to come to this," he said softly, "You did warn me what I was risking…"

Tomio slipped an arm around his mate's shoulders and squeezed him gently.

"Tetsuya," he said, smiling sadly, "I think I bear a good portion of the blame. I think we had the best intentions, of course, but fate has a nasty habit of undoing good intent."

Tetsuya let out a soft sigh and nodded, then looked up at Byakuya through troubled blue eyes.

"Very well, Byakuya-sama," he said, calmly, "If you believe it to be best, I will remain here while you and the council address the Aomori clan."

"A very sensible decision," Byakuya said, giving his younger cousin a look of approval, "And one that reflects the good judgment and diplomatic thinking that makes you such a capable councilor. You are a source of deep pride for our clan, watashi no itoko(my cousin). I know it will be difficult to wait for your answers, but we will do our best to make the wait short and to resolve this equitably."

"I am certain you will," Tetsuya agreed, following as Byakuya left the healing pool and began to dry off and dress.

Renji shook his head and let out a skeptical huff of breath as he wrapped a yukata around himself.

"I don't know," he said, shaking his head and glancing at Tetsuya and Tomio, "I don't think I'd be able to sit back and watch while those anal elders hemmed and hawed and decided _my _future."

"Abarai," Byakuya said, smirking, "You might recall that both Tomio and Tetsuya are, as you call them, 'those anal elders.'"

"Oh…" said the redhead, blushing, "Yeah, forgot about that. No offense."

"None taken," Tetsuya assured him, laughing softly.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji sighed restlessly, placing a hand on his abdomen and feeling the equally restless pulsation of the baby's reiatsu. He sighed as his stomach growled, and shook his head.

"Quit that, will you?" he said softly, shaking his head in annoyance and rubbing his belly, "I have been stuffing myself all day. I'm gonna have you, and my belly is just going to keep getting chubbier…"

He left the bedroom and walked out to the gardens, sighing impatiently as he contemplated walking the pathway, then feeling an intense sensation of boredom that made him want to scream.

_Gods, I want to pick up Zabimaru and go spar with Ikakku…or go and fight some hollows…something! All of this sitting around and eating and thinking has me wanting to tear my hair out!_

"Are you all right, Abarai-san?" asked Koji, approaching him with a tray of fruit, nuts, crackers, cheese and hot tea.

"Am I all right?" Renji repeated, shaking his head, "I feel like I'm going to go out of my mind with boredom! I can't do half the stuff I want to, because _it's not allowed_ while I'm knocked up, and I don't want to do the stuff I can do because I've done it all so many times. I think I know every damned flower and weed in this garden. Koji, I think I'm really going to lose my mind!"

"Perhaps I might offer you a bit of a respite from that," said Tetsuya's voice from behind him.

Renji turned, a smile coming to his lips.

"Ah…" he sighed, "Finally, someone who understands."

The noble smiled warmly.

"Nobility is a blessing in some ways, and a terrible curse in others."

"Yeah…and then there are people like me, who don't really belong here, but got dragged along anyway, and I'm just trying to get through my days without forgetting who the hell I am and dying of boredom!"

He paused, realizing what he had just said, and beginning to backpedal.

"Oh…shit, sorry," he said, shaking his head, "Sometimes I don't now when to shut up."

Tetsuya's blue eyes registered understanding and sympathy.

"What do you have to be sorry for, Renji-san? As I see it, you were sort of shanghaied and dragged into the family. And Byakuya-sama did give you a hard time, at first. I had thought that you were growing more content, but there is something about that peasant blood in us that longs for freedom, ne?"

"Well…" Renji said, looking at the ground.

"Come, Renji-san," Tetsuya said, whistling for Arashi, "I want to show you something."

The two waited briefly as Koji packed a snack for them, then mounted Arashi. The stallion walked out the back gate and onto the forest trail. Renji wrapped his arms around Tetsuya and looked around, curiously noting how different everything seemed when viewed from the stallion's back. He felt the restlessness begin to fade and his sanity to return. He groaned in annoyance as his stomach growled again. Tetsuya laughed and handed him the bag of snacks.

"Eat something, will you, Renji-san?" Tetsuya smiled, shaking his head, "You sound like an angry tiger. You'll spook Arashi."

Renji laughed softly and took the edge off his hunger, while Arashi carried them out past the waterfall and into the meadows beyond. They passed through a grove of trees and went down an old, weed-choked path to what appeared to be an old stone compound of some kind.

"What is this?" Renji asked, frowning, "Is it an old fortress or something?"

He realized then that since they had turned onto the trail, Tetsuya had been unusually quiet. The noble seemed calm and composed, but his eyes had taken on a shadowed look.

"Itamigiri," he said softly, "A longstanding symbol of the intolerance that poisons our clans."

"Itamigiri," repeated Renji, "You mean, it's the…?"

"The prison where I was incarcerated with my parents, when I was a child. And even after Byakuya-sama arrived and liberated those of us who were left, we were still prisoners."

He slid down off of Arashi and led Renji inside, then down several crumbling corridors and into a cellblock. He stopped at one of the cells and laid a handful of flowers at the entrance.

"That was where my mother was kept. My father was across from her and down on the left."

Renji followed him to the end of the cellblock, staring as they reached a set of unbearably small cells.

"This is where we…the children…were kept."

"Shit…" Renji muttered, staring, "And I thought Inuzuri was bad."

Tetsuya studied him quietly for a moment.

"Even when I left this place, I carried this cell with me…in my heart. And as I watched the other noble children enjoy the fullness of life, while I bowed to them and dutifully served them, I felt bound by this place, even though I was no longer here. But…Byakuya-sama noticed what I was doing. He looked at me one day and said, 'It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to spend your life as a servant.' I thought he was crazy. I had never been anything but a prisoner and a servant. It had gotten so that I forgot what freedom felt like…or maybe, I had never actually known. He asked me what I would be willing to do to gain my freedom. And I looked into his eyes and gave the answer that was in my heart…_anything_! He told me that it would be difficult, but that he would help me. He never gave a reason why. The next thing I knew, he was training me secretly, teaching me everything he knew about being the image of a noble, building a legacy of pride and strength. The way was difficult. Many of the clan members could not see past the slave in me, and when Byakuya nominated me for council, it nearly shocked the elders out of their kimonos."

Renji couldn't stifle a snicker at the image.

"But he had me demonstrate my power, and he freed me to express to them what I would bring to the council, and in that moment, I broke out of this place."

He led Renji out of the old prison and the two climbed onto Arashi's back, passing out of the prison area and back into the forest, then emerging again in a hazy, open field. Arashi stopped and Tetsuya led Renji out into the open field, pausing as they passed through a small section of trees and looked out into another sleepy meadow. Renji caught his breath and then lost it again as his eyes found a herd of spirit steeds grazing out in the open.

"This is where Arashi and I discovered each other," the noble went on, patting the stallion lightly on the neck, "And _this_ is where I return whenever I feel imprisoned."

Renji smiled as two young colts broke away from the heard and raced wildly across the meadow and back again. He glanced at Tetsuya, warmed by the gentle aura around the half breed noble.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why don't you hate them?"

Tetsuya's blue eyes met his quietly.

"Because as much as I was hurt by them, we are connected. And just as not all peasants are wicked, there are good hearts among the nobles as well. I could have hated them, but…if I had, I would have missed out on the closeness I have with my cousin. And I don't think Arashi would have connected with me the way he did. Also, I think about how much Byakuya-sama and I accomplished by conquering them the way we did…proudly and respectfully showing them that the value of a person is not in his blood alone, but in his heart and in his choices. I chose not to be a prisoner anymore and I found my freedom. I think that as you settle more into nobility, you will also find more freedom. Perhaps when you feel imprisoned, you might think of this place and remember that."

Renji met Tetsuya's eyes with gratitude and nodded briefly.

"Kinda makes me look like a spoiled brat for chafing so much at being pampered to within an inch of my life, ne?" he said jokingly.

He was surprised at the way Tetsuya's laughter seemed to awaken him inside. The boredom fell away as the two laid down on their stomachs, quietly watching the spirit steeds graze and wander, and chewing absently on the sweet field grasses. It was a much more settled redhead, that climbed up onto Arashi and rode back to the manor. Both men were smiling as they reached the gardens and slid down. But Tetsuya's smile suddenly faded as Byakuya stepped out into the gardens, a dark expression on his face.

"What is it, Byakuya-sama?" Tetsuya asked quickly, "Is Tomio…?"

"We were able to avoid hostilities," Byakuya said quietly, "However…"

A cold feeling rose in the pit of Renji's stomach, and the light-hearted feeling left him.

"Although we did not ask for it, the Aomori clan ruled that Tomio must be punished for initiating the love binding ritual with a half breed, without receiving proper clearance from their council."

Distress rose in Tetsuya's eyes and the young noble placed a hand on his abdomen.

"Do you know what they are going to do to him?" he asked in a choked voice, "They won't…"

"They are not invoking a death penalty," Byakuya assured him, "They knew that would be going too far. But they have taken a more…underhanded action."

Tetsuya regarded Byakuya with wide, stricken eyes, but said nothing.

"They struck, not so much at Tomio as at you, Tetsuya," Byakuya went on, his face paling as he spoke, "They have sentenced Tomio to imprisonment, with additional time for seducing one of lower blood."

Renji flashed back to when he had stood, looking into the tiny cell that had imprisoned Tetsuya as a child. He could almost see the walls close around the young noble again. Tetsuya made a soft sound of despair, then seemed to recover himself quickly. He and Byakuya looked into each other's eyes, registering the truth of their situation.

"What?" asked Renji, blinking and frowning, "What do you mean that they are striking at…?"

Then, the wicked truth dawned on him. Fury flooded his body so fast that his eyes glowed red.

"_Bastards_!" he hissed, "They know what they are doing…_exactly_ what they are doing! They sentenced Tomio-san to imprisonment…but…by taking him away so he can't help with the paternal bonding ritual, they sentenced Tetsuya and their baby to death!"


	21. On the Knife's Edge

**Chapter 21: On The Knife's Edge **

Renji watched quietly from where he sat on the walkway outside his and Byakuya's bedroom as Byakuya and Tetsuya sat beneath one of the sakura trees in the gardens, talking softly. Having watched Byakuya so closely over the past forty or so years, he could see the signs of barely concealed stress, the occasional notes of stiffness in his movements, the slight flare on the edges of his reiatsu and the subtle change in the sound of his voice that only one who really knew him and spent a lot of time around him would notice.

_This has got to be killing him…_

Byakuya had said little about Tetsuya's predicament in the past several weeks, but as the days had worn on, and it had become more and more inevitable that something was going to happen, the tension had grown between all three. Byakuya and the council had continued efforts to free Tomio for the paternal bonding, but the Aomori clan had put off votes and given excuses. It seemed odd to Renji that amidst all of that, Byakuya maintained such calm and did not just burst in and take Tomio, and that Tetsuya never questioned his decision to stick to diplomacy. He thought that perhaps, here was the difference between Byakuya as a clan leader and Byakuya as a military leader.

_There's so much to the noble clans that I just don't get. If this was a squad member, a group of us would have busted in and gotten him out already._

He sighed softly as Koji appeared and led him off to be bathed. Distracted by the somber turning of his thoughts, he barely paid attention as Koji bared him and he walked out under the waterfall. He thought he might have heard the servant say something, but he was so lost in his thoughts that he barely noticed. He did notice, however, when Byakuya's arms wrapped around him from behind and the noble's head came to rest on his shoulder. Feeling the tension and sadness in his spouse without even looking, he tried to think of something to say, but the words refused to come. So instead, he leaned into Byakuya's embrace and guided the noble's hand to the bump on his belly. He could feel Byakuya smile against the skin of his throat as the noble simply held him quietly and the two of them indulged in the very uncomplicated, but sublime act of bathing each other.

Renji closed his eyes, enjoying the tender caress of Byakuya's hands on his skin. And it was odd to think of how dangerous the man holding him could be, and at the same time, to feel such gentleness and care in his touches.

_But for him to have courted a fragile woman like Hisana, he had to have a side like this. And it's beautiful when he lets me see this side of him. It's one of the only times his eyes become so gentle. The rest of the time, he can be so hard to read, even for someone who knows him as well as I do._

He turned slowly, letting the water slide down his body, washing the soap away, then took the unspoken invitation to bathe Byakuya. The noble stood quietly, the water running in small streams down through the lengths of his hair, over his shoulders and down the deceptively delicate looking, pale torso. He sighed and closed his eyes as Renji's hands touched him, and as he caressed the soft skin and gently massaged the tensed muscles, Byakuya relaxed into his embrace and nearly dozed off. He opened his eyes again as Renji finished washing him and moved around to face him, then he brought his lips to the redhead's in a slow, sweet kiss of gratitude.

Renji tried again to think of something to say to ease the weight of sadness and guilt he sensed in his noble spouse. But words like 'I'm sorry' or 'I wish I could do something to help' didn't seem to come close to being enough. And being the people they were, they were, in any case, more accustomed to showing, rather than telling what they felt. Whether through the angry slash of swords or the passionate joining of their bodies, they said much of what they needed to without saying anything in words. So it was to the language of their bodies that Renji returned when he felt melancholy invading his life partner again.

He rested his head on Byakuya's warm, wet shoulder, brushing his hair and face against the sensitive skin of the noble's pale throat, while his hands slid over the freshly washed curves of shoulder and back, rounded hip and soft thigh. Byakuya's eyes, while remaining placid and calm as Renji touched him, began to smolder softly, just beneath the surface. And as Renji's hands continued to gently explore him, the noble's hands moved and Renji smiled as they began to trace the black pattern that covered his shoulders and back. He realized, after a moment, that Byakuya had closed his eyes again, and was tracing his tattoos purely from memory. It felt unbelievably good to have become so comfortable and familiar with each other. He felt tears in his eyes at being loved and appreciated that much.

_Stupid hormones…I cry about everything! I'll be so glad when this kid comes out of me and I start to feel like myself again…_

Byakuya's hand curled around his bottom and pulled him closer. He nipped gently at Renji's earlobe and licked drops of water from the skin of his throat, telling him that his partner was in the mood for something more than comfort now. He ran his tongue along the noble's lips to indicate his willingness and moved his hips, rubbing their damp members together. Byakuya's reiatsu flared and his mouth invaded Renji's with strong, invasive kisses. And as much as he had enjoyed Byakuya's tenderness while washing him, he absolutely treasured feeling his spouse's power while making love. He didn't want to think that it was any residual jealousy over Byakuya's former relationship with Hisana. Rather, it was a means of distinguishing the complex nature of their relationship, a means of meeting as not just lovers, but as warrior lovers.

_Although being knocked up, it's hard to feel like a warrior…_

Still, Byakuya managed to restore some of that feeling of manhood in the more aggressive of their couplings. He was, of course, careful not to actually hurt Renji, but at the same time easily conveyed that he could if that was his interest. He pushed the redhead back against the rocks and attacked his mouth more forcefully, his hands catching Renji's wrists and holding his hands away as he ravaged the redhead's lips and throat. His body trapped Renji's firmly against the rocks and his hips ground into the redhead's, creating intense friction. Renji tasted the slightest coppery hint of blood in his mouth and an electric jolt went through his loins. His reiatsu flared sharply and he moaned hungrily. He sensed a sudden opening and used the unscripted moment to turn the tables on Byakuya, and to bring the surprised noble down into the shallow water. They moved into a heady flurry of hands and legs, of shifting bodies moving to establish dominance. Being soaked and slippery, holding on was nearly impossible, as was telling who might end up gaining the upper hand. But just as he managed to secure a decent hold of his lovely partner, Byakuya executed a sudden turn, tore himself free and dragged Renji down. The redhead felt a shock of warm water splash onto his face, then was handily flipped and turned onto his hands and knees. Byakuya's body came down on his back and the noble braced himself carefully, trapping Renji. And as much as he enjoyed showing some loving dominance, himself, there was something deeply sexy about being held down that way, having strong, insistent hands part his thighs and long, slender fingers invade his body…feeling Byakuya's pounding heart against his back, a flash of hot breath on the back of a shoulder. He was glad that Byakuya shared his sense of urgency and didn't quite prepare him fully before tightening his hold on him and entering him. The moment of pain only struck at his senses, making him howl with anticipation and raise his hips wantonly. Byakuya's hands gripped them tightly, and the noble began a hard, rhythmic thrusting. Renji's hands clenched at the tumbled rocks and his rising cries of pleasure echoed all around them. Even if he had wanted to, he couldn't have stopped the wild, feral sounds he was making or have torn himself away from the beautiful and powerful man holding him down and loving him into near senselessness.

Byakuya shifted suddenly, sending a heavy shock through Renji's crouched body and forcing a scream of intense pleasure from deep in his chest. The powerful shocks continued until the redhead's body convulsed sharply within the noble's firm grasp and with another hard scream of pleasure, Renji released into the roiling water they knelt in. His body collapsed, and he barely managed to hold his head above water as Byakuya finished, holding him almost painfully tightly and filling him in long, hot pulses. He dragged Renji onto a small incline in the shallow water and and turned him onto his back, fastening his mouth on the redhead's again, pleasuring him with slower, deeper kisses as their bodies slowly relaxed. They rested in the warm water, enjoying the sweetness of afterglow and feasting on each other's lips more gently. He was nearly asleep in Byakuya's arms when the noble's voice sounded softly in his ear.

"Arigato, Renji. I do not know what I would do if you weren't here with me. This situation with Tetsuya steals all of my energy until I feel too weary to deal with it anymore…but you bring calm back into my heart. You make me believe that we'll find an answer."

Renji smiled sadly and kissed his flushed throat.

"We will find a way," he told the noble with certainty, "Though I think that answer might be that we'll have to just cut the crap and take Tomio back by force. Actually, I don't really understand why you haven't just done that."

Byakuya sighed resignedly.

"If this had happened within military delineations, I would have…but clan rules require that every effort be made to secure peaceful resolution of our differences. Clan wars in the past have been extremely destructive. I wouldn't invite that destructiveness into our lives and risk hundreds of lives along with Tetsuya's. My cousin understands this."

"I sure as hell don't," Renji said, shaking his head, "but if you say that it's important to keep trying to talk to them, then I'm with you. I just hope they back down soon…"

They went quiet for a time, soaking in the warm shallows, then lifting themselves and moving back to the water's edge. They slipped into their waiting yukata's and exited the chamber, holding hands with their fingers lazily entangled.

_We can get through this, I know we can. I just hope that Tomio can be freed soon…_

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's wrong?" asked Renji, looking into the mirror at the reflection of the frowning noble, who stood behind him as he changed into a loose, comfortable yukata, "You seem fidgety."

Byakuya's lips tightened.

"Tetsuya was supposed to be here to see the clan healer when he came to see you today. It has been several weeks without the paternal bonding ritual, and his reiatsu has been declining a little each time he has been examined."

"Well, should we go and look for him?" the redhead asked, tying the yukata loosely around his waist and adjusting the folds of the yukata to smooth them, "I mean, you know how scattered his mind has been worrying for Tomio, although Tomio's not the one who's hurting right now."

"That is my cousin for you," Byakuya said, a thin edge of pain in his voice, "He seems incapable of thinking of his own well being. He has always been more concerned with the protection of others. Thankfully, Arashi has been a constant presence at his side and there has been little capable of challenging the two of them. But this…Renji, this is something that will break him apart from the inside. It is only a matter of time until…"

He broke off at the sound of a pealing whinny coming in from somewhere outside. The sound was followed by the sounds of flash steps and raised voices. Byakuya turned, preparing to flash step away, but paused as an attendant appeared in front of him, his eyes wide and panicked.

"Kuchiki-sama! Tetsuya-san has collapsed in the gardens, and his stallion won't let anyone get near him! They are trying to lure him away, but he has already knocked several of the house guards unconscious."

"Go and tell them to stand clear. I will be there in a moment," Byakuya said tersely.

Renji moved to join him, but was stopped by a firm command.

"Stay here. Arashi is likely beside himself and might unintentionally hurt you."

Forcing down the sting of annoyance, he stepped onto the walkway, but remained safely distant as the house guards carefully surrounded Arashi and his fallen rider.

Byakuya approached the two slowly, speaking to the stallion in a low, calm voice and promising that he was only there to help. Arashi stood with his feet braced, carefully protecting Tetsuya where the young man laid on the lawn, clutching at the grass and groaning sluggishly.

"Tetsuya," Byakuya said, in a voice so calm that it made Renji feel like ripping his hair out, "Tetsuya, you must reassure Arashi so that we can reach you. Can you hear me, Cousin?"

Tetsuya stirred softly, and panted out a soft command. Arashi stiffened and squealed more softly, reaching down and huffing soft, horsey breath onto his master's pale face. Tetsuya made a soft reply, and Arashi lifted his eyes to look at Byakuya. The noble stepped forward slowly, reaching out a hand to the quivering stallion and continuing to speak to him in a calm, reassuring tone. Every step seemed to Renji to take an agonizingly large amount of time, but finally, Byakuya's hand touched Arashi's neck and the black horse lowered his head to rub his face against the noble's.

"I have to take him so that we can heal him," he told Arashi, "I know that you want to protect him, but you must let me take him now."

The stallion blew out another nervous breath, then carefully backed away. As soon as the stallion was clear of Tetsuya, Byakuya lifted the young noble and carried him into his room, followed by several clan healers.

Renji moved down the walkway to Tetsuya's door, watching quietly as the clan healers worked to stabilize the declining noble. Byakuya knelt calmly at his cousin's side as they worked, and Renji could read perfectly what was in the man's mind. He knew without having to be told that when Byakuya looked at Tetsuya, he wasn't really seeing his cousin anymore. The past that they had worked so hard already to leave behind was coming back to haunt and torment him…to remind him of the fears that had made him so unwilling to risk falling in love again.

But, Renji decided, this time was going to be different. When Hisana had become ill, Byakuya had faced her failing health and slow decline on his own. But whatever Tetsuya's ultimate fate was to be, Byakuya didn't have to face it on his own this time.

Renji took a soft, steadying breath and walked into the room. He stayed carefully out of the healer's way and knelt next to Byakuya. The noble's reiatsu was tightly drawn in, and Renji had the sense of him being made as taut as a bowstring and just this side of control. He said nothing at first, but simply slipped his hand into his spouse's, by way of saying, 'I'm here for you.' Byakuya remained tensed and agitated, but he looked at Renji out of the corner of one gray eye, and Renji read the gratitude there. He was sure it wasn't the end of their troubles, but if they had something difficult to face, then by kami, they were going to face it together. So he remained at Byakuya's side as Tetsuya was slowly stabilized, and long after, as the noble watched his pregnant cousin sleep, acting, in his own way, as Arashi had to be certain that nothing further befell his cousin.

"You need to eat and get some sleep," Byakuya said finally.

"Yeah?" said Renji, "So do you."

"I can't leave him."

Renji squeezed Byakuya's hand lightly.

"Hey, I know you're worried for him. I am too. But if you're going to be there for him, you have to take care of yourself. Don't kill the messenger here, but you won't do him any good making yourself overtired and undernourished. And you know that if you let yourself get run down, it could affect our bonding. You can't stabilize my fucked up body if you let yours go."

"H-he's right," Tetsuya said softly, his eyelids fluttering softly and opening slowly, "Byakuya-sama, I feel much better now. Please…you must…listen to Renji and see to your own needs."

"Don't overexert yourself," Byakuya said in gentle reproach, "They have managed to stabilize you, but you need to rest, Tetsuya. It is going to be more difficult now to keep your reiatsu in balance."

"I'll not be able to rest if I know you are neglecting yourself," the younger noble said stubbornly.

"Very well," said Byakuya, beginning to sound annoyed, "I will order food brought in for all of us. Now, will you do as you were told and rest?" Or do I need to induce sleep?"

Tetsuya managed a weak chuckle.

"No need for that," he said in a surprisingly collected tone, "I will sleep."

He closed his eyes, smiling as Byakuya's hand found his.

"It's going to be all right," Tetsuya whispered, "Tomio will be freed soon."

Renji wasn't sure if the words were meant to soothe Byakuya or to reassure himself. But Tetsuya slept soundly after that, and Byakuya accepted a few bites of food and allowed himself to be coaxed into the attendant's recess in Tetsuya's room for the remainder of the night. He curled his body around Renji's and rubbed the redhead's swollen belly, his eyes unable to close for watching Tetsuya too closely, and his mind too highly charged to allow himself to sleep.

_This is becoming intolerable. But if I use force to obtain Aomori Tomio, I could end up starting something that will threaten all of us…_

_I cannot bear to lose my cousin, but neither can I bear to put Renji and our baby in danger._

_What do I do now?_

_Kami, what do I do?_


	22. The Way of the Rukon Rat

**Chapter 22: The Way of the Rukon Rat**

Renji woke as soon as he felt the sudden, gripping tension in the body that was wrapped around his, the harsh, sharp inhale that signaled him that his spouse was being taken by a night terror. Having experienced a few of Byakuya's night terrors during Tetsuya's slow decline, he reacted instinctively, wrapping his arms tightly around the panicked and senseless noble, quickly sealing away his reiatsu and bracing himself. He knew from the words Byakuya said, exactly what nightmare he was in.

"Let me go!" he snapped, trying to tear free of Renji's hands, "We have to get there _now_! They know we are coming and they've begun to kill the prisoners! Get your hands off of me!"

He felt a wave of relief as the house guardsmen appeared in the room and took over the task of restraining the noble, while Renji leaned over him, looking down into the wide, gray eyes and feeling scared witless, knowing that Byakuya saw, not him, but someone trying to keep him from going to save Tetsuya.

"I don't care about the way things are supposed to be done! While you sit here in committee, innocent men, women and children are being murdered in that prison!"

"It's okay," Renji said calmly into his ear, "I know you're not hearing me very well, but it's okay. You saved Tetsuya. He isn't in the prison anymore. He's here at Kuchiki Manor, just down the hall. Wake up, and we can go and check in on him."

Byakuya only struggled harder, his eyes flaring rebelliously.

"How _dare_ you lay hands on me! I do not care what you have to decide. You argue and question all that you want. I am going to the prison now!"

"Shh," Renji said, squeezing his hand gently, "You're waking up half the Seireitei…and you'll wake Tetsuya if you keep this up. Come on, Byakuya, snap out of it."

Byakuya stared at him, his eyes clearing slightly.

"Tetsuya?" he said questioningly, "Where is he? Where have you taken him?"

His head turned fitfully left and right, his dream-blinded eyes searching all around.

"Tetsuya? _Tetsuya_! No! You're lying! He isn't dead. I _saw_ him! Tetsuya! _TETSUYA_!" Byakuya cried, breaking free of the house guardsmen. He ran for the garden doors, sliding to a stop as his deathly pale cousin appeared in the doorway, barely on his feet and leaning heavily against his attendant.

"Byakuya-sama," he said in a quivering voice, "I'm here. See? I am f-fine."

Byakuya stepped closer, stopping in front of his cousin, gazing at Tetsuya with suddenly gentle and wounded eyes.

"I will have you out of there in a moment," he said, his voice going calm and quiet, "No one is ever going to lock you up like this again, Tetsuya. I promise you. I won't allow it."

Tetsuya smiled weakly as Byakuya motioned with his hands as though unlocking and opening a door. He stepped forward and lifted Tetsuya into his arms. The blue-eyed shinigami sighed in relief and settled in his cousin's arms, resting his head on Byakuya's shoulder and talking quietly into his ear as Byakuya carried him back to his room.

Renji and the house guards and attendants followed and Byakuya carried Tetsuya into his room and placed him carefully in bed, then gently washed away the sweat on his face with a cool, wet cloth.

"Arigato, Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya managed in a weary voice, "I feel much better now. My attendant will take care of me. Please go and get some sleep."

He touched his cousin's face lightly, giving Byakuya a worried look.

"You are so tired, Cousin. You're making yourself sick, worrying over me. I will be all right now. I am safe here, and I have healers and attendants to take care of me. Please let Renji take you back to your room so you can rest."

As Tetsuya spoke to him, Byakuya's eyes gradually blinked and slowly cleared. He shook his head gently as awareness returned and it registered with him, where he was and that he had been in the midst of a night terror. Guilt flooded his features and his eyes became unbearably sad.

"I am sorry," he said softly to Tetsuya, "I am sorry for waking you, Cousin."

"It's all right," Tetsuya replied, his voice shaking slightly, "I needed to get up and move around. It's not good to spend so much time abed. But I'll rest now."

Byakuya held Tetsuya's hand silently as the younger shinigami closed his eyes and drifted off. Renji waited near the door until he was sure Tetsuya slept soundly, then approached Byakuya, setting a hand on his arm and coaxing him to his feet.

"I am sorry, Renji," the noble said quietly as they left Tetsuya's room, "I am sorry that I woke you, and that I put you in the middle of that."

"Stop, will you?" Renji said, sliding an arm around him, "I'm just glad you're okay and that you woke up. Those night terrors scare the crap out of me!"

Byakuya sighed softly in frustration.

"I would simply take something to help deepen my sleep, but…"

"But you want to be alert if Tetsuya needs you," Renji finished, "I know."

"But it's not good for you to lose sleep, and I haven't been able to be sure that you are eating properly…"

"Knock it off. I'm eating right. And you can't run everything around here, plus the sixth division. You push yourself too hard and something's going to give."

"You are right, of course," the noble agreed readily, "So tomorrow, I will request a leave of absence. Our division can remain on home front duty until you have had our baby and we can both return."

Renji managed a soft chuckle.

"I hope I remember how to hold a sword by then. I think Zabimaru is going to forget who I am!"

He was pleased at the short, tensed smile he received in reply. And his words warmed Renji to the core.

"I don't imagine that anyone who met you even if only once, ever forgot you, Renji. Love you or hate you, you make a deep impression. And right now, you and this baby are the only things keeping me sane."

"Oh, so this is sane," Renji said, smirking, "I don't think I wanna know what '_insane_' is."

Byakuya gave him a smoky glare and followed him back into the bedroom. They had just curled up around each other, and were sharing warm, sleepy kisses, when pounding feet on the walkway made them sit up as Tetsuya's attendant appeared in the open doorway.

"What is it, Akio?" Byakuya asked breathlessly.

Renji's heart fell as he spotted the tears running down the young attendant's face.

"Tetsuya-san lost consciousness…and he stopped breathing, Kuchiki-sama!" the attendant sobbed, "The healers are trying to…"

But Byakuya was already out of bed and past him, with Renji on his heels, running down the walkway and flash stepping into Tetsuya's room. He took one look at the set expression on the healer's face and flash stepped to his cousin's side.

"What are you doing!" he cried, "Help him, for kami's sake! Tetsuya…"

"I am sorry, Kuchiki-sama," the healer said, "I could not stabilize him. His reiatsu is depleted…and…and he refused to give permission for me to end his pregnancy, even though I warned him that…"

Byakuya stared helplessly at his cousin's lifeless form for a long moment, then he leaned over Tetsuya and placed his hands on his cousin's chest.

"Step away," he warned the healer.

"B-but Kuchiki-sama!" the healer objected, "What can you do? I have…"

He broke off, his eyes going wide as power flowed out of Byakuya's hands and into his cousin's body.

"What are you doing?" gasped the healer, "That spell is forbidden to all but high level healers! He could…"

"He's nearly gone anyway!" Byakuya said fiercely, "I am placing him in suspension so that I can move him to Karakura Town. I only hope that between Urahara Kisuke and Inoue Orihime, they can find a way to save him!"

He lifted Tetsuya into his arms and carried him to the doorway, where Renji waited.

"Stay here," he said quietly, "Get some rest."

He shook off Renji's instant objection.

"Renji," he said firmly, "I know you want to be with me, but you and I must have different priorities right now. Just as sometimes I leave you in charge of the division while I take on a mission, I am leaving you in charge of seeing to our child's needs. You must eat and rest properly. I will return for our next bonding."

Renji ached to object, but recognized all too well, the hard, unyielding look in the noble's dark gray eyes. He bit back his words and stepped aside, wordlessly allowing Byakuya to pass. A shiver went through him at seeing Tetsuya's limp and still body, and he wondered briefly if even Inoue Orihime's power would be enough to save him. He watched until they were gone, then turned as the attendants and house guards moved away, and started towards his bedroom.

"Would you like some tea to help settle you?" asked Koji, following him.

"No, thanks," Renji said, shaking his head, "I'm just going back to bed. Get out of here. Get some rest. We'll be joining Byakuya in Karakura Town in the morning."

His eyes followed the attendant as he bowed and turned back towards his own bedroom. Renji paused on the walkway, outside his and Byakuya's bedroom, feeling suddenly that he was being watched. He turned his head and suddenly found himself staring into a pair of dark blue eyes that looked heartbreakingly like Tetsuya's.

"Arashi?" he said questioningly.

The tall stallion stood just off the walkway, regarding Renji with a stern expression. His body was tensed, like a coil about to be released, the whites of his eyes showing, and he stamped his foot, making a sound of command and impatience.

"What?" said Renji, his eyes softening in sympathy, "Oh, you miss Tetsuya. I know."

He moved forward and started to pat the horse on the neck, when Arashi made a blindingly fast move, and Renji suddenly found himself tossed into the air and landing on the stallion's back.

"Oof!" Renji grunted, "Holy hell, what are you doing?"

He tightened his legs around the horse, but nearly fell as Arashi turned. The stallion made another sound of impatience and Renji's eyes went wide as Kido ropes wrapped around him to hold him on the horse's back as Arashi charged past the house guardsmen and out of the manor gates. Renji clung to his back, grateful for the kido that kept him from falling.

"You wanna tell me what the hell you think you're doing?" the redhead mused, "I mean, I think I know, but…you _are_ aware I am pregnant, ne?"

He caught his breath in surprise as several images formed in his mind. The first was a vision of a small, heavily guarded, white building, deep within the Aomori property. The second was of Arashi slipping up through heavy brush at the back of the place and a slender hand reaching out through the barred window to touch his face. The final image was of Renji, himself, slipping out of the brush as Arashi quietly knocked out the guards and the two retrieved a smiling Tomio.

"Ah, I see," said the redhead, "But how did you know that I would be the one who could break into the building?"

He almost laughed at the derisive look Arashi gave him.

"Right," he laughed, "I guess you'd know a Rukon rat like me on sight. I just hope it goes as smoothly as you have it planned out in your pretty horsey mind, but if you ask me I think we may encounter some resistance. I hope you have a plan for that."

Arashi answered by raising himself onto his hind legs, as Renji hung on for dear life, and loosing a blast of ice blades from his eyes, nose and mouth. The blast struck a tree in front of them, shattering it into splinters, then a burst of blue kido fire reduced a second tree to splinters as Arashi broke into a gallop and raced away.

"O—kay," Renji said, a bit breathlessly, "So you will handle any resistance."

_I swear nothing will touch you…_

The voice in his mind was soft and wispy, and he got the feeling that Arashi wasn't one who often spoke to people. He seemed more comfortable as they raced on, relaying bits of information in images that appeared in Renji's mind. And the redhead found himself amazed at the intelligence and perceptiveness of the creature he was riding. They were nearly to the Aomori estate when Renji realized something about the attack he had seen Arashi use.

"Hey," he said, touching the beast's shoulder, "Can I ask you something? What you used on that first tree…wasn't that Tetsuya's zanpakutou release?"

Arashi gave him an equine snort that said, '_Took you long enough to notice!' _and continued on his way.

Renji was suddenly grateful for the cloak that Byakuya had dropped around his shoulders as they had left their room. He wrapped it around himself, lowering the dark hood to obscure his face. Arashi slowed as he came to the edge of the Aomori estate and followed the gating until it ended at the edge of a dark, malevolent looking forest.

"Are you sure about this?" Renji asked Arashi, "This looks pretty damned creepy, if you ask me."

Arashi turned a calm, blue eye on him for a moment and snorted dismissively.

"Well hey," Renji said, defensively, "I was only saying it looked kinda dangerous, but I guess you're saying that whatever that creepy forest is hiding, you can handle. I hope that's true, because I haven't picked up a sword in months and Byakuya will kill you _and_ me if anything goes wrong. But what could go wrong, ne?"

Arashi gave a gentle warning buck and moved into the forest at a walk.

If the forest was creepy on the edges, it was even more so within, where even for night, it seemed too dark, and dark reiatsu appeared in traces all around them.

"I guess there's a reason why they don't have so many guards on this end," Renji muttered, "You'd have to be kinda screwy in the head to come in here…present company excluded, of course."

But Arashi seemed perfectly at ease, avoiding the stronger reiatsu traces and picking his way carefully through the trees. Renji jumped, making a startled cry and spooking the horse as a branch caught on his sleeve. And he wondered from that point on if it was his imagination, or if the trees seemed to move on their own. He was glad when they came to an opening and Renji could see where Arashi appeared to have made a break in the fence in an area of the estate that was cluttered with trees and brush. They squeezed through and Renji slid down off the horse's back, moving on practiced, silent feet towards the white building that Arashi had shown him. As they worked their way forward, Arashi guided him expertly, seeming to have watched and memorized the movement of the guards around the area.

They reached the building and Arashi stood watch as Renji formed a slender kido wire and guided into the keyhole. He entrusted their safety to Arashi and focused all of his attention on sensing the pattern of the lock and winding the kido wire through it, stiffening it, then turning it until the lock clicked.

"I've still got it, I guess," Renji chuckled, "No taking the poor boy out of _me_…"

He opened the door cautiously, then froze at the sound of a male voice.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

He turned his head, ready to fight, but froze as he realized that the man was a guard, and he was completely distracted by Arashi. He slipped inside the building and closed the door, then spotted a sleeping guard and stole towards him on silent feet. He stunned the guard and left him looking as though he had just fallen asleep in his chair.

"That's a cute horsey," he heard the guard outside say, "You escape from the barn?"

Arashi nickered sweetly and Renji couldn't quite stifle a laugh at the _thump_ that followed as Arashi knocked the guard out and nudged his unconscious form into the bushes. Renji reached out with his senses and realized that a second guard was sleeping in a cot in a nearby break room. He slipped in and rendered the man unconscious, then moved on to the cellblock. Using the keys he stole from the guards, he opened the outer door and entered the cellblock, quickly spotting Tomio on his feet and looking down the hall at him with a pleased expression.

"Renji-san, thank kami!" he whispered, "What are you doing here? I know Arashi has been trying to get in, but I thought he would bring Tetsuya!"

A worried look rose on his face at Renji's reaction.

"What has happened? Is Tetsuya all right?" he asked quickly.

"He's in really bad shape," Renji admitted, "He's been struggling for some time, but up until tonight, he was hanging in there. Then tonight, he took a turn for the worse."

"Is that why Byakuya-sama sent you?" he said, placing a hand over his heart.

Renji shook his head.

"Byakuya went to Karakura Town with Tetsuya, to see if Orihime could help him. Arashi abducted me as I was trying to go back to bed like Byakuya told me to. I guess he needed someone who could pick locks and sneak around. That's easy work for a Rukon rat like me, but a little harder for someone with hooves."

"Ah," sighed Tomio, "I should have known that Byakuya-sama would never risk you. But let's get out of here. I have to get to Karakura Town immediately! It sounds as though Tetsuya cannot wait any longer."

Renji unlocked the door to Tomio's cell and the two men returned to the door. They caught Arashi's eye, then waited until the stallion tossed his head, signaling it was safe to exit the building. They ran to Arashi and climbed onto his back, then the stallion turned towards the break in the fence where they had come in.

"Are you all right?" Renji asked, "Those bastards didn't hurt you, did they?"

"I was whipped when I was first brought here," he told the redhead, "but after that, they left me alone and just made sure I was aware that Tetsuya was going to die before they would let me out of here."

He gave a disgusted sigh.

"I can't believe I am related to these people…but I should be fair. It wouldn't be so bad, but our leader is extremely intolerant. He has no respect for Byakuya or the Kuchiki clan. He only made me Byakuya's companion because he planned to try to use me to get information. I of course, never gave him anything, and then I completely annoyed him by bonding with Tetsuya without permission. Truthfully, the rest of the Aomori council would back down if not for him. He's completely impossible to deal with. I don't know why Byakuya didn't put him in his place long ago."

"Well, it's not a problem now," Renji said as they moved towards the fence, "We're getting you out of here and I don't think that even that guy will think he's got a chance of coming onto Kuchiki land and taking you back. Byakuya's guard staff will destroy anyone who tries."

"That's good to know," Tomio said, smiling, "But all I can think about is my dear Tetsuya and our baby. I've been beside myself worrying about their condition."

"I won't lie to you," Renji said solemnly, "It's bad, Tomio. He stopped breathing, and Byakuya placed him in suspension and took him to Karakura Town to see if Inoue Orihime of Kisuke could help save him. But I think that you are really the only one who can do this. I think Arashi knew that too…and that's why he grabbed me and dragged me over here to break you out. But truthfully, I'm glad he did. I've barely been able to hold myself back from storming over here and just blasting the hell out of this place to get you out. Diplomacy hell…I've had enough fucking around. Let's get this done already!"

Tomio laughed softly and tightened his arms around Renji as they rode on.

"Renji-san, you are definitely something special. I see why you and Byakuya-sama belong together. You think much the same way."

"Yeah," Renji chuckled, "The only difference is that he was broken of the habit of _doing_ what he damned well pleased. I don't have that problem…though he may be ready to hang me for it after this. I tell you…he's going to kick my ass the minute this baby is born. I've been racking up one thing that pissed him off after the other!"

"Well, I for one, am not angry at all," said Tomio gratefully, "You are definitely our hero tonight…Tetsuya's, our baby's and mine. Arigato…truly."

"Uh yeah, huh…would you mind saying that to Byakuya when he starts spitting fire over this?"

"Of course," agreed Tomio, laughing again, "What are friends for?"

"Hey!" yelled a male voice, "What are you…?"

He broke off, staring at Tomio and his hooded companion on Arashi's back.

"Sound the alarms!" he yelled, "It's the half breed and his stallion! They're abducting Aomori Tomio! Stop them!"

Instantly, Arashi sent copies of them out in all directions. The incoming guards attacked, shattering the waterforms one by one as Arashi ran for the fence.

"Damn!" yelled Renji, "No time to squeeze through. Can you jump it?"

"That's crazy!" gasped Tomio, "It's too high. He'll never make it!"

Arashi moved into flash steps, running flat out at the fence and not slowing.

"Oh my sweet kami!" hissed Tomio, going white in the face and clinging to Renji.

Arashi's feet left the ground and he launched himself into the air as kido fire exploded all around them. Arashi flinched as he caught himself on something as they passed over the fence, and he came down hard on the other side, barely keeping his feet and not throwing the two shinigamis from his back. Renji opened a Kuchiki family senkaimon and Arashi limped into it, then collapsed as Tomio and Renji jumped off and flash stepped away.

"Arashi!" Renji gasped, dropping onto his knees next to the stallion.

He looked up at Tomio worriedly.

"He's hurt pretty badly," he said, biting his lips, "Go on to Tetsuya. I will take care of him. I'll get him back to the manor. They can't follow us this way."

"Very well," Tomio said, nodding, "I will take care of my soul mate and I will inform Byakuya-sama about what happened."

He flash stepped away, leaving Renji and the stallion alone.

Renji leaned over Arashi, sending healing reiatsu into the gash he found on the horse's leg, flinching and pushing the stallion's head away as Arashi neighed loudly and snapped at him.

"Okay! Don't get your tail in a knot, straw-for-brains! If you hurt me, then I can't heal you. You managed to avoid breaking your leg, but you strained it up pretty badly. I'll have to wrap it up."

He used a kido spell to fashion a splint, then carefully bound the restless stallion's leg. When he was finished, he climbed to his feet and help Arashi up. The stallion staggered and limped, but calmed as Renji leaned against him and guided him through the precipice world and back to Kuchiki Manor. He found the house guards on high alert, and waiting for him as he arrived, having been warned by Tomio about what had happened before he had gone on to Karakura Town.

Arashi was led off to the barn by two attendants and several healers, while Renji was herded back into his room by a frantic Koji.

"What were you thinking, Abarai-san?" the attendant asked, pale faced, "Kuchiki-sama is going to be furious!"

He looked around briefly.

"But," he whispered, "Everyone here is so glad you and Arashi were able to free Tomio-san! It has been horrible, what they tried to do to Tetsuya-san! You and Arashi are real heroes!"

"Huh…" Renji muttered, "I don't know if Byakuya will agree…but…I'm with you guys. We couldn't just leave him there."

He stumbled into the bedroom, dead on his feet and aching all over. A clan healer rushed into the room and gave him a thorough examination, then sent healing reiatsu all through him and sent him off to sleep.

"Arashi…" he murmured, closing his eyes, "Is he okay?"

"His leg is strained, but not broken, and his tail was a bit singed," the healer said, smiling, "but Arashi will be fine. Rest now. Byakuya-sama will return soon."

Great…my ass is sooooo kicked!

But even knowing that, Renji fell asleep with a satisfied smirk on his face.

And he wagered that, strained leg or not, Arashi was smiling too…


	23. No Cure For Recklessness

**Chapter 23: No Cure for Recklessness**

Byakuya sat quietly beside Tetsuya, holding his cousin's limp, pale hand and watching him sleep. As focused as he was on the younger man, he barely noticed when the door to the bedroom opened and Urahara Kisuke entered the room.

"How is he holding up?" Kisuke asked.

"He is the same," Byakuya said softly, "He hasn't opened his eyes or moved since the last reiatsu infusion. He still breathes and his heart is beating, but other than that, his condition is unchanged. Still…that he is alive at all is only because of your quick actions when we arrived, Urahara-san. I am grateful."

"Well," Kisuke said, kneeling next to Tetsuya and placing his hands on the young man's chest to begin the next infusion, "I may have been able to stabilize him somewhat. But you know that unless Tomio-san arrives to join with him for the paternal bonding, Tetsuya will continue to decline. And we are not far from the point of no return. So…I guess it's decision time. I can hold him in balance for a short time, but you have to make a decision about whether or not to square off with the Aomori clan."

Byakuya sighed.

"I did hope to avoid hostilities," he said quietly, "But there is no choice now. I will not sit here and watch Tetsuya die. I was only waiting to hear about his condition, and then I planned to go."

"You need backup?" Kisuke asked, "I saw Yoruichi around here this morning…"

"No," said the noble, "It is not the confrontation now that concerns me. I can force the situation and free Tomio on my own. It is what happens after that has me concerned."

"Right," agreed Kisuke, "You and everyone there at Kuchiki Manor are going to have to watch each other's backs. Clan wars can get ugly."

"Yes," agreed Byakuya, "They can."

Kisuke looked down at Tetsuya, worry rising in his expression. He shook his head gently and looked up at Byakuya.

"Byakuya-san, he is not responding to the infusion this time. I noticed that the response was sluggish last time, but now it seems to be having no effect at all. And we already established that Orihime's reject power only shifted the imbalance in his reiatsu one way or another. It couldn't bring him into balance. I think we are at the point of no return. I think that, to buy time for you to go and get Tomio-san, I'll have to put him back in suspension…but even that is risky, because he was already placed in suspension recently, and each successive use of that spell weakens the recipient of it."

"Meaning he is so weak now that it may kill him," Byakuya concluded solemnly, "But, as you said, we are out of options. Do as you must, Urahara-san."

Kisuke nodded briefly and leaned over Tetsuya, placing his hands on the unconscious man's chest again and lowering his head in concentration. But just as he was about to send his reiatsu into Tetsuya's body, the door to the room burst open and another young noble entered the room.

"_Tomio_!" Byakuya breathed soundlessly.

He moved back as Tomio flash stepped to Tetsuya's side and climbed onto the bed next to him. He gently lifted Tetsuya into his arms, gathering his reiatsu and quickly beginning the bonding.

"Tetsuya…" he whispered, kissing his mate's cold, pale lips, "Tetsuya, I'm here!"

Soft, blue-white power lit their bodies, giving Tetsuya's face a ghostly look. Tears came to Tomio's eyes as he ran his fingers through his lover's hair and continued to try to wake him.

"I know it took a long time for me to get free, but your Arashi and Abarai Renji were able to break in and get me out."

He was too absorbed in his growing connection with Byakuya's cousin to notice the strong reaction in the clan leader as he uttered Renji's name.

"Tetsuya, you have to try to wake up…please, watashi no koi! I can't lose you now! We have worked so hard to hold ourselves together through everything, we can't stop fighting now."

He brushed a wet cheek against his lover's, and continued to call his name, holding Tetsuya tightly against him. Kisuke and Byakuya watched with sad, sympathetic eyes

"You are so strong, watashi no koi! You were able to wait for me for such a long time. I cried as I sat in my cell, thinking of how you must be hurting without the paternal bonding. I pleaded with our clan leader, but he would not allow me to leave. But that is over now. I am with you, and I will stay with you. I will help to keep your reiatsu in balance, but you must help me, Tetsuya!"

He kissed Tetsuya's pale lips again, then one-by-one, kissed the fingers of each slender hand. He buried his face in his soul mate's black hair, breathing in his scent and sobbing his name in soft, clipped breaths into his ear.

"Tetsuya…please wake up….my Tetsuya…wake up for me. I'm here now. I'm not going to leave you again, I promise you! Tetsuya…"

Tomio froze, his eyes widening and his breath catching in his throat as he felt Tetsuya's fingers move beneath his hand. His breathing deepened and his eyelids fluttered, then opened.

"T-tomio?" he mouthed almost soundlessly.

Tomio looked into his lover's blue eyes and nodded, too overcome for words. Tears ran in streams down his face and he squeezed Tetsuya's hand gently.

"Tomio…?" Tetsuya whispered, "Is that you?"

He blinked several times, and his eyes slowly cleared and came into better focus. He reached up and touched Tomio's wet cheek, his lips curving upward.

"I couldn't see because the light was so bright," Tetsuya whispered, "At first, I thought I had died…and I was looking at an angel."

"Me? An angel?" Tomio said in a soft, sobbing laugh, "Hardly! I broke _all_ of the rules to be with you…and I will never, ever be sorry. And I don't care if that makes me the devil, himself, my Tetsuya, I am never leaving you again!"

The reiatsu sparked and flared around the two, and they held onto each other tightly, sharing deep, open-mouthed kisses.

"Not to interrupt you two lovebirds," Kisuke said, an edge of worry in his voice, "but Tomio-san, you need to feed his reiatsu more slowly. If you keep going at that rate, you're going to pass out."

Tomio chuckled dismissively.

"Then, let me pass out," he said, holding on to Tetsuya and nipping hungrily at his lips, "My soul mate and my baby need my reiatsu, and they are going to have it. I'll be fine. I will just lie down next to him. Then it won't matter if I pass out."

"All right, then," Kisuke said, looking relieved, "Byakuya-san and I are going to get out of your way and let the two of you bond. Tessai will be in with some food for you in a little while. You will both need to eat a lot to accommodate your bonding."

"Arigato, Urahara-san," Tomio said gratefully, "Thank you for keeping him alive until I reached him."

"It wasn't easy," the shopkeeper admitted, "but you know, I think that love really must 'conquer all.' Because medically speaking, Tetsuya-san shouldn't be here. I think he was just too darned stubborn to let go."

Byakuya's eyes softened with affection and he smiled at Tetsuya.

"That sounds very much like my cousin," he commented, bringing a smile onto Tetsuya's lips again.

Kisuke left the room, but Byakuya remained behind for a moment, frowning thoughtfully.

"Is something wrong, Byakuya-sama?" Tetsuya asked.

"Everything is fine, now that you are going to be all right…but…" he said, meeting Tomio's eyes, "I would like to know about your rescue, Tomio. Did I mishear, or did you say that it was Arashi and Renji who rescued you?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji stirred uncomfortably, then opened his eyes and sat up quickly. Holding a hand to his abdomen, he left the bed and hurried to the bathroom, for the now familiar ritual of emptying his stomach first thing in the morning.

"Just like clockwork…" he sighed, resting on his knees for a moment, before getting up and washing his face and rinsing his mouth.

He slipped on a pair of sandals and retied his loosened yukata, then took a cloak and wrapped it around his shoulders before leaving the bedroom. He crept into the kitchen and purloined a just baked blueberry muffin, then left the house and headed for the barn. As he reached it, the barn door opened and a healer stepped out. He smiled at Renji in greeting.

"Good morning, Abarai-san," he said, bowing, "How are you feeling today?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Renji said, smiling back, "I just wanted to know how Arashi is doing."

"Ah," said the healer, nodding, "He is, as you may imagine, a bit uncomfortable and irritated right now. We placed him in a sling to take some of the weight off of his feet, but he isn't one who enjoys anything that tries to hold him still. I was about to have him walk a bit to stretch his legs and work off some of the nerves. Would you like to lead him around?"

"Yeah, sure," Renji said, waiting as the healer attached the lead rope to Arashi's halter and led him forward.

The stallion still walked with a noticeable limp, but it was, Renji thought, much less pronounced than it had been the night before. He smiled up at the stallion, as Arashi tossed his head and tried to pull the lead out of Renji's hand.

"He's quite a handful when Tetsuya-san is not here," the healer said, shaking his head, "especially being injured. I nearly had to give him a tranquilizer last night. But his mood seems better this morning."

"You call this better?" Renji chuckled as Arashi snorted in his ear and nipped at his hair, "I hope Tetsuya-san gets back soon. Otherwise, I may end up as bald as Ikkaku!"

He could almost hear his friend yell, _"I'm not bald! I did this on purpose!"_

He led Arashi away, still thinking about Ikkaku, and trying to remember the last time he had been to the bar with his friends. He looked down at his abdomen and sighed a bit helplessly, deciding that if it cost him some time with his friends temporarily, he could still manage.

Still, I wonder how much freedom I'll have to go and do things with them. We haven't really talked about what happens later. I mean, I know I'll be going back to work at the division, but there are so many rules and expectations here. I wonder what rules there might be about hanging out with my friends…

It wasn't that he didn't love Byakuya, but his friends were important to him also. And he hoped fervently that they wouldn't end up in an argument about that later on.

"Not that we won't have more important things to argue about…"

He looked up at Arashi.

"You _do_ know that Byakuya's going to kill me, right? You and your reckless, crazy ideas! But…it's not like I put much effort in trying to stop you. Truth is, I didn't want to stop you. The truth is that when we were there, breaking Tomio out? That was the most like myself I've felt in a long time."

"Is it really that much of a burden for you, Renji?" Byakuya's voice asked from somewhere behind him, freezing Renji in place, "Is it really so much to ask that you use a measure of caution and don't take unnecessary risks for the duration of your pregnancy? Is it too much to expect that when I ask you to stay here and to take care of yourself, that you might actually do so?"

"Byakuya, I can explain…"

"Can you?" the noble asked, "because although I am in your debt for freeing Tomio so that he could save my cousin's life, I do not know that risking open war, and worse, risking your life and the life of our child was worth it. Because instead of one life hanging in the balance, you endangered even more with your actions."

"Hey, talk to him," he said, pointing at Arashi, "He threw me onto his back and carried me off. I didn't go looking for trouble…"

"But from what you said, you went willingly enough. And apparently, you didn't give much thought to the possible consequences."

"Wha…? Byakuya, nothing happened! We were careful every step of the way and the baby and I are fine. I didn't do anything to recklessly put us in danger!"

"No?" said Byakuya, studying Arashi's bound leg, "I think you misremember, because if Arashi took that kind of damage, then you cannot tell me that you did not risk yourself."

"All right," Renji said angrily, "_Fine_! You want me to say it? Yeah, I _wanted _to go after Tomio. I didn't fight Arashi when he grabbed me, because I hated feeling like there was nothing we could all do but watch Tetsuya die. _You_, sure as hell weren't taking any action! You were just sitting there watching and letting yourself be miserable as he faded away!"

"I didn't want to risk open war!" Byakuya hissed, "You are not from a noble family. You have no idea what a noble war is like! There is the risk of tremendous loss of life…especially with a leader like the one who leads the Aomori clan. And did it occur to you where such a war would take place?"

Renji fell silent, tightening his jaw and shaking his head slightly.

"It would come to us here, Renji," the noble said, glaring, "and it won't just endanger you and our child, it could threaten many more lives. Clan wars are not often fought, because they lead to horrid loss of life and they accomplish little more than the destruction of lives and the weakening of the clans involved. And the remaining clans will be waiting like a pack of wolves…to tear down the victor if the fight leaves him too weak to then defend against the rest of them. I know you look down on my decision not to go after Tomio, but I didn't do so on a whim, or because I didn't care. I have to care for everyone in this clan. I cannot play God and favor one life over another. I have to consider how my actions will affect all of us. Renji, you haven't met half of the people who wear the Kuchiki name, but with your actions, you affected them all! Again…I agree with Tomio that you were courageous to do as you did, and that I am thankful you freed Tomio. I just want you to be aware of what is at stake. Even assuming we avoid hostilities, by involving yourself, you have made yourself a target."

"They didn't even know it was me. I was wearing my heavy cloak…and when the guard yelled, he told them that it was Tetsuya and Arashi."

"Are you sure?" Byakuya asked quickly, "That would be a good thing, I think. Tetsuya is already a target, but if they don't know it was you…"

"Why are you doing that?" Renji asked, cutting him off, "I know how you think, how you move as a taichou, and this is nothing like the man I know! You act like you are afraid of them. You are giving them power."

"I am attempting to solve our differences without fighting."

"Well, sometimes you have to fight, Byakuya! Sometimes you don't have the luxury of being careful. Did I take some risks? Yeah, I did…but they were mine to take! You know, I didn't give up who I am by marrying you! I am still the same person. My body looks so strange right now that my friends would laugh their asses off, and I would probably cry, because I am so fucked up with hormones, but beneath everything, I am still the same peasant from Inuzuri, who kicked and clawed my way into adulthood. And I knew plenty of pregnant girls who had to fight sometimes. Did they get hurt? Yes. Did they lose their babies? Some did, some didn't. But we did the best we could in the situation that we were in…and that's all I was doing. I wasn't trying to be anyone's hero or to put anyone at risk. Something had to be done and I did it. End of story!"

Byakuya went silent for a moment.

"I see," he said, finally, "I didn't realize that our marriage was such a discomfort. I know that it differs from the carefree lifestyle you enjoyed before, but I thought that…I thought you were happy with me. You said you were in love with me."

"I _am_!" Renji said, hating himself for the hurt he saw reflected in his spouse's eyes, "I am in love with you. But you know, I can't do everything your way. I have to be able to live the way it makes sense to me. I don't mind the rules and shit, but I have to be able to have something in my life be under my control."

"Why do you do that, Renji?" Byakuya asked, his eyes stormy and threatening to tear, "Why do you make it seem like _I_ am the one inflicting all of this on you? I have to live by these rules too. And I didn't just have to once I was grown, I was raised having to follow them. I know how horrid it can be. But if I, the strongest leader of the clan in its history, do not lead this clan, what will happen to it? And if I don't set an example by following the rules, then who will? You think I wanted to let my cousin die? That I wasn't as torn apart inside as you, watching him fade away? You think I didn't want to go there myself and free Tomio? But I had someone I had to protect. And while I was trying to keep my cousin alive without endangering that person, he went off recklessly and endangered himself anyway. It was as though the sacrifice I was having to make meant nothing."

"I'm sorry," said Renji, "I didn't mean to make you think that. I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about Tetsuya. He isn't just your cousin now. He's my friend. He's the only one here who seems to understand what's going on in my head. And even though I tried to do what you said, I couldn't let my friend die. Not while there was something I could do. And I'm sorry that I had to risk myself and our baby like that. But I am not going to be sorry I did it. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing. I feel bad that it hurt you, but I still think it was the right thing to do."

"You have a lot of company in thinking that," Byakuya said softly, "Everyone here is singing your praises, and I understand why. They aren't thinking ahead to what it could mean in the long run. But I don't have the luxury of that shortsightedness. Still, if you truly think that noble life is too burdensome…"

"Don't finish that sentence," Renji said, cutting him off, "Because I didn't say that I wanted to leave you, Byakuya. I love you and I am staying."

"I am glad to hear that," the noble said quietly, the calm returning to his eyes, "My apologies for being harsh with you. I only did so because I was…because it was necessary."

"Bullshit. You did it because you heard what I did and it scared you," Renji said, abandoning Arashi's lead rope and wrapping his arms around the noble, "And I love you for loving me that much. Look, let's just…let this go now, okay? I promise I won't do anything else reckless like that until this baby is born. Why don't you join me walking Arashi, and then we can go back and have a warm bath and some tea?"

Byakuya sighed.

"As lovely as that sounds, I have a council meeting, then a taichou's meeting. I will have to take my leave of you until dinnertime."

"I'll see you at dinnertime then," Renji said, kissing him, then retrieving Arashi's lead rope.

"Very well," said Byakuya, "And Renji…?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do try to stay out of trouble."

"Sure thing, Byakuya. Arashi and I promise we'll stay right here and won't cause anymore trouble, ne Arashi?"

The stallion nickered softly and nudged Renji with an insistent nose.

"Well…I'll stay out of trouble anyway."

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya left the first division and walked through the darkening streets back to the sixth division. He glanced at the pile of papers waiting for him and sent a hell butterfly informing the staff he wouldn't be coming home for dinner. He sat down at his desk, trying to bury himself in the work and to push away the thoughts that nagged at him.

"Fine! You want me to say it? Yeah, I wanted to go after Tomio. I didn't fight Arashi when he grabbed me, because I hated feeling like there was nothing we could all do but watch Tetsuya die. You, sure as hell weren't taking any action! You were just sitting there watching and letting yourself be miserable as he faded away!"

A pang of guilt struck him, and he set down the papers in his hand and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Why are you doing that? I know how you think, how you move as a taichou, and this is nothing like the man I know! You act like you are afraid of them. You are giving them power."

"He's right," the noble whispered, shaking his head slowly, "I said it was my duty to think of the rest of the clan…but I wasn't really thinking of them. I was afraid for _him and our baby_. I wasn't acting as a taichou or a clan leader, but as an emotional lover."

Tears of self-loathing rose in his eyes and he abandoned his work and went instead to Renji's desk. Reaching inside, he found the concealed bottle of sake and opened it. He poured a measure into his teacup and drank it quickly, desperate to stop the tears and the ache inside him. He choked down a second cup and felt his senses dull, but the pain he felt was still too sharp and stinging. He fled to his quarters and undressed, letting his clothes fall carelessly onto the floor and not even closing his yukata as he sat down on the bed and swallowed another cupful.

"Did I take some risks? Yeah, I did…but they were mine to take! You know, I didn't give up who I am by marrying you! I am still the same person. My body looks so strange right now that my friends would laugh their asses off, and I would probably cry, because I am so fucked up with hormones, but beneath everything, I am still the same peasant from Inuzuri, who kicked and clawed my way into adulthood."

A soft sob escaped him, but he held back the ones that tried to follow and took a swallow of sake from the bottle.

I think he looks beautiful, carrying our child, but he hates what my love has done to him.

He choked back another wounded sob and finished the last of the sake.

"_But I am not going to be sorry I did it. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing. I feel bad that it hurt you, but I still think it was the right thing to do."_

"But you are carrying our child…and all that our marriage and child seem to be is a burden to you. So, I tried to say that you could leave, but you wouldn't let me say the words."

I don't want to change you or control you. I do love you the way you are. But I cannot bear the thought of losing you. Does that make me some kind of monster? Does that mean I'm trying to control your life? I don't know anymore. All I know is that I was scared to death that I could lose you…and I still am. This fear has been with me ever since I lost Hisana and our baby, and I don't know how to make it go away…

He lifted the sake bottle again, then realized it was gone and threw it onto the floor. He curled around the pillows, aching to be warmed by Renji's masculine scent and lovely body, but having to settle for wrapping himself around several pillows.

Several hours later, the door to his room opened and Renji stepped inside. He shook his head sadly as he caught the scent of sake, and he walked to the bed, stopping to pick up the empty bottle and put it in the trash can, then picked up and put away the clothes that the noble had left strewn about. He returned to the bed and slid in next to the soundly sleeping noble, feeling a catch in his heart as he saw the remnants of tears and the anguished expression he wore, even as he slept.

He curled into Byakuya's arms, meeting the noble's glazed and reddened eyes as they opened.

"Why are you here?" he asked softly, his head aching with every sound he made, "Did you at least think to have someone…?"

"A couple of the house guards came with me," Renji assured him.

"Hmmm…and you had dinner?"

"It wasn't as fun without you, but yeah, I had dinner. Did you? No, wait, let me guess. You had sake."

Byakuya groaned and turned away.

"Stop moving the bed. I'll be sick."

"So what," chuckled Renji, "I throw up like once or twice a day. Doesn't bother me. You can throw up if you want to."

He ran his fingers through the noble's hair and reached down to guide a slender hand to the bump on his abdomen. Byakuya said nothing, but sighed softly and relaxed into the redhead's embrace.

"Is it really that bad?" Byakuya asked, "Are you really that unhappy being with me?"

"Sometimes I feel bad because I miss my other friends…but I like being with you. And I can always spend more time with them after the baby is born. I might not have planned this, but…I'm glad we got married. There are a lot of rules, and I feel like my body will never be the same, but being your spouse means lying down with you every night, and waking up to you every morning."

"You didn't look so pleased to see me this afternoon."

"I wasn't looking forward to fighting with you. And I'm getting the feeling that you didn't want to fight with me either."

"No."

Renji's fingers laced into his where they rested on his abdomen.

"Thank you, Byakuya."

Byakuya frowned and turned to look at him with wide, confused eyes.

"What? Why?"

"_Thank you_ for loving me enough to want so much to protect me…for making yourself argue with me, even though I can see now that you didn't want to."

"No…I wished…that I could have gone with you…or instead of you."

"I know that. You're under a lot of stress. I get that. And I've been a part of that. But I swear I will try not to cause you any more stress until this kid is born."

"Oh," moaned Byakuya, shaking softly, "It hurts to laugh. Don't make me laugh, Abarai!"

"Have you seen the error of your ways?" Renji asked, smirking, "Going to stay out of the sake bottle from now on?"

"Why would I do that?" the noble said, his smoky eyes meeting Renji's, "When I drink too much, we always end up having sex."

"Oh…oh boy…that sounds like an invitation," Renji said, sinking into the noble's sake flavored mouth, "Was that an invitation, lover?"

Byakuya looked back at him dizzily.

"Were you hoping I would give you one?" he asked, blinking slowly.

"I'd like that," Renji said, smiling and kissing him harder.

"Then, consider it an invitation," Byakuya whispered, rolling onto his back and watching with hazy eyes as Renji climbed on top of him.

Still looking into the redhead's eyes, he parted his thighs and wrapped his legs around Renji. He pushed away the hand that tried to prepare him.

"Don't worry," he told the redhead, "I'm too drunk to feel it. Go ahead."

Renji shook his head and worked his way inside slowly, then paused for a moment.

"You don't really like being taken, do you?" he asked, "I'm asking now, because I know that if you're drunk, you'll tell me the truth."

"You want the truth?" Byakuya asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Renji said, nodding, "A guy should really know that about his lover."

"I do not prefer it in general," Byakuya answered, the flush on his cheeks deepening, "but…I am content to be taken by you…on occasion."

Renji's eyes narrowed.

"How about having future kids?"

"Me? You mean…for me to carry them?" Byakuya asked, blinking, "No, of course not!"

"What?" Renji objected, "I am. Why shouldn't you?"

"Because it would be…unseemly…for a clan leader to be pregnant," the noble answered stiffly.

Renji smiled in amusement and laced their fingers together.

"Are there female clan leaders?"

"Sometimes…"

"And do _they_ get pregnant?"

"Of course."

"Then why can't you?"

"Because…"

"Because?"

Byakuya scowled at him, then softened his expression almost sweetly.

"Because you look better pregnant."

"How do you know…if you haven't tried it?"

"Because I do."

Renji continued the warm, steady motion of his body, watching the pain in the noble's eyes fade and pleasure begin to over take him. He waited until Byakuya's pleasure was about to peak, then squeezed tightly at the base of his arousal, holding him a breath away from completion.

"Say it…say you will have our next baby," Renji said, smiling.

"Oh…Oh…no, not in this lifetime," Byakuya managed, breathlessly.

He held on to the noble, and continued to tease him as Byakuya moaned fitfully and glared up at him.

"Come on…you can say it. Say…'I'll have your baby, Renji.'"

"N-no…no…"

"I'm not letting you climax until you do."

"Hah…once you climax, you'll be too…b-busy to…oh…oh, Renji! Renji, let go!"

"Say it first."

"Screw you, Renji…I am not…going to…oh…hah…Renji!"

Renji licked the noble's lips, flinching as Byakuya nipped him sharply.

"Okay…just say it, even if you don't mean it. You can always say it was the sake talking. I just want to hear Kuchiki Byakuya say he would have my baby."

Byakuya turned suddenly, capturing the surprised redhead's hands and forcing him down. Renji caught his breath at being taken somewhat roughly, but couldn't help smiling up at the noble as Byakuya entered him and swiftly carried them over and off into sweet oblivion. And as he drifted off to sleep in Byakuya's arms, warm lips touched his earlobe and Byakuya's low, sleepy voice was the last thing that reached him.

"If you still want me to…then after this child is born, I will have your baby, Abarai Renji."


	24. Love's Pretty Prison

**Chapter 24: Love's Pretty Prison**

"Oh, don't tell me I have to get dressed up for another special occasion," groaned Renji as Koji laid a formal kimono out on the bed and removed his yukata, "I hope you added another inch or two to the waistline, because if you didn't, you'll have to use a shoehorn or a crowbar to get me into that!"

"Goodness, Abarai, you are making quite a fuss," said Byakuya, from where he stood being dressed by Torio, "You aren't really so much bigger. You're not nearly as large as a pregnant human woman would be at this stage."

"Yeah, I know," Renji grumbled moodily, "I've heard it chapter and verse, lover. 'Pregnant _human women_ get bigger. Pregnant _human women_ suffer more pain.' But you know, pregnant human women also signed on for the job…'A' by being born human women and 'B' by knowingly doing something they knew could or would get them pregnant! I don't think you can argue that I knowingly did something that could get me knocked up. Not that I'm complaining about having a baby, but I get a little fucking irritated when people who _aren't_ pregnant and aren't likely to get that way any time soon start telling _me_ I'm overreacting."

"Running a bit on the hot side today, Renji?" Byakuya said, raising an eyebrow, "Koji, will you bring Renji a cup of tea? One of the more calming blends. He seems quite agitated."

"Hey!" snapped the redhead, "I am _not_ agitated! I'm _irritated_! And it's totally reasonable for me to be that way when I'm the one who's having the baby and everyone's trying to tell me how to _do_ everything. I understand how combat wouldn't be appropriate, but not being able to spar, even lightly? Not only having to be off the front lines, but to be told I can't even do a desk job? I get told what and how much to eat. I get yelled at for not sleeping enough, even though the reasons I'm not sleeping are because I'm either too busy throwing up, having late night hunger attacks, sweating out hot flashes, having weird fucking dreams about my baby being born a monster, crying for no reason, having to pace off the nervous jitters, wondering if my body will _ever_ be the same again, and having to put up with my bastard zanpakutou for laughing at me so much! I crave sweets one moment, hot and spicy the next. I even crave shit that I fucking hate, but I still eat it anyway because, hey, it's a craving. Got to feed it, right? Feed it or it will bug me to the point of insanity! And don't get me started about being paraded about at every goddamned family occasion under the sun. I think they make up new 'occasions' because they like seeing me dragged out of the few hours I can actually sleep and stuffed into this too stiff, too small, 'if my pregnant belly was one bit larger, I wouldn't fit' fancy, schmancy, pretty but too damned stuffy kimono!"

"You don't like the kimono I had made for you?" Byakuya asked calmly, "But it looks so attractive on you."

"Oh no!" said, Renji, frowning and shaking his head, "Don't you do that! Don't you go flattering me to try to shut me up, because it isn't going to work!

"I only said you look attractive in it," the noble said sedately, "The last time I checked, that was a compliment."

"Yeah, but coming from you, here, now, when you can't even deliver on that cute, 'I think you're so hot in that thing, I wanna rip it off and fuck you,' look…Byakuya, that's just pure manipulation! And it doesn't make me _calm_. I'll tell you what it makes me. It makes me horny…and being horny, huge, and stuffed into this too-small, scratchy, although very pretty kimono, is making me fucking crazy!"

Renji let out a surprised yelp as he was brought down very suddenly onto the bed and pinned beneath Byakuya, his hands kido-locked and held securely on either side of his head as the noble looked down at him with a decidedly aroused expression.

"Koji, Torio…leave us," Byakuya said quietly.

The two attendants exchanged knowing glances, then turned and left the room, closing the door behind them.

"Oh great!" said Renji, "You going to lecture me now? Tell me I'm being ridiculous? Threaten me a little?"

He sucked in a gasping breath as the noble plunged into his mouth, and at the same time, adjusted the clothing on their half-dressed bodies so that he had better access to the redhead's nether region.

"Wha…? What are you doing?"

Byakuya looked at him through narrowed, smoky eyes.

"I think you're so hot in that thing," Byakuya said smoothly, "I want to rip it off and fuck you."

"Oh…oh gods…" Renji gasped.

A deeply aroused hiss escaped him as Byakuya ran his tongue up the tanned flesh of his throat, nipping sharply at an earlobe, then slid provocatively down the redhead's restrained body, taking advantage of the places that weren't quite covered to place shockingly arousing kisses and soft bites on the exposed flesh.

"By kami, you'd _better_ be planning to fuck me or I think I really will lose my mind and kill you," Renji groaned as Byakuya pushed his legs open wide and kissed his way teasingly along the inside of one tanned thigh, "And…_Hey_! Did you just say fuck? I don't think I've ever heard you use that word on it's own, let alone correctly in a sentence."

"Well," answered the noble, tightening his hands and pushing Renji's legs open wider, "If you're going to do something, it is best to do it properly."

"R-right," Renji chuckled, gasping again as the noble crawled up his thigh and took aim on his very aroused privates.

Byakuya blew a puff of cool breath onto Renji's flushed skin, earning a blazing glare and a stream of obscenities. Byakuya smirked and gave him a slow, teasing lick. Renji gasped and raised his hips.

"Damn it! Stop teasing and _fuck me already_! It's no fair teasing a guy who's doing you the extremely large favor of having your baby! This is getting cruel!" Renji complained.

"My apologies," Byakuya said, giving him a smoldering look, "It's just that when you get so riled, and your skin flushes…and your eyes catch fire like that, you really are irresistible, Renji."

The redhead started to loose a nasty reply, but had his breath taken away as Byakuya's mouth descended on him, sending a lovely shock wave through his body and sending his head into a pleasant spin.

"Oh kami!" he gasped, "I feel like I've got the worst fucking itch in my life and you're finally scratching it. I wanna hit you for making me wait so long, but if I do, you'll stop…and I'll…"

He trailed off, too entranced watching Byakuya's serene face to even remember what he'd been saying. He groaned and moved restlessly, then caught his breath sharply as began to prepare him. Almost instantly, Renji was reduced to a moaning, sweating, incoherent wreck as the noble abandoned foreplay in favor of finally tearing the rest of their clothes away and entering the redhead in a single, brutal thrust. Pain and pleasure flashed across Renji's battered senses as Byakuya's mouth fastened on his again, and the noble's strong body trapped him in place, pleasuring his shaking body until pleasure exploded all around him. Byakuya shuddered and the pleasant heat of his release pulsed into Renji, making the redhead's body seize as his own seed spilled onto their sweat-misted skin. Byakuya collapsed onto his chest, breathing hard and looking deeply sated. Renji sighed and sank his fingers into the dark, sweat-dampened hair and closed his eyes.

"So," he said, once he could breathe again, "What's the special occasion?"

"A wedding," Byakuya said softly.

"A wedding?" Renji repeated, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt, "Well, it better be for someone I at least know. That kimono is painful to wear at this point. Seriously, does every expensive kimono have to feel like it's removing a layer of skin? Can't they make them out of something besides sandpaper?"

"Actually, they can be made of softer materials. I'd be happy to have a few new ones made for you, if you like."

"Nah," said Renji, "I like this one."

"I thought you said you were uncomfortable in it," said the noble, frowning.

"Maybe, but if it makes you do _that_ every time I wear it, I don't mind so much," the redhead said, smiling and kissing him.

He sighed softly, wishing they could just go to sleep together then, but all too aware of the importance of the clan leader being on time to everything.

"So whose wedding are we going to?" he asked again.

"We are not really 'going' anywhere," Byakuya answered, "The wedding is being held here. Tetsuya and Tomio are returning from Karakura Town today, and Tomio wanted to surprise him with a spontaneous wedding."

Renji felt a helpless smile spread across his face and he blinked away the hormone induced tears that followed.

"That's beautiful, Byakuya. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more than they do."

"Tomio asked for us to act as their 'best men,' the noble went on, "which is why it is necessary for us to dress especially nicely and be on our best behavior."

Renji laughed softly.

"Well, as long as Arashi doesn't use his 'hijack an accomplice' powers on me, I should be able to stay out of trouble."

"That would be a welcome change," Byakuya sighed.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Mmmm," sighed Tetsuya, smiling lazily as Tomio trailed kisses down his lover's long, pale back, "You know you are completely spoiling me. I'm going to forget how to take care of myself if you keep this up. I'll have to depend on you to do everything but breathe for me."

He peeked back over a slender shoulder as his lover's hands pushed his legs open and Tomio's mouth attacked the soft skin along his inner thighs. Tetsuya gave a soft, indulgent sigh and raised his lovely bottom, inviting a warm and arousing exploration by Tomio's marauding tongue. He left off and crawled onto the blue-eyed shinigami's back, positioning himself at Tetsuya's entrance and slowly teasing his way inside, as one arm curled around Tetsuya's waist and a warm, insistent hand took hold of him. Tomio rested his face on the silken black hair that tumbled down onto his lover's shoulder, moaning at the delicious tightness around him. Tetsuya lowered his head and arched upward into his lover's strong motions, his eyelids fluttering and his breath coming out in soft, heaving bursts as Tomio breathed in his sweet, sakura scent and thrust in harder.

"T-tomio!" panted Tetsuya, his trembling hands clenching the rumpled, white sheets, "Ah…oh kami…Tomio!"

Tomio's voice was a soft, sweet purring in his ear as he arched upward and felt his lover's hardness strike that wonderful place inside him that made the pleasure explode all through his body. With a helpless cry of intense pleasure, he released in hot, quivering pulses. He started to collapse, but Tomio's hands took hold of his hips, raising his bottom higher as he continued the wonderful grinding motion. He groaned in absolute bliss as Tomio's movements suddenly stopped and he was filled with the beautiful and almost painful heat of his lover's seed. Tomio dropped down beside him, pulling him into a sweet flurry of finishing kisses. Then the two rested quietly in each other's arms, holding hands and enjoying the pleasant hum of afterglow.

"How are you feeling?" Tomio asked softly, "You reiatsu seems to be at full strength again."

"I think so," Tetsuya answered, nodding, "I feel fine…better than fine. I feel wonderful! I promise you, you have nursed me back to perfect health."

"I'm glad to hear that," Tomio said, his eyes touched with residual worry, "You nearly died, Tetsuya. If not for Arashi and Renji…"

"Shh," said Tetsuya, stopping his words with a reassuring kiss, "That's over now. I'm fine now. And now that I am, I want to go home."

Tomio chuckled softly, touching his lover's face lightly with his fingertips.

"You've been saying that almost since the moment that you regained consciousness. But…seeing as how you are so insistent, I think I will indulge you."

He climbed out of bed and brought Tetsuya to his feet, then the two walked into the bathroom together and climbed into the shower. Both young men were quiet as they bathed, Tetsuya leaning his back against Tomio's chest, releasing contented sighs as his lover's hands slowly washed every inch of him.

"Have you heard anything from my cousin about the state of affairs between our clans? Byakuya-sama didn't want to worry me while I was healing, I know…but I need to know, Tomio. What have you heard?"

Tomio sighed.

"Our leader was infuriated when Renji and Arashi rescued me, of course," he answered, "but he is wary enough of Byakuya that he didn't call for a direct confrontation. Rather, he demanded that you appear before a meeting of both councils…to answer for your crime. Byakuya-sama had a lovely time punching holes in the accusation. He, of course, showed how it could not have been you, and cast doubt on it having been Arashi that my rescuer rode, and our council was forced to back down. The Kuchiki council then claimed rights to taking custody of me. They reasoned that they were perfectly capable of enforcing my sentence, while also protecting our ability to bond."

"So Byakuya-sama plans for you to be incarcerated at the manor?" Tetsuya asked.

Tomio laughed.

"Yes, in a manner of speaking," he answered, "He has placed heavy security all about the manor and will have even tighter security on our room…to…erm…make sure that I do not misbehave."

Tetsuya laughed softly, but sobered quickly.

"You don't think there will be trouble, do you?" he asked, seeking his lover's dark eyes.

"To be honest," he replied, "You know that Byakuya-sama wouldn't have all of that security on a whim. I think he reads our leader as one who is wary of attacking directly, but who might not balk at finding other ways to make his opinions known."

"Then we will have watch our backs carefully," Tetsuya concluded.

"Yes," Tomio agreed, nodding, "But we will take care of each other, and we will come out of it all right."

"I'm sure you're right," breathed Tetsuya, falling back against him and closing his eyes.

The two finished showering and returned to their room, where their attendant had lain out two kimonos and stood, waiting to dress them.

"Good morning, Tetsuya-san," Akio said, bowing and picking up one of the kimonos.

Tetsuya returned his greeting, but found himself staring at the kimono in his attendant's hands.

"That is lovely," he said, admiring the white silk and dancing pink swells of sakura petals, "Where did it come from?"

"From me," said Tomio, "I wanted to do something special to mark our return home. You like it, then?"

"Yes," Tetsuya whispered, tears coming to his eyes, "It's beautiful, Tomio. Arigato."

He stood, gazing happily into Tomio's eyes as Akio swiftly dressed him and then his lover. They left the room and stopped in the training room to thank Urahara Kisuke, then Tomio opened a senkaimon and the two passed through the precipice world and touched down in the courtyard at Kuchiki Manor.

Tetsuya caught his breath in surprise as his eye fell on the pretty, colored lights and decorations, and the full courtyard of family and friends that awaited them.

"_Tomio_!" he whispered, his voice shaking, "Sweet kami, is this…_for us_?"

Tomio smiled and turned his overwhelmed lover to face him. He dropped to one knee and took Tetsuya's trembling hands in his.

"Will you marry me, Tetsuya?" he asked, smiling warmly, "Will you marry me right now?"

Tetsuya's lips moved, but he couldn't make a sound. His eyes met Byakuya and Renji's and he mouthed a soft 'Thank you,' then looked back down at his waiting lover and nodded.

"Y-yes," he said, a tear falling down one pale cheek, "I will marry you right now, Tomio!"


	25. All Creatures Know Love

**Chapter 25: All Creatures Know Love**

Tetsuya sat quietly on his bed, dressed in the lovely kimono that Tomio had given him, and waiting alongside Byakuya for the time to come for them to leave the room and move into the gardens, where the wedding ceremony was about to start. He looked at his cousin through wide blue eyes that were lit with gratitude and contentment. Byakuya met his gaze warmly, never remembering a time in their long companionship, that Tetsuya's eyes had completely lost the residual ache of a life begun as a prisoner.

_Yes, even as I arrived and rescued him from death, even all of these years as he has walked at my side, growing stronger and gradually undoing the intolerance that tried to make an end of him, never has he lost that last bit of sadness. There was always some part of him that remained trapped inside those stony walls, lost and waiting. But Tomio has made that place disappear for him. He has finally given my cousin the peace and love that he has both craved and deserved. I had no idea when I chose Aomori Tomio to be my companion, that I was also bringing into Tetsuya's life this one great love that he has long searched for._

"Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya said softly, breaking the clan leader out of his thoughts, "I owe you more than I can ever repay. You know that, don't you?"

Byakuya shook his head gently.

"Anything owed to me was repaid long ago, Tetsuya. You have grown strong and you have become a source of great pride for the Kuchiki clan…and for me. We are even, watashi no itoko."

Tetsuya smiled warmly.

"Then…where my blade rose and fell with the intent of repaying you, now it is determined to pass on the legacy of strength and heart that you gave to me over the past years."

A slender hand came to rest on his abdomen and his smile widened.

"But that, too, I am only able to do because of you."

"No," Byakuya said quietly, "Aomori Tomio has given you that sweet miracle, Tetsuya, not me."

"Byakuya-sama, I knew of Aomori Tomio for some time before I truly saw him. You were the one who brought him closer, and the reason that I was able to recognize love when I saw it. The love you gave me was the most profound of gifts."

He took a slow, steadying breath.

"I have wondered," Tetsuya went on, "I've long wondered, actually, what it was that day that made you choose me, Byakuya-sama. There were other children among the survivors of Itamigiri. You rescued us all from that place, but me, you took in and made me your brother. Over the years, you slowly gifted me with everything I needed to unlock this beautiful future. But…as I take fate's hand and move forward, I must ask. Byakuya-sama, why? Why did you choose me?"

Byakuya was taken back in time, transported back to a stormy, turbulent night long before.

_He could almost feel the desperation of the ones inside, and he knew that every moment of delay would cost lives. He led the invasion force to the prison entrance and raised his hands, loosing a huge kido blast that struck the wooden doors and shattered them. They followed the sounds of desperate cries, of tormented souls that were dying, even as rescue approached, their tormentors determined to end their lives, rather than to allow them to be freed. He burst into a cellblock, where guards were firing kido blasts into the cells, relentlessly striking the men and women inside, then moving towards the end and taking aim on the small cells at the far end that held the children._

_Byakuya's companions spread out around the room, bringing down the guards and freeing the men and women who had survived the long imprisonment, and the guards' final attempt to prevent them leaving. Byakuya flash stepped forward, as a stray blast shattered the lock on one of the smaller cells ahead of him._

_A moment later, a small boy emerged, standing on thin, shaky legs. His wide, sapphire eyes held fear, but there was a stronger emotion beneath it. A guard moved in and raised his hands, the deadly power blossoming around him, and taking aim on the cluster of children trapped in the cells behind him. Byakuya knew that the boy's powers, if he had them, had been sealed away to prevent him from being able to defend himself. And yet, despite the obvious fear in his eyes, the boy did not run. He calmly picked up a long, sharp broken piece of his shattered cell door, and placed himself between the guard and the children behind him. And as the blast exploded from the man's hands and Byakuya flash stepped forward, The boy threw himself into the path of the attack, stabbing at the man with his makeshift weapon._

_Just as the kido blast reached the boy, Byakuya's arm wrapped around him and tore him from its path. At the same time, he blocked the attack and returned it with one that took the guard off his feet and threw him back. The guard crashed to the floor as Byakuya landed lightly and looked down at the boy in his arms. The dark blue eyes looked up at him for a long moment, a profound look of gratitude rising out of the deep sadness. Then the boy tore free of him and ran to the fallen guard. He searched the body briefly, as the fighting continued around him, and returned to the cells with a key in his small hand. He freed the other children, then ran back along the larger cells, searching them and sliding to a stop in front of one._

_He froze in place for a moment, motionless and staring at a woman, who lay dead within the cell. He unlocked the door and ran to her, dropping to his knees beside her, ignoring everything else around him, but for this one person left that loved him. Tears coursed down his dirty cheeks and he called to her in choked sobs, taking her limp hand and bringing it to his face._

_Byakuya moved closer, and as he approached, he was startled to see the woman's hand move slightly, where it rested against the boy's wet cheek. Her blue eyes opened and met her son's for a moment, then she looked up at Byakuya and managed a wavering smile._

_"Thank you, Byakuya-sama," she said softly, "Tetsuya and I are grateful. M-my husband, Kuchiki Takao…was killed some time ago. And my passing will leave our Tetsuya alone. P-please, Byakuya-sama, he will be strong, like his father. But he needs someone."_

_"Mama," Tetsuya said, touching her face, "It will be all right now. Byakuya-sama has saved us."_

_"He has," whispered the woman._

_She took Tetsuya's hand and placed it in Byakuya's._

_"I love you, my Tetsuya," she went on, "b-but you have to understand, I cannot stay. I go to join your father."_

_"No…you…"_

_"You will be all right," she said softly, her eyes beginning to close, "Byakuya-sama will see that you are kept safe. Be brave, Tetsuya. Go with him now."_

_Byakuya felt the last of her life force leaving her, and his eyes locked on hers as they glazed over and closed._

_"I promise you," he said quietly, "I will give him a greater future. No one will ever lock him away again."_

_"Thank you…Byakuya-sama. That means everything to me."_

_Her hand went limp and slipped from Tetsuya's fingers. As he watched it fall away and pain erupted across his young face, his mother's last words reached him._

_"Your father and I love you always. Be strong and take pride in who you are…"_

Byakuya looked up at Kuchiki Takao and Kiko's fully grown son and answered.

"I chose you because of the heart and courage you showed that day. You weren't hesitant to sacrifice yourself, to fight to the death for the ones who were weaker than you. And you had the courage to go on, even as everything you knew fell away and you were left alone."

Tetsuya shook his head gently.

"I was never alone, Byakuya-sama. I would have been. But you took my hand and led me from that fate and into this. And for that, I will forever be grateful."

He leaned forward and offered his cousin a kiss on one porcelain cheek.

"Arigato, Byakuya-sama."

They looked up as Torio appeared in the doorway.

"Sirs," the attendant said, smiling, "It is time."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Tetsuya-san looks better," Renji commented, watching as Akio gave Tomio's hair a last once over and nodded in approval, "But you could have knocked the guy over with a feather after that proposal. That was…just perfect."

"It was, wasn't it?" said Tomio, his eyes gentle as he remembered, "I wanted to make it special for us. Tetsuya is the greatest gift I have ever been given."

He was quiet for a moment, before continuing.

"I didn't have the sad beginning that he did. I grew up in a large household, and was always surrounded with family and friends. I was intelligent and had strong enough powers to distinguish myself, but I always felt as though people looked at me, but never really saw me. I wasn't displeased with my life, nor was I disappointed when I was chosen for a marriage of convenience. It was all part of the dutiful noble I was. It wasn't until I came to Kuchiki Manor and met Tetsuya that I realized what I had been missing all of my life. Passion…affection…love? I didn't know the meanings of those words until I met him. Tetsuya is amazing…beautiful, strong…and even more all of those as he carries our child. Now, instead of filling my days with duty and accomplishment, I live to love my Tetsuya. Instead of seeing the future as more of the same, I look forward to each day."

"That's…incredible," Renji said, wiping away a tear, "Sorry, it seems like everything gets to me now. I'll be so glad when I have this kid and I feel halfway normal again."

Tomio smiled and shook his head.

"Don't apologize," he said calmly, "and don't worry about the small things. You too have something greater in your life. You have made Byakuya-sama truly happy again. The Kuchiki clan is very grateful to you for that."

"For what?" laughed Renji, "All I did was get knocked up!"

Tomio's eyes narrowed.

"You did more than that Renji-san," he said firmly, "You healed the pain that no one else could, and allowed him to move forward, at long last."

"Aw, come on, I nearly made him crazy worrying. And it seems like I've developed a talent for pissing him off," the redhead sighed.

"You ignite his deeper passions and you have helped him to conquer his fears. For one so strong, he has a surprisingly gentle heart…strong, but gentle and more easily broken than he lets on. Never doubt that, Renji-san. Watch him today. Really look closely and see how your love has made him happy again."

"I'll do that," said Renji, chuckling.

He peeked out the door and then looked back at Tomio.

"I notice that the Aomori clan is here in full force," he commented, "I'm kinda glad Byakuya beefed up the security. No offense, but it makes me nervous."

"Not to worry," said Tomio, "They will be on their best behavior today. It is not in our leader's nature to affront directly. When we sould watch our backs closely is after this revelry has faded and we have relaxed our guard somewhat. As they say, it is not the devil you can see that you need to worry about, but the one that quietly stalks you."

"Okay…that's just creepy," Renji said, feeling a shiver pass through him.

"My apologies," said Tomio, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh, I'm okay. But I think I'll be watching my back pretty closely now."

"Not to worry," said Tomio, "Byakuya-sama is well-versed in anticipating people. He is well prepared. You should just focus on that little one inside you. It won't be long before he or she has your full attention, and is all you can think about. I too, am looking forward to when our little one arrives. Tetsuya and I will be watching you closely, as we have no idea what to expect."

"Like Byakuya and I do?" laughed Renji, "This is our first, too."

"Well," said Tomio, smiling widely, "We hope to sidestep a few of the missteps you and Byakuya-sama will make."

"Man…I wish we had someone to watch," Renji said, shaking his head, "I'm not complaining or anything, but I can't count the number of times I've had to ask, 'Shit, is this normal?"

"It is quite an adventure," Tomio agreed.

The two men looked up and Tomio caught his breath softly as an attendant appeared in the doorway.

"You must come now, sirs. They are ready.

Renji and Tomio left the room and joined Byakuya and a very pleased looking Tetsuya on the walkway. Byakuya took his place at Tetsuya's side, with Renji and then Tomio on his other side. The four walked down the aisle past a sea of Kuchiki and Aomori clan members and guests, and arrived at the small raised platform at the front. Byakuya lifted Tetsuya's hand and placed it lightly in Tomio's, then kissed his cousin on the cheek and stepped aside. Tomio and Tetsuya continued onto the platform with Byakuya and Renji in their wake, then they took their places in front of the head elder of the Kuchiki council and waited.

"We gather together…quite suddenly," the head elder said, smiling, "to join these two men in holy matrimony. Marriage is the sweetest expression of our ability and responsibility to love and to protect. And in those pursuits, Kuchiki Tetsuya and Aomori Tomio stand before us today. Marriage is a deep binding, a contract so very profound, that it is our duty to ask those gathered, is there anyone who knows of any reason that these two might not be legally wed. If so, let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

A breathless moment of silence passed, in which Byakuya's eyes met the Aomori clan leader's. A silent message passed between them, and the wedding continued, uninterrupted.

"Tetsuya and Tomio, having made known your intent to wed, now give testament to the commitment you will make to each other. I invite you to speak your promises to each other."

"Tetsuya," said Tomio, taking his fiancé's hand and looking into his eyes, "When I first met you close up, I was pledged to another, but even then, I saw the loveliness and liveliness in you. You have a heart as beautiful as the breast it beats beneath, a will unbroken, and you have stolen my heart. It is fate that has brought us to this place, and now I want to share that fate with you. I cannot wait to pass through these next years with you, to see our children born…to watch them grow. You have given me the greatest gift, in giving me your love. I will treasure that gift always, and I will offer you my love in return."

"Tomio," Tetusya replied, "You were nothing that I ever expected. You arrived at Kuchiki Manor, my leader's fiancé, and but for the hand of fate, you would have been a brother and friend. And my heart, as it was then, wouldn't have known that it longed for more. But you have awakened a deeper kind of love in me. You have loosed me from the bindings of loneliness. I also cannot wait to share these next years together. Your love is the greatest of gifts. I will treasure that gift always, and I will offer my love in return."

The head elder nodded in approval.

"Aomori Tomio," he went on, "Do you take Kuchiki Tetsuya to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward? Do you promise to love, honor and cherish him, forsaking all others? For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, will you pledge your love to him for all the days of your lives?"

"I will," said Tomio.

"And Kuchiki Tetsuya, do you take Aomori Tomio to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward? Do you promise to love, honor and cherish him, forsaking all others? For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, will you pledge your love to him for all the days of your lives?"

"I will," Tetsuya answered.

"Then, by the power vested in me, and with the blessing of the Kuchiki and Aomori elders, I pronounce you partners in life, bonded in love, and bound in a sacred union that no man may put asunder."

He turned them to face the guests.

"Family and friends, I introduce for the first time, Tetsuya and Tomio Kuchiki."

Renji made a soft sound of surprise and glanced at the Aomori clan leader. He felt a chill go through him at the man's expression upon hearing that Tomio had taken Tetsuya's surname.

"Byakuya…" he whispered.

"I know," the clan leader whispered back.

The newly wedded couple proceeded back up the aisle, with Byakuya and Renji following. They returned to Byakuya and Renji's room to wait as the guests moved to the reception area.

"Holy shit," Renji said softly as the attendants left the room, "I thought that guy was going to get up and kill us all when the head elder gave you surname."

"He looked outraged," acknowledged Tetsuya.

"I don't care," said Tomio, "I am proud to wear your name, Tetsuya. I don't care what he thinks. It is my right to wear what name I choose in marriage."

"But you must realize that it will only stoke the flames of adversity," Byakuya said quietly, "I do not think he will move today, but you must be cautious."

"We will be," Tomio promised.

"We will all look out for each other," Tetsuya agreed, "We will not let him steal away our happiness."

"The reception area is ready now," announced an attendant from the doorway.

He lowered his voice.

"Byakuya-sama, the Aomori council and leader have left."

"Just as well," said Tomio, taking Tetsuya's hand and starting out the door, "There will be more champagne and more room on the dance floor for us."

Tetsuya caught his breath as they moved into the reception area that had been made over with dreamy blue lights and a sea of bright flowers. He held tightly to Tomio's hand as his new spouse led him onto the dance floor.

"Tomio," Tetsuya said, as the other man's arms wrapped around him and the music began, "Are you sure we should have done that? It may not have been wise to…"

"To what?" asked Tomio, "To have me take the surname of the stronger clan I married into? Traditionally, that is what has been done, though we could certainly have blended our names. But I am proud to have become a part of your clan."

"But you have given up your seat on the Aomori council, and now even your name," objected Tetsuya.

"And in return, I have my dream," said Tomio, smiling, "Forget about all of this, watashi no koi. Dance with me."

Tetsuya hesitated for a moment longer, then stepped forward into the dance.

"I have my dream too," Tetsuya breathed in his ear, "Arigato, Kuchiki Tomio."


	26. and Hatred

**Chapter 26: …and Hatred**

**(Thanks going out to RedRobin, Lolli-pop and chibisueri, and everyone else who has been reviewing. I am going through reviews and PM's and catching up now, but wanted to let you know here too, how much I appreciate all of you. Take care...and happy reading!)**

Renji shifted uncomfortably, turning first onto one side, and then onto the other and wincing as one of his overly stretched abdominal muscles cramped in protest. He tried using the method that the clan healer had suggested, and imagined the most peaceful, serene place that he could remember, transporting himself there, and breathing slowly through the pain.

"Are you all right, Renji?" Byakuya asked, his eyes blinking sleepily, "You look like something hurts. Are you having those pains again?"

"Yeah, a bit," Renji admitted, "but the clan healer said that it is just that my abdominal muscles are not liking being overly stretched, so they cramp. He said that if it was labor, my reiatsu would be flaring."

"And your reiatsu seems unaffected, though you seem quite uncomfortable. Is there something I can do?"

"Oh, hell, I don't know," Renji sighed unhappily, "I can't tell if I want a belly rub or a back massage. But it hardly matters since neither one will get my pot belly out of the way so that I can sleep normally again. Makes me wish that I could levitate so nothing would be in the way when I try to roll over. I mean, I know I'm not as big as a pregnant human woman, but if Unohana taichou thought that _this_ wasn't significantly larger, then I have a few things to say about that…"

Byakuya smiled patiently and offered him a kiss, then coaxed him onto his side and rubbed gentle circles on the redhead's round, tattooed belly. Renji sighed softly in relief and tried to drift off again, but grunted and whimpered uncomfortably a few minutes later as another cramp woke him.

"Oh…" he moaned, "How the hell do I stop this! It feels like someone tied that fucking muscle in a knot."

He fell silent again as Byakuya's palm ran over his abdomen, located the place where the pain was, and gently infused the area with soothing healing reiatsu.

"Oh my kami…" groaned Renji, "Thank you, thank you, thank you…oh…that's _so_ much better."

"I am glad I could help," Byakuya said, yawning, "Now, try to sleep. It's nearly morning."

And Renji really did try. But as soon as the cramp in his belly subsided, his stomach began to rumble hungrily.

"Oh damn it…" he huffed, wiggling out from under Byakuya's limp, heavy arm.

He slipped his legs over the edge of the bed and climbed to his feet, teetered for a moment, then started to walk out of the room. He paused and rolled his eyes as he caught sight of himself in a full length mirror.

"Oh gods…I want to destroy that stupid mirror…"

He forced himself to keep walking and moved into the inner hallway. He heard soft noises coming from the kitchen, and peeked inside. He yelped in surprise as pale hands took hold of him, dragged him inside the kitchen and pushed him back against the wall. He found himself looking into a startled pair of sapphire blue eyes.

"Ah…Renji-san!" Tetsuya exclaimed, stepping back and releasing him so quickly that he lost what meager balance he had and started to fall.

Tetsuya caught him, mid-fall, and returned him to his feet, then stepped back again, smiling.

"What the hell was that about?" demanded Renji, "You almost scared this kid out of my insides! Are you _trying_ to send me into labor?"

"I'm so sorry, Renji-san," Tetsuya said, trying not to laugh, "but my Tomio was just here, and I thought that he changed his mind about going back to bed and…I only meant to waylay him with kisses."

"Eh, it's okay," Renji said, turning towards the refrigerator and taking out a jar of quartered pickles, "I won't take offense."

He took one out of the jar and slipped it into his mouth as Tetsuya sat down at the table to finish the chocolate pudding he was eating.

"So," said the redhead around a mouthful of pickle, "How big is your baby bump? I mean, you don't look any bigger to me, but your clothes are kind of loose, so…"

Tetsuya smiled and placed a hand on his abdomen, weighing down the fabric that covered him and exposing a small, but very noticeable rounding on his belly.

"It's not so big yet," Tetsuya said, rubbing the bump, "but you didn't really start to show for a while."

"I sure as hell do now," complained the redhead, finishing the pickle and stealing glances at Tetsuya's pudding.

The blue-eyed shinigami's smiled widened, and he reached over and took a spoon from one of the drawers and handed it to Renji.

"Go ahead," he invited the redhead, "I'm not going to be able to finish it all, anyway. And I might be after one of those pickles in a moment."

"Help yourself," Renji said, pushing the pickle jar towards him.

Tetsuya laughed softly as Renji took advantage of the moment when Tetsuya was selecting a pickle spear to steal his bowl of pudding. He slipped the pickle into his mouth, just as the light turned on and Byakuya and Tomio walked into the kitchen.

"Pickles and pudding?" Tomio mused.

"Mmhmm?" Tetsuya said, nodding, "It satisfies that craving for sweet and salty all at once, ne Renji?"

"He's got a point there," Renji said, taking a bite of pudding.

Byakuya and Tomio exchanged amused glances and sat down at the table.

"I do not suppose either of you is interested in actually sleeping at all tonight?" sighed Byakuya.

"You can go back to bed," Renji said, grabbing another pickle spear and dipping it into the pudding, then taking a bite, "Tetsuya's here to keep me company. And besides, I think you're probably bored by now, hearing me piss and moan about my cramps, bloating, cravings and not being able to sleep. Tetsuya can't sleep any more than I can, and he's on the way to being as fucked up as I am, so we're in good company."

"Ah, I see how it is," Tomio said, smirking, "I mean, Byakuya-sama and I _couldn't possibly understand what you're going through_, ne? I guess you have to be pregnant to understand?"

"I think we understand them quite well, actually," commented Byakuya, taking a pickle from the jar and taking a bite.

"Yes," agreed Tomio, accepting the pickle jar from Byakuya and selecting a pickle, "It's perfectly normal for our pregnant spouses to act as though they have taken leave of their senses. It will go away when they deliver."

"And then their normal irregularities will return," Byakuya finished.

"Wha-? Normal irregularities?" said Renji, looking offended, "What the hell do you mean by that?"

""Taken leave of our senses?" said Tetsuya, his reiatsu flaring softly and his blue eyes flashing.

"Oh dear," sighed Tomio, "Only a couple of weeks and the honeymoon is over…"

"It is if you call me crazy," said Tetsuya, standing and turning towards the door.

He caught his breath as Tomio's arm wrapped around him, stopping him. Tetsuya continued to frown as Tomio pulled his hair back over one shoulder, and kissed him at the smooth juncture of neck and shoulder. The frown remained on Tetsuya's lips, but he turned in Tomio's arms and hesitantly accepted a warm, open-mouthed, apologetic kiss.

"What are you doing that for?" he asked in a soft, wounded voice, "I was just eating pickles and chocolate pudding. It must taste horrid to you."

Tomio smiled contritely.

"Well, then, it's only what I deserve for hurting you, ne?" he said, kissing Tetsuya again.

"How come you're not apologizing?" Renji asked, studying Byakuya as the noble chewed quietly on the last bit of the pickle he had taken and watched Tomio and Tetsuya.

"I was thinking," the clan leader said, glancing back at him, "that I would save my apology for when we were somewhere more private."

Renji's eyes widened and he caught his breath in surprise as Byakuya's hand found his under the table and squeezed it gently.

"Oh, that's an invitation I can't refuse," he said, dropping his spoon and standing.

"Then you'll forgive me for teasing you?" Byakuya asked, moving to join him and slipping an arm around him.

"That depends on what you do for your apology," Renji answered, smirking and grabbing a last pickle as they passed the end of the table.

"Well, it looks as though Byakuya-sama and Renji-san are off to bed," commented Tomio, "Would you like to go lie down with me for a bit before the sun rises?"

"Actually," said Tetsuya, "I think I would like to watch the sunrise with you. There is a lovely place in the meadow beyond the waterfall."

"It sounds wonderful," said Tomio, "but isn't it still a bit too cold for that?"

"So we'll wear warm clothing," said Tetsuya, smiling, "and we can bring a few horse blankets from the barn to sit on."

"I like their idea," Renji said, looking up at Byakuya, "We ought to do that sometime."

"You can join us," offered Tetsuya.

"But I thought you would be…apologizing," said Renji, "We don't want to…"

"Nonsense," said Tetsuya, "You should come and enjoy the sunrise. There will be plenty of time for our spouses to apologize when we return."

"And if nothing else, we get a little bit of payback watching them freeze their asses off, while our hot flashes keep us warm," chuckled Renji, "I'm in. What about you, Byakuya?"

"If it will convince you to get some rest eventually, then I am willing," said the noble.

The four returned to their rooms to change, then met in the gardens. Two house guards appeared from out of the early morning shadows to act as escort to the foursome. They left the gardens and walked along the silent forest trail.

"I'm surprised that Arashi hasn't come out to greet us," commented Tetsuya, "but he may just have decided to remain in the barn, where it's warmer."

"Intelligent horse," commented Byakuya.

"It's kind of spooky around here with the mist hanging in the air," said Renji, "Pretty, but kind of spooky too."

He nudged in closer to Byakuya, enjoying the warmth of his spouse's body where it touched his and the affectionate shine in the noble's eye as he glanced at Renji, then looked back at the path ahead of them.

"I wonder if we'll be able to see the sun rise," mused Tomio.

"Oh, this will burn off quickly," said Tetsuya.

"I suppose you've slept outdoors enough to know better than me," Tomio replied.

"I love the outdoors," laughed Tetsuya, "I have ever since I was freed from the prison. I actually think that if not for Byakuya-sama's attempts to civilize me, I might have just become a rover and spent my life wandering the three worlds with Arashi."

"I can see that in you," said Tomio, giving him a squeeze, "I have a feeling that you and I are going to have some interesting adventures, once our child is born."

"I think we will," agreed Tetsuya, "Our little one is likely to be an independent sort, if he or she is anything like me."

"Well then," Tomio said, smiling affectionately, "It is a good thing that I enjoy high spirits in the people I love."

They stopped talking as they reached the barn, and Tetsuya left them to collect the horse blankets. He returned a few minutes later with a sleepy looking Arashi at his side.

"Would you like to ride with me, Renji-san?" Tetsuya asked, "As much as I enjoy the walking, I have to admit that my lack of sleep is catching up with me."

"Do you want to do this another time?" asked Tomio, looking concerned.

"No," said Tetsuya, "We're practically there, and I really want to see the sunrise. I promise you, I'll sleep afterward."

He climbed up onto Arashi's back and waited as Byakuya helped Renji up behind him. Arashi walked slowly along the trail that led from the top of the waterfall, down a set of long switchbacks, and ended at the beginning of the big meadow. They crossed the meadow and settled near a stand of oak trees, lying down on the horse blankets and snuggling close to each other as the sky began to brighten over them.

"This _is_ lovely," Tomio said appreciatively, as slim shafts of light began to break through the mist and shone down on the long, dewy grasses.

Renji sighed contentedly and leaned into Byakuya's embrace.

"This is…really incredible," he said, smiling and watching closely as the swirls of crawling mist thinned and dissipated, and the sun broke through.

"I think I'm ready to fall asleep right here," Tetsuya yawned, "I am so comfortable…"

"Me too," agreed Renji, settling more deeply into Byakuya's arms and enjoying the peaceful, contented look on his husband's handsome face.

They lingered in the meadow until well after sunrise, the two pregnant shinigamis dropping off to sleep as the sun fell over the long grasses and warmed everything around them. Tomio and Byakuya held their sleeping lovers and enjoyed the tranquility of the morning until much later, when Renji stirred and groaned, and his stomach rumbled noisily.

"Kami…" he moaned, opening a hazy, red-brown eye, "I think this kid never stops being hungry. I guess we don't have to worry about him or her having too little of an appetite…"

Byakuya smiled and left him resting on the blanket, and returned later with a handful of wild berries. Renji accepted some gratefully and Byakuya handed the rest to a slowly waking Tetsuya.

"Arigato, Byakuya-sama," Tetsuya said, accepting the berries and devouring them quickly as an amused Tomio watched, but judiciously refrained from commenting.

The edge taken off of their hunger, the two pregnant men mounted Arashi and the foursome began the trek back up the switchbacks to the top of the waterfall. Renji noticed a look of curiosity on Byakuya's face as they reached the top of the waterfall.

"What is it?" he asked, looking around.

"The guards," Byakuya said quietly, "They remained here, at the top of the waterfall, overlooking the valley. I wonder that they would have left without telling us that they were going."

He frowned, scanning the area around them.

"I don't sense anyone in the area," he went on, "but I think we should return to the manor as quickly as possible. This doesn't sit right with me."

All four kept their senses extended as they moved on past the top of the waterfall, making their way through a stand of sakura trees that rained pink petals as the soft breezes riled the branches. Byakuya raised a protective kido shield around them, and he and Tomio drew their weapons and kept them ready as they moved on in the direction of the barn.

"I don't sense anyone around the barn area," Byakuya said as they reached the building, "but I think we should not linger here."

We'll just take the blankets inside and then we can go on to the manor," said Tetsuya, turning Arashi towards the barn.

"We'll stay together, just in case," said Byakuya, following.

They passed through the open doors and into the building, where Tetsuya slid down off of Arashi's back and left the others for a moment to return the horse blankets to the storage room. He walked back towards the others, his brow furrowing in thought as he noticed the barn doors were beginning to close. A small movement caught his eye and his head turned. His eye fell on two bound and apparently unconscious men, lying in one of the closed stalls.

"Byakuya-sama!" he hissed, pointing to the closing doors.

He flash stepped forward, raising his hands and summoning a hard kido blast that blew the doors back open, but as he moved forward, with Tomio joining him, a warning rumble broke through the barn and the reiatsu rose dangerously around them.

"Get out of here!" cried Tetsuya, calling a strong shield into place around them.

Byakuya placed himself in front of Renji as the two ran for the doors. The four had nearly reached them when the reiatsu around them exploded and fire began to spread in a deadly blossom all around them. Byakuya wrapped his body protectively around Renji's, pink petals rising up in defense as Tomio took hold of Tetsuya and dragged him to the floor. Behind them, Arashi screamed and reared, an explosion of water erupting from his nose and mouth, and striking the spreading flame of the explosion. The shock wave struck the stallion, throwing him off his feet and sending him rolling away as it broke against the shielding of the downed shinigamis.

The barn creaked and shifted ominously, as Byakuya and Tomio shattered their shielding and crawled alongside their pregnant spouses to the doorway. But just as they reached it, another explosion ripped through the barn. Byakuya barely managed to hold onto Renji as both were thrown heavily into the wall. Across the walkway, Tetsuya's body was thrown into Tomio's and both men crashed to the floor. The force of the blast, sent a final shock wave through the shattered building, breaking away the last of the supports holding it up. All four men and the struggling stallion shielded desperately as the building gave way and began to come down on them. With a final, enraged scream, Arashi blasted the falling beams with ice blades, reducing the impact on the trapped shinigamis, but not able to stop it completely. A falling beam struck the stallion and he dropped to the floor, going still as the last of the debris rained down on top of him.

The area around the barn went deadly silent, as the manor alarms rose up in the distance.

**(Just a note to readers who worry about the turn the story is taking. I admit, it is turning angsty, but trust me when I promise that this will have a happy ending. Byakuya and Renji have some growing to do, but they will achieve happiness with each other in the end. So hang on through the bumps and trust Spunky.)**


	27. Great Rises and Falls

**Chapter 27: Great Rises and Falls**

**(Thanks to unsigned readers Panna and Byakuyafangirl, Walkure and everyone else who reviewed. I am working on replies now, but wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the responses! I hope you brought tissues and dark chocolates. Spunky is an absolute wreck...and has to get ready for work. *sobs*)**

Byakuya felt sensation returning to his body and coughed fitfully as smoke stung his nostrils and throat. Unable, at first, to move, he slowly turned his head and registered that he was lying beside an ominously still Renji, and both were trapped beneath a dangerously complex tumble of broken and burned beams. He quickly determined that although they were trapped, any fire had been snuffed by the blasts of ice and water released by the quick thinking stallion, and that the beams on top of them were relatively stable, for the moment.

"Renji," he said, choking on the smoke and ash around them.

He freed a hand and touched the redhead's face, a shiver going through him at the fact that Renji neither moved nor opened his eyes, and his reiatsu appeared to be in a state of rapid decline. He freed his other hand and, not daring yet to test the stability of the wooden beams that covered them, he placed his hands on Renji's face and chest, calling the redhead's name again as he gently infused his unconscious spouse's body with healing reiatsu and slowly stabilized him.

Across the room, Tetsuya loosed himself from a tangle of splintered wood, and leaned over an unconscious Tomio, brushing a wet tangle of hairs away from his face and carefully applying pressure to a bleeding head wound. Tomio winced and stirred, his eyes opening as Tetsuya looked away in the direction where Arashi had been. Tomio's hand touched Tetsuya's, and the blue-eyed noble looked back at him, as an equine groan sounded from across the room.

"I have this," Tomio assured him, pressing a hand to the wound, "You should go and find him."

Tomio watched as Tetsuya moved carefully through the fallen debris, following the harsh breathing and intermittent sounds of distress that emerged from the trapped stallion.

"Renji?" Byakuya called again, a sharper chill passing through him as the redhead remained still and silent next to him.

He turned his head and studied the array of criss-crossing beams and found himself uncertain as to the advisability of trying to free himself. A moment later, he spotted Tomio appearing from out of the smoke, approaching on hands and knees, and holding his hand to a bleeding wound on his head.

"Are you all right?" Tomio asked, settling beside him and testing the stability of the debris they lay beneath, "I'll try to get this off of you."

They heard voices and froze for a moment, listening intently, until it became clear that the ones approaching were house guards and healers, alerted by the explosions.

"This way!" Tomio called loudly, sighing in relief as the security detail joined him at Byakuya's side.

"Don't try to move," the nearest guard said, kneeling next to the trapped clan leader and sending crawling golden kido ropes through the beams to further stabilize them, "We'll have you out of there quickly, sir."

"Renji will need a healer immediately," Byakuya said, breathing slowly and wincing as the beams shifted slightly and a shock of pain passed through his back and hip.

"I'm here," said a man at the house guard's shoulder, leaning over Byakuya and placing his hands on the unconscious man next to him.

"I stabilized his reiatsu," Byakuya said, flinching again as the house guards braced themselves against the debris to hold it in place, and another wrapped his arms around the clan leader and pulled.

He froze as Byakuya gave a harsh gasp, then set him back down and infused him with healing reiatsu as the other guards worked to free him the rest of the way. Byakuya ignored the guards and focused firmly on the healer, who had moved in between Renji and him, and was now engrossed in a careful examination of the redhead's condition.

"Is he going to be all right?" Byakuya asked breathlessly.

"I'll know more when we get him out of here," the healer said.

A cold feeling settled inside Byakuya's heart at the words, but he held still as the guards slowly freed him and helped him to his feet. Then he turned to where Renji was still trapped, just beyond where he had been.

Steps away from them, Tetsuya knelt next to his trapped stallion, stroking his neck through the fallen beams and speaking to him in a soothing voice. Arashi remained still, one trusting blue eye focused on his shinigami counterpart.

"I'll have you out of there as quickly as I can," Tetsuya assured him, "Hold still, while they get the others out, then Re-kuhime and I can free you."

Arashi groaned unhappily, but touched his soft muzzle to Tetsuya's hand in acceptance.

_I trust you…_

"Are you in any pain?" Tetsuya asked quietly.

_Some…but it is manageable._

"Stay still then," Tetsuya said, looking around. "They got the guards from the stall, and Tomio and Byakuya-sama are free. As soon as they free Renji-san…"

_Go to them. I will wait._

Tetsuya returned to Tomio, who knelt next to Byakuya, assisting the healer, who was tending to the anxious clan leader's injuries.

"I am fine," Byakuya said dismissively, his eyes locked on the place, a few feet away, where the house guards worked to free Renji, "You should be with _him_."

"He already has Michio with him," the healer assured him, "He is in the best possible hands. And in any case, there isn't room in that small space for anyone else."

"They need to get him out of there now!" Byakuya insisted, "I stabilized his reiatsu, but the shock of what happened has to be setting in…and I could not read the baby's reiatsu."

"It will be all right, Kuchiki-sama," the healer said calmly, "You know that there is no one better than Michio to treat Abarai-san. You must remain calm."

Tetsuya looked back at the wreckage of the barn, at the guards working to rescue Renji, and back at the place where Arashi waited. He exchanged glances with Byakuya, and something unspoken passed between them.

"What is it?" Tomio asked, blinking, "What are you going to do?"

"I am getting them out of there," Tetsuya said, turning back towards the destroyed barn.

Byakuya pulled away from the sputtering healer and moved back to Renji's side, raising a protective shield over Renji, Michio and himself, and ordering the house guards back. Tetsuya returned to Arashi and looked into the stallion's wise blue eyes.

"Shield yourself," he said calmly, "This will only take a moment."

Soft blue light flared around the stallion, and his eyes met Tetsuya's again.

_Be precise. Do not hesitate._

Tetsuya gave him a look of annoyance.

"Do _you_ want to do this?" he asked, frowning.

_I have never used the technique. Proceed._

Tetsuya moved to the center of the wreckage, drew his blade and touched it to the floor.

"Ban kai," he breathed, "Koori no bakuha, Re-kuhime…Nawaka shima."

White ice formed at the tip of the slender blade, and radiated outward, swiftly spreading throughout the area of the barn, and freezing everything except the shielded shinigamis and the trapped horse. Tetsuya placed his hands, open-palmed, one on top of the other on top of the down-turned blade. He took a soft breath, holding the frozen area in his thoughts and focusing deeply.

"Kudakero," he whispered, closing his eyes.

The area around him went silent for a moment, then a shock went through the frozen debris, breaking it apart forcefully from inside and shattering it into pieces. The timbers on top of the trapped shinigami and stallion exploded into a shower of snow and splinters, raining down on them, but leaving them completely unharmed.

Byakuya took Renji's hand as the redhead stirred and groaned.

"Wh…what happened?" he whispered.

"It's all right," Byakuya told him quietly, "Don't try to move."

Michio looked up at the clan leader.

"We need to take him to the fourth division immediately," he said softly, "I will need their equipment and Unohana taichou's help if we are going to save him and his baby. I have stabilized him enough so that he can be moved, but we must not delay."

Byakuya nodded and lifted the dazed redhead into his arms.

"What's…going on? Wh-where are you taking me?" Renji groaned dizzily.

"The fourth division," Byakuya told him, "Hang on."

He disappeared in a blistering flash step, leaving the others behind. Tomio smiled weakly as Tetsuya emerged from the frozen and shattered remains of the barn, leading a slowly moving Arashi. His smile faded as he saw the burning anger in his spouse's flaring blue eyes.

"Tetsuya," he said bracingly.

"We both know who was responsible for this," Tetsuya said in a low, angry tone, "And we know why."

"We do," agreed Tomio, "And we will deal with that, watashi no koi. But right now, Byakuya-sama and Renji-san need us. We should go to the fourth division and see to them before we act."

Tetsuya shook his head wordlessly and climbed onto Arashi's back. The reiatsu rose around them as they prepared to flash step away, but Tomio calmly stepped in front of the two and fastened his eyes on Tetsuya's.

"Don't, Tetsuya," he said softly, "Stop and think for a moment. Renji-san is badly injured, and Byakuya-sama is going to need you at his side. There will be time for a proper response after we see to our leader and our friend."

"You know that we are just giving him time to prepare himself," argued Tetsuya.

"He has been preparing already, for some time. You know that. You will only give him an advantage, going off unprepared, and while you are still reacting to what happened. And in any case, think about our child, Tetsuya. Your already taxed, pregnant body just employed ban kai level power. Your reiatsu is too low for battle. Come, let us go to the fourth division and gather ourselves. We will see to our enemy after our nakama has been seen to."

Tetsuya's reiatsu flared fitfully and his eyes retained the quiet rage inside them, but he nodded stiffly and slid down from the stallion's back, then nodded to one of the healers.

"Please see to Arashi," he said softly, touching the stallion's face and looking into his eyes, "I don't think he was seriously hurt, but he was banged up a bit."

"Of course, Tetsuya-san," said the healer.

Tetsuya turned back to Tomio, fury and deep sadness warring inside him. Tomio wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tightly.

"It's going to be all right, Tetsuya. Renji will be all right, and so will his baby. And once he knows that they are all right, Byakuya-sama will end this. It has been a long time in coming, but it will end now."

Tetsuya let out a long shuddering sigh and brushed a stubborn tear from his eye.

"I'm sure you're right," he said unsteadily, taking Tomio's hand and flash stepping with him towards the fourth division.

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya sat silently, with a pale and equally silent Tetsuya at his side. Near them, a healer carefully finished cleaning the wound on the side of Tomio's head, and wound a bandage around.

"That should do it," the healer said kindly, "Just let one of us know if you become dizzy or sick to your stomach. You have a pretty good concussion, but you will be fine. Just no excitement, and for goodness sakes, no fighting."

"Thank you," said Tomio quietly.

"They've been in there for so long," Tetsuya said softly, "I'm sure they are just being thorough, but…"

"You and Tomio should return to the manor," Byakuya said, looking up at him.

"I'm not leaving you, Cousin," Tetsuya said firmly, "I am staying."

"There is nothing to do here, in any case," the clan leader went on, brushing him off, "And you need to rest after what happened, and using your special ability like that. It took enormous control to manage that…and that will have taken a toll on you."

"I am fine," Tetsuya said, shaking his head, "I was seen by a healer as soon as I arrived. I am still fairly early in my pregnancy. And the healer assured me, the baby and I are both fine."

"I don't want to have to worry about you, in addition to concerning myself with Renji…"

"Then don't worry about me," Tetsuya said firmly, "I wouldn't be able to rest at home anyway, knowing you'd be here alone, worrying. Remember the promise we made, watashi no itoko. It is my duty to stand by you…and it is my only desire."

Byakuya gazed at him for a moment, looking as though he wanted to argue the point, but he thought better of it and nodded briefly.

"As you wish," he said dismissively, "But at least go and lie down for…"

He broke off and came to his feet, along with Tetsuya, as the door to the examination room opened and Unohana taichou exited the room and came to join them. Byakuya took in her serious expression and felt an icy jolt inside.

"What is it?" he asked softly, "What is happening?"

Unohana's troubled eyes locked on his, and Byakuya felt his legs weaken beneath him.

"Abarai Renji and the baby are still alive," she said solemnly, but…there is a decision that must be made. And it must be made quickly."

Byakuya nodded wordlessly.

"I will be honest with you," she went on, "We have done all that we can, but we simply cannot save both of them. If we deliver the baby now, we could save him, but the birth would place too much strain on Abarai-san's already damaged systems and they would certainly fail. Even the continued pregnancy is too much for him, considering the extent of the injuries he sustained in the attack."

"But then, what can you do?" asked Byakuya, "If he can't continue the pregnancy, but you cannot deliver the child, then…"

"I will put it in simple terms. We can either birth the child and give him the surgery he needs to survive…in which case, we will lose Abarai-san…or we can allow the child to remain inside him…in which case, he will expire in his current reiatsu form and be absorbed back into Abarai-san's body. I am sorry, Kuchiki taichou. And it grieves me even more to press for a swift answer, but both are barely clinging to life, and we need to focus on one or the other…before it is too late."

Byakuya stood, staring at her, his mind retuning to a winter day, long past, when he had stood in nearly the same place and heard similar news.

_"Would it help to end her pregnancy?" he asked softly, "Whatever you need to do to…"_

"_It would not be enough to save her, Kuchiki fukutaichou. She had a very difficult life in the Rukongai. And although she has certainly been well taken care of at Kuchiki Manor, it seems that too much damage was done. I would end her pregnancy if that would help the situation, but in truth, it would only add a few months at most to her life…and it would cause so much grief that it undoes the very reason for doing so."_

"_So there is…no hope that you can give me? None?"_

"_I am so sorry, Kuchiki fukutaichou. This is beyond the means of any healer to heal."_

_He closed his eyes for a moment against the bitter tears that started to well up in them._

"_Then make her comfortable. I want her taken back to our home and attended there."_

_"Of course, Kuchiki fukutaichou. It will be seen to at once._ _Again, I am sorry."_

Byakuya took a steadying breath and met Unohana's sad eyes, again.

"May I see him before I answer?" he asked.

"He is still unconscious, but yes…you may see him," the healer answered.

He left Tetsuya and Tomio staring after him and followed the healer back into the examination room.


	28. But When Our World Falls Apart

**Chapter 28: But When Our World Falls Apart**

"I will be waiting outside, whenever you are ready, Kuchiki taichou," said Unohana taichou.

She stepped out of the hospital room and closed the door.

Byakuya stood just inside the door, looking quietly at the man lying in the hospital bed, an IV in his arm, oxygen being pumped into his lungs. The sight made Byakuya shudder.

_I spared Hisana that kind of discomfort by honoring her wish to have no interventions. But then, Hisana had no chance of surviving…_

He moved closer, taking a seat at the redhead's side, taking a warm, limp hand in his and marveling at the oddness of any part of Abarai Renji feeling anything but strong.

"When I think of you, Renji," he said softly "I always think of your great strength. I think of how, like Rukia, you grew strong enough to survive the rigors of a life in Inuzuri. I think of how you use that strength to protect the ones you love. And as strong as your body is, your heart is even stronger. You have a heart that holds on tightly, that appreciates, respects, is deeply loyal, and one that would make you do anything to protect and defend. I have seen that heart force you to break your own body, throwing it against forces that you could not hope to overcome. At one time, it seemed I was one of those forces…but then your heart led you to the one pathway that would allow you to conquer me.

You see that now, don't you?

Because as much as we work so hard to grow strong bodies and strong hearts, we are all just finding ways to hide the vulnerability inside us. I have become an expert strategist and fighter. I can kill most things that cross my path. But even so…this? This situation? This horrid choice? It makes all strategy useless. I cannot raise my blade against it. And my heart's strength is shattered by it. It cuts through everything I have done to make myself strong…and it finds that vulnerable place in me. And when you wake, you will see that it has found that vulnerability in you, as well.

You promised me that you and our baby would both be all right…but even as you said the words, some part of you knew that was a promise you could never make…just as some part of me knew. But you said the words to help me find my strength. And I believed them willingly because I desperately wanted them to be true. It was a lie that we both accepted, because we needed to feel strong, even though we are not. We are vulnerable, Renji. We wake each morning unable to promise each other anything but that moment. We lie to ourselves and to the ones around us easily, because we need to believe we are strong, and that death will not touch us…at least, not this day.

But the situation we are in now is one that forces us to be honest with ourselves. You have gone as far as your physical strength can take you in protecting this dream of ours. To go any farther in that direction would mean the willing sacrifice of your body to bring our child to life.

It is somewhat of a blessing that you are unconscious, that you do not have to bear the weight of this decision. Because already, I know which way your heart would lead you. You would do anything to protect our child…up to, and including dying. I hope that you know that if the choice I was making was between this child's life and mine, I would make the same decision as you.

So you may wonder…if I love our child so much, why will I now choose to let his life end? Why will I fail to do everything to protect him?"

He brought Renji's hand to his cheek and closed his eyes.

"I said before that you were protecting this dream that we have. And it is the truth of what that dream is that made this choice before I walked into this room. That dream is the same one that Hisana and I shared for a time. It was one that we could not, in the end, bring to life. But even though that dream is once again in peril…between us, we still have the chance of making it come true. You see, our dream? The one we share? It is not just a dream of creating new life, Renji.

We long to make a family.

When we dreamed of making a family with this child, we dreamed of both of us being there…of sharing in the joy of this miracle of life together. It was not our dream to suffer the loss of one of us or the other. So…it seems that we are not there yet. We have not yet reached the point at which we can make our dream come true. It is this that made my decision. Before I ever stepped in this room, I already knew. We wanted very much for this to be that dream come true…but it is not. We promised ourselves it was, but we have to face the truth of things. Because the more honest dream we share is only possible if we both remain alive. And if I lose you, that dream will be irrevocably lost. So, I am not choosing your life over this child's. I am choosing to protect the family we can still have someday. Someday, after we have mourned this loss…after we have made ourselves strong again. We will walk this path again…hoping that it will be our time to have that dream come true.

We only have to trust in that dream, Renji.

You may come to hate me for this, for putting this dream ahead of this child we have now. But I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. It is just that…this miracle, though miracle it still is, would be hollow…it would be hollow because I could not share it with you. I have to make the choice to protect you over this child, because I cannot bear to lose you.

There is, in the end, no path for me but the one that keeps you at my side. So I will take the weight of this loss onto my heart to avoid the greater loss of hope for our future, Renji. I will take the chance that I may lose you anyway, because you may leave me when you learn what I have done. Still, even if you leave me, all hope of our dream is not lost. It is possible as long as you and I still draw breath, and are willing to fight for it. And so, by doing this, I hope to bring us back into that place where the strength of our bodies and our hearts can help us to protect our dream of having a family together. It may not be the decision you would make, but it is the only one I can make."

He kissed Renji's warm palm, then stood and walked to the closed door. He opened it and waited silently as Unohana taichou entered the room.

"You have decided then?" she asked softly, her eyes sympathetic and kind.

"I have," Byakuya answered softly, "I want you to do everything within your power to save the life of my husband…however…I want to be allowed to remain at Renji's side…"

He paused and took a shuddering breath.

"…to…ease our child's passing."

"Of course, Kuchiki taichou," Unohana said, lowering her eyes, "You may remain with Abarai-san. Isane and I will be in from time to time to attend to his healing, but there is no need for you to leave."

"Thank you."

He paused and thought for a moment.

"Unohana taichou," he went on, after a moment, "Will you please give a message to my cousin?"

The healer nodded.

"Please tell Tetsuya to assemble the council and to make a full report on what happened at Kuchiki Manor."

"I will tell him."

Byakuya watched the healer leave, then returned to Renji's bedside and sat down. With trembling hands, he opened the redhead's yukata and bared his pregnant abdomen. Leaning forward, he turned his head, so that his eyes were on Renji's face, and so that his cheek rested over the reiatsu cluster. He curled his arms protectively around Renji's pregnant belly and closed his eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, "I loved you from the moment I learned that you existed. Even though I feared losing you, I abandoned those fears in favor of the promise of a family with you and Renji. I held and bonded with Renji every day. And while he rested in my arms and my hands passed over you, the three of us dreamed of being together. But it seems that we have come as close to that dream as we can."

He turned his head and placed a soft kiss on the place his face had been resting, then relaxed against Renji's belly again, leaving his hands opened, his palms pressed to the redhead's flesh and his reiatsu building in a soft glow around them.

"I know this will not save you, but it will tell you that you are loved…that even never having looked into my eyes or having touched me with your tiny fingertips, you have changed and affected something in this world that you cannot enter. Your being here meant something. Your momentary spark of life brought beauty to this world. It may not be the dream that any of us had, but it is profound nonetheless. And you can leave us in peace, knowing that you have made a mark on our hearts. Even never having been seen and never having breathed the air of this place, you will never be forgotten. You are burned into our souls and you will live inside us for all of our days. I know it is selfish, and that, having been the one to speak the words that led to your passing, I do not deserve it…but I wish that, just once, I could have looked at you. So I could thank you for bringing back to life my hopes of having a family of my own. I will be ever grateful to you for that."

He started to go on, but felt a flutter beneath his cheek and raised his head to look at Renji's bared abdomen. A soft, white light seemed to shine from within and the reiatsu around them rose suddenly. The door to the room opened and Unohana taichou stepped back into the room, her eyes wide and uncertain as she and the spellbound noble watched the light inside Renji grow in brightness, swell, and slowly begin to emerge.

"I do not understand," said Unohana, moving to Renji's side and leaning over him, "This should not be happening."

The light grew brighter and Byakuya stood and tried to pull his hands away, but found that he couldn't.

"What is this? What is happening?" he asked, staring.

He felt a soft pulsation as the light became blindingly bright. Then, he felt a weight settle in his hands, and the glow began to fade. And as Byakuya blinked and stared, he realized suddenly that he was holding their baby in his hands. He took a shocked breath and froze as Unohana turned and quickly examined the infant. A moment later, her eyes took on the sad look they had worn earlier.

"I am sorry, Kuchiki taichou," she said softly, "Though by some miracle, he was born and Abarai-san survived it…his reiatsu is depleted. There is nothing we can do. He may live for several minutes, but…"

"Can you wake Renji?" Byakuya asked, still staring down into the infant's calm, dark gray eyes.

"I believe so," said the healer.

Byakuya gently wrapped the tiny baby in the folds of the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu and laid him on Renji's breast. He rested his head on Renji's shoulder, gazing into their baby's slowly blinking eyes as Unohana taichou sent her reiatsu into the unconscious man and brought him slowly into wakefulness. Renji groaned and stirred, then his eyes opened and squinted, and came to rest on the baby on his chest.

"Wh…what the…Is that…? Is this…?" he whispered, staring.

"It is our son, Renji," Byakuya said, holding one of the redhead's hands in his as Renji's other arm wrapped around the tiny bundle.

Unohana taichou stepped quietly out of the room and left the two men alone with their baby.

"R-red hair," Renji managed weakly, "Your eyes…and…pretty, like you. He's…just like I imagined him."

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, keeping his eyes on the child, "We are a family now. Renji, thank you. I owe you everything for making this dream come true. I wanted so much to have a family of my own, and I thought that dream died with Hisana and our child…but you showed me that I was wrong…that even though it could not be for Hisana and me, there was still hope. And you turned that hope into reality…so…whatever happens from this moment on, remember what family feels like, Renji. This is our dream. This is what we can hold on to, no matter what. It is family realized."

Renji smiled helplessly and touched the baby's hand with his fingertips. The tiny fingers curled around Renji's finger and the infant blinked and cooed softly. Byakuya quietly focused on that image, fixing it in his mind and smiling as a tear slid down his face where Renji couldn't see.

"What should we name him?" Renji asked, "The kid needs a name, ne?"

Byakuya caught his breath softly.

"What?" Renji said, chuckling, "You mean you and your council didn't think that far ahead. I mean, you…h-have the kid's future planned out…right? B-but…not a name?"

"I think you should have that honor."

I am not worthy…

"Are…are you sure?" Renji asked, his eyes blinking sleepily, "I…I mean, if there is a family name…or something…"

"No," Byakuya said, shaking his head gently, "I want you to name him, Renji."

Renji's smile widened and he looked proudly into the baby's eyes, as though looking for the answer there.

"Okay…" he said, nodding, "Hiroki. It means…"

"…abundant joy, strength," finished Byakuya.

"Is…that okay with you?"

Byakuya smiled faintly and nodded.

"It is perfect, Renji. I will see to making that official."

He took a steadying breath, his heart quivering as he felt the baby's life force begin to weaken.

"Rest now," he said, a tremor in his voice.

"Hey," said Renji, frowning and looking more closely at the noble, "Are you…okay? I mean, you look…"

"I am fine," said Byakuya, steeling himself, "Look at our baby, Renji. Look at him and then close your eyes. Let it be the last thing you see before you sleep."

"No," Renji said, coaxing Byakuya's head down onto his chest and smiling at him, "I want to see our family…both of you."

"V-very well," Byakuya said reaching over and resting his hand on Renji's where it curled around their son so that they were all three touching, "Now…sleep Renji."

The redhead lifted his head and kissed Hiroki, then Byakuya on the top of their heads, then let his head fall back against the pillow and closed his eyes.

"Wh…what happened anyway?" he asked as he drifted towards sleep, "The l-last thing I remember…is eating blueberries…in the meadow. I don't…even remember coming here."

"Hush now," said Byakuya, kissing him and sending a soft pulse of reiatsu through him, "Sleep."

Renji went silent and still, and Byakuya deepened his sleep so that he would not wake for some time. He lowered his head onto the redhead's chest and looked into the baby's calm, sleepy eyes. He shivered as the little fingers touched his cheek, and turned his head to lightly kiss each one. As the infant's movements slowed and became more sluggish and fitful, he forced a gentle smile and let his reiatsu surround the boy, soothing him into calm again as he drifted off to sleep. His eyes filled with tears as the dark eyes closed for the last time, and he felt the child's life force decline and begin to disappear. But before they closed entirely, Byakuya felt the brushing of a tiny soul against his, and it was as though he could hear Hiroki speak.

_Thank you…_

_Because of you, I learned what a family is. I will know what to seek when my soul is reborn…_

"Why did you do this? How did you do this?" the noble whispered, "I wasn't supposed to be able to see you…to touch you. How did you make this happen?"

_Like you, I came into this world with a dream. Even if it was only for a moment, you and this man made my dream come true. I meant to show you my gratitude. You thought that you had to choose between this man and me._

_But I took that choice away from you._

_I cannot stay with you. But this way, I can give you some kind of peace._

_Thank you._

_Thank you for loving me so much._

_Thank you._

Byakuya remained rested on Renji's chest for some time after, feeling the fading warmth of their brief union, holding the three of them locked together for as long as possible. But gradually, the truth sank in, and he felt his heart go numb with grief. He made himself get up and carefully lifted the motionless infant from Renji's arms. He kissed Renji on the forehead, then carried Hiroki to the door, opened it, and walked calmly out to where Tetsuya and Tomio waited with the gathered council. At the sight of them, Tetsuya's blue eyes filled with enraged tears. He stepped forward and approached Byakuya, stopping in front of him and staring down at his cousin's unmoving child. Byakuya looked past him to where the council waited.

"Three days," he said quietly, "I will have three days to mourn my son…and then I will meet Aomori Shigeo in a battle to the death."

"Watashi no itoko," Tetsuya said, looking up into his eyes, "That man is undeserving of the honor of falling onto your blade. Let him fall onto mine instead."

Byakuya took a soft, steadying breath and met his cousin's eyes gently.

"Kuchiki Tetsuya, I am honored. However…you are with child. And you must focus on protecting that child. Renji and I have suffered an unbearable loss. I would not lose you, as well. I do not doubt you strength or your strong will. But I cannot risk you…not now."

He turned away to avoid seeing Tetsuya's reaction.

Tomio slipped an arm around Tetsuya and the two watched in silence as the head councilor stepped forward and placed a blessing on the lost heir. Byakuya turned then, and allowed Unohana taichou to take the baby from his arms. He stood quietly, then, with Tetsuya, Tomio and the Kuchiki council behind him, watching silently as the healer and infant disappeared down the hallway. Byakuya turned back to face the councilors, intending to speak. But as he began, his mind went into a sudden spin and the room darkened around him. He started to fall, then felt Tetsuya's arms wrap around him and bear him gently to the floor. He heard a chorus of worried voices that swirled around him, then slowly faded. When he woke again, he found himself lying in a large, comfortable hospital bed and curled into Renji's arms.

Out in the waiting area, Tomio watched as Byakuya was carried off into one of the hospital rooms. He shook his head sadly.

"I can't believe this has happened," he whispered, "That they would go so far…"

He was surprised to hear only silence in response. He looked up and realized that Tetsuya had disappeared from the waiting area.

"Tetsuya?" he said, making the members of the Kuchiki council turn to look at him.

There was a long moment of silence.

"You know where he is gone," Tomio said, white-faced, "We must go after him! We have to stop him!"

The head councilor stepped forward and placed a hand on Tomio's shoulder.

"We will go after him," the man said, his wise eyes fixing on Tomio's, "but we will not stop him."

"What?" gasped Tomio, "But he is…"

"…capable of doing what our leader cannot. It will be some time before Byakuya-sama has recovered. And every day that Aomori Shigeo draws breath is an affront to our clan. You know the power of Kuchiki Tetsuya's will. He will not let that man live. Come then. It is our duty to see that the boundaries of honor are respected."

XXXXXXXXXX

Arashi appeared out of the darkness as Kuchiki Tetsuya flash stepped out of the fourth division and launched himself onto the stallion's back.

"I know we are not in the best condition," Tetsuya said into his ear as he nudged the stallion into a gallop and turned him in the direction of the Aomori estate, "but we have no choice. This is a battle that belongs to us. Though it was my cousin whose child was lost, it wouldn't have happened if that bastard had not wanted so badly to kill me. I cannot give back what was lost because of me…but I can destroy the one whose wickedness did this thing."

I am with you…

Tetsuya lowered himself against Arashi's back as the stallion moved to top speed, closing the distance between the Aomori estate and them in blazing flash steps, making the scenery around them blur. He slowed as he approached the estate. Tetsuya raised a hand and took aim on the main gate, releasing a hard blast of kido and watching as the entry gate exploded. Arashi burst through the smoking ruin, leaping over the debris and sliding to a stop in the central gathering area. House guards ran towards him from every direction, their weapons drawn. Tetsuya sat calmly on Arashi's back and sent another blast of kido in a wide circle around them, throwing the guards off their feet and sending them sprawling. More raced towards him, and Tetsuya repeated the attack, driving them back.

Ahead of him, the council doors opened, and a tall man with black hair and blazing black eyes stepped out to face him. Surprise touched his features as he recognized the man in front of him.

"You…"

Tetsuya glared at him silently as Arashi loosed a kido attack on a group of archers that had taken position nearby.

"I was expecting Byakuya to come, himself," Aomori Shigeo said, glaring back at Tetsuya.

Tetsuya's blue eyes darkened malevolently.

"You are not worthy to die on my leader's blade," he said in a low, dangerous tone, "So I offered to impale you on mine."

"And the coward accepted?"

"Byakuya-sama is mourning the loss of his son. He hasn't time to dirty his blade on the like of a foul, disgusting piece of trash like you!"

"How dare you!" Shigeo said, stepping forward and drawing his blade, "You insolent, filthy half blood! I'll kill you and that mixed blood brat you are carrying!"

"Go ahead and try," Tetsuya hissed in challenge, "You will die where you stand."

"Will I?" asked Shigeo, moving closer, "So tell me, do you intend to hide behind that animal you're on? Use him to make yourself strong enough to defeat me?"

Tetsuya let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Arashi knows that this is my battle. He will only use his powers to ensure that the rules of honorable battle are observed. He will not assist me. And in any case, I do not need his assistance to kill you. I need nothing other than this body and my zanpakutou."

"That body of yours is a walking insult…a curse upon the pure blood of your clan. I'll bet your leader knows that now, ne? Now that his own heir is dead because of you?"

"Shut your foul mouth!" Tetsuya cried, raising Re-kuhime, "I came to kill you, not to listen to you insult our clan's honor! Come closer, Aomori Shigeo. Let me show you what happens to backstabbing cowards like you…those who use stealth and attack and kill the innocent in your plots to kill those who oppose you."

"Hah!" huffed the Aomori clan leader, "I haven't time to deal with useless peasants like you. Leave our land. I will not bother with you."

He barely had time to lift his sword to block Tetsuya's as the noble, disappeared from Arashi's back and attacked. He locked eyes with Shigeo over their crossed swords.

"You may not want to bother with me," said Tetsuya, "but I am about to bother with you. The only way I am leaving this place…is as the hand that cut you down!"


	29. And the Ashes have Scattered

**Chapter 29: And the Ashes Have Scattered**

**(WOW! 398 reviews and 34,000 hits and counting. Thanks so very much to everyone reading and reviewing. My deepest gratitude to Renjfantoo(sorry I made you cry!), love-for-bakas(oh dear, don't lose hope now! *hands tissues*), DeAmonQuEen(I think you'll enjoy this battle a lot!), chibishueiri (Yes, Hiroki will be avenged!), Analir-sensei (The Aomori clan WILL be sorry for pissing off Tetsuya by hurting his family), RedRobin (Don't you worry, Spunky's going to make sure that Renji has closure too), Monnette (I cried too DX), Deity-of-Death (and to answer your questions, yes…and no), Safuuru (No begging necessary…you'll see!), Tomyallen (One Tetsuya-provided butt-kicking coming right up!), Walkure (At very least, Tetsuya will get a stern tongue lashing for disobeying the clan leader and luring the entire Kuchiki council into mutiny…), geecee (so happy you stopped by!), heliumsquirrel (Tetsuya will be determined and doggedly stubborn…and he will perform in a way that would make his cousin proud!), kyricx (I cried so much that I couldn't fit all of my tissues in this week's garbage…), Moegi ( You're so sweet!), anon (Byakuya will show what devotion means, and Tetsuya will rain destruction down on Aomori Shigeo!), Suchan and Twelve (*hugs*), Miyuko-Matsuda (I'm on it!), WhipofLightHeartofSword (*ASS-KICKING ALERT!…but it might take a little time to finish…ahem, *coughs* cliffie ahead!), Ren-Renji (Renji's reaction will begin next chapter), Ichibanseiken (The Aomori clan is about to learn not to piss off the pregnant!), Princess Moon Shadow (The love is mutual!), kuropie (Healing happens slowly, but it does happen. And with Byakuya helping, Renji is in good hands.), Caelia-Canta (Thanks so much!), PerfectStranger (*blushes* You're so sweet!) and Hotaru Nakama (*hugs and blows kisses*). And now, on with the chapter!)**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

_"I haven't time to deal with useless peasants like you. Leave our land. I will not bother with you."_

_Shigeo barely had time to lift his sword to block Tetsuya's as the noble, disappeared from Arashi's back and attacked. He locked eyes with Shigeo over their crossed swords._

_"You may not want to bother with me," said Tetsuya, "but I am about to bother with you. The only way I am leaving this place…is as the hand that cut you down!"_

"Those are strong words, half-blood," the Aomori clan leader, glaring at Tetsuya and raising his reiatsu, "But you had better have brought more than strong words to this battlefield, or you will make your clan leader horribly embarrassed when I leave you collapsed on the ground and choking on your own tainted blood!"

"I assure you that will not be my fate," said Tetsuya, "As a son of the house Kuchiki, I have far too much pride to fall on the blade of a coward, who is not man enough to face his enemy in honorable battle, but strikes out of the darkness, because he hasn't the skill to win otherwise! But putting pride aside, though a _half-blood_ I may be, I am also a Kuchiki elder, and trained by Byakuya-sama himself. I am Byakuya-sama's right hand…and he only needs that to crush you!"

"So…you come on behalf of your clan leader? For an official battle to the death?" asked Shigeo sarcastically, "Then, where are your elders to give their blessing?"

"Our council is…"

"Here," said the voice of Head Councilor, Kuchiki Nori.

As Tetsuya and Shigeo stared from where their bodies remained locked against each other, one by one, the Kuchiki elders flash stepped into sight, making a semi-circle opposite the Aomori council.

"We hereby invoke our right to seek recompense through honorable duel…for the attack on our leader and his family, and the murder of the Kuchiki clan heir."

"With all due respect," the Aomori head councilor said, stepping forward, "We are within our rights to insist that you show valid evidence that one of our clan has ordered or done this thing."

"That is not necessary, Saburo," said Shigeo, smirking, "I will openly admit I planned the attack…though it was not directed at Byakuya, himself. I ordered the kido bombs placed in the barn, well away from the clan leader's house, and as it was the place where an attack was most likely to kill this half-blood, and his nag. The rest were only collateral damage."

"Shigeo-dono," said Saburo, "you realize you are admitting to the planned killing of a member of the Kuchiki main household, a man declared a brother to Byakuya-sama, and an elder. That gives their council the right to demand an honorable duel."

"As _you_ will recall," said Shigeo, "Our council protested the presence of a half-blood on the Kuchiki council. We have never recognized this man as one of them. Secondly, while the Kuchiki clan leader may favor him like a brother, he has not been officially made so. He was made Byakuya's ward, but never his brother. So they have no right to demand honorable duel. But I see the advantage in this. Because…although this man was trained by Byakuya, he is not Byakuya, and as such, he is no match for me. And when I kill him, Byakuya will have no right to retaliation for him or for the heir…because this half-blood has already claimed the right to avenge the heir, and also, this man cannot be avenged if he falls in a sanctioned battle. So you see, it is in our best interests to let this fool proceed."

"Very well," said Saburo, looking less than pleased, "The Aomori elders accept and sanction the death battle between Aomori Shigeo and Kuchiki Tetsuya to settle the matter of the attack on the Kuchiki clan leader's family and the death of the heir. The battle may commence. Name your seconds."

"My second is Aomori Saburo," said Shigeo, "And who is yours, half-blood?"

"I am," said Tomio, stepping forward, "As Tetsuya's husband and an official ward of the Kuchiki clan, I am qualified."

Shigeo's eyes darkened dangerously.

"Very well, you blood traitor," he growled angrily, "But once I have dispatched him, I will kill you too. You will learn just what a mistake you made when you tainted our name by lying down with this filth and dirtying yourself!"

Tomio gave him a scathing look.

"I am ashamed to ever have shared a name with you, Shigeo!" he fumed.

"That's Shigeo-sama to you, traitor!" Shigeo snapped back.

"No..." said Tomio, shaking his head, "No, I will show you no respect after what you have done!"

"Then you deserve the bloody death you are about to be dealt!"

Saburo and Tomio took positions opposite each other, just inside the circle of Kuchiki and Aomori elders. The reiatsu rose around the elders, and a huge, translucent shield formed around the fighters and their seconds. Power erupted between Shigeo and Tetsuya, forcing them apart. They slid to a stop, facing each other with their swords held ready.

"You are going to die, half-blood," said Shigeo, "and I will take great pride in defending the purity of our noble blood by killing you. You are an aberration…a glaring mistake."

"Perhaps," replied Tetsuya, "but this _aberration_? This _mistake_? It is going to be the one that destroys you. And when it does? One more of our noble houses will be loosed from the intolerance that poisons them!"

"We shall see about that!" hissed Shigeo, disappearing in a flash step.

"Touei, Re-kuhime," breathed Tetsuya, moving into an attack.

Their swords crashed together, and the Aomori clan leader lifted a foot and struck out at Tetsuya as his blade came down. The move disrupted the younger man's attack only slightly and Tetsuya attacked again. He slashed at Shigeo, his blue eyes locked on his enemy's, and his expression calm. He sidestepped a vicious cut of the other man's blade, then disappeared in a flash step and reappeared behind him. He caught his breath in surprise as a sudden kido blast struck the ground just in front of him, and he barely recovered and raised his blade as Shigeo's descended on him. He blocked the sword slash, anticipating the kick that followed and flash stepping clear. They moved into a blinding exchange of sword slashes, kido and hakudo, moving so quickly that the eyes of their watching seconds could not follow them.

Tetsuya's blade crashed down on Shigeo's, then swiftly blocked as the clan leader switched seamlessly from defense to attack. His slender body whirled, dancing out of the path of a sudden kido blast, then lunging at the other man, striking his blade out of the way and landing a sound kick to Shigeo's midsection. The clan leader managed to capture Tetsuya's sleeve as he landed, and yanked him off balance, slashing across his body. He roared in triumph as his blade connected, but then watched in dismay as Tetsuya's body disintegrated and water splashed to the ground in the place where he had been. Tetsuya reappeared where he had been when the battle began and stood quietly with his sword ready, looking back at the stunned clan leader opposite him.

"What was that? What did you just do?" demanded Shigeo.

"That," said Tetsuya, "was my shikai. Re-kuhime…the lake princess, allows me set protective waterforms upon the battlefield. These waterforms are difficult to see, and are further concealed by the mist my blade releases. Therefore, if I am hit, I may instantly switch places with any waterform I have placed, thereby avoiding damage to myself. I can also use any waterforms I place from which to launch attacks by switching to their position to gain an advantage."

He disappeared and reappeared behind Shigeo, who blocked his slash as Tetsuya attacked again.

"I have been setting waterforms as we have fought. I can use them more swiftly than a flash step since the switch occurs as soon as I will it. If you are lucky enough to spot and destroy the waterform in advance of my using it, or if you are fast enough to cut me twice before I switch you can work around them, but be warned," he said, lighting the set waterforms with a soft reiatsu swell, "As you destroy them, they break apart and form ice crystals…and these gather on the ground to prepare for another type of attack."

Shigeo watched in silence as the waterforms seemed to solidify and began moving around him.

"In addition, I can make the waterforms look solid…move…speak. They are copies of me, if you will. They will collapse if you attack them, but you can never be certain…"

The waterforms suddenly disappeared and Tetsuya reappeared directly in front of Shigeo.

"…where I actually am."

Shigeo slashed at Tetsuya and watched in dismay as his body disintegrated and water splashed to the ground. The remaining waterforms solidified and moved in from all directions, all speaking his name together so that it seemed to echo eerily around him.

"Aomori Shigeo…"

The clan leader flash stepped away and raised his blade.

"There is nothing you can do."

Shigeo's reiatsu rose and his blade began to glow.

"Yield now, and I will be swift and merciful when I end your life."

"As if you could!" snapped Shigeo, "You are about to get a taste of a power more than strong enough to shatter your weak waterforms and leave you defenseless…Kuchiki Tetsuya!"

His head bowed as he spoke the words of release to his zanpakutou.

"Jouchaku, Honoo no Akuma."

Tetsuya watched closely as Shigeo's blade disappeared and a huge, fire enshrouded black demon with long black claws, red and golden eyes and an oddly spiked tail appeared. He switched waterforms as the demon shrieked and struck at him. Shigeo laughed as the demon's reiatsu flared and fire exploded outward from its body, instantly evaporating the nearest waterforms. A second flare destroyed the rest of the waterforms and singed Tetsuya's skin as the blue-eyed noble flash stepped out of the demon's range and slid to a stop.

"You see, half-blood," Shigeo said calmly, "I have greater power than you. Honoo no Akuma can evaporate your waterforms in an instant, revealing your position and leaving you vulnerable to his fire, slashing claws and sharp teeth. In addition, as it destroys your waterforms, it also melts and evaporates the ice crystals that have been deposited, undoing your other means of attack, whatever it is. But go ahead and attack him, if you wish. I assure you, he has a few other surprises in store for you."

Tetsuya felt the demon's reiatsu pulsate and sensed the next flare before it began, but even so, barely managed to shield himself with a hastily raised ice shield. The fire struck the shield, melting, then evaporating it, but was stopped short of reaching Tetsuya. Instantly, Tetsuya flash stepped forward, striking a solid blow to the creature, just as its attack ended, and before it could raise the next attack.

"Very good," Shigeo said, nodding, "You were quick to spot the weakness…the momentary opportunity that exists between his attacks. If you are lucky, then you can wear him down, using that weakness."

He watched with glinting eyes as the demon flared again and Tetsuya shielded himself, then attacked.

"But perhaps I should have warned you," he said as Tetsuya closed in on the demon again, "that even though he is not able to attack you with flames in those moments, he is not without defenses."

Tetusuya's blade struck at the demon, but was blocked by a clawed hand. The beast wrapped the hand around Tetsuya's sword, ignoring how it cut into its black flesh and caused seething green blood to leak out onto the cold steel. In his mind, Tetsuya heard Re-kuhime scream. He tore the blade away as the demon's spiked tail came down on him, penetrating his back and driving him to his knees. Shigeo laughed and stepped forward, then cursed as Tetsuya's waterform burst and he reappeared where he had been just before attacking.

"You set a waterform that quickly between my zanpakutou's flares?" asked the clan leader.

"I did say that I can switch from place to place at will…and I can also create and destroy them just as quickly…so I have not been left defenseless, I assure you."

"You may not have been made defenseless yet," sneered the clan leader, "but you are well on the way to that."

Tetsuya followed the man's eyes to Re-kuhime and caught his breath in surprise. The blade now flickered with green light, and her voice seemed to have grown notably more distant in his mind.

"Honoo no Akuma's special ability is to infect whatever touches its blood with an agent that slowly interferes with the connection between the enemy and his zanpakutou. If you were more powerful…if you had a ban kai or an attack that would not require your bare blade to touch him, you might have a chance of retaining a link to your zanpakutou, but as you have none, you will have to strike now and kill him swiftly…before your zanpakutou's voice disappears from your mind, and you are left facing him with nothing more than your naked blade!"

"Damn you!" cried Tetsuya, flash stepping wildly as the demon followed, building up to the next fire flare.

"Tetsuya!" cried Tomio, "Look out!"

Tetsuya registered sudden movement behind him and dove aside as Shigeo's blade slashed where he had just been. The demon's fire rolled over his curled body, raking him with flame and burning the cloth that covered his back away. With a pained scream, Tetsuya rolled to his feet and attacked the demon with a hard blast of kido, then came down on him, sinking Re-kuhime into it's chest in a decisive, killing blow. The beast howled and writhed beneath his blade, its spiked tail snapping and sinking the wicked spike into Tetsuya's exposed shoulder. Tetsuya gasped in shock, then stared in dismay as Shigeo moved towards him. The demon's body shimmered and disappeared, and Tetsuya dropped to his knees, panting and gasping for breath.

"Apparently," Shigeo said, smirking, "You did not see me destroy your waterform as you finished him. So...you had nowhere to go to escape his spiked tail!"

He moved closer, his sword held ready.

"What are you…waiting for?" Tetsuya asked as Shigeo came to a stop in front of him, "Why do you not strike me with a finishing blow?"

Shigeo smiled.

"I need do nothing more," he said, sheathing his blade, "You will be dead in moments. For although by killing the demon, you have restored your connection with your blade, when Honoo no Akuma struck you with his tail, he unleashed his last secret…a poison that is now flooding your body and will kill you before you can seek healing. You are finished, Kuchiki Tetsuya. You have failed to avenge your cousin's lost heir. You have proven that no matter how strong you may be, pure blood is stronger. I am disappointed. I thought that the Kuchiki champion chosen to avenge the heir would be stronger than this. This is pathetic. You should be ashamed."

He turned away, leaving Tetsuya coughing and gasping, his hands clawing at the ground as the poison began to overwhelm him. But as he collapsed onto the ground, his lips moved.

"Shussui…" he panted softly.

Shigeo stopped and turned to look back at him.

"Are you still alive?" he asked softly, his voice betraying a hint of surprise, "How very unexpected. I would have thought that you would be dead by now."

Tetsuya heard Shigeo's sword slide out of its sheath and the footsteps approaching as the Aomori clan leader closed in on him.

"Your body is broken, Kuchiki Tetsuya…and you are dying. But don't worry, I will not leave you in torment any longer."

_Not yet…_

The footsteps moved closer.

"You are finished, half-blood…"

_Wait…_

_Wait until…_

"_TETSUYA_!" screamed Tomio, watching in horror as Aomori Shigeo's blade came down.


	30. New Hope Will Rise

**Chapter 30: New Hope Will Rise**

_"TETSUYA!" screamed Tomio, watching in horror as Aomori Shigeo's blade came down._

The clan leader's smug smile disappeared and shock flooded his features as a shield of ice formed over Tetsuya's fallen form, halting Shigeo's blade with a loud clanging. Shigeo cleared his weapon and raised a hand, preparing to loose a kido blast. He stopped, staring in disbelief as the ground around them began to rumble and the ice around Tetsuya began to crack. He flash stepped away, stumbling and crashing to the ground as the ice exploded and blinding light flooded the battlefield. He was back on his feet in an instant, glaring and furious as he saw Tetsuya's silhouette appear in a sea of glowing mist.

"How can this be?" he fumed, "You should be dead! How is it that you are on your feet again? TELL ME, HALF-BLOOD!"

The mist around Tetsuya faded and he gazed back at the Aomori clan leader defiantly.

"Like your blade," said Tetsuya, "My Re-kuhime has a special ability. If I encounter poison, she infuses my body with a flood of liquid that holds back the effects of the poison, so that I am able to continue to fight."

"But I would guess the effect does not last permanently?" asked Shigeo, giving him a scathing look.

"No," Tetsuya replied, "She may infuse me three times during the battle. And as soon as my enemy dies, as you know, his poison will fade. I will not even need a healer!"

"Then you had best hope that you kill me before you run out of time and that poison takes effect!" Shigeo shouted, raising his blade, "Go on, then. You have defeated my demon, but he is not the last of what I have in my arsenal. And you are in poor shape to continue to fight in the condition you are in. But no matter. You have shown your determination to continue, so I won't disappoint you. Prepare yourself, half-blood! You are about to enter hell!"

Tetsuya glared back at him and waited.

"Ban kai," said Shigeo, "Jigoku keshiki, Honoo no Akuma!"

Tomio and Saburo flash stepped away from their positions at the edges of the battlefield as the shield separating the fighters and their seconds from the two councils caught fire, sending a wave of intense heat over the battlefield. Shigeo began to laugh wickedly and Tetsuya watched in dismay as his body swelled and darkened into something that he decided looked akin to the devil, himself. Thick, leathery, blood-red skin covered a massive bat-winged body. Black smoke issued softly from the creature's nostrils, and his golden eyes fixed on Tetsuya. He raised a wicked looking trident and sent a blast of fire at the blue-eyed noble. Tetsuya flash stepped away and tried to set a waterform in place.

He looked on in disbelief as the waterform hissed and evaporated. Then Shigeo's devil form laughed again.

"Forget it," he growled, "While under the power of my zanpakutou's 'Hell Scene,' your waterforms will only evaporate as you try to set them in place. Your ice shields will be useless and your ice crystals cannot form. If you do manage to evade me, you still cannot kill me. And as we fight, you are running out of time for healing! That poison will still slowly kill you! So you had best bring whatever you have left to the field. The fires of hell are about to roast you where you stand!"

Tetsuya raised Re-kuhime.

"Ban kai," he said, watching the other man's eyes widen in surprise, "Koori no bakuha, Re-kuhime…Teikiatsu!"

He brought the tip of his blade down and touched the ground, and a huge funnel cloud of water rose around him.

"Useless!" cried Shigeo, "It will evaporate before it can hurt me!"

Tetsuya said nothing, but sent the cyclone out from his body in a widening swirl until it encountered the flaming walls around them and hissed violently as it began to evaporate.

"You see, fool!" laughed Shigeo, sending a blast of fire out of the trident at Tetsuya. He caught his breath in surprise and swore as thick ash and humid smoke filled the fighting area, obscuring the devil's view. He heard the hiss of a flash step and pain erupted in his side, where Tetsuya pierced it. The blue-eyed shinigami pulled his weapon free and disappeared into the swirling smoke.

"Damn you! Where are you! Come out and fight like a man! I'll cut you in half!" Shigeo screamed.

"Did you notice," said Tetsuya's voice, echoing all around him, "That when my ban kai cyclone struck your flames, it reduced the heat in this chamber…enough to allow my waterforms to form. You have no idea from which direction I will strike, and you can no longer strike my waterforms all at once. Even your powerful trident is only useful if you can find me…among the copies of me that I have used to fill this chamber!"

"Think again!" hissed the Aomori clan leader, "This trident can sweep away your waterforms in seconds!"

Fire erupted from the trident, moving in a slow circle around the room. He finished the sweep and made an exclamation of triumph as Tetsuya reappeared across the room from him.

"There you are!" Shigeo howled, pointing the trident at him and firing it.

But as he lifted the trident, ice crystals from the destroyed waterforms rose and clung to the weapon.

"What is this?" the clan leader said, staring.

"When you destroyed my waterforms," Tetsuya explained, you cooled this chamber further…to the point at which my ice crystals were able to form. And now that they have, they have attached themselves to your trident…for if I guess correctly, the trident is the main source of your ban kai, and once it is destroyed, you will be forced to return to shikai…or perhaps, since I have already killed your lesser demon in this battle, he will not be raised again, ne?"

"Bastard!" screamed Shigeo, lunging at him and intending to run him through with the ice laden trident.

Tetsuya flash stepped to the side, then turned and brought Re-kuhime down in a vicious strike on the trident. Shigeo stared in dismay as the trident shattered and fell to the ground, then his ban kai form disappeared. He stood, facing Tetsuya, with only his naked blade.

"I WILL NOT LOSE TO YOU!" Shigeo howled, flash stepping at him and slashing madly.

Tetsuya met his sword in a flurry of cuts and blocks, moving nimbly out of his range when he attacked and closing ground when he saw an opening.

"Why aren't you using your ban kai?" asked Shigeo as his blade caught Tetsuya's arm, "Surely, you could overcome me that way now."

"I don't need my ban kai," Tetsuya said in a low, angry voice, "I have something more painful in mind for you. You have gone beyond all forgiveness, and you deserve to die in a much more heinous way. I will kill you…as soon as I land a solid hit!"

"Not if I impale you first!" the clan leader snarled, forcing Re-kuhime aside.

He was almost startled to see a sudden opening in Tetsuya's usually tight defenses and lunged forward. A slender hand forced the blade aside, and it sank deeply into Tetsuya's already injured shoulder. Shigeo started to smile, but froze and looked down in horror, to find Re-kuhime buried in his midsection. He made a guttural sound of disbelief and tried to pull away, but found that ice had frozen his body where Re-kuhime impaled him. He stared into Tetsuya's dead-calm blue eyes, watching helplessly as he released his final attack.

"Nawaka shima," Tetsuya breathed, watching as frost formed around Shigeo's impaled body, freezing him slowly from his feet all of the way up to his neck, "Now, I will part your head from your body as punishment for your crime. Aomori Shigeo, I claim your life as due recompense for the murder of the Kuchiki heir!"

"You!" Shigeo gasped, barely able to make a sound, "Bastard!"

Tetsuya looked solemnly into his eyes.

"This will never replace what was taken from Byakuya-sama, but it will stop you from spreading your venom any further…may the gods have mercy on your soul, Aomori Shigeo!"

"N-no!"

"_Kudakero_…"

Shigeo managed a final, hoarse cry as his shocked eyes watched his frozen body shatter and fall to the ground in broken pieces. His head tumbled to the ground and rolled away as Tetsuya dropped to his knees and tore the clan leader's sword from his shoulder. Blood spattered onto his smudged face and coursed down his wounded arm. There was a long moment of perfect silence, then the shield around them fell and he heard Tomio call to him.

"Tetsuya!" Tomio cried, dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around his wounded lover, "You did it! You killed him! I mean, I knew that you would, but…but come now…"

He stood and lifted Tetsuya into his arms.

"Kuchiki Tetsuya is the winner of this battle," Aomori Saburo said quietly, glancing back at the ruins of the dead clan leader's body, "Our clan wishes to officially apologize to the Kuchiki clan for his impropriety, and to offer our deepest condolences to the Kuchiki clan."

Kuchiki Nori nodded briefly.

"We accept your condolences and your suit for peaceful resolution. And now, we must see to our champion's injuries and to the mourning of our lost heir."

Tetsuya rested his head wearily on Tomio's shoulder as he carried the wounded noble to Arashi and set him in place on the stallion's back. He climbed up behind Tetsuya and held him close as Arashi turned towards the fourth division.

"I don't know if I've told you," Tomio said softly in Tetsuya's ear, "but you are amazing, watashi no koi. You were so strong…there was no way that Shigeo was going to defeat you. Rest easy now. You did what you had to do. Now, we have to take care of you and our little one."

"Tomio," Tetsuya whispered, his blue eyes taking on a heartbreakingly sad look, "I don't understand. I thought that killing that man would bring me some kind of peace. But…I feel no peace inside…only pain…only emptiness…"

Tomio smiled sadly and brushed a tear away from his lover's wet eyes.

"Shh…of course you are in pain. You cannot undo what he did to Byakuya-sama and Renji-san. And although Shigeo's death will make peace again between our clans, it will not bring their child back. But you, and Byakuya-sama, Renji and I will help each other. We will all come through this. We will. Rest now, Tetsuya. Let me take care of you for a bit. You fought hard, and you did what you set out to do. Now, let me be here for you. Close your eyes."

"But," Tetsuya said as his eyes blinked closed, "all I can see is…"

"Hush now. You have to put it out of your mind and rest."

Tetsuya rested wearily in Tomio's arms, tears sliding down his face as he saw again the vision of Byakuya walking out to the waiting area carrying his motionless son in his arms.

I'm so sorry, watashi no itoko. I never meant to be such a burden to you. I didn't know you would lose him because you saved me…

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji opened his eyes and found himself lying in sweetly fragrant grass under a blanket of sakura petals. He blinked slowly, trying to remember how he had gotten there, and when he had dressed in the silken white yukata he wore.

"Byakuya?" he called softly, looking around.

At first, he thought that he was beneath the trees in the meadow near the waterfall and lake at Kuchiki Manor. The scenery was, indeed, somewhat similar. But the colors around him, the beautifully warm fragrances, the calm chirping of birds and the splashing of a brook nearby, were unnaturally lively.

"Wh-where am I?" he whispered, looking around, "How the hell did I get…here?"

A breeze blew softly through the branches of the tree he was under, sending a flutter of petals down onto his head. He shook them off and stood, looking around. He spotted a small trail and followed it along, through the trees, across an open meadow where deer grazed calmly, hardly seeming to notice him as he passed. The sound of the water grew louder as he entered another cluster of trees. A rushing stream ran through the area, and in the center of the grove of trees, a small footbridge crossed the water. He saw misty, humanoid shapes on the other side, and moved closer, staring.

"What the…?"

He realized then, that someone was standing on the bridge…a tall, red-haired boy with pretty gray eyes. He stood near the center of the bridge, watching Renji with a sweet, curious expression. Renji slowed as he reached the bridge and looked into the boy's eyes, feeling as though he should know the youth, but not knowing when or where they had met.

"Ah…hey kid, I'm a little lost here. You mind telling me where we are? Who you are?" he asked.

"Oh," said the youth, "I am Hiroki. Don't you remember me?"

Renji blinked in confusion.

"H-hiroki?" he repeated, "Like my son?"

The boy laughed, and Renji could almost hear his own youthful laugh from when he was a child in Inuzuri.

"Are you playing games with me, Father?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Wh-what?"

Hiroki came down off of the bridge and stood quietly in front of Renji, looking up at him and waiting. Renji looked more deeply into his eyes, and memories flashed of a hospital room…

_"Wh…what the…Is that…? Is this…?" he whispered, staring._

_"It is our son, Renji," Byakuya said, holding one of the redhead's hands in his as Renji's other arm wrapped around the tiny bundle._

"Hiroki…" he whispered, placing a hand on the boy's face and watching in wonder as Hiroki gave him a crooked smile.

"Yes," he answered, nodding, "You remember me now?"

"Well, yeah," said Renji, "But I don't remember you being grown up like this. When I saw you before, you were just a baby. Now you're…"

"I wanted to be able to talk to you," the boy said, "So I made myself older, the way I would be if I had grown up."

"If you had…?"

"Father, I know that I wasn't with you for very long, but I wanted to tell you that…that…"

The boy's face clouded up and his eyes filled with tears.

"I wanted to say that I love you. I couldn't say it because I was too small when I left you. So…I came to the bridge and called to you…and you came."

"Y-you…called me here?" Renji asked, "I don't understand. Why are you here? Why aren't you with me at home in the Seireitei? Why don't I remember you growing up?"

"I didn't grow up," the boy said, shaking his head sadly, "Something happened…loud noises and bright lights…and then I woke up here. It's pretty here, and the others here with me are nice. We are just waiting…to be reborn."

"Reborn? Hiroki…"

"Renji," said Byakuya's voice from behind him.

Renji looked back at Byakuya, blinking in confusion.

"Why are you here?" he asked, looking from Byakuya to Hiroki, "Why is our son here? Byakuya?"

Byakuya's grew unbearably sad.

"Renji…Renji, something happened…while we were coming back from the meadow."

Renji wasn't sure why, but fear suddenly entered his heart, and he slipped a protective arm around Hiroki.

"What happened?" he asked, taking a step backwards and feeling the wooden bridge under his foot.

"Renji…I need you to come back. I have to tell you…Renji?"

The tormented look in his huband's eyes made Renji's heart quiver inside him and he backed up another step.

"Renji, stop. Renji, you have to come back now. Come away from there!" Byakuya said, more stridently.

"No," said the redhead, his eyes widening, "I'm staying with our son!"

"Please, Renji, you cannot do that. I need you to come back. Please Renji, come back with me."

Pain erupted through Renji's head and he groaned and put his hands to his head.

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

He suddenly realized that Hiroki was gone and he was standing alone on the bridge.

"Wait a minute! Where did he go? Hiroki?" he cried, turning and starting to cross over.

"No, Renji!" Byakuya gasped, taking hold of him and pulling him back, "Don't go over there! You won't be able to get back!"

"Let go of me! Our kid is over there! He was telling me what happened. Stop! Byakuya…DAMN IT, STOP!"

He felt a hard tugging somewhere inside and felt a sensation that felt like falling. He smelled Byakuya's sakura scent and heard the noble's voice speaking softly in his ear. But it was muffled and halting. Another voice sounded more distantly in the background.

_It was close, but he'll be all right. I think it's just the shock of all he has been through. We will monitor him carefully to make sure it doesn't happen again._

Renji drifted in a haze, his mind blissfully distant. He wasn't sure how long he remained that way, but gradually, his sleep lightened and he started to feel heavy and weighted down. It hurt his chest to breathe and he seemed to ache all over. He groaned softly and his eyes blinked and opened.

He sat up, waking up the man who had been sleeping quietly on his chest. They sat up and faced each other in the semidarkness of the hospital room.

"Byakuya…" Renji said softly.

His heart leapt into his throat as he noticed the signs of recent tears on the noble's porcelain cheeks and the devastated expression.

"Byakuya," he said in a choked voice, "Where is Hiroki? Where is our boy?"

Byakuya's trembling lips parted and his large, dark eyes filled with tears. Renji's eyes went wide and panicked.

"Where is he? Where is Hiroki! Byakuya! Where is he?"

Byakuya froze and the redhead grabbed him by the shoulders.

"SAY SOMETHING, DAMN YOU! WHERE IS OUR SON?" he yelled.

"Renji," Byakuya managed in a shaking voice, "There was…an attack on us as we returned from the meadow this morning."

"No," said Renji, shaking his head, "I remember…we were in the meadow, eating berries…and…and then, I must have gone into labor and I woke up here. You remember. He was here! We were holding him! He was in my arms, for kami's sake! Tell me that you remember!"

"I remember," Byakuya said softly, as the door opened and Unohana taichou entered the room.

Byakuya took a shuddering breath.

"Renji…we were in the barn…on the way back, and…and there was an explosion."

"What?" Renji asked, looking bewildered, "I don't remember that at all! Why don't I remember?"

"You were seriously injured," explained Unohana, sitting down next to him and taking his hand, "Kuchiki taichou did his very best to protect you, but you were too badly hurt. You were brought to the healing center, and your son was born alive…but his reiatsu had been depleted because of the injuries that you suffered."

Renji's eyes filled with tears.

"But…he was right here…" he whispered, choking on his words, "He was here with us and we gave him a name. I remember him being here…"

"He was here…very briefly," Byakuya explained, "but…"

He took a steadying breath.

"Renji…I am sorry. I tried to shield you when the barn came down on us…"

"Our son…died?" Renji asked, the tears leaking onto his face.

And suddenly, he remembered the bright gardens, the white clothing and the boy on the bridge.

"_I wanted to say that I love you. I couldn't say it because I was too small when I left you. So…I came to the bridge and called to you…and you came."_

"_Y-you…called me here?" Renji asked, "I don't understand. Why are you here? Why aren't you with me at home in the Seireitei? Why don't I remember you growing up?"_

"_I didn't grow up," the boy said, shaking his head sadly, "Something happened…loud noises and bright lights…and then I woke up here. It's pretty here, and the others here with me are nice. We are just waiting…to be reborn."_

"But he was _here_!" Renji insisted, a sob rising in his voice, "He was here. Our son was here with us! He was here, Byakuya…"

"Renji…he was," Byakuya whispered, wrapping his arms around the redhead and holding him tightly, "He was here with us, Renji…but he was too weakened by what happened to survive, and he died. Our Hiroki died, Renji."

"J-just like that?" Renji said, his voice barely audible, "He was here, and then just gone? Just like that? How did that happen? Why, Byakuya? Was it…was it something I did?"

"Oh…kami, no, Renji!" exclaimed the noble, tightening his arms around the redhead, "You did everything right. It was…nothing that you did. I swear it."

"He is right," Unohana taichou said softly, "You were in excellent health. That is why you survived."

"Yeah," said Renji, tears running uncontrollably down his face, "but I must have done _something_ wrong, or _he_ would have survived too!"

"Renji, no! That's not true," insisted Byakuya.

"But it must be," sobbed Renji, "There has to be a reason why I'm here and he's not!"

Byakuya looked into his eyes, his own filling with tears.

"It is me," the noble confessed in a soft voice, "I am the reason."


	31. Amidst the Tatters of our Broken Hearts

**Chapter 31: Amidst the Tatters of our Broken Hearts**

_"J-just like that?" Renji said, his voice barely audible, "He was here, and then just gone? Just like that? How did that happen? Why, Byakuya? Was it…was it something I did?"_

_"Oh…kami, no, Renji!" exclaimed the noble, tightening his arms around the redhead, "You did everything right. It was…nothing that you did. I swear it."_

_"He is right," Unohana taichou said softly, "You were in excellent health. That is why you survived."_

_"Yeah," said Renji, tears running uncontrollably down his face, "but I must have done something wrong, or he would have survived too!"_

_"Renji, no! That's not true," insisted Byakuya._

_"But it must be," sobbed Renji, "There has to be a reason why I'm here and he's not!"_

_Byakuya looked into his eyes, his own filling with tears._

_"It is me," the noble confessed in a soft voice, "I am the reason."_

"Kuchiki taichou," said Unohana, looking into the noble's eyes, "You know that even though…"

"It doesn't matter," Byakuya said softly, "because whatever happened, I did make a choice that Renji deserves to know about…and in addition, when he tried to follow our son into death, it was me who intervened."

"What?" said Renji, looking confused, "What are you talking about? You want to tell me just what the hell happened? What is going on, Byakuya?"

The noble closed his eyes for a moment and let out a breath.

"Unohana taichou, I must be allowed to tell Renji everything."

The healer looked less then pleased, but nodded briefly.

"Do as you must, then," she said softly.

Byakuya looked into Renji's wet, distressed eyes solemnly.

"I owe you a debt of gratitude, Renji," Byakuya said, "I had never thought to move beyond the fears I had and to even attempt to have a family of my own again. I know that neither of us planned this. But even though it wasn't planned, we built our life into something beautiful together. What you have done for me…can never be repaid."

"What I've _done_?" repeated Renji, "All I've _done_ is to prove that you were right to fear this! All I've _done_ is to prove what you said from the start."

"Renji…that is not true."

"No, you told me that you could never love me…that love was too dangerous, and that it would end in disaster. I lied to you and told you that everything would be fine!"

"You didn't lie to me."

"What?"

"You told the truth of what was in your heart. You said it would be all right…and I still believe that it will be."

"How can you say that?, Renji asked, wide-eyed, "How can you sit there, knowing our son _died_, and tell me that it's going to be all right? How can you say that?"

"Because…" Byakuya said, still looking steadily into his eyes, "We are both still here."

Renji shook his head in confusion, not knowing how to respond.

"Renji, I owe you an apology. It was my responsibility to see to your safety and to the safety of our child. As head of household, and your husband, defense of the family is the greatest of my responsibilities. When a family member dies at the hands of an enemy, that failure to protect falls on the one who is most powerful, who was in the best position and had the responsibility to protect the one or ones that fell."

"Byakuya…"

"Renji, you are an officer of the Gotei 13. You know the absolute rule of command. When a soldier under your command falls, it is your responsibility. You have either failed to plan in enough detail, or you have underestimated your enemy. I underestimated Aomori Shigeo's hatred."

"What?" said Renji, wiping his eyes, "Are you trying to tell me that you should have anticipated that he would go loony and plant bombs in your barn? Byakuya, no one…"

"I knew that he hated Tetsuya passionately…and I knew that he was riled over the fact that Tomio took the Kuchiki name…though certainly, it was within Tomio's rights, and was even traditionally correct to do so."

"That's why you had guards all around us," Renji said, "You did everything you could."

"Yes," agreed the noble, "I am not denying that I put forth my best effort in protecting you and Hiroki. But those efforts, however well meaning and strategically sound, were not enough to prevent this. And for that, I owe you an apology."

"Please," said Renji, "Don't blame yourself for that. I don't blame you. I think there was no way you could have known what that guy was going to do."

"Thank you, Renji," Byakuya said quietly, "That is a comfort. But it is not the end of my part in this."

"What do you mean?"

"After you were pulled from the wreckage of the barn, and you were brought to the healing center, it was determined that a choice had to be made about what was to be done for you."

"A…choice?"

"Yes. Unohana taichou examined you, and she determined that it was not possible to save both of you. Your systems were too greatly tasked because of the injuries you had sustained…and Hiroki was in need of medical intervention, but could only receive it if birthed. They could not proceed with the birth, because they could not have kept you stabilized during the procedure. I was asked…whether to have them attempt the birth, knowing that you were not going to survive…or to allow Hiroki to expire inside you to save your life."

Renji's faced paled and he put a hand to his mouth and closed his eyes.

"You must understand, Renji. Had the question been, would I give my own life to save Hiroki's, the answer would have been, absolutely, yes. And I knew full well that you would willingly give your life to save our son's."

"Byakuya…"

"Even knowing what you would have chosen," the noble went on, "and knowing further, that although the council would never demand it, council rules in these situations favor the heir…I didn't consider any of that in making this decision. I made a more selfish decision. I am not saying that it was wrong, in and of itself, just that it did not take into account those other things."

Renji's eye opened again, and he rubbed them and sniffed softly.

"I have loved our child from the moment I sensed him."

"I know that."

"I looked forward to his birth, and to all of the things that we would share with him over the years that we were supposed to have together."

Renji took a shaky breath and felt tears coming into his eyes again.

"But as much as I loved and devoted myself to our son, and to that future, I also owed you."

A tear ran down Renji's face, but he ignored it, his eyes locked on Byakuya's and his body stiff with tension.

"Renji, you and I have a long association. We have come through a great deal, and grown into a love that I never expected to exist, let alone be so powerful."

The redhead sighed and more tears escaped onto his face.

"I was devastated after losing Hisana, and I thought that I would not be strong enough to ever risk loving someone that way again. I never wanted to attempt to start a family, because I was wary of how painful it was to be on the cusp of that dream, and to have it cruelly shattered."

Renji let out a sob, then stopped himself and swallowed hard.

"And I said it wouldn't be like that. I said you wouldn't be hurt like that again…that everything would be all right…"

"And everything will be."

"Byakuya," Renji objected, choking on his words, "How can you say that? You just watched our son die! You know those words were just bullshit! I knew I couldn't back them up when I said them!"

"Yes, I knew that you had no way of really knowing what would happen. But you looked forward and you saw us having a family and being happy, ne? Wasn't that the picture that you had in your mind when you thought about our future, Renji?"

Renji sniffed and nodded.

"You did not know whether the child in that picture would be a boy or a girl, whether we would have one or many, but you sought that connectedness we would all have, once our child arrived."

"Mmhmm…" Renji managed, not trusting his voice if he tried to speak.

"It was that picture that was in my mind, when I chose to protect you. As much as I loved and wanted Hiroki…I could not bear the thought of losing you. After all you had done to rebuild my dreams of family, to ignite that longing that was still there inside me, but I had closed myself off from…you became such a part of that future…that if I lost you now, that dream would die completely. Losing our son is heartbreaking…but losing each other would mean an end to all possibility…all that we have sought and hoped for together. I _had_ to hold on to you, Renji, because without you, there is no 'us.' And without 'us,' we could not bring that dream of 'family' to be. So…I told Unohana taichou that she must do all that she could to save your life."

"But it turned out that Kuchiki taichou's decision did not need to be made," said Unohana taichou, taking Renji's hand, "I do not know why it happened, but the birth occurred anyway, and your son was born alive. Kuchiki taichou was quick thinking and asked for me to wake you, so that you would have what time there was to be with him. And he was merciful in letting your interactions with your son be beautiful memories, and unmarred by what was happening. There is no way to know in some situations, which way is 'best' or what is 'the right thing to do.' You were both faced with a horrible situation…one that no parents should ever have to face. I think both of you did the best that you could, under the circumstances. But sometimes, things happen for which there are no 'right' answers."

"I get that," said Renji in a low voice, "and I agree with you that Byakuya did everything he could. I don't blame him…because…if I'd been stronger, he wouldn't have been put in that position in the first place."

"It isn't your fault, Renji," Byakuya said firmly.

"You said that you had a responsibility to our family? Well, I had some responsibilities too. It was my job to protect our baby…to do whatever had to be done to see that he was kept safe and healthy. I let down my guard. I wasn't even thinking about safety. I walked out to that meadow, completely trusting that I could handle anything that happened. But I also underestimated Aomori Shigeo's hatred. I wasn't on alert, and the result was this."

"Renji, you cannot blame yourself for that," Byakuya said, shaking his head.

"Why not?" Renji asked, sniffing and brushing the tears away from his reddened eyes, "Do you think that just because you were responsible for using caution and being on alert, that means that I was excused from that?"

"Renji…"

"But even that doesn't matter…because in the end, what it really came down to…was my resolve."

"I don't understand," Byakuya said softly.

"If I was determined to protect him, even if I had to die to do it…then if he's dead, I should be too. If I gave everything, and it wasn't enough, whatever killed him should have had to go through me to do it. So…the other things you said, Byakuya? About your responsibility, and making the choice to protect me instead of him? Don't you see? Those things don't matter. What does is that I failed to protect him. If I'm still alive and he's not, then it means that I didn't give everything…and if I didn't give everything, then I didn't give enough."

"Renji, that's not true," Byakuya said, shaking his head.

"Yes, it is," Renji said, tears filling his eyes, "I shouldn't be here. I made a reckless promise to you, and then I couldn't back it up. My resolve wasn't strong enough. _I_ wasn't strong enough. I should have died trying to save him."

"You are right," Byakuya said, making the redhead blink and stare in surprise, "You should have…or rather, Renji, you would have."

"Kuchiki taichou," Unohana said, shaking her head.

"I stopped you."

"What?" Renji asked, narrowing his eyes, "What are you telling me?"

Unohana taichou sighed and lowered her eyes.

"What Kuchiki taichou is telling you, is that a short time ago, you went into cardiac arrest. It seemed the weight of what had happened was too much. Your systems began to collapse, and we were on the verge of losing you."

"What?" Renji whispered.

"I saw that you were dying and I forced myself into your mind, Renji," Byakuya explained, "I found you on the bridge between life and death, and I kept you from crossing over with Hiroki."

"What?" Renji repeated, his face going white, "You mean…that…was…it was _real_? It wasn't just in my head?"

Byakuya shook his head wordlessly.

"It was a rather reckless act of love," Unohana said, looking at Byakuya's bowed head and contrite expression, "It could have been suicide, entering your mind when you might have died. If you _had_ died, then Kuchiki taichou would have been trapped there, and would have died with you."

"So," Byakuya concluded, "It is as I told you, Renji. You did everything right. You were willing to do anything to protect our child, but I kept you from taking that last step. I couldn't let you go. I am sorry. I will understand if you are angry with me."

Renji stared at him in amazement.

"Angry with you?" he said, wrapping his arms around the noble and holding him tightly, burying his face in the soft, black, sakura scented hair and bursting into tears again, "I'm not angry with you. I love you, Byakuya…and I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I made a promise to you that I couldn't keep…that I wasn't strong enough to make it happen. I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this. I'm sorry, Byakuya…"

XXXXXXXXXX

"This should heal just fine," Hanatarou said, making a final check of the bandages on Tetsuya's wounded shoulder, "And your other wounds were not too serious. You are going to be fine and heal fully."

"And our baby?" Tetsuya asked, his blue eyes dark with worry, "The poison didn't…?"

"No," said the healer, shaking his head, "The poison did not impact the baby's systems at all. It seems you exerted perfect control over that area of your body, and though the poison entered your systems, it never reached your child."

"Thank kami…" Tomio sighed, "I was worried for both of you when he poisoned you like that. I didn't know he had that power, Tetsuya. If I had…"

He paused, noting the melancholy that had fallen over his husband's features.

"But enough about that," Tomio went on, "Now that Hanatarou-kun has patched you up, I am going to go and get you some soup and tea. We haven't had anything to eat since we had those berries in the meadow."

Tetsuya lowered his eyes and shook his head gently.

"I…I am really exhausted," he said softly, "I don't think I'll be able to stay awake."

"You really should eat something," said Hanatarou, "You are going to recover fully, but you will do so faster if you eat and rest properly."

"Listen to your healer, watashi no koi," Tomio said firmly, "If you are going to rush off and do battle while you are with child, you must also maintain yourself and nourish our little one."

"You are right, of course," Tetsuya said wearily, "I am sorry, Tomio. I will try."

"Good," said Tomio, nodding, "You rest. I will be right back with that food."

Tomio followed Hanatarou out the door, leaving Tetsuya alone.

"Tomio-san," Hanatarou said, stopping him, "I think that I should tell you…I sensed a lot of emotional pain in Tetsuya-san. When I heal people, I can feel the strength of the emotions in their hearts…and he is really hurting inside."

"I know. This is hitting him very hard. But Tetsuya is resilient. He has come through so much, and is a very strong person."

"But…he is very depressed. And he is worried about letting you see how bad it is. He will need a lot of encouragement, and I think that you should go back in and sit with him now. I will have someone bring the two of you food and tea."

"You really think that…"

"I'm sure he will be fine," Hanatarou said reassuringly, "but I sensed that he was only waiting to be left alone to start letting out his pain. I thought that maybe you would rather be there with him."

Tomio nodded.

"You are right," he said, turning back, "Thank you, Hanatarou-kun."

"Sure, no problem," the healer said, turning away.

Tomio stood by the door for a moment, then opened it and stepped back into the room. Tetsuya looked up in surprise, trying to brush away the tears that had leaked onto his face.

"I thought that…" he began.

Tomio was at his side in an instant. He sat down on the bed and pulled his teary-eyed spouse into his arms.

"I should have known that as soon as I left you, you would begin to torment yourself," Tomio sighed.

"My heart is breaking for them, Tomio," Tetsuya sobbed softly, "You and I still have our child, but theirs is…"

"Hush now. Don't do this to yourself."

"But don't you see, Tomio? It shouldn't have happened. If…if…"

"I hope you are not going to say you regret falling for me."

"No," Tetsuya whispered in a choked voice, "But I do wonder. I wonder if my cousin regrets it now…if he wishes that he had never made me his ward. I am such a horrid burden to him, Tomio. I wonder if he is…"

"Stop this," Tomio said, tightening his arms around Tetsuya and kissing away the tears, "Byakuya would never regret keeping you close to him. You must stop blaming yourself. You didn't cause this Tetsuya. Aomori Shigeo brought it on with his hatred and intolerance. You are not responsible for his wickedness."

"Perhaps not," Tetsuya said, his hands clenching the folds of his lover's clothing tightly, "but because he loosed his fury on me, Byakuya-sama and Renji-san have lost their son. And even if I am not responsible, I cannot look them in the eyes now."

"Of course you can," Tomio said firmly, "You have been a comfort and a joy to your cousin. And you are a source of great pride for him. And now, in the worst of their troubles, you have been there for them. You were the one who freed Renji from the ruins of the barn, and who made sure their son's killer did not go free. So cry for them if you must…but do not blame yourself anymore. I will hold you and dry your tears, watashi no koi, and then I will keep on holding you. You have my word."

"My head knows you are right, Tomio," Tetsuya said, resting his head on Tomio's shoulder, "but my heart aches so badly for them."

"I know," said Tomio, "I understand."

"I know you do," Tetsuya said softly, "And right now? That is the only thing that holds the pieces of my heart together."


	32. Sometimes We Hold On Tightly

**Chapter 32: Sometimes We Hold On Tightly**

"This is so strange," Renji said in a soft, sad voice as Unohana taichou placed her hands on his chest and abdomen to conduct a system scan, "Looking down at myself like this…and…you can't even tell I was pregnant. I look just like I did before all of this happened."

"Yes," agreed the healer, "but you must remember that, although you look as you did, you are going to be experiencing some lingering effects of having been recently pregnant. In addition, both because of your pregnancy and the loss of your child, your emotions will vacillate. Kuchiki taichou assures me that the Kuchiki clan healers are very capable, and should be able to help you adjust. It will take some time, but you will feel like yourself again."

"I hope so," the redhead said wistfully, "but I just don't see how that's supposed to happen…after everything."

"It will happen slowly," Unohana said, closing his yukata and stepping back slightly, "but you will not be alone in your efforts. You have friends and family around you who will help you make your way through this."

Renji sighed softly.

"Family and friends, eh? Byakuya's as torn up right now as I am. Rukia and the rest of them are gathered around Ichigo…and really? That's where they should be. And anyway, if there's one lesson that Inuzuri taught me…it's that…you can't let yourself become too dependent. Because shit happens and your family and friends die. Byakuya surrounded me with beautiful things and good people…and I let it distract me from that. But no place is safe. It can happen anywhere…to anyone. You just have to be strong enough to walk away…to look at that spot in the ground where a part of your heart gets buried as each person you love dies…and to turn your back on it."

He looked up at the healer's sad expression and let out a weary breath.

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head, "I was…just…"

"You were letting out what you feel," said Unohana, giving him a sad smile, "It is a part of healing. You are going to be all right, Abarai-san, but I must advise you to not allow yourself to become distant from your loved ones. You all need each other."

Renji shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Byakuya doesn't need me. All I have done is force my way into his heart and then break it. He's been really great about this…but you and I know the truth about it. He's going to be kicking himself for ever listening to me. He doesn't need me to just keep shoving that in his face. No. Byakuya doesn't need any help tormenting himself. He does a really thorough job of that on his own. But he'll be okay. He got through losing Hisana and his first child…and he'll get through this too…with or without me."

Renji frowned and looked up at the clock.

"Where is Byakuya, anyway? He left while I was asleep."

The sadness in the healer's face deepened.

"He is with his cousin. Word came that Kuchiki Tetsuya was injured while fighting a death battle with Aomori Shigeo."

"What?" Renji asked, his eyes widening, "But Tetsuya is pregnant! You say he…"

"He fought and killed the Aomori clan leader."

"But…he'll be okay, right?" Renji asked worriedly.

"Yes, he will be fine."

"And what about his baby?"

"The baby will be fine, as well," Unohana assured him.

"Ah…that's good," Renji said, his melancholy returning, "but then…I guess that makes sense."

He let out a heavy sigh.

"Tetsuya is a really strong person."

He felt tears rising in his eyes again.

"I'm really grateful. It won't bring our baby back, but it does help, knowing that creep isn't walking free. He's a strong, reckless, passionate person, Tetsuya. Maybe if I'd been that strong…"

"You are that strong," said Unohana bracingly, "You and Kuchiki taichou both are. You will help each other through this…and someday, when you are ready, you will have the family that the two of you long for."

"Yeah," sighed Renji, not believing a word of it, "I'm sure your right."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tomio looked up as the hospital room door opened, and Byakuya appeared in the doorway. He caught his breath softly, then rose quietly and walked to the door. The two men exchanged solemn glances, and Tomio bowed his head quietly and left the room. Byakuya closed the door as Tomio left, then remained there, looking at Tetsuya, where he rested in the hospital bed, his penitent eyes lowered and his pale hands resting in his lap. He walked to the bed slowly, his mind still stunned with the news of what Tetsuya had done, and his aching heart unresolved about how to react. He reached the edge of the bed and waited, but Tetsuya did not look up at him.

"The council has informed me about your actions regarding Aomori Shigeo," Byakuya said in a low, serious tone.

Tetsuya held perfectly still and kept his eyes lowered.

"It was a heartfelt act, Tetsuya, and you were correct that I was not in a state to address the situation quickly. I understand what you did and why."

He paused for a moment, watching as Tetsuya's hands trembled and curled around the blankets.

"But it was a very reckless action. It could have cost you your child. It could have cost you your life. And to have lost either one would have broken what was left of my heart."

Tetsuya caught his breath softly and a tear rolled down his face.

"You were extremely fortunate, both that our council decided to join you in mutiny, and that you were able to overcome Aomori Shigeo. You know that if you had died, everything would have fallen apart. And to make things worse, I would have lost any means to avenge you, or Renji's and my lost child."

"I know," Tetsuya said in a shaking whisper, "but…I couldn't stop myself. Seeing what he had done to you…to your child…something broke inside me. I stopped thinking…and I reacted."

"Something that I have tried repeatedly to caution you against. You have a powerful heart, one that is gifted with great strength…but sometimes it pushes you into recklessness, and one day, it could be your undoing. You are lucky that today was not that day."

Byakuya took a solemn breath.

"As your clan leader, I must punish you for your transgression," he said quietly, "but even as I do, know this…I admire the courage in your actions and the resolve in your blade, and I am deeply grateful that you made Aomori Shigeo pay for what he did. While vengeance will not bring my child back, it assures us that Shigeo's hatred will not take another innocent life. Thank you, Tetsuya. That will bring Renji and me some peace of mind as we move forward."

He picked up Re-kuhime, gazing at the weapon and running his fingers lightly down her length. He connected briefly with the sentience in the blade, thanking her silently, then placed a restrictive kido around her.

"I have sealed away your weapon, until after your child is born," Byakuya said softly.

He removed a small silver band and took Tetsuya's hand in his. He slipped the band onto his cousin's wrist and locked it in place with a second restrictive kido.

"Your powers are limited as well, for the duration of your pregnancy. You may only use defensive powers."

"I understand," Tetsuya whispered, "I accept that this is the price for what I did, but…I am not sorry. I cannot find it in my unworthy, disobedient heart to regret taking that man's life. If I am sorry for anything, I am sorry for bringing this down on you and Renji-san. As much as I know you would never say it, I know you must regret now, taking on the burden of making me your ward. You warned me not to become involved with Tomio and I disobeyed you. And as you said, it was disastrous. And yet, the same heart that made me love him with such ferocity also made me put aside your advice. You are right. I was reckless, not once, but too many times. And now I understand what you feared. I cannot take back my disobedience…and I cannot return your son to you. So…indulging in my recklessness and disobedience one last time to take down the man who killed your son…was all I could do. I am sorry, Byakuya-sama. I am sorry to have been such a burden to you!"

Byakuya gazed down at his cousin's bowed head for a long moment, then sat down beside him and slipped a hand into his. His other hand reached into his yukata and produced a sheet of paper, which he set in his cousin's lap. Tetsuya lifted it with his free hand and unfolded it, then nearly dropped it and stared through teary eyes, up at Byakuya in surprise.

"You," Byakuya said, touching Tetsuya's face with his free hand, "are no burden. You are my brother, officially now."

Tetsuya continued to gaze at him with a stunned expression, and slowly enfolded himself in his brother's arms. His troubled eyes cleared as Byakuya's warmth and scent comforted him.

_As they have ever since that first day when he held me after my mother died, and he freed me and brought me home to Kuchiki Manor._

_Byakuya…_

_I am so very grateful._

His lips curved into a sweet, heartfelt smile.

"Thank you…_Nii-sama_," he said softly.

"You are welcome, _Otouto_," Byakuya answered, resting his face against Tetsuya's, "And now that we are officially brothers, I must confess to you that…while as your clan leader, I could not condone your actions today…as your brother, I was so grateful, and I am proud of you. You made certain that Aomori Shigeo will never cause us, or anyone else, this kind of pain again. Though it was my duty to punish you for your actions, I also thank you for them."

"You are welcome, Nii-sama," Tetsuya replied, his smile widening, "It is worth the punishment to know that I have done right by my brother!"

"Hmmm," said Byakuya, his tone a mix of mild disapproval and deep affection, "I think perhaps your recklessness and misbehavior might not be completely innate. In the future, I shall have to be more mindful of the example I set for you."

"You set a fine example for me, Nii-sama," said Tetsuya, pulling away slightly to meet his eyes, "In the absence of the parents I lost, I have been blessed to have you. The stars were generous to place me in your path."

Byakuya smiled.

"You _threw _yourself in my path, _Otouto_," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "And as Kuchiki Tomio would likely tell you, once that happened, our fate was sealed. I could not help but love and protect you, such was the impact you had on my heart, from that first moment."

"And I would not be parted from you," Tetsuya replied, leaning back against the pillows, "You saved my life and helped me to become the man I am. I owe everything to you. And I will spend the rest of my life repaying that debt."

Byakuya shook his head and stood.

"After what you did for Renji and me today," he said, squeezing his brother's hand, "you must consider all debts paid. I could ask for nothing more from you than that."

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji sat silently in the hospital bed, looking out the window at the somber sky, his heart as turbulent as the swirling clouds.

_I was such an idiot._

_To have thought that I knew what would happen…to have pushed Byakuya so hard to love me, the way I did. Knowing what he'd been through, I shouldn't have done that. I should have let him keep his distance…should have let him keep his heart protected._

_Kami, I was such a stupid fool!_

He sighed heavily and ran his hands over his face, remembering…

"I want us to be a real family," he whispered in the stunned noble's ear, "Neither of us had that, growing up, but I want us to give that gift to our kids. I want us to be happy together. I know you're afraid of losing us. That's why you are trying so hard to keep your distance, but I'm not giving up. I'll find a way into your heart, Byakuya. I won't give up until I do."

"Why did I push him like that? I should have thought about what would happen if I was wrong. But I was so focused on what I wanted…I just refused to see the danger. Byakuya saw it and tried to protect himself, but I took that away from him. I was so damned sure of myself…"

_"It is not seemly for the bearer of the heir to work, Renji."_

_"Yeah…I gathered that from the weird looks I got when I tried to leave for the division."_

_"And, in any case, you are not well enough to work. Your condition is taking a toll on you, more so than you seem to acknowledge. You might think about that, the next time you decide to place yourself under stress by ignoring the rules."_

Renji gave him a look of annoyance.

_"Would you quit doing that, Taichou?" he asked, an edge of tension in his voice, "Treating me like I'm going to break any second? You know I'm not weak. You once practically emptied this body of blood and reiatsu, and I still got up and went on living. I am determined to keep on living. Just being pregnant isn't enough to kill me."_

_"And what about our child? Have you forgotten?"_

_"No," said the redhead, biting back the instant anger Byakuya's suggestion caused, "But this kid got half of his or her 'stuff' from me and half from you. And neither of us are weak."_

_Byakuya took a surprised breath as Renji's hand took his and the redhead brought the noble's hand to his abdomen._

_"I promise you," he said quietly, "I will not do anything to endanger myself or this kid. You have my word. But I want yours, that you will not try to stuff me into some dusty corner in some misguided attempt to keep me 'safe.' The world isn't a safe place…and if I've learned anything from my life in the Rukongai, I've learned that you can't live your life worrying about what could happen. You take your mind out of the 'here and now' in Inuzuri and it might be the last thing you do."_

"But I was wrong," Renji whispered, "I wasn't thinking about what could happen, and Aomori Shigeo took advantage of that."

_Our story isn't that kind of fairy tale romance. We connected because we were both in pain and we reached out and held on to each other. I understood you because I'd spent my life in that place, watching it eat people I cared about. The only friend I had that made it out alive was Rukia, and then I lost her…to you. So, it's not lost on me that Inuzuri kills. It tried to kill me, plenty of times. But I proved, first by living long enough to escape it…then at the end of your own blade, that I'm strong enough."_

"But in the end, I wasn't," Renji breathed, closing his eyes, "In the end…I almost died. The only reason I didn't was because he stopped me from crossing over. Otherwise, that would have been a lie, too!"

_"Can I ask you something without you getting mad at me?" Renji asked quietly._

_"What?"_

_"Were you dreaming…about me dying?"_

_"What? Why would you say that?" Byakuya asked, frowning._

_"Well," said the redhead, "When we found you in the cemetery, you were kneeling on her grave, but you were screaming my name. You really are scared I'm going to die, even now, right?"_

_"I told you I don't want to talk about it," the noble said, pulling free of him again._

_"Okay, fine. Look, all I was going to say is that I understand this is bringing back bad memories for you, and I'm sorry it's like that. I'm not asking for anything from you or trying to hold your hand here, but…I get what's happening, Taichou. And just so you know, I am fine. Everything is fine with our baby. I promise you, we aren't going anywhere. So, if you're worried…"_

_"I am fine, Abarai," Byakuya said in a tired and annoyed tone, "But thank you. I appreciate the attempt to bolster my spirits, no matter how unnecessary it is. Now, if you will pardon me…"_

_He froze as Renji took hold of him, pulling him into a deep, powerful, wet and knee-weakening kiss. Byakuya reeled for a moment as Renji's mouth released his, then glared into the redhead's eyes and turned away. He walked sedately back and slipped into a fresh yukata, flushing slightly as he encountered the fact that his member was responding strongly to Renji's kiss. The blush deepened as he realized that Renji had noticed and wore a smug, self-satisfied smirk. He gave the man a smoldering look, then flash stepped away, leaving Renji chuckling._

_"Go ahead, try to run. I have you now, Kuchiki Byakuya. We're going to be happy together, even if it kills us…"_

The door to his hospital room opened and Byakuya walked inside, then closed the door behind him.

"I didn't think that you would be awake again so soon," the noble commented, crossing the room and slipping into bed with him.

He curled into the redhead's arms and rested his head on Renji's shoulder. Renji felt cold inside as he surveyed the damage…the darkness in and around the noble's gray eyes, the weariness in his demeanor, the sadness that seemed to hang in the air around him.

_I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry that I did this to you._

_If I could take it back…_

"Is Tetsuya doing all right? You were gone a long time…"

"He and the baby are both fine," Byakuya said, closing his eyes.

Renji flinched as the noble's hand reflexively sought his lower abdomen, then hesitated and withdrew.

"I'm glad they're all right," Renji said, seeking to break the uneasy silence.

"He was reckless. He and his baby could have been killed," Byakuya said, an odd tonelessness in his voice.

"Yeah," agreed Renji, "but he wasn't thinking about what could happen. He got caught up in the moment and forgot about the consequences. Kind of like what I did, but without the disastrous results."

"Renji…"

"I'm sure he meant well. We all do, while we're out there, tempting fate and pretending we're safe. The wise ones like you try to protect yourselves, but people like Tetsuya and me? We make wiser people like you want to believe. We push you into lying to yourselves, like we do, and you take chances…and sometimes you're lucky."

"Renji, don't…"

"But sometimes…you're not."

Byakuya shook his head and quieted the somber redhead with gentle kisses.

"I'm sorry, Byakuya."

"Stop apologizing to me, Abarai. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yeah, actually, I did. But you'll be glad to know, I've learned my lesson. And I'm going to stop trying to mend you. From now on, I won't complain if you want to keep your distance. I understand what I didn't before. I know how badly we can get hurt, and I'll be smarter this time."

"Stop this," Byakuya said softly, brushing the stray hairs away from Renji's face, "This isn't going to do us any good…so just stop. Rest. Get well. That's all I need you to focus on right now."

Renji went quiet, then. He closed his eyes and let himself drift towards sleep. He had nearly dropped off when he felt Byakuya shift in his sleep, and he opened his eyes to look at his sleeping spouse.

The sadness doesn't go away when he sleeps. It just gets more pronounced, because he can't hide it the way he does when he's awake. I think I make it worse by being here. I keep reminding him of what he doesn't have anymore. And even though we're not fighting? Even though we're really trying to hold ourselves together, I think I'm really just dragging him down. And that makes me wonder if maybe it wouldn't be better if I did what he wanted in the beginning…when he gave himself to me, thinking that we would never be together again.

_Maybe, I should go._

_Just disappear…_

_I wonder…_

_Would it be better for everyone that way?_


	33. And Sometimes We Must Let Go

**Chapter 33: And Sometimes We Must Let Go**

Tetsuya smiled as the door to his hospital room opened and Tomio looked into the room, satisfied himself that Byakuya had left, and stepped inside.

"What are you doing?" the blue-eyed noble asked, as Tomio paused and scanned the reiatsu levels in the room briefly, "You're not worried that the Aomori clan will continue to be a problem, ne? They were, it seemed, relieved to be on the road to better relations."

"I would say so," agreed Tomio, "considering that they also officially restored my seat on the family council."

"Even though you are an official ward of our clan?" Tetsuya asked.

"I am a ward of the Kuchiki clan, and now a family member, but that does not bar me from holding a seat on my birth family's council," Tomio explained, "Shigeo had me removed, as it was a time of strained relations, and he did not trust me to be loyal to the family. Now that things are settling, they haven't those worries."

"That is good," said Tetsuya.

"Yes, it is," agreed Tomio, "Just because I was at odds with Shigeo does not mean that I have forgotten the clan I was born into. It is a great relief that now I can hold on to my past, even as I build a lovely future with you and our children."

He slipped into bed with Tetsuya, who offered his spouse a kiss of welcome.

"So, I see that you are still in one piece," Tomio commented, "Was he very angry?"

Tetsuya lifted his sword arm, revealing the band on his wrist.

"I see. He _was_ angry."

"I disobeyed a direct order of my clan leader and involved the council in a death duel without his consent. He _had_ to punish me, Tomio," Tetsuya sighed, "but he wasn't cruel. I have only defensive powers and no use of my zanpakutou, but it is only until I deliver our child."

"So one might conclude that Byakuya-sama was not so much punishing you as protecting you from the flames of your own passionate fires," concluded the green-eyed noble, kissing Tetsuya again, "As much as you will be uncomfortable without your powers, I find it is somewhat of a relief."

"You _would_!" Tetsuya said, smacking Tomio lightly on the arm and giving him a soft glare.

Tomio fell on the blue-eyed shinigami's sweet mouth with a torrent of hungry kisses. Tetsuya fell back against the pillows, smiling against Tomio's lips. He looked into the lovely green eyes of his husband and felt the turbulence in his heart begin to ease. Tomio's hands undid his yukata as they continued to exchange heavy, indulgent kisses, but rather than enticing him into lovemaking, the hand that slipped beneath his clothes merely settled over the bump on his abdomen.

"You bewitch me, Kuchiki Tetsuya," Tomio whispered, his warm breath tickling his lover's ear enticingly, "You are the sweetest of addictions…and this baby of ours?"

He rubbed Tetsuya's soft abdomen, then bent to offer his unborn child a gentle kiss.

"I cannot wait to see how he or she reflects each of us."

"I feel the same," said Tetsuya, "though I admit, my heart is troubled by what happened to Nii-sama and Renji's child."

"Nii-sama?" repeated Tomio, "Since when do you refer to our leader that way?"

Tetsuya smiled.

"Since after he punished me for my rebelliousness, and then he made me his brother…officially."

"Oh!" exclaimed Tomio, "You're a fine one for keeping secrets. But Tetsuya, that is wonderful."

Tetsuya noticed a sudden wistfulness that appeared for a moment in Tomio's eyes, and just as quickly disappeared.

"Tomio," he said quietly, "I must ask you…Is there something wrong between you and Nii-sama? Lately it seems that you and he say little to each other…and when he comes to see me, you slip away."

"And you don't think that I'm merely giving the two of you space, ne Tetsuya?" asked Tomio, "But you are right. There is a tension, but it is one that makes sense. I am a relative of the man who killed his son. I also, if you will remember, my lover, was the one who led you astray, and caused you to become the focus of Shigeo's hatred. It would be strange if there was _no_ tension."

"But Byakuya bears you no ill will," argued Tetsuya, "If he did, then…"

"He won't come out and say it," said Tomio, shaking his head, "He is keeping in mind that his brother is my husband. He is very tactful in his dealings with me, but it would do no good to deny the truth. I did play a role in getting his son killed. He has mixed feelings about that…and I do not feel good about it either. But there is nothing we can do. The die is cast, so we are making the best of things. I cannot complain. Truly, things could be much worse."

Tetsuya pulled Tomio closer and kissed him soothingly.

"I know you feel bad about what happened, but no one blames you," he said, kissing his husband's ear, "There was no way to know what Shigeo would do. He was not a sane man."

"No," agreed Tomio, "but his venom died with him, thanks to you. And we will make our way forward, the wiser for what we have been through."

"Yes," agreed Tetsuya, lying back and placing his hands on either side of Tomio's handsome face, "We will."

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji sat quietly on the edge of the bed, looking up at Unohana taichou as she conducted a quick final examination and smiled gently at him.

"You are definitely much improved," she said, nodding, "Just keep in mind that your return to Kuchiki Manor will, no doubt, bring back memories that will be difficult for you. In addition, remember what I said about the state of your emotions, and the possibility of post partum stress and depression."

"I will," Renji said, slipping off the bed and standing.

Byakuya opened the door and stepped back into the room.

"I have seen to your paperwork," he said quietly, "It is time for us to go."

Renji fell in quietly beside him, trying to imagine that they were going somewhere as Taichou and fukutaichou and not going home to the grim reality of having lost their child.

_I just have to put it aside…so that he won't see how much it's hurting me. What hurts me, hurts him, and I've already caused him too much pain. I can handle this. I went through this with my friends in Inuzuri. I can be strong…_

He made his mind quiet, and followed Byakuya wordlessly across the Seireitei, waiting silently at his desk, his fingers touching Zabimaru, as Byakuya picked up messages, and then they left the division. He wondered that it hardly felt like he belonged there anymore. He had grown so used to being told it wasn't 'seemly' for him to work or fight…or drink or do anything he had before. He had entered a new reality upon being made Byakuya's mate. And now, it seemed odd to think about going back.

Renji was so deep in his thoughts that it didn't register when Byakuya stopped at the gates of Kuchiki Manor. He blinked and took a steadying breath, then followed Byakuya into the courtyard.

_"I should have sensed it, but it never even occurred to me that, that was what was going on with you. I apologize. I should have known and taken steps sooner. You would have encountered much less discomfort."_

_"Ah, that's okay, Taichou. You gave me a belly rub and a nice warm bath. We can call it even. Can I, uh…get dressed now?"_

_"Wait," Byakuya instructed him, "You must remain with me here each night until our reiatsu is in balance. The better the balance between us, the more comfortable you will be for the duration of the pregnancy."_

_"Yeah," Renji said, shaking his head, "Well, seeing as how I'm about to fall asleep, I really would rather go home and crawl into my own bed. I'll be fine, okay?"_

_"Be quiet, Renji," Byakuya scolded him quietly, "Just lie still. A room is being prepared for you. You will stay at the manor from now on."_

_"What?" Renji asked, frowning, "You mean…until the baby comes? Or…?"_

_"I told you," Byakuya reminded him, "We must be married as soon as possible."_

"Renji, are you all right?" Byakuya asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Yeah," the redhead said, nodding absently, "I'm fine…well not really fine, but as 'fine' as can be expected, ne?"

He followed Byakuya into the gardens and down the walkway to their bedroom. He undressed and got into bed, looking up as Byakuya stepped back into the room after leaving to see to getting their tea.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," he said.

"I wanted to," said the noble, setting his tea on the nightstand, "I have to leave for a bit to go and see to the arrangements for this evening. If I could have set it later, I would have, but there are burial customs that we must adhere to."

"Right, your were telling me. That's okay. I'll just stay here and rest."

He watched Byakuya leave, then found himself sliding back into his memories.

_"I don't understand why…" Byakuya said quietly, "Why is it that…everything I touch…dies?"_

_His arms unwrapped themselves and he leaned forward and traced the names on the gravestone._

_Names? Hisana…and…_

_He squinted to read the second name and felt a sob rising in his throat._

_Koichi?_

_His son…_

_Renji shivered harder, feeling the rain soaking into his skin and knowing he should go back to the manor, but unable to tear himself away._

"Damn," whispered Renji, "I wonder if he'll get like that again…lost like that. It took him so long to get over losing Hisana and Koichi. How long will this haunt us?"

He went quiet again, listening to the birds chirping outside as the morning gave way to afternoon. He heard footsteps on the walkway and looked up, expecting to see Koji, bearing his lunch tray. And indeed, the one who entered the room, carried his lunch tray. But the gender and face were wrong and much more ingrained in his memory.

"Hey," Rukia said, stepping into the room and setting his food on the nightstand, "I got word that somebody was misbehaving back here in the Seireitei…"

He tried to think of something to say, but felt everything fall away. All he could do was to reach out and pull her close, then sit with his arms around her, his eyes tightly closed and his head resting on her shoulder.

"Rukia," he whispered.

He expected her to stiffen and get on his case for being a weak, weepy idiot, but she only held him tightly in her trembling arms.

"Renji," she said softly, "I am so sorry."

He released her and she kissed him on the cheek and looked up at him.

"I am sorry that I wasn't here from the beginning," she said solemnly, "I was so focused on Ichigo…"

"Hey, that's what you _should_ have been focused on. There was no way to know that things would…happen this way."

"But even before now, I knew that things were difficult for you. I should have…"

"You're here now," Renji said, stopping her, "That's all that matters."

"I wish I could say that I would be staying for a while, but Ichigo's loss of powers has caused a drop off in the general balance of powers present in the area of Karakura Town. I have to return tomorrow to continue the work of holding things in balance there. But Chad, Uryu, Orihime, Yoruichi, Tessai, the kids and Kisuke are all here too."

"Huh," said, Renji, unexpectedly finding a small smile on his lips again, "That's…really great of everyone to come."

"I'm only sorry that this has to happen so soon after your returning home. I know your head is probably still spinning."

"A little," Renji admitted, "But I'm hanging in there."

He went silent again, letting Rukia lean against him and talk while he ate. He hardly tasted the food and felt less than satisfied afterward, but Rukia's voice was soothing enough to help him drift off for a while.

_"Damn…I have a little pot belly now," he muttered._

_He caught his breath softly at the feel of the baby's reiatsu moving inside him. Blinking, he rubbed his belly again and was rewarded with a soft throb of the baby's reiatsu. His stomach growled loudly._

_"Okay, okay!" he said, smirking, "I'm getting up!"_

_**xxx**_

_"Why are you doing this?" Byakuya asked, his hands clenching the redhead's shoulders as Renji's mouth invaded his, "You…know we are just together because of the baby. We are not…"_

_"Stop it," Renji said, halting his words with another long, penetrating kiss, "You know that's just a lie. It's what you tell yourself while you drown yourself in sake to keep the truth from reaching you. But you can only lie to yourself like that for so long, and then the truth will catch up with you. And this truth has been between us since we met, Kuchiki Byakuya!"_

_"Abarai…"_

_"We reached out to each other, comforted each other, and started on the pathway to this that first day we met."_

_"That was…"_

_"No. It wasn't a mistake…or chance…or anything else you want to call it. Our hearts already knew each other before we knew each others' faces. Don't lie and say they didn't!"_

_"Let go of me, Renji."_

"Why didn't I listen to you?" he moaned in his sleep, "You…tried to tell me…"

_"We have come a long way since the first day we met, when you walked by me without even seeing me, and your reiatsu nearly crushed me. Byakuya, you are an inspiration to me, not just as a taichou, but as a person. I look up to you and want very much to have strength like yours. I am glad we are together, and I look forward to passing on our strength and love to our children. I offer you my hand and my heart in marriage, and promise to love and honor you always."_

_"Byakuya-sama?"_

_Byakuya looked down at their joined hands, then back up into Renji's eyes._

_"Love is an uneasy trust," he said quietly, "We make our promises to each other, but we do not know, from moment to moment, the number of days or hours we will have. It is easy, I think to fall victim to doubt…and to become hopeless after tragedy strikes. But there are lights in our lives that guide us out of those places, and with the brightness about you, I found the light of hope again. It is a fragile thing, but it is a powerful gift you have given me. I too, look forward to setting an example of love and strength for our children. I offer my hand and my heart to you in marriage, and promise to love and honor you always."_

"Our promises…were lies…just…lies…"

_"I told you," Byakuya whispered, surprising him, "I am terrified. That is why I have not been in complete control of my behavior…why my night terrors returned."_

_"All of that…because you love me?"_

_"Yes."_

_Renji let out a shaky breath and smiled at him._

_"Well…then we don't have to feel any pressure. All I really needed to know is that you love me."_

_"And all I need to know is that you won't disappear from my life…that you and our baby will stay with me…and I won't lose you. But I know there are no guarantees. I learned that the hard way."_

_Renji took Byakuya's face in his hands and kissed him, open-mouthed. The noble shivered softly, then closed his eyes and sank into that kiss and the ones that followed._

_"I'm not going to leave you," Renji promised, "Not by running and not by dying. This baby and I are going to be fine. And Byakuya, you and I are going to be all right too."_

_Renji froze as a tear leaked onto the noble's proud face._

_"You can't promise me that," he said, shaking his head, "No one can honor a promise like that. But it's strange. I want so much to believe that you can."_

"I'm sorry," Renji whispered in his sleep, tears leaking onto his face, "I'm sorry I was wrong. I didn't believe that anything bad would happen…"

"Renji?" said Byakuya's solemn voice, stirring him from sleep, "Renji, it's time."

He rubbed his eyes and dragged himself to his feet, standing silently as Koji dressed him. He followed Byakuya out to the cemetery, where everyone waited. But for some reason, it all seemed to be happening to someone else. It wasn't him standing quietly at Byakuya's side, with his head lowered and his eyes trying to avoid looking at the small casket. It wasn't him being strong and looking solemn and dry-eyed while other there sniffed and cried as they said their goodbyes. He had said goodbye to Hiroki at the bridge, so this farewell seemed odd and distant. He sighed in relief as it ended and he was allowed to sink back into his bed while Byakuya and the others ate a quiet meal in the gardens, then adjourned into the bedrooms for the night.

He wasn't sure why, but he pretended he was asleep as Byakuya slid into the bed next to him and kissed him gently on the shoulder. He barely managed to hold still as a slender arm wrapped around him and Byakuya's delicate fingers laced together with his.

_He's trying so damned hard to comfort me, but nothing reaches me. I feel as dead inside as the place I came from._

_The place I came from…_

_I was a different person then. I grew up expecting death to come calling. And I was strong, like I had to be when it took all of Rukia's and my friends there. I have to remember that person, because that's the only way I know how to survive._

_And it's all about survival._

_I can't do this anymore…_

_No, I just can't._

_I need to be back in that place, to remember who I was. I need to be like that again. I've gotten so weak!_

He turned so that he could watch Byakuya as he slept, and again, could not overlook the obvious signs of pain. He shook his head and slipped carefully out of the noble's arms. He moved to the desk and sat down, picking up a brush and dipping it lightly in the ink.

_Byakuya,_

_I am really sorry for everything. I never should have acted as though I knew what was coming. I just wanted so much for us to be happy, and to give our kid a good home. I wasn't thinking about what could happen. I guess just didn't want to admit it to myself. You tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. And worse, I dragged you into my little fantasy of our perfect future and you bought into it. You got hurt when I promised what I could not deliver. And no words can take that back._

_But there is one thing that I can do._

_I can give you the gift that you wanted that first time we were together. I can leave here, and I can guarantee that you will never have to feel this pain again. Once was too much, and twice is just cruel. I don't want to be cruel to you. You've been really great to me. And now, you can leave me, and there's no bad consequence. There's nothing that's binding us together anymore, so we can walk away and find peace._

_I love you…and I love you enough to let you go._

_Let go of me, and let me disappear, so that you never have to do this again. Take care for yourself. I will miss you._

_Renji_

He looked back one last time at Byakuya's troubled expression, then left the note next to the bed and wrapped himself in a warm, dark cloak. He took nothing else, but returned to his apartment to gather a few sets of street clothes and a little bit of money to take along with him. He returned to the sixth division and took Zabimaru, scowling warningly and ignoring the nue's protests.

And just before dawn, Abarai Renji disappeared out of the main gate and into the Rukongai where he had come from.

It's better this way.

_Now, we can both find some kind of peace…_


	34. But Even in our Darkest Hours

**Chapter 34: But Even In Our Darkest Hours**

"Good morning, Byakuya-sama," Torio's voice said quietly.

He placed a breakfast tray on the nightstand, not noticing the folded paper that he set it on top of. Koji walked into the room with a second breakfast tray. He looked around quizzically.

"Is something wrong?" asked Byakuya, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.

He noticed then that he was alone in the bed.

"I thought that we were supposed to serve both of you in bed this morning," said Koji, looking confused, "Was I mistaken, sir?"

"No," said Byakuya, frowning, "I asked for breakfast to be served here, as I imagined that Renji would not be up to company, and there are still some guests who came for the memorial, who won't be leaving until later today. I thought to leave it up to him, whether he felt comfortable socializing or required more quiet and rest."

Byakuya climbed out of the bed and turned into the dressing area.

"Sir?" said Torio, "What about your breakfast?"

"Leave it there for now," the noble answered, "I will find Renji and then I will come back."

He slipped out of his yukata and Torio hastily dressed him in another. Then the noble left his bedroom and walked out into the gardens.

"Nii-sama?" said Rukia's voice, "Is something wrong?"

"N-no," Byakuya said, turning his head to look at her, "I was just looking for Renji. Have you seen him this morning?"

"No," said Rukia, "I was just coming to see him here. You mean he's already up?"

"Apparently," said Byakuya, "Although that is odd for him. He is not an early riser…not by any stretch of the imagination."

"No," Rukia chuckled, "He never has been."

Her smile faded quickly.

"If Renji is on his feet this early in the day, then it means that he didn't sleep at all last night. That's how he is."

"I agree," said Byakuya.

"Do you want me to look for him, Nii-sama?" Rukia asked, "I can delay going back to…"

"No," Byakuya said, shaking his head gently, "I know you and Renji are close, but with the state of things with Kurosaki Ichigo, and the difficulties maintaining the power balances in Karakura Town, it is important for you to get back quickly. And truly, being married to him, it is my responsibility to see to my husband's needs. I assure you, Rukia, I am doing all I can for Renji."

"I know you are, Nii-sama," Rukia said, gazing up at him solemnly, "I haven't been around you and Renji so much since you were married."

"That isn't your fault."

"I know…but what I meant to say…is that, the times I have been here? It is very clear to me that you and Renji really love each other. I was worried for both of you when I heard why you were getting married, because I knew that you were still mourning my sister and your son, Koichi. I didn't know how it could work with your mind in the past, and Renji's head probably spinning as fast as mine was when you made me your sister."

She smiled up at Byakuya.

"But it was clear on your wedding day, and it was clear, even when I arrived after hearing of yours and Renji's son's death. The two of you have more between you than a child. You really love each other."

Byakuya said nothing, but lowered his eyes and nodded briefly.

"As I said, I will see to Renji. You must place your focus on Ichigo and on your assignment. I will contact you if Renji needs you to come to him."

"Okay, Nii-sama. Just be sure to let me know if either of you needs me."

"I will. Farewell, Rukia. Be safe," Byakuya said in parting.

"Goodbye, Nii-sama. Tell Renji that as soon as I can come back, I will."

Byakuya nodded silently, then watched as she flash stepped away. He continued down the walkway, extending his senses to try to find the direction the redhead had gone. To his surprise, he not only sensed nothing, but an odd, gripping pain shot through his chest and stomach upon using his powers. He paused for a moment and took a steadying breath.

"That was odd," he mused.

He summoned a small kido light and felt the pain again, although it didn't seem so sharp. He shook his head and walked on.

_It is likely just the stress of everything…_

He heard voices as he approached the area of Tetsuya and Tomio's room, and stopped for a moment to listen for Renji's voice.

"_Tetsuya_," said Tomio's voice "_I understand that you don't want to cause your brother and Renji-san additional pain, but I don't think that Byakuya-sama expects you to hide yourself from everyone._"

"_I know,_" said Tetsuya in a soft, weary tone, "_But I just don't feel comfortable walking around like this in front of them right now. It's getting to where I cannot hide it, and I know it will cause them pain._"

"_I know that,_" Tomio said calmly, "_And of course, we should be careful in our words so as not to hurt them. But we shouldn't hide ourselves away. We will partake of our joy more quietly, but we should also be there for them as they work their way through this. You want to be there for Byakuya-sama during his time of need, ne?_"

"_Of course!_" said Tetsuya, "_How could I not be there for him? Nii-sama has given me everything that is good in my life…even you, Tomio. He even brought you to me. I would have nothing without him. I would died before having this miracle with you and our child, if he hadn't rescued me. I owe him everything._"

Byakuya heard them pause, and he tapped on the closed garden doors.

"Tetsuya?"

The doors opened and Tetsuya appeared, dressed in his sleeping yukata, his hair tumbled, his feet bare, and his blue eyes still sleepy.

"Good morning, Nii-sama," he said quietly, "Is there something you need?"

"Yes," said Byakuya, "I need to know if you have seen Renji. He was not in our room when I woke, and his attendant does not know where he went."

"I've only just awakened, myself," said Tetsuya, "And he hasn't been by…but Tomio and I will help you look for him."

"Oh, that is all right. I am sure he has just gone for a walk…to clear his mind. He has been under a lot of stress."

"You have too," said Tetsuya, "Have you tried sensing his direction?"

"I did…I wasn't able to sense him, but his reiatsu was low because of all that happened. Still, do you sense anything?"

Tetsuya paused, frowning.

"I think I sense something to the south. Nii-sama, do you think he might have returned to where the attack happened?"

"Maybe. I will check. And if you up to it, I would appreciate it if you and Tomio would represent me at the guest's breakfast this morning. That will give me more time to see to Renji."

"Of course, Nii-sama," Tetsuya said, his blue eyes seeming to awaken, "We will get dressed and ready immediately."

"Arigato," said Byakuya, resting a hand on his brother's shoulder for a moment, "I knew that I could count on you, _Otouto_."

"Always," answered Tetsuya, inclining his head.

Byakuya smiled as he turned away and the doors closed behind him.

"_You see,_" Tomio's voice said, from within the room, "_There is something that you can do for them._"

He flash stepped off the walkway, then paused for a moment as another uncomfortable twinge passed through his chest and abdomen. He ignored it and walked out the gate, then started up the forest trail. He slowed and looked around as he approached the barn, ignoring another internal twinge as he tried again to sense Renji's direction.

_What is this?_

He took a few slow breaths and tried to sense Renji's direction again. The pain this time was less, but still noticeable. Byakuya looked over the cliff, down at the meadow below and saw no sign of the redhead. He sighed in frustration and flash stepped back to the manor, ignoring again the discomfort inside him.

"Tsutomu," he called to the house guard.

The head of security flash stepped to him and bowed briefly.

"Yes, Kuchiki-sama?"

"Have any of you seen Abarai Renji this morning?" Byakuya asked.

"I was watching the gardens and didn't see him leave. I will check with the others who were on duty last night and report back to you."

"Arigato," Byakuya said, worry rising inside him.

He flash stepped out to the family cemetery and found nothing, then left the manor without bothering to change out of the casual yukata he wore. He flash stepped to the sixth division, his spirit centers beginning to burn ominously inside him.

_Where are you?_

He checked his desk for a note, then walked to Renji's desk and stopped, staring at the empty sword rack.

Zabimaru was there yesterday. And he didn't take it with him when we left. I was with him until we went to bed, which means…

"Kuchiki taichou?" said Rikichi's voice, "Is everything okay?"

"Rikichi, have you seen Renji today?" he asked worriedly.

"No," said the youth, shaking his head, "I only saw him yesterday when the two of you were here."

He flash stepped out of the division headquarters and turned towards Renji's apartment. He was there in minutes, and flash stepped up the stairs to the door. He knocked quietly, so as not to disturb the tenants in the other rooms.

"Renji?"

There was no answer.

He tried to extend his senses to feel Renji's presence in the room, but doubled over as a sharper pain passed through him. He took several slow breaths and straightened, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Renji?" he called softly again.

He used a quick shock of kido to unlock the door, wincing as his spirit centers burned inside him. Then, he pushed the door open and looked inside.

"Renji?" he said again.

A quick search revealed that Renji was not there, but that someone had been in the apartment recently.

_Where were you going? Karakura Town? But everyone was here. Where were you going, Renji?_

He left the apartment and returned to the manor, stepping back into their room as a servant appeared to clear away the untouched breakfast dishes. As she picked up Byakuya's tray from the nightstand, a folded piece of paper drifted to the floor. Byakuya flash stepped forward and picked it up, then unfolded it. He caught his breath softly as he recognized Renji's writing.

"Nii-sama," said Tetsuya from the doorway, "Were you able to find him?"

Byakuya didn't answer, but stood staring at the piece of paper in his hand.

"Nii-sama? Byakuya?" Tetsuya said, moving forward.

Byakuya's face went ghostly pale and the note dropped to the floor. He started to say something to Tetsuya, but then pain flashed across his face and he started to collapse. Tetsuya flash stepped forward and caught him as he fell, calling out for Torio. The youth appeared in the doorway, then seeing Tetsuya kneeling on the floor, holding Byakuya against him, he shot down the hallway, calling for the house healer.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji reached the edges of Inuzuri, and headed towards the well-hidden cave that he and Rukia had used sometimes as a hideout. He slipped inside and let the pack down off his shoulder. He sat down, and his eye came to rest on an old, weathered mat and a dirty, empty sake bottle.

_That's right…_

_The last time I was here was…_

"Stop," he whispered to himself, "I came here to forget."

He wondered momentarily if he had been stupid to choose a place that Byakuya had been before…especially the place where they had first been together.

"But he didn't see the way here," he told himself, "because he was unconscious. And even when he did wake up, he was too drunk by then to remember. It's fine. No one knows this place is here. Even Rukia's probably forgotten it exists. It's quiet…no rules…no schedules…no pressure…no expectations."

He glanced at Zabimaru and wrapped his hand around the hilt, connecting with the spirits inside it briefly.

_You just keep quiet and don't even think of helping anyone to find their way here._

The blade's reiatsu flared in protest.

_Eh, Renji…_Chimpette began.

Shut up. Just leave me alone, Renji thought back, cutting her off.

_What's his problem_? asked Snakey.

Hush, Chimpette warned the snake boy, Our master said he needs to be alone to think…and you know how hard thinking can be for an idiot like him.

_I told you to shut up_! Renji snapped, _And you can either do that, or see how you like being at the bottom of that filthy river out there!_

The sword's spirits went silent, and Renji shoved the weapon into a corner.

"Assholes," Renji muttered, shivering as a shaft of cold breeze passed through the cave, "I should have left that damned sword behind."

He shook his head dismissively and set about cleaning up the cave. He found the small, vented recess that he and Rukia had used for cooking, and set water boiling for tea. He finished putting the things in the cave in order, then dragged the mat to the cave entrance and laid down on it, sipping at his tea and taking small bites of a loaf of bread he had bought when he passed through the town.

This isn't so bad, he thought, looking out the bush covered entrance and watching the river roll by as clouds rolled in and the sky darkened, It's a little colder than Kuchiki Manor and doesn't have the pretty gardens…but it is quiet, and there's no one to tell me what to do…how to feel…how to act. How are you supposed to act when your world falls apart anyway? You would know, wouldn't you, Byakuya? You've been there and back, twice now. I hope you're okay. You're probably pretty pissed off at me right now. But pride will keep you from coming after me. Clan leaders don't go running off after their overly emotional peasant lovers. Shit, but you'll want to come after me, won't you? Even if it's only to beat the hell out of me for leaving you…

_Just forget it…_

_You had it right when you gave yourself to me, here. It's better not risking like that again. I didn't think so before. But the thing is…I didn't understand the pain you were in. Now, I do. And I know why you didn't want to fall in love with me. It was a disaster. It wasn't your fault or mine, I guess. We both really tried._

_But some things just aren't meant to be._

_That's what you were thinking when we were here before and you seduced me. It wasn't about love. It was self-protection. Now, I'm here to protect both of us. We'll never feel that pain again, because we'll never see each other again._

But even as he drifted off, listening to the rain falling outside of the cave, he couldn't make Byakuya disappear from his dreams.

Or his nightmares.

Even an entire bottle of sake couldn't make the noble's face and voice disappear.

"Go away…" he sobbed drunkenly, "It was a mistake, just a stupid mistake! The only reason Hiroki even existed was because you felt sorry for me and we got drunk and ended up in bed together. That's all it was, damn it! It was a stupid mistake!"


	35. We Are Never Alone

**Chapter 35: We Are Never Alone**

_"Byakuya…"_

"_Byakuya?"_

"_Segare, please, open your eyes."_

_Byakuya's eyes opened slowly and struggled to focus. He squinted at the face of the man leaning over him, trying to lift a hand to touch him, but finding that he was too weak even for that. A soft, childlike moan escaped his lips, as the man's features gradually cleared. He gazed up into the gentle, kind eyes of his father and tried again to reach for him. Soujun smiled down at him._

"_That's a good boy. Stay still."_

_A soft, graceful hand slipped into his and he closed his eyes again._

"_The procedure was a success," said Unohana taichou, "His spirit centers have stabilized. He will need to be watched carefully to make certain that his body does not reject them, and as I told you before, when he is older, we will need to test him against the database of available donors and, if a match is found, complete a full transplant."_

"_But he is stable for now?" Soujun asked._

"_Yes."_

"_And you said that he will be able to use his full powers without causing his spirit centers to fail again?"_

"_Yes. We do not know exactly what causes this condition. It is very rare. However, we do know that it is not genetically based, and it is not exacerbated by use of one's powers."_

"_That is good to know. Arigato, Unohana taichou. I am relieved."_

_The two were quiet for a moment._

"_He is going to be very powerful," said Soujun._

"_He takes after his father," replied the healer._

"_Oh," said Soujun softly, "I am not so powerful."_

_The healer placed a hand on his shoulder._

"_Do not try to lie to me," Unohana said, smiling at him, "I was the one who performed the procedure. I know exactly how powerful you would have been. Kuchiki fukutaichou, will you not give me permission to share this information with your father? Ginrei would be very proud, both of the fact that you had reached manifestation, and of your choice to yield that power to heal your son."_

"_No," said Soujun, smiling and shaking his head, "It is better this way. Byakuya's powers are going to be even greater than mine would have been. And in any case, my son offers me the gift of being able to be free to walk a calmer path. I do not desire greater power or leadership of the clan. I simply was not made that way…but he is. Unohana taichou, I feel it every time I look into his eyes. He is meant to lead our clan, as I am not. That is why I did this. And…the elders of the clan and my father would not have understood. They would not have agreed to this. That is why you must say nothing. Only assure me that Byakuya will be all right and I will be content."_

"_He will be fine. And when he is older and has the complete replacement, he will be healed completely."_

"_But if a donor is not found, what will happen?"_

"_Maybe nothing," Unohana said quietly, "This may be enough to make his spirit centers function normally. But…in many cases, for reasons that we do not know, the spirit centers fail…often rather suddenly. And if they are not replaced entirely, the ones with this condition lose their powers and gradually fade. But do not worry. By replacing the two failing spirit centers with yours, we have stabilized him. Byakuya will develop normally now."_

"_That is good," Soujun sighed, touching Byakuya's face lightly as he slept, "That is all I wanted."_

"Nii-sama?" Tetsuya's voice called softly, "Nii-sama, wake up."

Byakuya stirred softly and his eyes opened. He looked slowly around the room, then up at his brother's concerned face.

"Tetsuya…" he whispered.

"It's good to see you awake. You were unconscious all night."

"You look like you haven't slept at all," commented the clan leader, sitting up slowly, "I am surprised that Tomio hasn't dragged you back to the manor to make you sleep."

"I asked him to take Arashi and to look for Renji-san."

Byakuya looked away.

"Why?"

Tetsuya made a sound of surprise.

"Why? Because he is your husband…and he is our friend. He is hurting badly now."

Byakuya sighed.

"I know he is," he agreed, "And I want to go and look for him too, but if you read his words, Renji does not want me to find him."

"You know he didn't mean that," Tetsuya argued, "He thinks this is what he wants, but…"

"And I will yield him space…for now. This _is_ what he wants. And although I could not give him this peace while he carried the heir, I can give this to him now."

"But this is not what you want either," insisted Tetsuya, "And you need him now. I don't what's going on, but you are not well. You need him to come back…"

"No," Byakuya said quietly, "I will leave things as they are for now. And when my health issues are resolved, then I will go to him. I will ask you for one thing, Otouto. When your Arashi finds him, have him look after Renji…until I am…well. Go on, now. Go home and rest. I will be fine."

Tetsuya rose as Unohana taichou entered the room.

"Very well," said the blue-eyed noble, "but you are to do everything that your healer tells you to, or I will be back here to make you behave, Nii-sama."

Byakuya watched quietly as Tetsuya left and Unohana taichou closed the door. She walked slowly to the bed and sat down beside it in the chair Tetsuya had vacated.

"So," Byakuya said softly, "Did it happen again? Like it happened to Renji? Am I pregnant?"

The healer shook her head.

"You are not pregnant."

"No?" queried the noble, "Then…?"

"This is related to the issue with your spirit centers. I know you do not like to speak of it."

"Because it was never meant to be known, except to my father and me. He remained silent because he didn't want to anger his father with what he did. And I kept that silence after he died…to hide my shame."

"I don't understand."

"Unohana taichou, my father had reached manifestation. He was going to achieve ban kai. Had I not fallen ill…had my spirit centers not begun to fail, he would have been more powerful. That hollow wouldn't have killed him. You know this to be true. I am the reason that both of my parents are dead…and perhaps that…more than anything else, is why I remain childless and alone."

"It is true that your mother died in childbirth, but it was not your doing. Deaths during childbirth are fairly rare, but they do happen. And neither can you blame yourself for your father's decision to donate two spirit centers to save your life and your powers. It is something that any father would have done. You know that, faced with the same decision, you would have acted as he did. But all of that aside, we need to speak about your options."

"Can we do this later? I am still mourning my son. And Renji is missing…"

"I am not saying that those things are not important, but your health is at risk. You must act soon. I can provide temporary relief, but we need to start making plans. You need a complete transplant of your spirit centers."

Byakuya closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

"As you know, whenever a shinigmai dies, if a healer is present, the spirit centers are removed and preserved. The records are kept in a large database, so that it is easy to search to see if any of them will match a particular patient. We already know that the three viable spirit centers that were taken from your father will match with you. We only need four more for the complete procedure. Only allow me to check your readings and see if there is a match."

Tears rose in Byakuya's eyes and he took a steadying breath.

"No," he whispered.

"Kuchiki taichou…"

"You know why. I couldn't bear it if…"

Byakuya stopped himself forcefully and blinked the tears away.

"I cannot do that. You cannot ask that of me."

"Byakuya-san," the healer said, looking into his damp eyes, "We are talking about your life here."

"No," said Byakuya, a tear escaping onto one proud cheek, "This is about my father dying because of the power he sacrificed in order to save me. And it is about the weight of lost lives I will carry on my heart if I do this. You have no idea what you are asking!"

"I am only asking you to allow me to see if there is a match."

"And if there is?" Byakuya asked, blinking, "You and I both know why such a thing would happen…why such a match would occur. And I know the question that comes after that…and I cannot bear to hear it. You said that you can stabilize me temporarily."

"Yes, but…"

"Then do it."

"I already have. But I cannot guarantee that will be enough," said the healer, "Byakuya-san, please listen to me. You may be all right temporarily, but with the pressures in your life right now, if your spirit centers continue to deteriorate, then we could lose you. The database is there, and all shinigamis who pass from life contribute to it so as to save lives that can be saved."

"Then let them save someone else," Byakuya said softly, "That would be a comfort, but this? I cannot do this. It would destroy me inside."

He took a soft breath and looked out the window.

"I want to go back to the manor."

"I will discharge you when your reiatsu level reaches something resembling normal…not until. You are to rest. And when you are discharged, you must take good care of yourself. If you are determined to tempt fate this way, then I at least want you to have some chance of survival."

"That is the difference in our viewpoints," Byakuya said solemnly, "For you, it is enough for me to survive. For me…survival is not enough. I want to have a meaningful life. But when I lost Hiroki and then Renji left…that life left me too."

"Then perhaps what you need," said the healer, "is to find Abarai Renji and bring him home."

Byakuya shook his head and took a steadying breath.

"I cannot ask that of Renji after what he has been through."

"But what will he have to endure if you do not do this and you die because of it? Will it be any comfort to him that you respected his wishes? You are not even letting him make an informed decision. You know you are not being fair to him."

"Not being fair?" Byakuya repeated, his eyes darkening, "I will _tell_ you what isn't _fair_! What isn't fair is that Renji never had a choice in being with me. Sake made our choices for us. I was reckless and twice, I slept with him under false pretenses. I got him pregnant and obligated him to stay with me. His choice to leave was painful to me, because I love him. But seeing how much he suffered because of how I obligated him? Seeing him lose the fire he had…that same fire that helped to bring me back to life inside? It doesn't matter what happens to me now. I just want him to be free…to find himself again. I don't want him to come back to me just for this reason. If he comes back, I want it to be because he loves me. And I would rather die than to obligate him any further."

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji groaned and shivered, opening his eyes and finding himself collapsed at the edge of the river. He vaguely remembered waking up sometime during the night and crawling out of the cave to throw up.

_I don't even remember what happened after that…_

He felt something cold in his hand and lifted it, laughing sarcastically as he found he was still holding the sake bottle.

_I had a death grip on that fucker._

He dropped the bottle and lifted himself, but collapsed and grabbed his head, groaning at the pain that shocked it.

_Oh kami, have things changed. I remember when that wouldn't have even slowed me down._

He realized suddenly that he was naked and that there were footprints leading away from where he had lain.

"Ah," he muttered, "Made a contribution to the needy, I see."

He dragged himself back to the cave and crawled inside.

"Thank the stars that they didn't find this place…" Renji grumbled, "Or I'd be having a lot bigger problem."

He paused and belched loudly.

"Yeah, a huge problem! No money to buy more sake!"

He stopped himself mid-laugh and exited the cave to throw up again.

"I really need some clothes," he complained to a hummingbird that lit on a nearby flower and began to feed.

He watched silently for a few minutes, enjoying the sun on his bare back and wondering if he really wanted to get dressed at all.

_Augh…don't wanna scare the street kids…_

"They probably won't come this far out of town, but you never know…"

"Well," said a harsh, grating voice, "What have we here? An unwrapped, ready to eat soul, ne?"

Renji lifted his head and looked up to find a hollow sitting a few feet in front of him.

"Get the fuck outta here!" he snapped, "I'm trying to wake up."

The hollow narrowed his eyes.

"I don't really care what you are trying to do. I am hungry, and you are here. Here and already loaded with a fine sake infusion."

"I told you to go away," growled the redhead, his voice becoming malevolent, "And if you don't, I'll rip your fucking head off and I'll eat you. How about that?"

The hollow bared his teeth and claws, then shot forward. The claws sank into Renji's shoulders and raked his back on one side, but the hollow froze in place and made a choked noise as Renji's hand closed around its throat and squeezed.

"You're in…sane!" gasped the dying hollow, tearing at the redhead's arms, "Let me…go!"

Renji's eyes flashed. He dragged himself onto his knees and gathered his strength, then raised his reiatsu.

"Hadou # 31," he snarled, "Shakkahou!"

He released the hollow as a huge, red fireball erupted from his hand and struck the screaming hollow. The force of the blast carried the flaming hollow out over the rushing river, where it exploded like one of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's fireworks.

"Well…look at that," Renji chuckled, "Pretty damned impressive. Didn't even blow up in my face!"

He doubled over and threw up again, then looked down at his naked body and realized how badly he was bleeding.

"Fuck me," he groaned, "I think I'm bleeding to death…"

He shook his head and did his best imitation of Byakuya's disapproving voice.

"Get up, Abarai. Clean up and get to work."

He paused and frowned.

"No…wait. I take that back. It's not _seemly_ for a pregnant man to work. The bearer of the heir must be married to the clan leader immediately. He must dress in scratchy, too tight kimonos and be presentable at all times…"

Renji groaned as a memory broke into his mind.

_He rested in Byakuya's arms, naked, he thought at first, but then he realized that, thankfully, he and Byakuya (who he had thought to be naked as well) were actually wearing some kind of wrap that covered all of their genitalia. They sat near the edge of a warm indoor pool with Renji's back against Byakuya's chest and the back of his head resting on the noble's shoulder. Byakuya's arms were wrapped gently around him and reiatsu hummed in some kind of gentle exchange between them. His hands were spread over Renji's abdomen and both the noble's hands and Renji's belly were softly glowing with a deep pink light._

"Oh," Renji groaned, his hand straying to his abdomen.

A shock of pain passed through his heart as his hand encountered his flat, muscular stomach.

"Oh kami, I don't want to think about this…"

Instead, he crawled back into the cave and busied himself with bandaging the cuts on his arms and shoulders. He couldn't quite reach all of the ones on his back, but thought he did an adequate job of cleaning them. He made a pot of tea, then sat with his back against the cave wall, drinking his tea and trying hard to make his mind empty…to banish the soft, familiar voices from his ears.

"Damn it. I think I need more sake."

He found a set of clothes that were dark enough to hide any seeping blood, and went through the arduous and painful task of putting them on. He crawled out of the cave and managed to get to his feet. He stood quietly as his head cleared, and worked his hair into a braid, which he fastened with a black hair tie. He walked around a little, until he could manage it without staggering, then walked back along the river to the edge of town. He walked back into Inuzuri, taking in the sight of the ragged, hopeless people, the run down, dilapidated buildings, and the dusty streets.

_It isn't much, but this is where I came from. This is the place that made me so strong. And I'll be strong again. I just have to…remember how…_

He walked into a pub and ordered stew, fresh bread and several bottles of sake to take with him. He carefully loaded the bottles into his pack, then sat and slowly ate the stew, his eyelids drooping.

"Here, Renji-san," said the pub owner, handing him a small paper bag that radiated warmth and smelled sweet.

"What is this?" he asked, peeking inside.

"Just some warm cookies for you. I made extra."

Renji froze.

_"Perhaps we should return to the bedroom," the noble suggested._

_Renji shook his head._

_"Not yet…"_

_He painted the batter onto his abdomen, then made a line down to his awakened length, which he then laced with the batter. He had barely finished when he was pushed down onto his back on the table, with Byakuya leaning over him, devouring the warm, oozing batter. Renji panted harder, his member leaking in anticipation as Byakuya's tongue blazed a hot, wet trail down his body, tracing the dancing pattern of tattoos, then following the pathway of fine, red hairs downward._

"Th-thanks," Renji said, smiling at the woman.

He left the pub and turned back towards the edge of town. As he neared it, he spotted two young children peeking out at him from behind a cluster of bushes. He smiled and held out the bag.

"Here," he said quietly, "I have some extras. Take them."

The little dark haired boy looked back at his brown haired sister, then edged towards Renji.

He kept his eyes on Renji's, shivering as he moved closer, then snatched the bag out of Renji's hand, took his sister by the arm and fled.

He stared after them for a moment, thinking back.

_"We're going to get out of here someday, Rukia. We are. We'll get strong…and we'll go to the shinigami academy."_

"_And then what?"_

"_We'll join one of the squads together. We can share the money we make and get an apartment. And I'll go down to the noodle shop and pig out on noodles and roasted chicken every day!"_

He avoided looking at a certain hilltop as he passed out of town and approached the cave again. He crawled inside and curled up on the mat with his heavy cloak on and a thin blanket wrapped around him. He was almost asleep when a woman's scream shattered the peace and brought him awake. His hand found Zabimaru and he was out of the cave and running back towards town in a moment.

_Please, kami, don't let it be them!_

His heart sank as he rounded a corner and came to the place where the two little children had been. He heard the roar and shallow cough of a hollow and bounded towards a small shack just beyond the bushes.

A tall, spiny hollow gripped the screaming woman in his claws as the two children howled and cried, hitting the hollow with rocks and sticks.

"Howl, Zabimaru!" he cried.

He froze for a moment as the sword glowed for a moment, then went cold in his hands.

"What the…?"

The woman screamed again as the hollow raised a claw and aimed it at her chest. He ran forward and launched himself at the creature, knocking it flat and tearing the frightened woman free of the hollow. She rolled away and came to her feet, pushing the children behind her and backing away. Renji swung his sword and slashed the hollow cleanly across the midsection, cutting it in half, then watching as it disintegrated.

He turned back to the woman and children as the woman swayed dizzily and collapsed. Renji caught her as she fell and leaned over her, trying to summon healing power and feeling a straining inside himself.

_Kami, I guess Unohana taichou wasn't kidding when she said I would need recovery time…_

He was grateful for the sudden sound of running feet that meant that others were coming to help. He turned the woman over to the town healer and the others who had come to help, then edged away and disappeared while the focus was on the woman's healing. He walked slowly back to the cave and crawled inside, then collapsed on the mat and was asleep in moments.


	36. Even as Far Apart as we Are

**Chapter 36: Even as Far Apart as we Are**

Renji sat cross-legged on the edge of the river, looking down into the dirty water that rushed past, his eyes still drying from a deluge of tears.

_Damn…When Unohana taichou said that I would be overly emotional for a while, I thought she meant for a few days. But it's been a few weeks and only now I feel like I'm starting to be in some kind of control of myself again. I had no idea anything could make me feel like this…_

He sighed softly and closed his aching eyes, his mind clear for the first time in days, and his heart feeling more barren than he ever remembered it feeling. As far back as he could remember, there had always been friends around him. In absence of family, his nakama had become his center.

_From the very beginning, I knew that a family was an important thing. But I never had one. Instead, I attached myself to other lonely, abandoned kids, like me, who didn't have anyone to cling to. We made our own family. And out here on the streets of Inuzuri, we protected that family as best we could, while the world around us tried to take us away from each other. And slowly, but surely, our nakama was whittled down to just me and Rukia._

_It was a miracle that we survived…_

_We left this place, still holding on to each other, and then Byakuya entered our lives and he took even that last anchor away. I hated him for that. For a really long time, I hated him and I wanted more than anything to surpass him so that I could fight to reclaim what he stole from me. But even while I plotted and waited, my heart reached out to others…to Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rikichi. I kept trying to fill that space inside me, where my family should have been. I made a lot of good friends. And when Rukia came back into my life again, our fight to keep her alive connected me with a new nakama. And I wouldn't give it up for all the worlds._

_But as strange as it seems, Byakuya…the one who stole my last anchor…who ripped away all of my supports and let me fall down hard, he was the one. He chose me out of a sea of applicants to be his fukutaichou. He drove me crazy, constantly pushing me to be better than I was. He pulled me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to think differently. And even if it was just a stupid accident, he gave me my first taste of what I'd dreamed of all my life. _

_He made me really understand what a family is…and how it feels to be part of one._

_Sure, the Kuchiki clan might be the most stuffy, anal bunch I've ever met, but when I got pregnant with Hiroki, they welcomed me and made me one of their own. Maybe they didn't approve of how the heir was made and how I was a peasant, but that being said, once it was clear I was pregnant, they let go of their arguments and made me feel like one of them. They were always kind, even when they were having to annoy me with the rules and ways of the clan. At the time, I didn't see what a gift that was._

_Because as annoying as they could be, when I married Byakuya, those people became my family. And they honored the fact that we were connected…always._

_It's interesting though. When we lost Hiroki, I turned away and ran from them. I thought that I was doing Byakuya a favor, that I was releasing him from the burden of future attempts at having kids…but I was really just freeing myself of obligation. All of a sudden, I saw those people who had been so kind to me as a weight, because I felt guilty for losing their heir._

_But he wasn't just their heir, he was our son…Byakuya's and mine. And he was a loved member of the family that had gathered around me and waited for him. He was also connected to my nakama. A lot of people were hurting over his death. It wasn't just me. And because we were family and friends, we should have stuck together. That's what I would have done before._

_I don't know what happened…_

_For some reason, when Hiroki died, I felt the weight of that loss and looked closely at myself. I looked at how being a member of that family and bearing their heir made me vulnerable…and I didn't want to feel vulnerable and weak._

_I wanted to find myself. I wanted to make myself strong again. But coming back here and drowning myself in sake wasn't the answer. The truth is…it wasn't Inuzuri that made me strong, it was the struggle to survive and to grow stronger._

_Coming back here didn't do shit for me, because all I did was drink, cry, fight a few meaningless battles and let the pain run its course. I didn't do anything to make myself stronger. I get that now._

_But if the answer isn't here, then where is it?_

_If I can't connect with the person I was by coming here, then what am I supposed to do now?_

_How do I make myself strong again?_

_I don't know what to do…_

_What do I do now?_

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya knelt beneath a sakura tree, enjoying the soft breezes and the gentle fall of petals all around him. Out of the corner of one eye, he watched as Tomio held a very pregnant and deeply sleeping Tetsuya, his softly glowing hands moving in slow circles over Tetsuya's rounded belly. He felt a lovely warmth inside him, watching the two, that he hadn't felt for some time.

_Even after everything, there is still great beauty around me…and abundance of gifts. I have family and friends, and good things in my life, even as I am threatened with coming to the end of my own days. I do not feel illness or pain, just the slow seeping away of power and life. I am not afraid, but…_

_I am restless._

_There is something I've left undone…someone with whom I have unresolved issues…_

_The time for coming to resolution is slowly counting down. I know I should go, but I am uncertain. Renji is alive and not in immediate danger, and Arashi is watching him. But he has taken a heavy loss, and may not be ready to be burdened with another so soon._

_I don't know what is the 'right' thing to do…for me? For Renji?_

_What do I do?_

XXXXXXXXXX

_I'm cold…_

Renji shivered, even wrapped as he was in the folds of the thick cloak that Byakuya had given him, and covered in every sheet, blanket and bit of cloth he could find. He still shivered and his teeth chattered. His body ached all over and a strange dullness had settled over his mind.

_Ugh…I remember this._

_So…cold…_

"R-rukia…" he moaned deliriously.

Then he remembered them leaving Inuzuri…going to the shinigami academy…bracing Byakuya in a battle for Rukia's life. His mind wandered over how it had all come down to the battle on top of Sokyoku Hill, where he and Byakuya had both found themselves suddenly fighting for a common cause. Renji's eyes drifted closed and he returned to that place.

He walked across Sokyoku Hill and past Ichigo's fallen form that was being healed by Inoue Orhime, past his own bloodied, unconscious body, and over to where Rukia knelt, holding Byakuya's pale hand, and listening to him explain…about Hisana, about why he had felt obligated to support her execution…how his mistakes had led to disaster. He finished speaking and fell silent, his dark eyes closing as Rukia held his hand and cried. He moved closer and knelt across from Rukia, looking down at his bloodied and barely conscious taichou. Byakuya's head turned slowly, and his pained, fevered eyes came to rest on Renji.

"_R-renji?" he whispered._

_He reached out a trembling hand, and the fingers were ice cold and sent hard shivers through him._

"_Renji?" Byakuya called, more urgently, "Renji!"_

"B-Bya…" Renji groaned dizzily, rolling onto his stomach and crawling in the direction where he thought the voice had come from.

He was surprised at hearing a soft, scuffling noise, then felt the touch of a soft, equine muzzle on his cheek. He opened his eyes, blinking until the image came into focus.

"Ah…ah…Arashi?" he managed, his teeth chattering as the stallion nudged closer, "H-how did you even…get…get in here?"

He managed a shaky laugh.

"Horses d-don't c-crawl into c-caves, baka!" he stammered, sighing in relief as the heat of the stallion's body reached him.

Arashi's head turned and the stallion gave him a look of gentle reproach. He nipped at Renji's hair and the redhead heard his soft voice in his head.

_Sleep. I will stay._

He was so awfully tired, and it felt so good to be warmer, and not alone. He pressed up against the stallion and let himself fall away, losing himself in restorative sleep. But even in the depths of that sleep, Byakuya's voice still reached him.

Renji?

_Renji…_

_Don't leave me…_

His mind spun, and in the back of Renji's mind, he began to worry that he might not surface again. He knew he should feel the weight of Arashi against him, but he had ceased to feel his body, and now seemed to float somewhere beyond it. He panicked then, trying desperately to reconnect, but finding himself unable. He started to spin out of control, but was suddenly calmed by a thin shaft of memory.

_You said you love me…and then you showed me how much you love me."_

_"Actually," Byakuya said, his lips curving upward, "I had only begun to express the full depths of what I feel for you, Renji."_

_Renji's smile widened and the reiatsu cluster pulsed softly inside him._

_"But," Byakuya went on, "It is going to take a very long time to express such a thing in all of its shadings and complexity, maybe years, maybe hundreds of years…"_

_Renji looked around and shook his head._

_"I'm not going anywhere," he answered, surrendering to a sweet storm of kisses._

_"And I am not going anywhere either," Byakuya promised, "I love you. I love you and I entrust my heart to you. I am going to try very hard not to disappoint you, Renji."_

_Renji's eyes misted and he touched the warm lips that had been kissing him._

_"You could never disappoint me, Byakuya. Because, I love you too. And I'll try hard to show you that…every day, for as long as it takes, even if it does take hundreds of years."_

_"Then, I think things will be all right now," Byakuya said, sighing and resting his head on Renji's shoulder._

"B-bya…" Renji groaned.

Arashi turned his head and looked down at the sick shinigami, extending his senses.

_Renji?_

Arashi's eyes widened at finding himself unable to connect with the redhead's muddled mind. His nostrils flared softly, and his ears perked and rotated towards the cave entrance. He left Renji's side and crawled back out of the cave. Climbing to his feet, he turned towards the Seireitei and flash stepped homeward.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Sumimasen, Kuchiki taichou," said Hanatarou's voice from behind him, "Unohana taichou sent me to give you your treatment and to check your progress."

"Of course," said the noble, nodding, "Go ahead."

His mind drifted as he shifted so that his back was against the sakura tree and Hanatarou opened his yukata and set about his healing.

"Have you noticed any changes in your powers since the last treatment?" asked Hanatarou.

"No," said the noble calmly, "I am still able to manage moderate use of kido and occasional use of my shikai. It leaves me weary, but I do not have any pain."

"Are you uncomfortable at all the rest of the time?"

"No. In fact, I cannot tell there is any problem at all, except that my powers are slowly weakening."

"But they have stabilized some since the last treatment?"

"Yes. I feel like they are staying the same," Byakuya said, looking out over the meadow.

"And it seems that your spiritual pressure has stabilized. The treatments appear to be doing their job. Unohana taichou says that if they remain stable, then she will authorize your return to limited non-combat duty."

"That is good," acknowledged Byakuya, "The sixth division has been essentially without leadership for months now. I cannot imagine how much catching up I'll have to do upon my return. But…thank you, Hanatarou."

"You are welcome, Kuchiki taichou."

The healer rose and turned to go, then stopped and looked back at him.

"Have you told anyone yet?" he asked softly.

"No," Byakuya replied quietly, "I am not ready for that yet. Soon."

"Well, there is more time, now that you are stabilized. Just…Kuchiki taichou, you must take care of yourself. Your systems are in a precarious balance."

"I understand. Thank you, Hanatarou."

"Good day, Kuchiki taichou," Hanatarou said, bowing and turning to leave.

"Is everything all right?" Tetsuya asked, opening one blue eye and turning it in Byakuya's direction.

"I am better," Byakuya told him, "Hanatarou says that I have stabilized. I will be returned to duty soon."

"That is good," said Tetsuya, looking relieved, "I must admit, I am unnerved about giving birth, Nii-sama. I know it is not supposed to be as taxing as a human birth, but then, I was different in how I conceived. I worry I might also be different in other ways."

Byakuya moved over to where Tomio and Tetsuya sat and laid a gentle hand on his brother's abdomen. He smiled at the soft movement, and the pleased look it brought to Tetsuya's serene features.

"You have nothing to worry about," he assured Tetsuya, "Unohana taichou has assured you that your baby is developing perfectly. And you are in good health. Do not worry. Let your mind be at ease and enjoy these last days of bonding before your child arrives."

"Ah…" said Tetsuya uncertainly, "Then, we have a whole new reason to be nervous. I have read everything I can and asked all of the questions I could think of…but the reality of someone so small depending on us like that…"

Byakuya smiled.

"You and Tomio will manage."

"And I'll have you as well, ne? This baby already loves you, Nii-sama. I feel it in the movement inside me when you touch me or speak when you are near me."

"And that love is returned in full," said Byakuya, "But I must excuse myself. I have some things to attend to before we meet for dinner."

"We will see you at dinner then," Tetsuya said, closing his eyes and sinking back against Tomio again.

Byakuya walked slowly back along the forest trail, his mind returning to the question that seemed to plague him constantly.

_What is the right thing to do?_

_For my family?_

_For Renji?_

_For me?_

_I do not know anymore. The promise of life inside my brother makes me want to go ahead with the search for a donor, so that I can perhaps be fully healed. But if I do that now and have the procedure soon, I would be incapacitated for a time…and if Arashi should return and Renji should need me…_

_And maybe, what I should be doing is going to Renji now, seeing how he is coping, helping him and letting him help me figure out what to do. Or would it be too much to ask of him? Is it selfishness to want him to know? To want him to hold me for a bit and tell me that we'll figure out what to do? Is he even in a state to do that, or is he still in terrible pain, and I would just be adding more?_

_I don't know._

_I just don't know._

_I don't know what to do._

He reached the gardens and crossed them to return to his bedroom, where he sat down on the bed and picked up Renji's pillow. He could barely catch Renji's scent, but he breathed it in deeply, his heart aching to hear the voice and see the handsome face that went along with that scent.

_There is a strength inside me now that I didn't have before. It is something that grew out of being with you, Renji. I was broken inside when I lost Hisana and Koichi, but you helped me to mend. And now…_

_Now?_

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes, like one coming out of a nightmare.

"What was I thinking?" he whispered, "I've been so stupid. Renji…"

He bit his lip for a moment, thinking, then got up from the bed and walked into the dressing area. He parted the elegant clothes, seeking that place in the back, where an old, worn yukata laid folded. He picked it up and returned to the dressing area, replacing his clothes with the worn yukata. He started to leave the room to prepare a pack to take with him, but froze as a sharp neigh sounded outside of his bedroom. He ran to the garden doors as the stallion cleared the back fence and raced towards him. Tetsuya appeared outside the room and tried to calm the stallion, but as Byakuya appeared, Arashi trumpeted again, and without a thought, Byakuya was on his back and turning the stallion. He looked down at Tetsuya, who stood, holding a hand to his swollen abdomen, and looking up at him.

"I leave responsibility for our family in your hands, Otouto," Byakuya said breathlessly, "I name you interim clan leader, until my return!"

"Kami watch over you…" Tetsuya said, watching as Byakuya lowered himself against the stallion's back and Arashi flash stepped away.


	37. Our Hearts Beat as One

**Chapter 37: Our Hearts Beat as One**

"H-hot…too…hot…" moaned Renji, his head spinning as he reached out blindly, trying to find his way to the cave entrance.

He lost his focus, moving blindly forward on his hands and knees, not noticing the thorns on the bushes that tore his clothes and skin. The promising sound of rushing water lured him through the cold mist outside, and he sighed in relief as he splashed into the shallows of the river and laid there, looking up at the stars.

_"Those two stars, Altair and Vega, represent the lovers, Hikuboshi, the cowherd and Orihime, the weaving maid," explained Byakuya._

"_Orihime, huh?" chuckled Renji, looking at the noble, who laid on his back next to him under the stars, his fingers entangled with Renji's, "So she's named after a weaver girl?"_

"_Orihime was a talented weaver and weaved lovely cloth for her father. But her heart was sad, and she despaired that she would never know love. Because she was a dutiful girl and served him well, her father introduced her to Hikuboshi, the cowherd. The two fell in love and were married…but they became so focused on each other that Orihime stopped weaving cloth for her father, and Hikuboshi's cows wandered everywhere, causing all kinds of trouble. Finally, Orihime's father separated the two by relegating them to two different sides of a wide river. Orihime became despondent, and her tears so moved her father that he allowed the two lovers to meet once every year on the seventh day of the seventh month, as long as Orihime finished her labor of weaving. Unfortunately, the river had no bridge. But Orihime's tears attracted a flock of magpies who stretched out their wings and made a bridge for her to cross."_

"_Is that why you work so late?" asked Renji, smiling._

"_What?"_

"_You don't want Ginrei to come back from the spirit dimension and put a river between you and me?"_

"_Hmmm," muttered Byakuya, sounding slightly amused, "I never thought of it that way. But…as you are with child, that would make you the weaving maid, not me."_

"_Augh, but I don't know my father and can't weave for shit. You have those pretty, graceful hands, and you do perfect calligraphy. You'd be better at weaving, I'm sure. And I'm only having the first baby. You'll have your turn too, you know."_

"_Hmmm," Byakuya huffed non-committally._

"_Hey, you promised."_

_Byakuya glared at him out of one narrowed eye._

_"So I did."_

"That's right," Renji moaned sluggishly, "Gotta collect on that one."

Pain broke through the haze of illness as he remembered and put a hand on his slim abdomen.

"Shit…not gonna happen since I didn't keep up my end of the bargain, ne? Oh, gods, I feel fucking horrible!"

He let himself drift off, feeling the light touches of falling raindrops on his face. After the awful heat, it was a relief to feel the chill of the rushing water and droplets of rain. He started to hum something that he had heard before, something that for some reason reminded him of Byakuya kneeling on Hisana's grave, his graceful fingers digging into the rain soaked ground as he cried shamelessly for what he had lost.

_I know what that feels like now…how it makes you feel like your heart's been ripped open, and you're bleeding out on the inside…_

He was crying again, even though he had promised himself that he wouldn't. He rolled over, loosing himself from the soft mud at the edge of the river and setting his body adrift. He reached for a cluster of weeds on the shore, but the rain soaked ground broke, and he started to float into the faster water. It was tempting to think of letting go…letting the water carry him off, sinking into the black depths, while watching the stars disappear.

But something inside him warned him of the precariousness of his situation, and his hand reached out, grasping.

As his fingers closed on empty air, and fear began to break through his fevered mind, a wonderfully strong hand wrapped around his wrist and resisted the pull of the current.

"What the…?" he groaned.

He forced his eyes open, blinking to try to clear them, but could only get a fuzzy image of a dark haired girl, with her hair pulled back away from her face and fastened in a red hair tie, muddied pale flesh and a worn, mud splashed yukata.

Her lips moved, but all he could hear was an odd roaring in his ears. Everything grew painfully bright, and he disappeared into it, wondering if it was the last thing he would see.

XXXXXXXXXX

The soft scrape of a metal spoon against a pot teased Renji out of the deep sleep he'd been in. He was disoriented at first, upon finding himself warmly wrapped and touched by the additional heat of a nearby cooking fire. He realized then that he was back in the cave, and that, from the sound of things, he was not alone. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, lifting his head and studying the blurry form of the girl who had pulled him out of the water. She had her back to him as she tended something over the flames that smelled so good it set his stomach growling loud enough to wake the dead.

"Um…" he said, sitting up, then falling back as his head spun and his muscles complained painfully inside him, "Uh, thanks. S-sorry to have been a…"

The girl started to turn, and in Renji's aching mind, he suddenly saw Byakuya's face.

_Shit, that's the second time I've mistaken him for a woman…_

"…bother," he finished, blinking and shaking his head in confusion.

"Why are you speaking to me like I am a stranger?" Byakuya asked, raising an eyebrow, "Have you been here so long that you have forgotten me, Abarai?"

"B-bya…" he gasped, dragging himself onto his hands and knees and starting towards the noble.

"Lie down, _baka_!" Byakuya said sternly, "You nearly killed yourself. You shouldn't even be moving y…"

He broke off as Renji pulled him down and collapsed on top of him, attacking his pretty, pouting mouth with hard, voracious kisses. He couldn't help smiling, even though it hurt, and even when Byakuya turned and forced him down, wrapping him in the blankets again.

"Hold still," Byakuya scolded him, "Do you want me to have to bind you?"

"Go ahead," Renji said, freeing a hand and grabbing the front of the noble's yukata, then pulling him in for another hard kiss, "I don't give a damn…"

"Yes," Byakuya said, his dark eyes taking on an unhappy shine as he pulled free again, "You have made that abundantly clear."

The pain in the words stopped him cold, and he sank back, resting his head on the pillow and looking up at Byakuya as he bound the blankets around him again.

"Sorry," Renji mumbled, his eye following the noble as he filled a bowl with soup and returned.

He frowned in confusion.

"Byakuya, what are you doing here? Dressed like that? Where did that come from? I mean, I _know_ where it came from, but…why do you still have it? And why are you wearing…?"

"Be quiet and eat," Byakuya said, filling the spoon with soup, then blowing on it to cool it slightly, before offering it to Renji.

Renji went silent and accepted the noble's offering. Byakuya handed him the spoon and carefully set the bowl in his lap, then returned to the pot and served himself. He sat near the cave entrance, looking out at the falling rain and saying nothing. Renji sensed that it wasn't a good time for asking questions, so he forced himself to remain silent and addressed the soup instead. But as his bowl grew emptier, he grew more and more curious, until he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Did you come here because Arashi told you I was sick? I know he's been watching me."

"I was preparing to leave when Arashi arrived," Byakuya replied, still looking out at the rain.

"But from the looks of things, all you came with are that yukata and the hair tie," Renji observed, "Not the kind of planning I'd expect from you."

"I hadn't had time to address anything else before Arashi appeared," the noble explained, "I was aware, in any case, that you had come provisioned, and thought it best to come quickly, as Arashi was certain that you were dying."

"Yeah," Renji said softly, "I kind of got that feeling too. Thank you, Byakuya. I'm glad you came."

"Are you?" Byakuya asked quietly, "I had thought that you preferred your own space…so that you might think things through and come to terms with what happened in your own way."

"Yeah," said Renji ruefully, "I guess I did make an attempt at doing things my way…and maybe not so much _thinking_ as _drinking_ got done…but you probably figured that out."

"Yes, that wasn't difficult."

"Speaking of which, I know I left a few bottles of sake around here somewhere. Thanks for cleaning up the place, by the way, but…what did you do with them?"

"I emptied them into the river…as a peace offering to the river god, after he was so kind to gift me with your half-naked, soaked and near frozen body. I hope you don't mind."

"N-no," said Renji, rubbing his aching head, "Except that we only have sex when I get you drunk, so I guess we'll have to think of some other way to spend our time…for…as long as you stay, anyway."

Byakuya sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, biting his lip and thinking for a moment.

"I am not going back."

"What?" asked Renji, frowning and narrowing his eyes, "Why not?"

Byakuya looked back at him stoically.

"Because, my mate needs me here. And so, as long as he is here, I will remain here as well."

His eyes darkened.

"It seems you are bent on killing yourself, so as your mate, I must make sure that if you die, it is for an honorable purpose."

"Well, I already tried that by following Hiroki, and you stopped me," Renji said, his eyes flaring softly.

Renji froze and caught his breath at the instant shock of pain that registered on the noble's face. Byakuya disappeared in a flash step, leaving Renji scrambling for the cave entrance. He started to crawl out into the rain after Byakuya, but was stopped by a hoof that came down just in front of his crouched form.

_Stay here._

The stallion stood underneath a rock overhang, and was shielded from the rain and wind by the clusters of rocks and brush around them. His blue eyes regarded Renji with gentle reproach as the redhead felt the heavy feeling of illness returning and with a guilty sigh, returned to the cave.

"Great going, Abarai," Renji scolded himself, "He was probably worried sick. It must have killed him to just sit there at the manor, wanting to come after me, but instead doing what I asked him to. What the fuck is _wrong_ with me? Why did I take out my frustrations on the one person who's suffering at least as much as I am?"

He let out another shuddering sigh and crawled back under the blankets. He finished the soup Byakuya had made and filled a second bowl, then found some heated water near the soup pot and made himself some tea. He had finished both and was nearly asleep when he heard the soft scrape of Byakuya's shoe as he crawled back into the cave. The noble ignored Renji and spent several minutes putting away several items he had been carrying, then moved to the back of the cave, where he peeled away his wet yukata and found one of Renji's that was only slightly too large. He sat down again near the cooking area, resting against the fire warmed rock wall.

"You should come over here," suggested Renji, "You probably haven't slept since you got here."

He thought quietly for a moment.

"How long ago _was_ that, anyway?" he asked, "How long was I unconscious?"

"Seven nights…six days, fifteen hours, twenty-nine minutes and thirty-three seconds," Byakuya answered.

"Let me guess…you were kind of bored."

"I was afraid," Byakuya said very softly, freezing Renji again with the suddenness of the comment.

He let out a soft breath and sat up, then slowly crawled over to where Byakuya sat, slipping an arm around the noble and collapsing shakily against him. Byakuya stiffened for a moment, his dark eyes unreadable, then slowly, he accepted the arm that wrapped around him and guided Renji's head to his shoulder. Renji planted a soft kiss at the meeting of neck and shoulder, the relaxed against Byakuya, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm really sorry. M-maybe it wasn't bad that I wanted some time to deal with things…but…I forgot for awhile that being married means that you also have to make sure that your mate is taken care of."

"I had Tetsuya…Tomio, the council, servants…" Byakuya said softly.

"But you didn't have the one person who would really get what you're going through. This isn't just my loss, it's ours. And we should have been together, helping each other through it. Was that what you were thinking, when you were getting ready to come after me?"

Byakuya bit his lip and shook his head.

"I was thinking that I stupid to ever have let you go," he whispered, "I told myself that I was doing the right thing by giving you space…but I _know_ you. I knew what you and I both really needed, and I let your letter talk me out of it. When I realized how stupid I was to do that, I prepared to come after you. And I arrived just in time to stop you from disappearing into that river."

A sad smile crept onto his face.

"It's a little ironic," he said softly, "I crawled out of that same river after being attacked by hollows, and collapsed on the shore, not far from here. I managed to crawl into a little shack for respite from the rain, and Hisana was there."

"That river god has been pretty good to you," Renji said, smiling, "You should offer him some more sake."

"I am not wasting any more money on that foul drink," Byakuya said, frowning, "It has done enough damage."

"Oh, I don't know," Renji said, tightening his arm around the noble, "It did get you into bed with me."

Byakuya's head turned and the smoky gray eyes fixed on him as he offered the noble a tentative kiss.

"C'mon," Renji said, tugging gently on Byakuya's torso, "I'm getting shivery again, and you look like you're about to collapse from exhaustion."

"Bite your tongue," Byakuya said, his frown deepening, "Who do you think you're talking to?"

Renji's smile sent warmth all through Byakuya.

"I think I'm talking to the guy I'm in love with. Come on. Lie down with me for a while. There's no more sake and I think I'm too shaky to have sex, so I guess we're safe for now."

"Perhaps," said Byakuya, allowing himself to be pulled in the direction of the mat and blankets.

Renji laid down on his back and Byakuya sprawled across his body like a wonderfully warm, sakura scented blanket. They shared a few slow kisses, then started to drift off. They were almost asleep, when a shuffling sound woke them again. The two shinigamis watched in amusement as Arashi crawled through the cave entrance, then rose and stood near the warmth of the dying fire. He looked back at the two men, and Renji met his eyes sternly.

"Okay," he said, narrowing his eyes, "You can stay. But we are _not_ cleaning up after you!"

Arashi glared back over a shoulder and raised his tail menacingly.

"Don't you even _think_ about it!" Renji warned him.

The stallion huffed out a breath and lowered his graceful head, then shook his body, sending a shower of horse-scented raindrops over the two men.

"I think it would be best if you didn't antagonize him," Byakuya suggested.

"Huh," Renji huffed, dropping back onto the pillow, "Just wait until I am feeling well enough to get up. You're gonna pay for that!"


	38. Our Hands Hold On

**Chapter 38: Our Hands Hold on**

Renji's mind rose out of a deep fog, and he realized that his surroundings had inexplicably changed. First of all, he felt much warmer. He was stretched out in a proper bed with Byakuya's body wrapped warmly around his and thick blankets wrapped around them. They appeared to be in a small, single room house, with their bed in one corner, a small table and two chairs nearby, and a stove, refrigerator, sink, counters and cabinets on the other side. One small curtained alcove held a bathroom and another seemed to be a closet. Although the place looked weathered, it had been cleaned up and somewhat weatherproofed.

"H-hey," he said unsteadily, causing Byakuya to jump awake, "Sorry, but…you mind telling me how in the hell we ended up here? Last I remember, we were sharing a cave with Arashi…!"

"You became very ill again," Byakuya said, his voice weary and his face too pale, "to the point where I could not care for you so far from the town healer. So the healer and his son helped me to move into town. I…thought this was sufficient for our needs."

"It's real cozy," Renji said, smiling weakly, "But I would have thought that you would just have me dragged back to the Seireitei if things got that bad."

"It crossed my mind to do so," Byakuya explained, letting his head fall back onto the redhead's shoulder and closing his eyes, "but…the healer said that it was too risky to move you while you were so unwell. And Unohana taichou was kind enough to come and offer some assistance. The woman with the boy and girl, who lives near the end of town, came to prepare meals for us while I tended you. In return, I taught her children some kido and survival skills, and a little bit of reading, writing and mathematics."

"Sounds like you kept busy. You look like hell, though. Did you sleep at all?" Renji asked, brushing the hair out of Byakuya's eyes and kissing one eyelid, then the other, "I'm barely sensing that you're here with me…though that could just be because I've been sick and I suck at reiatsu sensing anyway."

"Most likely," Byakuya agreed, "But you are on the mend now."

"S-so you want to go home, ne?" Renji asked, "Get back to where you can relax a little and let someone else take care of you for a while…where there are pretty gardens to walk in and…"

"Are you saying that you are ready to return to the Seireitei?" asked Byakuya, "Or are you trying to tell me that you want me to leave, now that you are well again?"

"Well, what I really meant is that I'm pretty sure you're not enjoying it here. You only came here to make sure I didn't die. I'm not dead. I'm healing just fine…"

"And you don't think you require any further assistance…so you are…dismissing me? Is that it, Renji?"

"Look, I'm not trying to start an argument, here, but I can see that this place is wearing on you and I'm worried about you. I have lived here, and now that you came and talked some sense back into me, and helped get me back on my feet, I have some thinking to do. I can't think if I'm worried about what is going on with you. And there's no need for you to have to be here, carrying my weight and yours, when you could be at home, getting better yourself and not having to tolerate being in this stupid hellhole. That's all I'm saying."

Byakuya turned suddenly and pinned the stunned redhead, bringing his face close to Renji's and transfixing him with furious eyes.

"First of all," the noble hissed, "_no one_ tells me what to do! I will come or go according to _my_ wishes. Secondly, it is extremely annoying to have you, the person who has twice lost consciousness for a week each time, tell _me_, who has cared for you after you nearly killed yourself several times, that you are _fine_ now, and I can be dismissed! I am not your _attendant_. I am your _husband_! And that means that where you go, I go. It was a mistake for me to let you leave in the first place. I told you that. And I am not leaving here without you! And if that means that leadership of the Kuchiki clan goes to Tetsuya, who we all know is more than worthy and deserving of the position, and you and I spend the rest of our lives in this tiny, boxy house, working our tails off to survive, then _so be it_! The only way you are going to get me out of this place and make me leave you behind is if you _kill_ me and send my lifeless corpse back home. Do you understand me, Abarai?"

Renji stared into the noble's flashing eyes and his lips curved into a helpless grin.

"Kami, you're _cute_ when you're pissed!" he laughed grabbing the front of the noble's yukata and dragging him into heated, open-mouthed kiss, "Well…seeing as you _have been_ really good to me while I've been sick…and you apparently like rough living so much, I guess I don't mind if you stay…"

Byakuya's reiatsu flared and his eyes sparked with fury. He opened his mouth to speak, but found himself toppled and brought down onto his back, and his mouth warmly penetrated. He held onto his anger for a moment longer, then felt it disappear as Renji's warm hands slipped beneath his yukata and began to caress his bare skin as they kissed. And having ached for weeks to feel those strong, loving hands touch him, he abandoned his anger and parted his thighs so that Renji settled between them, making him catch his breath, and setting his heart racing. Byakuya's slender hands undid the ties at their waists and pushed back their clothing to allow their bare skin to touch. Renji's hips moved and a shiver of intense desire passed over both men like a flash of fire.

"Please tell me that you have a protection charm," Renji panted against his lips, "I like fooling around, but I _really want you right now_, Byakuya…"

"You should be resting," said the noble, "not overexerting yourself so soon after waking up. If you want to get better…"

"Then I have all of the medicine I need right here," Renji finished, "So…protection charm? I'm guessing a careful planner like you would have thought of something like that."

"I did leave in a hurry," Byakuya said sedately.

"Oh shit…"

"But I had the presence of mind to consider that we could be staying here for a while, and I wouldn't trust the ones they sell down here."

He reached into the nightstand and withdrew a silver pendant on a chain. He met Renji's eyes coyly and slipped the chain around his neck.

"Ah…you must be feeling sorry for me because I've been so sick," Renji said, smirking, "Awfully generous of you, considering you don't prefer…receiving."

"I think I remember telling you that although I do not happen to prefer it, I am amenable to doing so _with _you. But I would strongly suggest that you shut up…now," Byakuya said, frowning, "Or I will, perhaps, change my mind."

Renji laughed good-naturedly, moving his hips and sending another shiver of pleasure through Byakuya. The redhead's member rubbed against his, creating delicious friction between them and making the aggressive shine in the noble's powerful, gray eyes soften. Renji reclaimed Byakuya's hungry, biting mouth and slowly reacquainted himself with every inch of its sweet depths.

"Did you always taste this good?" asked Renji between kisses, "Or is it just my brush with death that made me appreciate you more?"

Byakuya didn't answer, but sank his fingers into the thick waves of red hair, encouraging him as he crawled lazily down the noble's pale body, his stroking fingers finding and caressing Byakuya's most sensitive places and his red tongue blazing a heated trail down his lover's writhing form. Byakuya groaned and panted fitfully his face flushing as Renji began to prepare him. He hooked his fingers, making the noble's back arch reflexively and teasing a sweet, amorous moan from Byakuya's pale, parted lips. The noble tried but couldn't resist thrusting gently and tightening his fingers in the lovely, red hair until Renji winced.

"M-my apologies," panted Byakuya, shuddering, "But…it…h-has been some time since we…"

"Yeah," Renji mumbled, "Kami, I missed you!"

He froze for a moment at the sudden sad look that appeared in Byakuya's eyes, then disappeared again.

"You…did?" he asked softly.

"Of course I did," said Renji, continuing to prepare the noble, "What do you think?"

"I don't know," Byakuya said dizzily, "After things went wrong and we lost Hiroki, I wondered if maybe you would leave me. Without him there to hold us together, I wondered if you would still want to be with me…knowing that you might become pregnant again someday…or I might."

Renji lowered his eyes.

"I don't want to leave you," he answered, caressing the noble's damp arousal and sliding his fingers in and out of Byakuya's wet entrance, "I can't tell you right now whether or not I'll be okay with having other children. But I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

His heart fluttered and tickled his insides at the instant smile his words brought to Byakuya's lips.

"I am glad to hear that, Renji," he whispered back, "Because I love you too. Don't worry about the rest of it. We have time to make those decisions, and if you don't want to have children with me, then I am comfortable with naming Tetsuya's firstborn as the heir."

Renji's eyes grew troubled.

"But…what about you? I mean…you want kids. And it's not like you can have them without me. We're kind of trapped that way."

Byakuya pulled the redhead in for a long, wet kiss, then released him again.

"Then…if you wish it, we can separate. You can move back into your apartment and have whatever amount of freedom you need, Renji. There is no child to consider, so…"

"I don't have to live with you?"

"No," said the noble, his voice carefully controlled, "You can be free of me, if that it what you want…or we can see each other more casually. I will just ask that if you find yourself desiring someone else…that you are honest with me."

Renji's brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed.

"Me…want someone else?" he asked, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.

"Well, usually when someone asks for his freedom, he is trying to make a graceful exit. He may exit slowly to avoid hurting his lover…but he does eventually leave."

"Byakuya…"

"Renji, before I left to come and find you, I had a lot of time to think. I asked myself if I had to make a choice between having you leave me…or agreeing not to have children, which I would choose. And it didn't take any thought at all. If agreeing not to have children is the difference between you staying and going, then we do not have to have children."

"But," Renji said, frowning, "You are the strongest leader in the history of your clan. You don't think there will be pressure for you to…"

"I can only have children with you. And if you do not wish it, then I am not going to force the issue."

"But you _want _kids," Renji argued, "I know you do. And you're good with them. And just like that, you will give up on that?"

"I won't hurt you…not anymore," Byakuya said quietly, "I didn't mean to, but before, I took away your choices. I cornered you. I won't do that anymore. If we have children someday, it will be because we choose it…together."

Renji's eyes widened in surprise, then dampened with tears.

"What's wrong?" Byakuya asked quietly, "Did you really think that I cared so little about what you endured that I would not consider what might be best for you? I _am_ capable of thinking about something besides what serves the best interests of my clan."

"I know," Renji said, a guilty blush touching his features, "I just…I feel bad, you know? Because I know you'd be a great father."

"_We_ would be good parents, Renji."

"And even though you're not saying so, I know it would really hurt you to have to give up on that. But just to know that you love me enough to do that…"

He brushed away a tear and sought the noble's mouth again, engaging him in a long, intense kiss as he pushed inside him in slow, measured thrusts. He paused, fully entrenched in the noble's body and gazing deeply into Byakuya's solemn eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you either," he said softly, "So as soon as the healer says it's okay, I'll go back to Kuchiki Manor with you. We'll just take things one day at a time. We won't think about the hard questions. Let's just focus on appreciating each other for a while. The other stuff can wait until we're ready, ne?"

Byakuya nodded silently, tightening his hands on Renji's shoulder and burying his face in the redhead's shoulder as Renji's hips began thrusting. He slid his slender hands down the redhead's muscular back and took hold of Renji's powerful hips as they thrust in deeper and faster, pleasure registering on his face and in the low, intense sounds he made. Byakuya focused his mind on his lover's pleasure, watching it flood Renji's face as the redhead gave a hard gasp and emptied himself into the noble, kissing him hard and moaning feverishly. He frowned as the redhead seemed to lose his senses entirely and closed his eyes, disappearing into sleep again.

"Baka," sighed Byakuya, checking carefully to make sure there was no need for concern,"I knew this wasn't a good idea."

He waited until he was sure that Renji was sleeping comfortably, then loosed himself from the redhead's arms. He sat quietly on the edge of the bed for a moment, then removed the protection charm and returned it to the nightstand. He went into the bathroom and bathed, then dressed and walked out into the garden outside the house. He dropped down beneath the spread branches of an aged oak tree and stared down at a patch of soil that he and the neighbor woman's children had prepared for planting. He took a flower seed and planted it in the soil, then placed his palms on the ground and focused on the seed. Power pulsed gently around his hands and sank into the ground, surrounding the seed and making it open and grow. It peeked up through the soil and its leaves slowly stretched out, seeking the sun's warmth. He watched as the flower bud appeared, then slowly opened in front of him. He stared down at the flower, biting gently at his lips and letting a tear stray onto his cheek.

"That's an interesting trick," said a rough voice from outside the fenced garden, "Do you know any other ones, sweetheart?"

Byakuya quietly brushed away the errant tear and stood.

"Why are you here?" he asked in a low, warning voice.

The man's black eyes narrowed.

"Just being neighborly," he said, smirking, "Saw you and that red-haired fella moved in and thought I'd give you two a proper welcome."

"Thank you," Byakuya said curtly, moving towards the house, "Now, if you will excuse me…"

"Are you and that other guy in a relationship?" the man asked.

"Why do you ask?" queried Byakuya, his eyes glittering malevolently.

"Just curious," the man replied, his eyes running up and down the noble's slender form, "You're quite the head-turner. I was wondering if you might want to hook up some time. I could pay you if you like. I have a shop in town, so I have the money."

"No."

The man took a step closer and Byakuya raised his reiatsu menacingly.

"Hey," said the man, putting up his hands defensively, "No need to get your feathers ruffled. I just thought that someone pretty like you would see the potential in mining those good looks to earn a living. I know a few guys that would pay a lot for an hour between those pretty white thighs of yours."

"Leave," Byakuya said, glowering.

"Sure," said the man, giving him a crooked smile, "Maybe another time…"

The door to the house opened and Renji looked out as the man turned and walked slowly away.

"What did he want?" the redhead asked.

"He was just looking for someone to work for him," Byakuya answered, "I told him I wasn't interested."

"Good," said Renji, "He's a troublemaker…and we don't need his kind of trouble."

He watched until he was sure the man had disappeared.

"You all right?" he asked softly.

"Yes. I am fine," Byakuya answered, walking back inside.

"Look, I'm sorry I dropped off like that."

"You were ill. I shouldn't have gone along with you. I knew that you weren't up to it. I just…had missed you, and I let those feelings get the better of me. It wasn't your fault."

Renji caught him around the waist and pulled him in for a kiss.

"How about you let me make it up to you?" he asked, smirking.

"How about you let go of me and get back in bed before I drag you back there and tie you down?"

"Hmmm, in the mood for some kink now?" teased the redhead.

He yelped in surprise as he was thrown down onto his stomach on the bed and his yukata was torn away, baring the full expanse of black tattoos that danced over his shoulders and down his back. He chuckled as the protection charm dropped down around his neck and Byakuya moved into position between his parted legs.

"Now then," the noble breathed in his ear, "I think it is time to reacquaint myself with these lovely tattoos…and everything else as well."

"Oh," gasped Renji, bracing himself, "I have a feeling this might hurt a bit, ne?"

Byakuya gave him as close to a wicked smile as the redhead had ever seen on his serene features.

"That depends entirely on how well you behave…_Renji_."


	39. Even in Darkness, We Find Our Strength

**Chapter 39: And We Find Our Strength, Even in Darkness**

_"Now then," the noble breathed in his red-haired lover's ear, "I think it is time to reacquaint myself with these lovely tattoos…and everything else as well."_

_"Oh," gasped Renji, bracing himself, "I have a feeling this might hurt a bit, ne?"_

_Byakuya gave him as close to a wicked smile as the redhead had ever seen on his serene features._

_"That depends entirely on how well you behave…Renji."_

The redhead groaned in anticipation as Byakuya's cool hand pulled back the long red hairs, sliding them provocatively over his shoulder and letting his slender fingers brush against Renji's tanned skin. The noble's hot breath sent a hard shiver down the redhead's spine and Renji's fingers dug into the bedding as Byakuya's even hotter tongue ran up the back of his bare neck.

"Oh…oh fuck…" he moaned dizzily, "You aren't going to spend a lot of time punishing me for falling asleep on you, ne? You can be a little forgiving, my being sick and all, right?"

"Can I?" Byakuya asked, narrowing his eyes, "Do you think you deserve lenience? After all, you left our home, making it necessary for me to come all of the way down to the worst part of the Rukongai, to bear the cold of that icy cave, to pour my effort into keeping you from dying, to cook and clean for you, to work to pay for our food and drink…"

"You could have brought some money and a servant…" Renji reminded him.

He gave a pained squawk as the noble's fingers curled in his hair, tightening painfully.

"Did I give you permission to talk?" the noble asked coldly, "I was not finished."

"S-sorry!" said Renji, hissing sharply as Byakuya bit down on one sweating shoulder and pressed his inflamed arousal against the redhead's tattooed bottom, "Ah…shit!"

"After all of that," Byakuya said in a voice that somehow managed to remain soft but still raised the hairs on the back of Renji's neck, "You tease me _shamelessly_ with the promise of this body…and then, after I have more than seen to your pleasure, you leave me dreadfully unfulfilled."

"Y-yeah…I did apologize…"

"Shut up," Byakuya said, nipping harder at his throat, "I didn't ask for apologies. And how can you apologize for leaving me unsatisfied…and sleeping like a log while that ruffian came to our house and propositioned me?"

"He…wh-what?!" Renji exclaimed, tearing away from the noble and sitting up, "Byakuya, you said he offered you a job!"

The noble looked back at him meaningfully and Renji glowered as realization struck.

"That _son of a bitch_!" the redhead yelled, "I'll kill him!"

Byakuya frowned.

"Very well," he said, nodding authoritatively, "But before you do that, you will pleasure me…and this time, you will satisfy me…or _you _will end up working for that man…"

He didn't wait for an answer, but curled a firm hand around Renji's neck and forced him down between his thighs, where his flushed erection waited.

Renji blushed cutely.

"Damn! No wonder you're kinda pissed off," he mused, "Did I tell you I was s-…!"

He found himself unable to speak as Byakuya tightened his hand on the back of the redhead's neck, guiding him downward.

"That is better," Byakuya said approvingly, "Your mouth is too busy to continue to chatter, ne?"

He tightened his fingers in Renji's hair again, making him catch his breath and look up at the noble questioningly.

"Be careful," he said silkenly, "You are not the only one here who _bites_…"

Renji closed his eyes and began to pleasure the piqued noble. He couldn't help but crack an eye open to watch as Byakuya leaned back, placing a hand behind him and carefully raising his hips to meet Renji's descending mouth. His eyelids fluttered and he looked so beautiful with his lips parted, his chest heaving softly, and the fingers of one hand still tangled in Renji's hair, encouraging the steady motion. He ran his teeth along the noble's skin, and Byakuya's back arched, his breaths shortening as he approached climax.

Renji smirked up at Byakuya.

"That better?" he asked, as Byakuya's eyes snapped open and glared down at him.

He barely had time for a short, clipped gasp as Byakuya turned suddenly and brought himself down on the crouched redhead's back, placing his knees between Renji's parted thighs and pushing him down flat on his stomach again. Renji groaned as the noble's wet hardness touched his bottom and Byakuya's biting mouth continued its assault on the back of his neck. He moved his hips, trying to create friction between his own hardened member and the bed, but was denied more than a momentary brushing as Byakuya tugged on his hips to raise them.

"How dare you seek your own pleasure before making up for your deplorable lack of attentiveness!" Byakuya scolded him, holding on to the redhead's hips and rubbing his own hardness against Renji's lower back, then teasing the redhead's entrance until he uttered a growling curse, "You will first see to _my_ pleasure, and _then_ I will grant you yours!"

"Oh gods!" Renji panted, shutting his eyes tightly, "Whatever you want, then, j-just…for kami's sake, just take me already, will you? I'm not resisting, here!"

Byakuya flattened himself against Renji's back, still holding his hips off the bed as he slowly licked the shell of an ear, then heated it with his breath.

"You are not resisting," the noble agreed, "but you are still talking. And such impatience! Such defiance! I see I have no choice, but to do the one thing I know will silence you. You had best hold on tightly."

Renji's hands released from the bedding and reached for the wooden bar that stretched across the foot of the bed. He flinched and panted harder as Byakuya entered him.

"Oh," moaned Renji, feverishly, struggling and trying to push back against the noble.

Byakuya's body held his tightly in place as he continued the maddeningly slow entry.

"F-fuck!" Renji gasped, an expression like pain flashing across his face, "Fuck…fuck…ah…ah, Bya, you're killing me!"

Byakuya sucked the redhead's earlobe into his mouth and teased it sweetly, and he paused atop the sweaty, panting redhead.

"Renji," he whispered into his lover's ear, "I love you."

The redhead smiled, then caught his breath in surprise as Byakuya's fingertips touched his frustrated length, and his body seized in response.

"Ha-ah," he gasped, unable to form a word, or even a coherent thought as his release pulsed out of him.

Byakuya raised himself and hauled up on the dazed redhead's hips again, moving steadily as Renji howled with pleasure, gripping the wooden bar tightly and raising his hips to meet Byakuya's heavy, pounding thrusts. The noble's breaths roughened and shortened, and his movements slowed as the sight of Renji's scattered hair and sweat-misted, tattooed back, his lusty groans of pleasure and his wonderful, masculine scent worked together to overwhelm him. He gripped the redhead's hips, drawing and releasing long, shaking breaths as his release filled his lover's pretty, tattooed bottom. He laid down on Renji's back again, kissing his way up the redhead's damp throat and kissing a flushed earlobe. He laced his fingers into Renji's and coaxed him onto his back, then he returned to Renji's mouth and laid on top of him, feeding him warm, open-mouthed kisses and letting his fingers trace the tattoos on his shoulders and chest. His fingers brushed the protection charm lightly, and Renji glanced at it, then sat up suddenly, startling the noble.

"What the hell?" he said, looking alarmed.

"What is it?" Byakuya asked, frowning.

Renji grabbed the charm, staring.

"I don't _believe _this!" he exclaimed, his eyes growing angry, "Byakuya…this thing is not charged!"

"What?" said the noble, looking more closely.

He took a surprised breath as Renji pulled away, yanking the device off and slamming it down on the nightstand. Byakuya met his eyes quietly, not saying anything. Renji's chest heaved as he searched for words.

"You know," he said finally, his voice low and barely controlled, "I get that you're hurting…and that you came down here to help me through a really rough time. But…"

"You think that…I did this on purpose? That I deceived you?" Byakuya asked, his eyes pained, "Do you really think that I would do that?"

Renji stared back at him, wide-eyed and uncertain, then shook his head.

"It's not something I would expect from you," he whispered, tears rising in his eyes, "I don't why you would…I mean…maybe you just snapped…or…maybe you really thought, not that you replace Hiroki in our hearts, but that we needed someone to love. And maybe you didn't know how to ask me…but…"

"Renji, I wouldn't…"

"You know, I suck at reiatsu sensing," he said, his voice shaking, "but _you don't_! It would have been easy to slip it by me…but something like this? You had to know!"

"I have been ill," Byakuya admitted softly, "You have said yourself that you could barely tell I was with you at times. Please, Renji, don't think that I would do something like that to you. I wouldn't. I swear."

Renji sniffed and brushed away a tear.

"I want to believe you," he whispered, "but I can't see how someone like you would not know. You had to…"

Byakuya closed his eyes against the words and his hands found the tie at his waist and retied it.

"So…you really think that I would be that selfish?" he asked quietly.

Renji moved forward and touched his face lightly. Byakuya met his sad, red-brown eyes, his heart sinking as he read the answer before the redhead spoke the words.

"I honestly don't think that you would do something like this for selfish reasons. If you did it, it was because you thought it was right, or it was necessary. You just made a mistake is all."

He was quiet for a moment. Then he picked up a yukata and wrapped around himself. He climbed out of the bed and stood looking back at the frozen noble.

"It isn't too late," Byakuya said softly, "to go to the healer and have it stopped. And we do not know, in any case, if the charm was charged or not when you took me. So…there may not be a problem at all."

"I have to think about this," Renji said unsteadily, "I uh…don't know if I could. I mean, I don't know what I'll do. Just…I won't leave you, okay? I just have to…catch my breath and think about this."

Byakuya bit his lip and nodded briefly.

"You must do what you feel is right, of course," he said, looking down at his hands, where they rested in his thighs.

He remained quiet and still as Renji left the house.

_I had no idea that I had deteriorated to this point. I think that I must return to the Seireitei…but…how do I explain to Renji? How do I tell him this now? Or should I just go, and let him think that it is because of what happened?_

He looked up as the door opened.

"Renji, I…" he began.

He stopped as he realized it wasn't Renji, but instead was the man that he had met earlier. Byakuya came to his feet, backing away as the man met his eyes and smiled.

"I told you to leave," he said, reaching for Senbonzakura.

"Take it easy," the man said, "We asked your red haired buddy before coming in."

"He didn't exactly give his _permission_," added a second, large man, pushing the door open wider and allowing two other men to enter, "But he didn't really offer any arguments."

"Actually," said the first man, glancing back at the other three, "He was still _discussing_ things with a few of our friends outside. We thought we would come inside and let them have their privacy…"

Byakuya tried to flash step, but only managed a running step as the men ran forward and moved to intercept him. He turned suddenly, striking out with an elbow and sending one of his assailants sprawling, then kicked the second aside and grabbed the sheathed sword, swinging it at the last two attackers as they took hold of him and forced him to the floor.

"You're quite the little wildcat," said the man who had first approached him, "But you have to sense that we are stronger than you…and unlike you, we have some additional power.

Byakuya twisted free, but caught his breath sharply as the sword was torn from his grasp and the two men he had knocked down, joined the other two, who were moving to corner him.

"What's the matter?" asked the leader of the group of men, "Don't feel like being friendly? You should at very least let us introduce ourselves. We are neighbors, after all. I am Rafu. I run the brothel in town. These are Teruo, Shima and Toyo, three of my friends. They help me to break in new employees."

"I told you," Byakuya said, his chest heaving softly, "I am not interested in working for you. Get out."

A smirk rose onto his lips as Arashi's neigh sounded outside, and the ground began to rumble around the small house.

"What the hell?" said Teruo, looking out the window, "You didn't say they that damned thing belonged to them! It's got powers like a shinigami, you ass!"

"Then, hurry and grab this guy and let's go. If they can't find us then they can't hurt us, ne?"

Arashi's hooves struck the side of the house, distracting the men for a moment and giving Byakuya an opening. Faced with the decision to attack or to run, he opted for the former and dove onto Shima, who was standing nearest his fallen sword. As the man's body struck the floor, Byakuya struck him in the face, slamming his head against the floor and incapacitating him. He kicked Teruo away as Toyo tried to drag him down again, and Rafu calmly stepped on the slender arm that was reaching for Senbonzakura. The bones in Byakuya's extended arm snapped loudly, and the noble gasped at the shock of pain that followed.

Teruo's arms wrapped around the noble's torso and dragged him onto his feet as Toyo kicked him hard in the stomach and laughed as his legs collapsed. He aimed a kick at the noble's face, but made a sound of surprise as Rafu's hand caught his foot, and the man glared at him meaningfully.

"Not his face," he said coldly, "Fuck up the rest of him all you want. Take turns riding him if you want. I don't care. I just want him put out when you're done."

Byakuya braced himself against Teruo and struck out with a foot, catching Rafu in the groin and forcing an agonized scream from his throat. Toyo grabbed the noble's broken arm, squeezing it, then staring in surprise as Byakuya loosed a scream of pain, but still managed to turn, tearing free of Teruo and sending the two remaining men crashing to the ground. He grabbed Senbonzakura and ran for the door, but was instead thrown, face-first into it as Rafu recovered enough to tackle him from behind. He pulled Senbonzakura out of the sheath, but found himself breathless and stunned as Rafu's foot connected with his stomach and he doubled over and dropped to his knees.

"Now, you'll pay for kicking me!" hissed the man, grabbing him by the hair and forcing him down onto his stomach.

Rafu screamed in shock as Byakuya's blade passed through the falling noble's shoulder, then impaled him through the heart as he fell onto Byakuya's back.

Teruo appeared in front off them and grabbed the hilt of the blade, yanking it from Rafu's dead body and sliding it cleanly out of Byakuya's injured shoulder.

"Move out of the way!" he screamed as Toyo moved in to attack the noble again, "I have him."

The two men froze as an ungodly screech sounded outside the door, which then imploded, throwing all of the men across the room. The head of the skeletal snake poked into the small house, shrieking and snapping at the remaining attackers as they fled, screaming. Renji flash stepped into the room, wiping blood from his face and screaming Byakuya's name. The noble sat quietly, leaned against the back wall of the house, blood running out of his shoulder on one side and his shattered arm cradled in his lap.

"Just hold still, okay?" Renji said, dropping to his knees and quickly summoning his healing power.

"I'll be all right," Byakuya said, with alarming calm in his voice, "but I need to go back to the Seireitei."

"What?" asked Renji, frowning, "No, you can't make that trip in this condition."

He stabilized the noble's arm against his body and lifted him carefully.

"Why didn't you use your powers?" he asked as he flash stepped towards the healer's house.

Byakuya closed his eyes and his body went limp in Renji's arms.

"Damn…" muttered the redhead, flash stepping faster.

He reached the block of buildings where the healer lived and flash stepped to the door, letting out a soft cry of relief as the healer opened the door and motioned for Renji to bring the injured noble inside.

"What happened?" asked the healer.

"It was that stupid freak, Rafu," Renji said, his voice filled with disgust, "He had some guys attack me and keep me busy outside, while he and some more went inside to go after Byakuya."

He watched as the healer carried Byakuya into one of the examination rooms, but was stopped from following by the healer's wife.

"You come with me," Noa said quietly, "I will tend to your wounds while Michio cares for Byakuya-san. He has treated Byakuya-san before. Everything will be fine."

Renji allowed himself to be herded into another room, where the healer's wife, carefully healed and bandaged his wounds. She had finished and was leaving to make him some tea, when he realized what she had said before.

"Wait a sec, Noa-san," he said, stopping her, "What do you mean that he has treated Byakuya before? For what?"

"I am not sure," the old woman said, looking uncertain, "It seemed to be a chronic condition that affected his spiritual pressure."

"What?" Renji said, shaking his head, "Byakuya has never had a problem like…"

He stopped himself, thinking back and remembering several times when he had noticed the noble's reiatsu seeming weak. His eyes widened as he thought back to the look on Byakuya's face when Renji had accused him of purposely leaving the protection charm uncharged.

"He was telling the truth," Renji said in a stunned voice, "He really didn't know…"

He left Noa behind and ran for the room where Michio was treating Byakuya, bursting inside and sliding to a stop as he spotted the old healer standing alone in the room.

"Where the hell is he?!" Renji cried, "He was too hurt to be…!"

"He only allowed me to splint his arm, then he left on the stallion," the healer told him, "You had best follow quickly. He is in grave condition, Renji-san."

"What?" cried Renji, "Michio, what in kami's name is wrong with Byakuya?!"

"His spirit centers have failed, and he is in decline. He is going to die if he does not allow corrective surgery to be done."

"How long has this been going on?" the redhead asked in a shaking voice.

Michio lowered his eyes.

"You must ask him. He has not given me leave to say anymore than I have. Go, Renji-san…and go quickly."

Renji met the old healer's eyes for a moment and read the severity, then flash stepped away, leaving everything behind and racing for home.

Byakuya…

_How long has this been going on?_

_And why didn't you tell me?_

Guilty tears came to his eyes as he ran forward, his mind afflicted with memories of how pale and unusually weak Byakuya had seemed.

_I was such an idiot._

_I never even thought to ask…_

_Kami, forgive me…I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you!_


	40. Place Your Heart in My Hands

**Chapter 40: Give Me Your Hand Now**

Arashi slid to a stop at the entrance to the healing center, watching Byakuya with nervous eyes as he slid to the ground and staggered to the division entrance. The stallion turned in the direction of Kuchiki Manor, and with a desperate whinny, burst into flash steps. Byakuya reached the lobby, then felt an arm slip around him and heard Unohana taichou's sweet voice in his ear. He clung to the sound as she helped him reach one of the examination rooms, where he fell into the bed, panting, shaking, and feeling what he knew had to be the beginning of the end.

And oddly, he was not at all afraid…

Although it was clear that he had finally reached the ends of what his body could endure, and even as he was drawn away to that very place he had gone to seek Renji after Hiroki's death, it was as though there was a strength inside him that promised to hold on. He listened to the voices around him, seeking the one that he knew would come for him.

"He is declining too quickly," Unohana taichou said solemnly, "Isane, place him on life support. Hanatarou, go and find Abarai Renji quickly!"

Just hearing Renji's name set off a storm of memories, and slowly, as Unohana taichou's reiatsu slipped beneath his skin and sought to hold him away from death, the images played out in lovely, highly colored flashes in his dying mind. And as they progressed, he began to see through the events and words as he never had before. Pulled away from the raw emotion of life as it happened, what Kuchiki Byakuya began to see, was that even as the two of them had circled around each other, touching at times, then spinning away, walking different paths for a time, the simple truth was…that he and Renji always found their way back to each other. For all that life had tried to tear them apart, whether through death or discord, they had always held on to each other. He stood quietly in that otherworld place, watching as a team of skilled healers fought to save his life, and his lips smiled as they whispered the source of the strength that was holding him back from death.

"Our love…" he whispered, his hand reaching up to touch the place over his heart, "I feel your love with me, even here, Renji. My heart is safe with you."

He lowered himself onto his knees beneath a sakura tree, watching calmly as back in the fourth division where his unconscious body laid, the healing power radiated around him, and time passed in the slowing beats of his heart.

"Byakuya," called a heartbreakingly familiar voice.

The noble's head turned.

"Segare…I am here."

XXXXXXXXXX

Arashi launched himself into the air, clearing the courtyard gates and making a mad dash across the gardens to Kuchiki Tetsuya's bedroom door. He trumpeted loudly, stamping his foot impatiently as voices sounded inside the room, then Tetsuya appeared in the doorway, with Tomio at his side, gently helping his very pregnant spouse in the direction of the stallion.

"What is it?" Tetsuya asked, placing a hand on Arashi's face and closing his eyes.

_He is dying. I took him to the fourth division. You must go to him now. I will bring Renji-san._

Tetsuya nodded briefly, then turned and began to explain to Tomio as Arashi lifted his head and fixed on Abarai Renji's reiatsu, then fired his equine body in that direction at top speed. He flashed through a forest, across several meadows, through shadow and light, his strong legs stretched out, blue eyes fixed on his path, his mind set on one goal.

_I must find him quickly…_

He reached the main gates of the Seireitei and dashed through them, following the path into the Rukongai, swerving around people, leaping over what he could not avoid, and honing in on that one who he sensed held some kind of important key to what was happening. He ran out of one district and into the next, firmly focused and determined. The fire in his heart eased as he spotted a desperately flash stepping form ahead of him. He stepped into Abarai Renji's path, turning as the shinigami launched himself into the air, and came down on the stallion's back. He lowered himself as Arashi burst into a flash stepping run, moving at top speed, back in the direction of the fourth division.

"Thank you," Renji said, laying a weary palm on the stallion's sweating shoulder, "Thank you for coming back for me."

Arashi managed a breathless nicker of affirmation, then threw his concentration back into running. Renji leaned low against his back, holding on tightly and focusing everything on reaching the one thing, the one person in his life who had become everything. And where before, he had wondered why Byakuya hadn't said anything, he abandoned the question 'Why?' and focused on 'How?'

_How do we get out of this?_

_How?_

_Byakuya, hang on._

_Don't die…_

He almost fell off of Arashi's back as Byakuya's voice sounded inside his mind.

_I will wait for you._

He could feel then, the touch of Byakuya's spirit ribbon brushing against his, the close presence of his soul, the promise of togetherness. He clung to it tightly as Arashi ran through the gates, into the Seireitei, and turned towards the fourth division. Renji hardly remembered the rest of the trip, his mind locked on Byakuya's presence and his heart set on reaching the noble. Arashi slowed and stopped as the reached the healing center, then lowered his head, laying back his ears and panting furiously as Renji dismounted and turned back to him.

"Thank you."

_Go to him…hurry, Renji-san._

Renji nodded and ran into the healing center. Tomio met him at the door, and led him to a private room, where Tetsuya and the Kuchiki council waited. A young healer left to find Unohana taichou, and Renji turned to speak to Tetsuya. He smiled at the sight of the noble's rounded belly, surprisingly peaceful and genuinely happy inside for the couple.

"You are looking great," he said, smiling at Tetsuya, "But shouldn't you have had that baby already?"

Tomio smiled proudly.

"Actually, yes," he answered, "But he is so dreadfully stubborn that he had refused to give birth until you and his cousin could be at his side."

Tetsuya brushed several long, wavy strands of black hair out of his eyes and looked up at Renji.

"I am glad you have returned Renji-san," he said quietly, "Nii-sama is in very guarded condition."

"Did you know he was sick?" Renji asked, glancing back at the council.

Tetsuya shook his head.

"None of us did. He never said a word to anyone."

"But I don't understand," Renji mused, "Why would he do that?"

"I believe I can give you some answers," said Unohana taichou, from the doorway, "Will you come with me, Abarai-san?"

Renji turned back and looked from Tetsuya, to Tomio, to the council members. He turned back to the healer and shook his head firmly.

"They are family. I want them with me."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tetsuya's look of deep gratitude, the tears that leaked onto his face, and the slender hand, so much like Byakuya's that sought Tomio's and held on tightly.

"Unohana taichou," Renji said quickly, "Please tell us what is going on! Byakuya never even told us he was sick. We didn't know."

"I have known of his condition for many years," the healer confessed, "but until now, I have not had the right to speak of it to anyone. When Kuchiki taichou lost consciousness and became incapacitated, his plan for such a situation freed me to speak to his husband, to explain. You must listen carefully, and then decide how best to proceed from there."

"I'm listening," Renji assured her.

"As you know, all shinigamis possess seven spirit centers placed within the chest and abdomen, and that the function of the spirit centers is to attract and control the reiatsu we tap into when we use our powers. The spirit centers are constructed of special cells that attract the reiatsu, then they widen or constrict as our will directs them, so that we can use our powers. The condition from which Kuchiki taichou suffers is a very rare one. Only five shinigami's have had it, and only one has survived. The one who survived was given a complete transplant of his spirit centers. It is possible for Kuchiki taichou to receive such a transplant."

"Then why hasn't he before now?" asked Renji.

"Kuchiki taichou has very mixed feelings about the surgery, because of something that happened when he was a young child."

"What happened?"

"Two of his spirit centers began to shut down. We were not aware, at the time, that he had this condition, but once he learned of it, Kuchiki Soujun was adamant that his son would not die. We attempted to match him with donated spirit centers in our database, but there were no matches. Matches tend to be best among family members, but no one can donate spirit centers while still alive."

"So, what did you do?" asked the redhead.

"I had heard of a partial transplant, that involved harvesting some of the special cells from a powerful shinigami, but leaving the spirit centers intact. They would be weakened, but the harvested cells could be used to stabilize the failing spirit centers of the patient."

"But the donor would be…"

"Reduced in power…but still alive and able to use his powers. Kuchiki Soujun immediately offered himself for this procedure."

"But Kuchiki Soujun, from what I have heard, wasn't powerful," said Renji, frowning, "Byakuya said that he never…"

"He never achieved ban kai," finished Unohana, "But…he _would have_, except that Kuchiki Soujun would then have had to stand by and watch his son die."

"Sweet kami!" gasped Tetsuya, going white and leaning against Tomio, "H-he…?"

"Kuchiki Soujun sacrificed a portion of his powers so that his son's life could be saved."

"Damn…" Renji muttered.

"He did so and ordered that it be hidden from everyone, because he made his decision…"

"…without consulting the council," Tetsuya finished, "He was probably concerned that every moment counted."

"Every moment did count," the healer affirmed, "But he was also concerned because the procedure was new, and he worried that permission would not be granted for him to proceed. So he had the procedure and hid the fact, so as not to dishonor his father, who was clan leader. He then shouldered the weight of Kuchiki Ginrei's disappointment that he did not reach ban kai. And something worse happened. Kuchiki Soujun was killed in battle, prompting Kuchiki Byakuya to blame himself for being the reason his father died."

"Shit…" breathed Renji, "That has to have been…awful…"

"After his father's death, Kuchiki Byakuya refused to allow me to speak of his illness with anyone. He held it as a matter of deep shame that his father died because of the surgery that had saved him. For years, it was never an issue. Kuchiki Byakuya went on to achieve ban kai, to become the clan leader and taichou that his father had wanted him to be. But all the while, he carried that hidden pain inside him…and he chose to bear it alone. But, for some reason, upon his marriage to you, Kuchiki taichou changed his protocol for treatment. He ordered that, should illness or injury ever leave him incapacitated, his husband, Abarai Renji, would be told everything, and would have the power to decide how best to handle the situation. This was a breakthrough for him. Realize that he never intended for anyone to know. And if he had become incapacitated and died from it before, no one would ever have been told anything. It is a compliment of the highest form that he not only decided to allow the story to come out, but that he would entrust his fate to you, Abarai-san. And it is because you inspired this change in him that he now has any chance for survival."

"I…I don't understand," Renji said, his eyes widening, "How does my knowing about it help?"

"Because he agreed to share the story with you, and he also named you as the one who would make his decisions for him, should he ever be incapacitated, it is your decision what steps to take now to save his life."

"You want to do a complete transplant?" Renji asked.

The healer nodded.

"We could have searched for a donor before, when Kuchiki taichou's spirit centers began to fail again, but it happened amidst the loss of your son, and so he had us stabilize him, and he put off the decision until things settled."

"And then he used all of his strength to come after me…to take care of me," said Renji, guilt flooding his heart, "He could have been…"

"He wouldn't have had the surgery anyway," said Unohana, shocking all of the ones gathered before her, "He flatly refused to even look for a donor."

"Wh-why?" asked Renji, breathlessly.

"You must understand, Kuchiki taichou still blames himself, both for his father never achieving ban kai, and for his death. And because he knows that for there to be a donor, someone must have died, he found it too much of a burden to think of anyone else having died so that he could live."

"But Unohana taichou, no one would have died to save him," said Tetsuya, "All shimigamis know that when they die, their spirit centers will be removed and donated to save other lives. It's standard protocol!"

"I know that…but that is not how Kuchiki taichou viewed it. He was still too affected by the loss of his father, and how he blamed himself. I offered to recommend a counselor to assist him, but he refused."

"That sounds like him," Renji said sadly, "He has always been hard on himself. But he doesn't need to be. I want him checked as soon as possible, so that he can be matched with a donor."

"I will do that, if you wish," said the healer, nodding, "But before I take that action, you should know the additional factor that weighed most heavily on Kuchiki taichou's heart."

"What is that?" asked Renji.

"As I said, family provides the best possibility of a match. Kuchiki Soujun matched his son, but sadly, when he fell in battle, his spirit centers were compromised and not usable for transplant."

"So that means…?" Renji queried.

"There are two relatives very close to Byakuya, who may be compatible donors."

"That's great," said Renji, "So check them!"

"Abarai-san, realize that Kuchiki taichou knew about these possibilities. He knew about them, and he refused to be checked, because he couldn't manage his emotions about them."

"Oh…oh gods…" Renji said, covering his mouth, "You…you mean Hiroki and Koichi?"

Unohana taichou nodded.

"They are the best chance for saving him, but he found it unbearable to have to make that decision. He already carried the guilt about his father, and even though his sons died for reasons unrelated to him in any way, his heart would not let him see that. It was too much of a burden. But…when he fell in love with you, and he gave his permission for you to know, he also knowingly entrusted this decision to you. I think that he realized two important things about his situation. First, that he was too close to the situation to think clearly about it…and second, that he loved and trusted you enough to place in your hands the decision he could not bear to make. So you must think carefully, Abarai-san. Your husband is stabilized and on life support. We can either check to see if there is a match, or we can remove him from life support and allow Kuchiki taichou to die."

Renji looked back at the silent group of Kuchiki family members, his eyes fixing on Tetsuya's tearstained face and pregnant abdomen. He let out a soft breath and turned back to the healer, his heart resolved.

"Unohana taichou," he said quietly, "I think I speak for all of the family here. I want you to do whatever you have to, to save Byakuya."

"Even knowing how conflicted he was?"

"Even then," Renji affirmed resolutely, "If Byakuya had really wanted us to let him die, he wouldn't have even let us be told. There is no decision to be made. We need him here…all of us. Check to see if he is a match."

Unohana taichou smiled guiltily.

"I must confess," she said softly, "My own emotions caused me to break the rules, and I have checked already. Your sons are a perfect match for Kuchiki taichou…and we have a full set of spirit centers for the surgery. All we need is your permission."

"And he will be all right after that?" asked Renji.

"That will depend on many factors," the healer explained, "How well he tolerates the surgery, whether his body accepts or rejects the transplant, his will to survive…"

"You worry about the healing stuff," said Renji, "I want to see him."

"Very well," said Unohana taichou, "I will begin the preparations for the surgery, and I will send someone back to bring you to the operating room before we begin."

"Can I stay with him during the surgery?" asked Renji.

"Of course, Abarai-san," said Unohana taichou, "I think your presence would be a great source of encouragement."

Renji watched silently as the healer walked away, then felt a light touch on his arm and turned to find Tetsuya looking up at him. His eyes still held tears, but he was smiling.

"Arigato, Renji-san," he said softly, tightening his hand on Renji's arm, "I am so happy that Nii-sama's love for you made him entrust this to you. I always knew that what you felt for each other was very special. And now, he has a chance to be healed, because of that love."

"Huh…" mused Renji, "I never really looked at it that way, but yeah…he really must love me. And I'm going to do everything I can to keep him with me…with us."

He placed a hand on Tetsuya's abdomen and the two men exchanged smiles as the baby gave a lively kick.

"Hang in there, kid," Renji said, patting Tetsuya's pregnant belly, "You have to wait just a little longer."

"Abarai fukutaichou?" Isane's voice called from the doorway, "Come with me. I will take you to Kuchiki taichou."


	41. Let Me Carry You When You Fall

**Chapter 41: Let Me Carry You When You Fall**

"Are you all right, Tetsuya?" asked Tomio, placing a hand over his husband's, where it rested on his swollen abdomen, "You are sweating, and you look a bit shaky."

Tetsuya's blue eyes met his for a moment, and he gave his lover a tired smile.

"It is likely just the stress," Tetsuya answered, rubbing his belly gently, "Although our little one seems very restless."

He winced and slowed his breathing as pain radiated through the area and the baby's reiatsu sparked fitfully.

"Restless indeed," commented Tomio, touching his hand to Tetsuya's, "Your own reiatsu is flaring up again. I think I will go and bring a healer, just in case."

"I will bring the healer, Tomio-san," said Head Councilor Nori, "That way, you needn't leave him."

"And the rest of us will help you to keep the baby's reiatsu stable," offered Fumio.

"But," Tetsuya panted softly, "I…I wanted to have Nii-sama here. Tomio…"

Tomio's green eyes sought Tetsuya's calmly.

"He is with you, Tetsuya," he assured his anxious counterpart, "We are all with you. Now, keep your breathing slow and focus on our baby."

Tetsuya closed his eyes and let out a long, shaky breath as the Kuchiki elders gathered around him and laid their hands gently on him, focusing their power so that it wrapped around the developing reiatsu cluster. Nori returned with Hanatarou, and the youth laid his hands on Tetsuya's rounded belly and bent his head in concentration for a few minutes. Then, he smiled.

"We will need to take you to a room," he told Tetsuya, "You are in labor."

"But…" Tetsuya objected, "N-nii-sama…"

Tomio cooled his sweating forehead with a wet cloth.

"Your brother will be fine, now that they are operating. And when he wakes, he will have a new niece or nephew to meet. Come now, breathe with me, Tetsuya."

Tetsuya focused on Tomio's affectionate eyes and tried to continue to breathe through the strengthening pains.

"We have his room prepared," said another healer, "Bring him this way."

Tetsuya started to stand, but was gently swept off his feet and into Tomio's arms.

"Allow me," Tomio said, smiling.

"I am surprised you can still lift me," panted Tetsuya, looping his arms lightly around his husband's shoulders, "I must weigh as much as Arashi…"

"Hold on, watashi no koi, we're almost there."

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya turned his head, and his eyes widened in recognition and softened in reaction as a smiling Kuchiki Soujun appeared on the bridge behind him and moved to join him. He came to his feet, standing still as his father approached and meeting Soujun's gentle eyes searchingly.

"Father," he whispered, his lips enjoying the loosing of the word.

"It has been a long time, Byakuya," Soujun said softly, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around his son.

Byakuya couldn't hold back a helpless smile as he saw their reflection in the water beside them and realized how much they looked alike. He returned his father's embrace warmly, then the two looked down into the shinigami world, where Byakuya's body laid, still and barely alive in the operating room.

"I have missed you," Byakuya said, slipping a hand into his father's and feeling the odd sensation of being a child again.

"Why?" asked Soujun, "I promised to always be with you. And I have been. I told you, Segare, death is not the end for any of us. We will be together again. But…I am hoping you will wait a bit longer to join us. You have much yet to experience. You have only begun to explore the depths of love. And you have yet to fully embrace fatherhood."

He touched Byakuya's face lightly and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Still, I am proud of what you have already accomplished. You are everything I knew that you would be."

"I am glad," Byakuya said, closing his eyes, "that I have not disappointed you…but…"

Soujun turned his head to look at Byakuya.

"But you remain conflicted," he concluded, "You still torment yourself for what I did. And that grieves me, son."

"That I hurt inside because of what you sacrificed for me? That I feel responsible for stealing away strength that could have saved your life?"

Soujun slipped and arm around him, and Byakuya felt an old, familiar, achingly lovely warmth pass through him. He hesitated for a moment, then with a soft sigh, leaned against Soujun, as he had when he was younger. And even being taller, he fit comfortably in that place, as he always had before.

"You were a small child," Soujun answered quietly, "And I only did what any father would do. You know that you would do the same in a moment."

"I would," agreed the noble, "But then, I had a good example set for me."

They watched silently for a moment as Renji was led into the operating room, and he sat down next to Byakuya's unconscious body and slid a hand into his. Byakuya's eyes softened and misted as Renji's voice sounded calmly in his ear.

"I'm here," he whispered, leaning forward and resting his head next to the noble's, as the healers pulled a drape across Byakuya's body and Unohana taichou prepared to begin the surgery, "I'm going to be with you the whole time. And don't be getting any ideas about leaving me now. I finally have my shit together, and I really want to have a chance to say I'm sorry for accusing you of setting me up to get pregnant again. I should know better than that. I am a little pissed about you not saying anything about this. But…it's hard to be upset when you think about the fact that you trusted me with your life."

"I place my life in your hands all of the time, baka," Byakuya said, smiling.

Renji laughed softly.

"Well, I guess you do sort of put your life in my hands all of the time, because I'm your fukutaichou. It's just been so long since we actually functioned as taichou and fukutaichou that it feels more normal now to think of you as my husband."

Byakuya caught his breath softly.

"That's kind of a surprise," Renji went on, "I didn't think, at first, that it would ever be natural to think of you as my lover…to think of those stuffy elders as my family, but a lot happened when I got pregnant before. I guess I was just so busy being surprised and overwhelmed by things, I didn't see what was happening. But I saw it today."

A tear came to Renji's eye and he brushed it away.

"You let me into a place in your heart where no one has ever been but you. You let me take away a heavy burden that you carried by yourself for a really long time. You gave me a chance to really act like a husband, to help take care of you and the people you care about. And I stopped thinking about what I have lost or what I don't have. All I can think about now is what I have with you. I have a home, a family, friends…and the chance to be a parent again someday. And really…it can be tomorrow if you want it to be. I don't need to think anymore. I know what I want, and it's right here. It's you…and everything that comes with it…"

Byakuya felt a strange sensation of weightlessness pass over him and the area around him began to brighten. He felt a soft tugging and came to his feet, pulling free of Soujun and walking slowly to the bridge. Soujun walked with him and stopped him at the middle. He could hear worried whispers and could feel Renji's hand tighten on his.

Two bright forms appeared on the far side of the bridge and approached the waiting noble. He recognized Hiroki immediately, then saw the second boy's violet eyes and knew him as well.

"So…it is as I feared," he said softly.

"No," said Hiroki, "It is as we dreamed."

"What?" Byakuya asked, frowning.

"You gave us life, however brief it was," said Koichi.

"And now you have given us a way to give something back," finished Hiroki, "We are grateful."

"Now you must decide," said Koichi, "whether we shall go with you, or whether we shall guide you over the bridge."

Each boy extended a hand in Byakuya's direction, and Byakuya reached back, joining them at the center of the bridge. The light around them grew brighter, and Byakuya felt himself being drawn towards it. He could still hear Renji, but the voice was growing faint. A pain passed through his chest, then another, and the light around him became blinding. He wondered if he had already taken that last step and had passed over into death, but he still felt Renji's presence in a place inside him. He suddenly remembered the feeling of Renji's arms curling around him from behind, the resting of Renji's head on his shoulder, Renji's rough, but gentle hands, his scent, the soothing sound of his voice, his laughter, his tears, and the sounds he made as they made love. He could hear Renji's voice yelling something at him, but he couldn't understand the words. He felt exhausted in body and mind, and wanted nothing more than to lie down and rest somewhere quiet. But Renji's voice became louder and closer, then a firm arm wrapped around him. He thought, at first, that it was his father who touched him, but then Renji's voice sounded in his ear again.

"Just where in kami's name do you think you are going?" he asked.

"Renji," he whispered.

He looked back at their sons, blinking in confusion as their bodies shone brightly, then slowly they moved forward. Byakuya and Renji looked on in stunned silence as the two boys reached Byakuya and became two points of light that passed beneath his skin and became one with him.

He started to fall, but was gently caught and carried somewhere. He closed his eyes and rested in the person's arms, not sure who it was…whether it was still Renji or if it was his father again. Then he heard Renji's voice, sounding soft and scared, repeating the same words to him over and over.

"Don't leave me…stay here. Don't leave me…stay here. Don't leave me…stay here."

His mind drifted, picking up fleeting bits of voices and touches, presences and soft vibrations that told him that he was still alive. Healing light pulsed around him, then something awoke inside him and he felt a beautiful warmth flood his body. He wondered what it could be, but then he remembered where he had felt it before.

_Paternal bonding?_

_Renji is…?_

XXXXXXXXXX

Tomio flinched as Tetsuya's reiatsu flared hotly, leaving him feeling as though there must be scorch marks on his hands. Hanatarou smiled sympathetically and produced a slim metal band that he slipped onto Tetsuya's wrist.

"I have to seal away your spiritual pressure for this part, so that it is easier for the baby's reiatsu to emerge," he explained to the very sweaty, panting and tired-looking shinigami.

Tetsuya nodded briefly, his wide, blue eyes on Tomio as his own power receded and the baby's strengthened. Hanatarou placed his palms on Tetsuya's round belly, sending a calm swirl of reiatsu down into the chamber inside the pregnant shinigami. He made a sound of approval as the baby's reiatsu latched on and slowly began to emerge. Golden light flared around the healer's hands, and Tomio and Tetsuya held hands and looked on in wonder as Hanatarou's hands curved around the emerging cluster and captured it gently as it left Tetsuya's body. Then, as the three watched, the light swirled around the golden cluster, and it slowly darkened and solidified. Tomio made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sweet, happy sob as the cluster resolved into a tiny shinigami baby with unruly raven black hair and twinkling green eyes.

"You have a son," Hanatarou said, smiling widely and handing the baby to a proudly smiling Tomio.

"Oh…" panted Tetsuya.

Then he grabbed Hanatarou's sleeve.

"H-hanatarou," he gasped, "There…is something…"

The healer turned back as the light around Tetsuya's abdomen flared brightly and a second reiatsu slowly began to emerge.

"Ah!" gasped Hanatarou, hastily positioning himself and capturing the reiatsu cluster in his hands as it emerged.

Tetsuya gave a shuddering sigh if relief as the light around his abdomen shimmered and then slowly disappeared. The three shinigamis watched as the cluster gradually transitioned into a sweet-faced baby girl with the same tousled hair as their son, but with enchanting, wide, sapphire blue eyes.

"Oh my kami…" mused Tomio, his smile fading, "Tetsuya, I think we are in terrible trouble!"

"What do you mean?" Tetsuya asked breathlessly as Tomio placed the baby boy in Tetsuya's arms and accepted the baby girl from Hanatarou's hands, "She's lovely! They are both perfect!"

Hanatarou laughed.

"I think Tomio-san means that she is going to have the two of you wrapped around her tiny little pinky," he said, carefully examining each child, then standing back and nodding in approval, "They are both in perfect health. Tetsuya-san will need to eat well and get plenty of rest to replenish his reiatsu, but he will recover quickly. You should leave that band on and not use your powers for a few days while your body restores itself."

"Thank you, Hanatarou-kun," said Tomio, still unable to peel his eyes away from their babies, "We are deeply grateful."

"Oh…no problem," said the young healer.

Tomio watched as Hanatarou left, then turned back to Tetsuya, and caught his breath in surprise. Tetsuya held their baby boy gently against his shoulder, his face rested lightly on top of the little boy's head. His expression was one of intense happiness, but his pale face was bathed in tears.

"Tetsuya," he said, setting their daughter down in the bassinet near the bed and sitting down next to his mate, "Tetsuya, what's wrong?"

The blue-eyed noble shook his head as Tomio slipped an arm around him and brushed away his tears.

"I am…all right," Tetsuya assured him, "It's just that…Tomio, I was never supposed to have any of this! I spent much of my childhood locked in a tiny prison cell. I hardly saw the daylight. I didn't know what it was to laugh and play. And the only thing I knew of family was what my mother was able to tell me in stories, when I was allowed to see her. Even once Nii-sama came and freed us, I was told by many well-meaning people that I shouldn't have the same expectations as others. Even though our clan has a more lenient attitude towards half-bloods, the other clans do not. I was told not to expect to be married or to have children, and even if I did, they would be looked down on as I was. But Nii-sama, though he was protective, always urged me to seek more from life. He trained with me every day, pushed me as far as I could go, and never let me give up on anything. It is because of him that I earned my place on the council, and that when he left, the council supported his decision to elevate me to interim clan leader. _A pregnant male half-blood clan leader_, Tomio? Such a thing was unheard of! But even that is nothing compared to this. Tomio…you are…fully noble and from a clan who looked down on ours primarily because of me. And yet, you loved me, even knowing your own clan would expel you for it. Your love is such a profound gift, Tomio! But this…you made us a family…and it finally puts to rest the weight I have carried inside my heart all of my life. I have a peaceful heart and the happy life that my parents and I could only dream of. If they were alive, I know they would be so grateful to you. And I will never be able to say how grateful I am…Tomio…"

Tomio smiled and washed Tetusya's face with a cool wet cloth, then picked up their baby girl and sat down next to him on the bed.

"Tetsuya, watashi no koi," he said, kissing his mate warmly on the lips, "This is all of the gratitude I will _ever_ need."

XXXXXXXXXX

"He has stabilized and is coping well," Unohana taichou told Renji as she set Byakuya's yukata back in place, then removed the drape from over his body, "His restored spirit centers are responding when stimulated, and appear to have integrated with his body. But he will require a long period of recovery. It will go in stages. He may sleep for a long time. The sleep is restorative, but we will monitor him carefully to make certain that he does not reject the transplant. At first, we will keep his reiatsu sealed away, then we will slowly weaken the seal to begin to allow power to move through the transplanted centers. And once the seal is fully removed, we will slowly bring his power level up to full strength."

"And then, he'll be back to normal?" asked Renji.

"He should be," said the healer, "But he has a long way to go, I am afraid. Still, he is resting comfortably now. You should go get some food and rest as well."

"Maybe in a while," Renji said, resting his head on the bed again, "I just want to stay here with him."

"But you need to take care of yourself," the healer said in her sweet and oddly scary voice, "Kuchiki taichou will rest more peacefully if he knows you are taking care of yourself. I can feel from here that your reiatsu is weak."

"Yeah, I know," Renji said quietly, closing his eyes, "But I just can't make myself leave."

The healer smiled.

"Not even to see your new niece and nephew?" she asked placidly.

Renji lifted his head and broke into a smile.

"Tetsuya had two?" he asked.

"Yes," reported the healer, "And they are in perfect health. Tetsuya too."

"That's good," Renji said, looking at Byakuya and kissing the noble's pale hand.

"You hear that? We are uncles."

He looked back at Unohana taichou wearily.

"I do want to go see them," he admitted, "but I really can't leave him."

The healer nodded knowingly.

"I anticipated as much," she said reprovingly, "That is why I assigned Kuchiki taichou to a room with a larger, more comfortable bed. Feel free to lie down with him, and I will have food brought to you. I do insist that even if you refuse to leave, you must eat, Abarai-san. I must, as they say, draw the line somewhere, ne?"

Renji smiled at the healer gratefully.

"Thanks," he said, climbing into the bed and curling up next to his unconscious spouse.

He watched as the healer left, then settled down and closed his eyes.

He opened them again, a moment later and looked down under the blankets, where his stomach rested against Byakuya's side, touching one slender hand. A soft glow had risen up between the noble's hand and Renji's abdomen. The redhead broke into a wide, sweet smile.

"You really had better not leave me now," he chuckled, "Taichou, it looks like we are in trouble again…though I am happy to say, that this time, there was at least no sake involved."

He sighed softly and settled against the noble again, his heart peaceful and a happy smile gracing his lips.


	42. Love is not Just a Pretty Prison

**Chapter 42: Love is not Just a Pretty Prison**

**(Just one more chapter to go! Thanks to everyone who has read and supported this fic. I am so very grateful to all of you! :) By the way, the song referred to in this chapter is "Unbreakable" performed by Westlife, and is on Youtube. I suggest listening as you read the last part of the chapter...or maybe all of it. Just...keep tissues handy if you do. Ah...the lyrics are sooooo perfect! Enjoy!)**

"So," Renji said, looking down at where Byakuya's head rested on his shoulder, "You think you might wake up for me today?"

He closed his eyes and let his fingers slide through the long, silken strands of the noble's hair.

"I know it's a lot to ask after what you've been through," Renji went on, "but it's New Year's Eve and when midnight comes and the new year starts, I want to kiss you and have you kiss me back."

He captured a pale, limp hand in his and laced their fingers together.

"The first thing I want to do in the new year is to tell you how much I love you and to show it by making love to you...here...in our room...in our home."

He smiled and kissed the top of his sleeping spouse's head.

"Yeah, Unohana taichou thought that maybe if we brought you home, you would sense the familiar things around you and start to wake up. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for having you rest all you need to. But you've been asleep for a really long time, Byakuya. And even though we can still bond for our baby like this, I want to see you smile while we do it. I want to feel your hands touch my belly and feel how warm they get...and how they tremble just a little when they touch me. I never thought about what that meant...how it showed in a physical way how much you care. It's not just in the things you say. It's in the small things...the way you look at me, the differences in how you touch me, the way your voice sounds when we start talking about what things will be like when we have our baby."

He paused and looked down at where Byakuya's hand rested on the small bump on Renji's abdomen.

"It's getting bigger, faster this time," he said, smiling and rubbing the spot gently, "Maybe because it's the second time. That's what Unohana taichou said. I hope you don't mind me getting a little bigger too. Although, I was the only one really complaining about the size of my belly last time. You never said anything about that. When you looked at me, I forgot all about feeling awkward and huge. I just felt like I must be damned beautiful to make you wear that happy expression. I wish you'd wake up and look at me like that now. I need to see that."

"Renji-san?" said Tetsuya's voice from outside the garden doors.

"Come in," said Renji, looking up as Tetsuya appeared in the doorway, carrying their baby boy and Tomio entered the room, bearing their sleeping baby girl on one shoulder, "How are you two holding up? Still trying to do everything yourselves?"

"Well," Tetsuya sighed, blinking sleepily, "We did give them over to their attendants during the night, but Kiko became colicky and of course, that set Takao off. And once they both started up, we felt too guilty leaving them with the attendants."

"So you were up all night anyway."

"Yes," yawned Tomio, "Every time we got them back to sleep and started to go off to bed, one would wake up and start the whole thing again."

"You guys look exhausted," Renji said, smiling bracingly.

Tetsuya nodded.

"We're having Torio and Koji take them for a walk and we are getting some sleep."

"Hopefully," added Tomio.

"But how is Nii-sama?" Tetsuya asked, "Has he shown any signs of waking?"

Renji looked down at the noble, breathing in the soft sakura scent that hung in the air around him.

"Not yet," he admitted, "But Unohana taichou did warn us that he could sleep for a long time."

"He has been through quite an ordeal," Tetsuya acknowledged, "I am sorry, Renji-san. I know you were hoping that the two of you would be awake to greet the new year tonight."

"Well," Renji said, tightening his arms around the noble and tilting his head to watch as the soft glow of paternal bonding flared gently around Byakuya's slender hands, "I'm not gonna worry about that. I'm just going to be glad that we're still here...still together...still living and breathing. That's something, right?"

"Yes, of course," agreed Tetsuya.

He gave Tomio a meaningful glance and the two took their leave of the redhead and his sleeping lover.

"Those two are so perfect for each other," Renji mused, unable to hold back a smile, "You did a good thing, being supportive of them. They are really happy together. Their kids are adorable, of course. They named them after Tetsuya's parents. He told me it was a way to make peace with the past and to give some part of their souls a chance to finally be free. He asked me what we might name our child...boy or girl. But...I think I'll wait and see what you think. I really want your input on that."

His hand joined Byakuya's where it rested on his abdomen. He looked up as a soft tap sounded on the inner door of the bedroom.

"What's up, Matsuko-san?" he asked, smiling at the housekeeper.

The old woman blushed at his familiarity and smiled back at him.

"Hanatarou-kun has arrived from the fourth division to examine Kuchiki-sama and you, Abarai-sa..."

"Renji," the redhead corrected her, "I told you to call me Renji."

"V-very well, Renji-san," Matsuko said, her blush deepening, "Hanatarou-kun is here."

"Send him in," Renji chuckled, "And Matsuko-san?"

"Sir?"

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off? It's a holiday, after all. Don't you have family that you'd like to spend the time with?"

The housekeeper's face lit up sweetly.

"Why, Renji-san, my family is here. I have worked for the Kuchiki family for over a hundred years. My late husband was Kuchiki Ginrei's personal physician, and we never had children of our own. So it was a delight to help care for Kuchiki-sama and Tetsuya-san. And the new babies are a delight, as well."

Renji laughed.

"Sure. As long as you don't mind not sleeping..." he commented, "But I see what you mean. I never had a family growing up. Rukia and our friends were my family. Then...when Byakuya and I got married, I learned for the first time what having a family really meant. I feel pretty lucky. I know I must surprise people here because I wasn't raised around nobles, but..."

"Oh, Renji-san, the staff is very taken with you," Matsuko said, her eyes twinkling, "You add a spark to Kuchiki-sama that he didn't have before. He is a much happier man since you have come to Kuchiki Manor!"

"Huh," mused Renji, "He doesn't seem that different to me...but I get what you're saying. Anyway, thanks. I'll see Hanatarou now."

"Yes, Renji-san," the housekeeper said, bowing.

Renji sighed and burrowed his face into Byakuya's hair again, looking out the garden doors as he waited for the healer to arrive. A few moments later, Hanatarou stepped into the room.

"Hello, Renji-san," he said, bowing, "Unohana taichou asked me to examine you and Kuchiki taichou and to bring back a report on your conditions."

"Sure," said Renji, nodding, "Have at..."

The healer approached the bed and Renji turned and lowered Byakuya onto his back. Hanatarou leaned over the noble and placed his hands on Byakuya's chest and abdomen, focusing deeply, then touching the noble's face and calling his name softly. Byakuya remained silent and still as the healer concluded his examination.

"So?" Renji asked, his eyes betraying the fact that he didn't expect any change.

"His spirit centers are fully functional now, and respond immediately to stimulation. His reiatsu flickers when I say his name."

"It does?" Renji asked, brightening, "It wasn't doing that before, ne?"

"No," Hanatarou said, shaking his head, "It means that his consciousness is in the process of returning. I don't know how long it will be yet, but this is a step forward, Renji-san."

Renji sighed gratefully and a lazy smile found its way onto his face as Hanatarou moved to his side of the bed and laid his hands on the bump on Renji's belly. Renji couldn't quite stifle a soft giggle as the reiatsu swelled briefly under the healer's hands, giving him the feeling of having tickling bubbles in his stomach.

"Your baby's reiatsu is stable and responsive," Hanatarou said, looking pleased.

"I'll say," Renji laughed, "Feels like the kid's doing back flips in there."

"That's normal," Hanatarou assured him, "An active reiatsu is a healthy one."

"Yeah," said Renji, his eyes growing nostalgic for a moment, "I remember."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Renji-san," the healer said quickly, "I didn't mean to bring back bad memories."

"It's okay," Renji said, waving off the sputtering youth's hasty apology, "You don't need to walk on eggshells around me, Hanatarou-kun. I admit, I am scared sometimes and I sometimes feel crappy because some of the memories are hard to deal with...but I'm not going to let that ruin what it feels like to be doing this again. This baby's already a little miracle, and I plan on enjoying every second of it."

He stole a wistful glance at Byakuya.

"I just hope sleeping beauty, here, decides to wake up before he misses everything. Or at very least before I go into labor!"

"Ah, not to worry, Renji-san," Hanatarou said with certainty, "Kuchiki taichou really is making progress. I am sure he will wake up soon."

Renji forced down the uncertainty that continued to nag at him and smiled at the healer.

"I'm sure you're right."

XXXXXXXXXX

"It is time for you to go home to them," said Soujun, studying Byakuya's moonlit profile where his son sat quietly next to him, looking up at the bright stars and misted moon, "But you know that."

"Yes," Byakuya said softly, "I am aware."

"I know that you have enjoyed the time we have had here. And perhaps in your dreams, we might see each other from time to time. But you have a family of your own that awaits you."

"Renji..." the noble whispered, looking quietly down at the redhead's face, where it appeared before them on the surface of the lake they sat beside.

"Do you still feel uncertain of your feelings for him?"

Byakuya released a soft puff of breath, his lips curving upward slightly.

"I never had any doubts about my feelings for Renji...only about my willingness to allow them to guide my heart and my actions."

"You entrusted everything to Abarai Renji," acknowledged Soujun, "Your family, your honor, your pride, your very life. And how do you feel about how he treated them?"

Byakuya's upturned lips blossomed into a gentle smile.

"He has, of course, honored and respected them. He respected the bond between my family and us by including them when Unohana taichou gave the explanation of my condition. He considered my honor and my pride when making decisions I could not. And I felt perfectly safe, resting my life in his hands...as though it was the most natural thing to completely trust him."

"But still you linger here," his father said quietly, "Why?"

Byakuya turned his head to look into Soujun's eyes.

"Do you really not know?" he asked.

Soujun lowered his eyes and nodded in acknowledgement.

"I understand," he said softly, "I have missed you as well. But...just as I am not of your worlds now, you are not of this one. It was only a place where we could connect while you needed to be here...while fate and choices collided and your future was set. You chose your path. You only need now to step onto it. It is time for you to go home, segare."

"And I will," Byakuya said, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them and fixing them on his father, "But I would ask you for two things."

Soujun looked back at him curiously.

"And those are...?"

"I would like us to be together, for a moment first...you, Mother and me."

"I see," said Soujun, smiling and nodding in assent.

A light shimmered on the bridge behind them, and a moment later, a lovely, pale skinned noble woman with wavy black hair and pretty gray eyes like Byakuya's, crossed the bridge and joined them. She leaned down to kiss Soujun's sweetly smiling lips, then sat down on the other side of their son. Each parent slipped and arm around Byakuya, joining the three.

"I want to thank you both for the sacrifices that you made to give me life and to keep me alive. I realize now that I did not honor your choices before. I held it against myself that you had each, at different times, given your lives so that the love that created me would go on. The choices you made were not just for me, but for us. I see that now. Those choices honored and respected who we are to each other, even though we are no longer in the same place. It sets a fine example for me to follow as I become a parent and must take on the choices that come with that designation. I will leave this place with a more peaceful heart, thanks to you. But...before I go, there is something that I very much want to see with my own eyes...here...now...together, as we are."

Sorano smiled and nodded, then turned her head to meet Soujun's questioning eyes. A moment later, Soujun's eyes lit with understanding. Smiling widely, he stood and called his zanpakutou to his hand. The blade appeared and Sorano and Byakuya came to their feet, watching as he raised the blade and pointed it at the star-filled sky.

"Ban kai," his smiling lips said, "Hoshi no zetsumei, Hoshibatsuraku!"

Byakuya and Sorano watched breathlessly as a single star began to fall towards them.

"Hoshi no zetsumei," Soujun intoned softly as the star closed in on them, "causes a single star to descend from the sky, where it surrounds the enemy and closes him inside."

The star reached them and closed them inside.

"The star then explodes with the destructive force of a supernova, lighting up the sky with the power of the sun."

Although the family was carefully shielded, Byakuya smiled and a tear escaped from his eye as he felt the sheer power of his father's ban kai fall over them. Light flared around the three and even shielded, they could feel how shattering the shockwave was as it exploded outward. The light enveloped Byakuya and he felt himself being drawn away from his parents. And though his heart ached at leaving them, he saw one last glimpse of them, standing with their arms around each other, watching him depart. The last impression he had was the look of deep pride in their eyes as they watched their child fall slowly out of the stars and back down into the life that waited for him. The light around the noble became blinding and the fires of his father's ban kai burned fiercely as Byakuya tumbled down and slowed, coming to a near stop, and then slipping gently back into his body.

He opened his eyes and found that the room was dark and he was alone.

He heard music outside of the room...and voices, in the gardens. He left his bed and rose onto shaky legs, heedless of the fact that he was dressed in his sleeping yukata and his feet were bare. He thought of nothing but seeking one person. His senses extended, seeking the sound of his voice, his scent, the warm feel of his reiatsu. He sensed the redhead's direction and turned towards him, slipping out of his room and passing through the misted garden looking like a lovely, ghostly specter. He stopped short of where the staff and family had gathered and watched as the band began to play, and Tetsuya and Tomio wrapped their arms around each other and began to dance together.

"Want to dance?" Rukia asked Renji.

The redhead shook his head.

"I need to get back," he said wistfully, "Conscious or not, your brother is going to be kissed at midnight."

Rukia sighed and brushed a few stray hairs away from his face.

"You really love Nii-sama," she said affectionately.

"Shit," muttered Renji, wiping his eyes, "Don't make me cry, Kuchiki. You know I'm knocked up and I can't help it."

He sighed softly and looked back towards the darkened room where he had left the noble.

"Yeah...I love Byakuya. And I would give anything to have him be here...conscious...to dance with me to this perfect love song, then kiss me at midnight."

"Then you are in luck," Byakuya said, startling the two and causing them, and the rest of those gathered to freeze in place, staring.

"Because..." the noble went on, stepping gingerly down off the walkway and into Renji's arms, "I was just thinking that...there is nowhere I would rather be than dancing with you to this perfect love song, and kissing you at midnight to ring in the New Year."

"_Baka,_" Renji said, his voice shaking and tears erupting onto his face, "What in kami's name are you doing out here...dressed like that? You're barely on your feet! You...!"

Byakuya leaned against him and Renji's arms wrapped around him.

"Shut up, Renji," the noble said calmly, "and dance with me."

Byakuya met Tetsuya's eyes gratefully as his cousin wrapped a cloak around his shoulders, then returned to Tomio's arms.

"Okay," said Renji, "but after that New Year's kiss, you are going straight back to bed!"

Byakuya smirked.

"Of course," he said, nodding in assent, "But...I hope I will not return to our bedroom alone."

Renji grinned, ignoring the tears that still ran down his face.

"Hell no!" he exclaimed, "You get into _way_ too much trouble for me to leave you alone."

"Then, I'm in good company," Byakuya said, burrowing into his shoulder.

"I love you," whispered the redhead, "And I'm never leaving you again."

"Good," Byakuya said, his voice soft and weary, "Because I haven't the energy to chase you right now."

"Then let me take you back to bed now."

"No," the noble insisted, "After midnight."

He rested his head on Renji's shoulder and moved slowly with the redhead as the music played. As the song drew to a close, Renji lifted the noble into his arms and the two watched as the last seconds of the old year passed. Fireworks erupted all around them, rising into the sky and exploding in brilliant colors. Their lips met warmly and their affectionate eyes reflected the beauty of the fireworks that continued to explode all around them. After several slow, open-mouthed kisses, Renji turned back towards the main building and carried his nearly sleeping spouse off to bed.

_Thank you, Father...Mother, for saving me._

_I know now what the love was like between you._

_I understand its power and its worth._

_And like you, I will never let go._

_No matter what happens..._

_No matter what..._

"Byakuya?" Renji's worried voice called, making him open his eyes again.

Seeing that he was awake, Renji flushed slightly.

"Sorry," he said in an unsettled tone, "It's just that you were asleep for so long after..."

"I'll be fine now," he assured the redhead, "I have returned from that place, and I am home to stay."


	43. Love is Our Home

**Chapter 43: Love is Our Home**

**(NOTE**This is the edited version. Unedited version is being posted on AO3 and Aarinfantasy. Thanks so much for reading. Love you all! ;) Spunky)**

**(Whew! Another one finished. And I am extremely grateful to everyone who has been reading, faving and reviewing. I couldn't do this without each and every one of you. :) And once again, thanks to the wonderful Walkure, who requested this story! I am going to go back and fix a couple of minor bloopers in this one, then get to work on the next...Learning to Love Without Sake Part II: Impregnating Byakuya. **_**Byakuya made a promise to Renji to bear their next child, but as time goes on and things keep interfering, the redhead begins to wonder if he will ever carry out his promise. He will, however, his attempts to do so will land the boys, and those in nearby range in some unusual circumstances...**_**The tone will be lighter than this, but have some poignant moments. Need I say it will be mpreg? LOL, don't miss it!)**

"Okay, kids," Renji said, rubbing the large rounding on his belly and gazing sternly down where Tetsuya and Tomio knelt in the grass, holding Kiko and Takao on their laps, "Here's the rules. Your dads are going to hold you still, hopefully, until I say 'go,' and then you'll take off and crawl as fast as you can to Arashi. First one there, wins. Got it?"

The stallion's ears perked at the sound of his name, and he lifted his head, where he knelt on the grass, watching the shinigamis with amused blue eyes.

"Good, you're listening," Renji said to the horse, "for a change. Fleabag, I have an easy job for you. You just sit there, _not nibbling on the grass_, and looking as cute as you can so that the kiddies will want to come and yank on your ears and tail."

Arashi's eyes narrowed and he made a low sound of derision. Renji glared at him.

"Don't give me attitude, you," he said with mock warning, "I may be about to drop a Kuchiki or two, but as big and clumsy as I am, I can still kick your ass..."

Arashi snorted.

"Abarai," said Byakuya, watching from where he knelt beneath a small sakura tree, "Mind your language. There are _other_ children present."

"Oh," said Renji, feigning sarcasm, "Now _Sleeping Beauty_ wants to tell _me_ how to behave, ne? After lazing around in bed and ignoring me for weeks and weeks. Now you want to have a say, eh?"

"Renji, that was months ago," Byakuya said sedately, "I don't think you can claim I have neglected you since I woke..."

A soft blush rose on the redhead's skin as Renji encountered the amorous expression that went with the noble's comment. Renji frowned and shook a finger at him.

"That's beside the point...now pipe down over there and let me finish."

He turned back to the wide eyed babies.

"Now, no trying to get away," he warned them, "We have 'catchers' in case you two get any kooky ideas about stealing the horse and going on a little joyride."

He looked over at Torio and Koji, who stood on either edge of the grass, waiting.

"Catchers, are you ready?" Renji asked, rubbing his belly and wincing as the reiatsu inside him pulsed softly, "Don't let'em get past you. Takao's pretty fast...and don't let Kiko use that blue-eyed voodoo trick she learned from Daddy Tetsuya!"

"I beg your pardon," Tetsuya said, glaring softly, "I do not use witchcraft to manipulate people."

"Right," said Renji, "Sure you don't. Are you watching, Kiko? He's using his jedi mind trick to try to control me."

"As if one could..." remarked the blue-eyed noble.

"Well, I have to admit, you've completely bewitched me," said Tomio.

Tetsuya tried, but failed to suppress a smile and a soft blush. Renji scowled playfully.

"All right, you guys. Don't be getting all dewy eyed and cutesy over there. Get ready to launch those two little rugrats."

"Did he just compare our children to _vermin_?" asked Tetsuya.

"I think he did," answered Tomio, "Perhaps you should make him duel you."

"Oh, that's not fair," said Tetsuya, smirking, "I think that pregnant glow around him would blind me and I couldn't land a blow."

"Don't make me come over there," Renji said warningly, "Are you guys ready?"

"We are," said Tetsuya and Tomio.

"Catchers ready?"

"Here!" said Torio and Koji.

"Fleabag, ready?"

Arashi snorted.

"Cheerleader ready?"

Byakuya's reiatsu flared and his dark eyes narrowed.

"On with it, Abarai..."

"Vermin ready?" Renji laughed, "Then, on your marks, get set, go!"

Tetsuya and Tomio released their hold on the two babies, then watched, smiling as Takao rocked back and forth on his tiny hands and knees, and Kiko began crawling towards Arashi.

"And they're off!" Renji cried, following Kiko, "Kiko has used her outstanding kido ability to lock her brother in place. You can see Takao rocking madly back and forth to try to break free. Wait a minute...wait..._yes_! Takao has broken the kido lock, but seems to have been distracted by a rock he found. Hey, Kiko! You're trying to reach the horse...not Sleeping Beauty over there! Get back on the course."

"I have her," called Torio, herding the tot back in the direction of the waiting stallion.

"Kiko has a commanding lead," reported Renji, "but Takao has just used his secret rocket boosters and is attempting a stunning, come-from-behind upset. But Kiko's not having it. She is racing towards Arashi, hell-bent on getting there first. It looks like she may just do it. But wait...hold on...what...what's that? Kiko has stopped to pick a flower! Takao is bearing down on her and going all out, now. He reaches her, and is ready to pass, and...hold it, folks! Hold everything! Drop your binoculars and don't miss this Kodak moment! Kiko has just handed her brother _a flower_! I can't believe he fell for that! That has got to be the oldest trick in the book...but...but, oh my kami, here's one I wasn't expecting. Takao has leaned over and, yes folks, your eyes were _not_ deceiving you! He _kissed_ his pretty sister on the cheek and she giggled! They're side-by-side, neck-and-neck and heading for the finish...no...no, wait guys, you're...you're turning towards the koi pond! They're in trouble now. That pond is chock full of vicious, pellet-eating pretty koi monster fish! They'll swallow those two up! Somebody call in the eleventh to fight them off!"

"I've got them!" chuckled Koji, turning the two babies back towards Arashi.

"It's down to the wire," said Renji, following the two crawling babies as they closed in on Arashi, "They're coming to the finish line and...OH! Photo finish! We'll have to wait for a judge's ruling on this one."

The stallion nickered sweetly and the babies stopped, just short of him. Kiko reached out and grabbed a handful of mane, then started to pull herself up. Arashi watched her quietly with one blue eye as Takao reached him and sat next to him, gently stroking his mane.

"Howse," the boy announced.

"Ashi," said Kiko, standing and holding on to Arashi's mane.

Arashi let out a breath and nuzzled the two with his soft muzzle.

"Looks like we have a tie," announced Renji, "Well, folks, it was a really close match. I think both of these kids will be training hard for the rematch. But for now, I think Matsuko and crew have our lunch ready...and kami knows, I need something to give me energy to keep waddling around like this!"

Byakuya chuckled and rose, brushing the stray bits of grass from his kimono.

"Really, Renji!" he said, smirking, and meeting the redhead for a slow, indulgent kiss, "Baby races in the gardens? I think Kuchiki Manor has never seen the like of it."

"Yeah, I'd guess not, but it's harmless enough, and it worked up my appetite for lunch."

The two turned together and followed Tetsuya and Tomio to the garden table, where lunch had been laid out.

"Hey Matsuko!" Renji greeted the housekeeper.

"Hello, Renji-san," the old housekeeper said, blushing, "You look well."

"Hah!" Renji laughed, patting his belly, "I look huge."

"You look radiant," commented Byakuya, earning another enthusiastic kiss.

"So Matsuko-san," Renji went on, extracting himself from Byakuya's arms and easing himself into a chair, "Did you meet the new animal caretaker that Byakuya just hired?"

The housekeeper's blush intensified.

"Eh...yes, we did have the pleasure. Arigato. Kuchiki-sama, will there be anything else?"

"No, thank you," Byakuya replied.

"So?" Renji asked, grinning, "I told you he was good looking, ne?"

"Um..." said Matsuko, blinking.

"Abarai," said Byakuya, frowning, "Are you playing matchmaker with my staff? We will need to have a talk about that later."

He glanced up at the housekeeper.

"Although, I also saw 'unique potential' in that particular addition to the staff," he added.

"He is very capable with the animals, even Arashi. And Arashi is very selective in who he takes to."

"You can say that again," muttered Tetsuya, "But he is only being protective of us, so we put up with him."

"But Makoto-san has done wonders already," Matsuko said appreciatively, "He even has Arashi helping him with chores around the barn. He says a great deal of misbehavior is solved through proper working of the intelligent mind. Arashi misbehaves mostly out of boredom, so he keeps him busy."

"Hmmm," said Byakuya, looking at Renji out of the corner of one gray eye, "I wonder if that approach would work for you, Abarai."

"Hey! Not nice," the redhead complained, frowning.

He leaned over and brushed his lips against the noble's ear.

"Although, if you like, I can show you a better approach later..."

Byakuya's face colored slightly, but he pretended to ignore the comment.

"Makoto is very perceptive about animals...and people. I was impressed with how easily he fit in with the rest of the staff. I am certain things will progress positively."

"Oh," said Renji, narrowing his eyes, "I see what you're doing there. You tease _me_ about playing matchmaker!"

"I don't know what you are talking about," Byakuya said, sipping calmly at his tea, "I hire the best applicants, end of story."

"Yeah, right," chuckled Renji, "Don't think I'm falling for that."

He started to say more, but then flinched and scowled.

"Are you all right, Abarai?" Byakuya asked.

"Ah, yeah," Renji sighed, slowing his breathing and rubbing his belly, "Just another twinge."

"Are you sure?" asked Tetsuya from across the table, "You're sweating quite a bit."

"He looks rather like you did when you went into labor," added Tomio.

"Matsuko," said Byakuya, "Will you summon the house healer?"

"But sir," the housekeeper said, "Unfortunately, he is ill."

"Then send for squad four."

The gathered shinigamis froze as the house and Seireitei alarms suddenly sounded.

"Oh," groaned Renji, "This is not good timing. Settle down, kid. At least wait until this thing is over!"

_Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Menos Grande have been reported in multiple sections of the Seireitei. Lockdown has been initiated. Squads three, five and eleven have been sent to intercept. All personnel commence lockdown procedures!_

"Matsuko," said Byakuya quickly, "Gather the staff and assist the house guards with lockdown. Torio, Koji, take Tadao and Kiko to the nursery and remain with them. Tetsuya and Tomio, you will protect the gardens and main building."

"But what about Abarai-san?" asked the housekeeper, "He is likely in labor!"

Byakuya shook his head.

"We cannot leave the manor. I will tend to Renji."

Matsuko watched for a moment as the rest of the shinigamis scattered, then frowned thoughtfully.

"Seiji," she said to one of the servant boys, "Bring Makoto. Tell him to report to Kuchiki-sama's room."

"Hai!" answered the youth, flash stepping away.

Renji gave a surprised squawk as Byakuya swept him off his feet and flash stepped to the bedroom.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, "I'm not exactly crippled here...and you just about scared the kid outta me!"

"There is a menos grande nearby," the noble said, "and coming in our direction."

"What?" queried the redhead, looking around, "I don't sense..."

His voice was drowned out by the screech and rumble of the approaching hollow.

"When did you ever?" Byakuya asked, frowning and setting him on the edge of the bed.

He grabbed a yukata and tossed it to Renji as he moved to the doorway and looked out the garden doors.

"Is it getting close?" Renji panted, slipping out of his clothes and into the yukata, "Maybe we should try to get to the fourth, you know? It won't be good if..."

Another roar sounded, then Arashi's hooves sounded out in the gardens.

"Ban kai," said Tetsuya's calm voice, "Koori no bakuha, Re-kuhime!"

"Oh...oh," Renji panted harder, leaning over and holding his abdomen, "B-bya, h-hollows? No h-healer? You've got to be kidding me! You're kidding me, right?"

Byakuya closed the doors and stepped away as the house and gardens rumbled with the force of Tetsuya's ban kai and a chill passed through the room.

"Hey, you wanna keep it down out there?" Renji yelled, "We're trying to have a baby in here!"

He grabbed his belly and panted harder.

"Sorry!" Tetsuya called back from outside, "It's all right, though. I got him."

A louder shriek sounded and the house shook ominously as the roof was torn away. Byakuya pushed Renji down onto the floor, covering the redhead's body with his own and releasing a blast of kido into the face of the hollow that was holding the torn off section of roof.

"How about his big brother there!" Renji howled at Tetsuya, "You fucking see him?"

"Calm down, Abarai," Byakuya said, watching as the creature staggered back and Tetsuya's ice blades sent it crashing to the ground, "Getting excited is not good for the baby."

"Getting excited?" Renji asked, wide-eyed, "I'm not excited, I'm scared shitless!"

"Lie down!" Byakuya said, pushing him down onto his back and leaning over him, "Don't make me have to restrain you."

"Oh, _now_ I'm excited," Renji snapped sarcastically, "Yeah, _tie_ me down, then. It will make it easier for the hollows to catch and eat me."

The ground rumbled again and the house shook as something exploded nearby.

"It's all right," called out Tomio, "That was just me. Another one is down. Just a few more now."

"_A few more_, he says..." Renji mused, shaking his head, "Byakuya, I'm gonna just be honest with you. I was scared enough before, just getting ready to have a baby. This is crazy! It's..."

Byakuya's hands touched his face and the noble's eyes locked on his, silencing him.

"It's going to be all right," the noble said quietly, "You have my word."

"Okay...okay," panted the redhead, collecting himself, "Ah...hah...hey, Byakuya, what the hell do I do again? I forgot what Unohana taichou said."

"I am sure she told you to slow down your breathing and to relax yourself as much as possible," said a male voice from the doorway.

The two men looked up as Matsuko entered through the garden doors with a somewhat weathered, but pleasant looking man with gentle, earthy brown eyes.

"M-makoto?" Renji said, blinking, "B-but...but you're a..."

Makoto smiled and approached the two shinigamis, then settled in a chair beside the bed.

"I specialize in animals," he confirmed, "But, I was also one of ten children, who assisted in delivering five of my siblings. Remember, Abarai-san, we are _all_ animals, ne?"

Renji looked up at Byakuya helplessly.

"Look, just...knock me out, okay? I'll just...sleep and you guys can deliver the baby, right?"

"Slow your breathing," Makoto said soothingly, placing a hand on Renji's heaving chest, and the other on his abdomen.

His reiatsu rose slowly and flowed into the redhead's rounded belly, then began to wrap around the baby's reiatsu. Renji's eyes calmed as the animal caretaker continued to speak calmly to him and Byakuya's fingers laced together with the fingers of one of his hands.

"You see," said Byakuya, "Everything is fine now. The hollow's are gone. The alert will end soon. And you don't want to miss the moment our baby is born."

Renji looked ready to argue, but just sighed in resignation and shivered softly. Byakuya smiled and covered him as well as possible, while still keeping his abdomen bared. He looked up at Makoto questioningly.

A softer rumble passed through the area.

"Your baby's reiatsu is very strong," Makoto said encouragingly, "And yours is stable. The reiatsu is beginning to emerge."

He nodded in Byakuya's direction.

"Would you like to deliver your child?" he asked the noble.

Byakuya caught his breath softly.

"I...I don't know. I've never..."

"It's all right," Makoto said, taking Byakuya's hands and placing them where his had been, "Just make your reiatsu calm and very gently wrap it around the child's. You'll feel a connection with your baby's consciousness when you make contact."

Renji watched closely as Byakuya lowered his head and focused, sending his reiatsu into the redhead's abdomen. He flinched and shivered nervously as another pain passed through him.

"Keep breathing slowly and deeply," Makoto instructed him, "And let Kuchiki-sama do the rest."

Another distant explosion sounded, but the shinigamis barely noticed as Renji's pregnant belly began to glow a bright golden color.

"Oh...ah, kami, this feels...so wierd!" Renji panted softly, "Are you sure you guys know what you're doing?"

Makoto chuckled.

"This is a very natural procedure," he assured the redhead, "And you are doing fine."

"I may be doing fine," Renji said skeptically, "But there's nothing fucking _natural_ about a _guy_ having a baby...in a house that got the shit beaten out of it by hollows while said birth was going on. I just wish they'd shut off the damned alarms. I'm never gonna get the sound out of my ears, you know?"

"They turned the alarms off several minutes ago," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "You're just giddy from all of the excitement."

"I feel kinda like I have to puke, piss and pass out, all at once," Renji complained, his eyes growing hazy.

"Just a little longer," Makoto said, his kind eyes and warm reiatsu sending calming waves through the redhead, "Here comes your baby, now."

Renji stared breathlessly at Byakuya's enchanted expression, and the slow exit of the baby's reiatsu from his abdomen. The light cluster rose out of him, suspended gently on Byakuya's reiatsu, then settled into the noble's arms and began to solidify. The three men watched, smiling, as the light resolved into a pretty, petite body, with tiny, dainty fingers and toes, pearly finger and toenails, almost smiling lips and a heart shaped face. Long strands of reiatsu resolved into hair that emerged from the top of the child's head a bright red color, but was raven black on the ends. And even after the glow from the reiatsu faded, the child's eyes remained a lovely golden color.

"Congratulations," said Makoto, "You have a healthy daughter."

Byakuya's hands trembled softly as he lifted the baby to his shoulder and held her there, letting his cheek rest gently against hers. He kissed her sweetly, then started to hand her to Renji, but paused and stared as Renji's hands touched her and the reiatsu hummed softly around her again.

"What was that?" asked the redhead.

"Renji..." Byakuya said, watching in surprise as three horizontal black markings appeared on the baby's back.

"The marking's of Tora," mused Makoto, "I am sure you know the story, ne Kuchiki-sama?"

Byakuya nodded.

"Tora," he said wonderingly.

"What?" asked Renji, looking confused.

Byakuya caught his breath softly and laid the baby in Renji's arms.

"Tora," he explained, "is a shinigami from ancient times. She appeared out of the Rukongai, and no one ever knew who her parents were. She was a strong fighter, and quickly ascended through the ranks of the military. This was before the time of the Gotei 13. Anyway, her skills attracted the attention of the royal family. She was the youngest shinigami ever called to serve the king. The king assigned her to guard his son, a powerful, but sometimes reckless boy named Kisho. Legend has it that the king's council was unhappy with Kisho's intractability and secretly plotted to have him killed to place his younger sister on the throne. They used a banned ritual to raise a celestial dragon to attack him. Unfortunately, they lost control of the beast and it killed nearly everyone in the palace. The only survivors were Kisho and Tora. Together, they killed the dragon and restored peace to the spirit realm, then ruled as king and queen."

"Wow...and this Tora had red hair?" Renji asked.

"Red and black hair, golden eyes, and the markings of a tiger on her back," said Makoto, shaking his head, "They say that when Tora's markings appear on a child of noble birth, that child will be blessed with immense strength. Like the great tiger of myth, her children are powerful, willful and wise. Just...mind the willfulness."

Renji laughed weakly.

"Well...I guess no kid of mine was going to be the quiet type," he said, tickling the girl's chin and watching as her tiny fingers wrapped around one of his, "Whew, she's got a good grip. She'll be good with a sword."

He looked up at Byakuya.

"So, what do we call her?"

"Well," said Byakuya, "it is traditional that if a noble child is similar to Tora, that her name reflect both her own unique attributes and her connection to Tora. Her red hair and golden eyes...and the tanned color of her skin, all reflect the colors of autumn. Perhaps, Akitora, 'Autumn Tiger.'

Renji nodded, then rested his head against the top of the baby's and closed his eyes.

"That sounds good," he sighed sleepily.

"Let me take her," Byakuya said, reaching for the baby, "You need to rest. I will see to her while you sleep."

"Ah...okay," yawned the redhead, "But do you think you could get me a few more blankets? This room is damned _cold_ without a roof...and with Tetsuya's ice still covering everything."

Byakuya held the baby against his shoulder, watching as Makoto wrapped Renji warmly in blankets.

"I will see what damage was done to the manor and then have you moved to an undamaged room."

"Thanks," Renji mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"Will you stay with him?" Byakuya asked Makoto, "The healers will be along soon and then you may return to your regular duties."

"Of course, Kuchiki-sama," the animal caretaker replied.

"And Makoto..."

"Hai?"

"You have my gratitude."

Makoto smiled.

"You are most welcome, sir. I am glad I could help."

XXXXXXXXXX

(One week later)

"So," said Renji, following as Byakuya wrapped Akitora in the folds of his ginpaku kaahana no uzuginu, and started across the recovering gardens, "I was kind of wondering..."

"Yes, Renji?" Byakuya answered, smiling down at their daughter as he walked out onto the forest trail.

"Well, now that now that I've had a baby, isn't it your turn?"

"Hmmm," said Byakuya, "You don't think it would be wiser to have just the one? After all, you see how busy Tetsuya and Tomio are, keeping up with their two, now that they are beginning to walk."

"Yeah, well, we've got a little while, and you're still on leave."

"I still don't have my full powers, and I won't for a while. Unohana taichou recommended waiting until I have recovered fully. Pregnancy could interfere with my recovery."

"Well, then we'll wait a bit," said Renji, "But don't think you're getting out of it! After what _I _went through..."

"Well, I do hope that when I do, it is somewhat less tumultuous than your experience."

"Me too," Renji sighed, moving closer and slipping an arm around the noble, "I guess you and I aren't so good at doing 'normal.' For us, it would be surprising if everything went smoothly."

"I don't expect perfection," said the noble, reaching the top of the waterfall and settling at the base of a sakura tree, "but I expect that as long as we are together, things will come out all right in the end."

"Yeah," Renji agreed, "As long as we lay off the sake, ne?"

"Hai," Byakuya agreed, his lips curving upward, "All that drink ever does is get us into trouble."

Renji laughed, startling Akitora, and making her blink and stare.

"Truthfully," the redhead said, watching as their daughter grabbed his finger and deposited it in her mouth, "I think we get into plenty of trouble without it."

"You think correctly," Byakuya replied, letting his head rest against the redhead's shoulder and closing his eyes, "But I needed the trouble you brought into my life, Renji. What was broken inside needed you to be mended. I am only whole again because you didn't give up on me."

Renji bit his lip and felt tears come to his eyes. He rubbed his cheek lightly against the top of the noble's head and breathed in his light, sakura scent.

"You didn't give up on me either," Renji whispered, "And now we have this pretty little miracle...and a lifetime to make more happen."

"I look forward to that," Byakuya said, opening his eyes to look at the rising moon.

"Me too."

XXXXXXXXXX

**Love's Pretty Prison**

**by Spunkyone This was hidden in among the chapter titles, but thought you might like to see it written out.**

**X X X**

**All creatures know love**

**And hatred**

**Great rises **

**And falls**

**X X X**

**But when our world falls apart**

**And the ashes have scattered**

**New hope will rise**

**Amidst the tatters of our broken hearts**

**X X X**

**Sometimes we hold on tightly**

**And sometimes we must let go**

**But even in our darkest hours**

**We are never alone.**

**X X X**

**Even as far apart as we are**

**Our hearts beat as one**

**Our hands hold on**

**Even in darkness, we find our strength**

**X X X**

**Place your heart in my hands**

**Let me carry you when you fall**

**Love is not a pretty prison**

**Love is our home.**


End file.
